


I'll Try Anything Once

by find_the_eyes



Category: Franz Ferdinand (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2019-11-04 05:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 52
Words: 102,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17892719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/find_the_eyes/pseuds/find_the_eyes
Summary: A string of events in Glasgow 2004 brought four men together; the son of a Greek diplomat, a closeted soft-hearted painter, an actual Scotsman, and a musically talented kleptomaniac.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: this is all purely fictional though some events were inspired by real ones. we advise against showing this fanfiction to any of the members, old or new, or to anyone who knows them personally.

“I’ve already told you. I’m moving to Glasgow.” Alex glanced out the window at the Mediterranean landscape that surrounded his house on a mountain on the outskirts of Athens. The view was breathtaking, the weather quite pleasant, and if it were some other time and perhaps under different circumstances the young man would’ve enjoyed it. However, today he had decided to put his foot down.

 

“Glasgow…” His mother sighed from where she stood in the doorway. She’d had this conversation plenty of times before in the past with her son. Her strong-willed son, who she wished had set his goal for something more favorable for the family.

 

“I just don’t see a place for myself here.”

 

“Why can’t you see it? You’ve been in your place for your whole life…” she tried to bargain again, a tinge of desperation in her voice. 

 

“Your place, not mine.”

 

“You’ve been granted this life, why won’t you just accept it?”

 

“Just let me go. Just for a few years. Art school,” Alex said, trying to avoid eye contact as best as he could.

 

“With every single decision you make, you tarnish our reputation…”

 

“Dad’s a diplomat. I’m not.” Alex felt confident enough to make eye contact again. “Where even is he? Some meeting, somewhere, some financial affairs we’ll never hear about? Stockholm, Sweden? Somewhere in Belgium or Switzerland or Morocco or Italy? Some city with a future rather than a population that depends on tourism from its past?”

 

The brown haired woman was a bit taken aback at what her son had just said. She quickly regained her stance and sternly said, “That’s enough, Alexander.”

 

“No, it’s not enough! I’m tired of just sitting around and looking pretty for the press, going to all of those frivolous parties, wearing those stupid traditional costumes to stand for hours at church services…” he said. Even his mother’s stern tone didn’t budge him. The fact that his mother had wavered before gave him even more confidence to truthfully say what had been on his mind. 

 

Alex’s mother sighed, defeated. “If you want to leave Athens so bad, if you want to leave our family, Alex… Just leave.” She waved a hand, turned away, and walked out of the room.

 

Alex smiled, feeling as if he had won something, despite the fact that he most definitely hadn’t won anything at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex strode down the hallway, glancing at the room numbers posted above each door, stopping suddenly when he found the one printed on his schedule. It was his first-ever class at art school - Principles of Drawing. He walked in and looked around, not recognizing anyone. All of the two-person tables were already half-filled. Alex sighed and grimaced slightly, annoyed that he would have to sit next to someone else. His eyes darted around the room again, and he settled on a seat next to a boy who looked shy, but excited to be there nonetheless.

 

“Hey,” Alex muttered, glancing the blonde up and down. The boy nodded back, a slight flush coloring his cheeks. He didn’t say anything.

 

“I’m Alex. And you are…?”

 

“Bob,” the blonde murmured. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

 

Alex smirked. “You alright?”

 

Bob nodded, quickly flicking his eyes up to meet Alex’s. “Yeah...I...uh...good. Everything’s good,” he stammered out.

 

Alex wrinkled his nose and forced himself not to roll his eyes. “Nice to meet you.”

 

Professor Smith dashed in at that moment, a large tote bag in one hand and a giant mug of coffee in the other.

 

“Is this guy any good?” Alex asked quietly, pulling out his sketchbook.

 

“It’s my first day.” Bob tried not to look at Alex, a bit wary of his charm and confidence.

 

“Oh, me too. A bit colder here than I expected.”

 

“You’re from…?”

 

“Athens.”

 

“Greece?”

 

“That’s the one.”

 

“I wouldn’t have guessed.” Bob was curious about Alex’s accent.

 

“Dad’s a diplomat. I learned English in primary school from a translator he got from the UN.”

 

“Impressive,” Bob said quietly, trying not to engage in any more conversation.

 

Luckily for Bob, before the conversation could progress any further, Professor Smith introduced himself, and the class started. Since it was the first day of class, they weren’t required to do anything educational yet, and the bored professor seemed to want to end the session early. After discussing the syllabus, he dismissed the students. Alex was a bit bummed that he didn’t get to practice art immediately. He noticed that he wasn’t the only one feeling that way, as he saw Bob flipping through his own sketchbook that he took out sometime during Professor Smith’s introductions.

 

“You draw too?” Alex asked Bob, trying to initiate conversation again.

 

“Yeah,” Bob answered shortly. He was always shy about his drawings and seeing Alex eyeing his sketchbook, quickly closed it.

 

Alex saw that Bob was about to put away his sketchbook. Curious about what the shy blonde liked to draw, he quickly stopped Bob by grabbing his wrists.

 

“Can I see your drawings?” Alex asked with a curious twinkle in his eyes.

 

Bob struggled to find a proper response. He tried to avoid looking into Alex’s sparkling blue eyes, nervous that Alex would reject or ridicule him. Before he could answer, the sketchbook he tried so hard to keep to himself slipped from his grasp.

 

Alex flipped open the worn cover of the moleskine sketch pad, his eyes darting from one page to another. As much as Bob wanted to hide his drawings from the world, he figured showing them to a stranger would be the first step for him to finally be able to open up about his artworks to the public eye.

 

And then he heard a scoff. Alex pointed to one of Bob’s figure drawings. “What happened here? The anatomy is all wonky; this guy looks like a  _ horse _ .”

 

Bob’s heart dropped. He quickly grabbed his sketchbook from Alex’s hands. So much for showing his artwork to the world, he thought. Embarrassed and upset, he shot Alex a dirty look before storming out of the classroom. Alex shrugged and got up from his seat, heading to his next class for the day.


	3. Chapter 3

Bob threw his sketchbook back in his bag and made his way quietly out of the building. His eyes were tearing up against the cold September wind and the loud sounds of the city made him feel even more isolated, unable to interact with the world around him. “You’re too sensitive,” Bob mumbled to himself, walking home as fast as he could, avoiding looking up from the sidewalk. 

 

He ran up the stairs to his flat and unlocked the door. “Alvy?”

 

Alvy came bolting to the front of the flat from his bed in the small living room, jumping on Bob and licking his face. Bob dropped his bag on the floor and hugged Alvy, letting him be as excited as he wanted. No matter what happened, Alvy would always be there.

 

Bob walked into his kitchen space and grabbed himself a drink. He sat down on the couch and Alvy hopped up to join him, laying down on Bob's lap as he ran his hand through the comforting soft curls of the gold-colored Cockapoo. He let his mind wander to the events of the day, telling Alvy all about them.

 

“I met this guy Alex,” Bob told Alvy, “he’s from Athens, all the way in Greece… he was interested in talking to me, but he seemed like a dick.”

 

Alvy looked up inquisitively.

 

“Yeah, he told me my art was bad,” Bob sighed. He wanted to add on that he thought Alex was cute, but hesitated.

 

_ Alvy’s a dog, he has no concept of sexuality _ , Bob thought to himself, resting his hand on Alvy’s head,  _ Alvy can’t judge you _ .

 

Bob hesitated anyway. Alvy pawed Bob’s lap and whined, wondering why he wasn’t getting any more pats. But instead of giving him pats, Bob scooped him up and hugged him, his eyes filling with tears.

 

“He’s cute, Alvy...” he sobbed into Alvy’s fur, as if he was admitting some grand defeat. “I haven’t felt this way about a... A boy in a long time.” He hugged Alvy tighter. His throat tightened as he realized what he had said. As if sensing Bob’s pain, Alvy licked Bob’s tears away and it didn’t take long for Bob to feel a smile tug at his own lips. Wiping his face, he gave the Cockapoo a reassuring pat and went on with his day.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex threw his curtains open. The weather was unusually bright that morning, and it made him even more excited to start his second day of art school. Walking out to his kitchen, he did a little dance as he turned on the kettle. On his way to the wardrobe he passed by a black case. He stopped himself midway. In the midst of his newfound excitement, living the life he had always dreamt of, he had almost forgotten about his favorite guitar, a 1973 Fender Telecaster. 

 

Alex ran his hands over the smooth surface of the body as if greeting an old friend. Feeling optimistic, he decided he’d bring his guitar to art school that day. There was bound to be a music club he could join, or maybe he’d look for people to play with him, or he could just play some tunes for himself on campus. It had been a while since he had played - the whole moving all the way to Glasgow business and taking care of the admissions process had filled most of his time for the last few months. 

 

Having finished his breakfast eagerly, in no time Alex found himself walking down the campus corridors. When he arrived at his Art History class, he saw the blonde from his Principles of Drawing class the day before. Bob had just sat down in a seat in the third row. Alex left his guitar on the floor in the back of the classroom and made his way over to sit near Bob. Bob noticed him coming his way, and before Alex could raise his hand to say hello, he quickly stood and moved his seat to a more crowded area in the back of the room, saving no space for Alex to sit near him. Alex just shrugged and took a seat in the row he initially was going to sit in.

 

In the middle of the lecture, Alex excused himself from class to use the loo. As he stepped over and around the legs of the other students in his row, apologizing for interrupting their studies, he almost didn’t notice that the guy at the end of the row didn’t bother to move his feet away. If Alex wasn’t too busy trying to worm his way out of the seats, he wouldn’t have tripped and made a show of himself mid-lecture. Fortunately for him, university was not high school, and tripping in the middle of class wasn’t the weirdest thing the students had seen, especially in art school. He shot a look to the man who tripped him. The dark haired man only stared back at him, his blue eyes expressionless.

 

After his bathroom break he found that the class had finished up. He waited for everyone to exit and noticed Bob leaving the classroom. As the class cleared out he walked back to his row and noticed that his guitar case was missing. Frantic, he looked around the room in hopes it was somehow still there. There were only a handful of people left in the class, and they all just shrugged when he asked if they had seen someone taking it. Alex sighed, realizing that he hadn’t even played a song on his guitar before losing it.

 

Alex ran through all of the possibilities of where his guitar could have ended up.  _ My guitar could be anywhere in Glasgow by no _ w, he thought. His sudden change of heart from an optimistic and hopeful note to a feeling of dread made him feel even more upset. Alex’s second day as an art student went by like a blur; a hopeless, grey, blur. As he stepped out of the building, the clear skies that he’d praised earlier that day now only reminded him of what the day could have been.

 

“Well, shit,” Alex sighed, because he couldn't find any other words. He walked a bit down the street, trying to find any evidence of the guitar. He scanned the streets, not seeing a sign of it anywhere. He walked for about twenty minutes, checking every side street and alleyway. Finally, he decided to ask for help, and approached a dark-haired man who looked like someone he saw in his class at the art school.

 

“Hey, uh— excuse me?”

 

The shorter man turned around. “Yeah?” He didn’t look too happy that Alex had approached him, he could tell by the way his thick dark brows were furrowed.

 

“I’m sorry to bother you, but I lost my guitar, and I was wondering if you’ve seen anyone walking by with a black guitar case… It would probably be an art school student, so, someone around our age?”

 

The man nodded, “Yeah, actually. I saw a guy running with one just a minute before you approached me, and I think I know where he went—” The man took off sprinting down the street, so Alex followed him.

 

As they rounded the corner they saw someone running a good few meters in front of them. Alex bolted after the figure, leaving the other man behind. Alex had never considered himself athletic, but he ran so fast he didn’t see the bump on on the slightly uneven sidewalk. He tripped and fell face first, his whole body hitting the asphalt hard. The fall shook him and it took a moment for him to get up and try not to wince in pain. He thought he’d lost the man who stole his guitar but then he felt a rush of air on his left side and he saw that the man from before had run right past him.

 

The art school student let out a loud scream as he threw himself onto the running man. The shorter man got hold of Alex’s guitar case and tried to pull away, but the thief was unwilling to let go. The thief pulled on the shorter man’s leg as he tried to get up and he fell. In no time the thief was looming over the short guy, his hands ready to grab the case. All he got though was a kick to his stomach and he toppled back down again. Alex finally dragged himself close enough to the two men and yanked the case away from the short man’s grip. He let out a sigh of relief that he had at least gotten his guitar back. Unfortunately, his relief didn’t last long. The thief, still sprawled on the ground was holding on to his stomach and moaning in pain. Before Alex could bother with the thief, he held out his hand to his new friend, still on the ground underneath him. 

 

“Are you okay?” Alex pulled him up. He wasn’t as light as Alex thought he’d be. The man just shrugged as an answer. 

 

“Got your guitar back, eh?” he said as he reached out to pat the case. But Alex pulled it away, feeling protective of it.

 

“Yeah, thanks for helping out, er…” 

 

“Paul.” the shorter man grunted, wiping away dust from his pants. 

 

“Oh, right.” Alex held out his hand to Paul, “Alex. I’m from the art school. I think I’ve seen you before.” 

 

Paul didn’t accept Alex’s hand offering, he only squinted at the outstretched hand but he did reply. “Oh, well I don’t actually go there. I do hang out nearby, though,” Paul forced a grin out of politeness, showing his chipped teeth. That’s when Alex noticed how rough the man looked. His dark hair was a bit tussled, now even more so after the chase, he had a 5 o’clock shadow, and his clothes had definitely seen better days. Suddenly, they heard a rustle behind Paul.

 

The thief had finally stood up, still clutching his stomach. “Bastard...” he muttered.

 

“The only bastard here is you,” Alex pointed at the man. A pair of sad blue eyes stared back at him and Alex gasped and lowered his hand. If he was only annoyed before, now he was mad. His face heated up.

 

“YOU!” 

 

The thief just looked at him in confusion.

 

“You were in my class!” Alex surged forward, his fists balled. “You made me trip!” 

 

“I did?” The thief looked Alex up and down, noting the scuff on his jeans and the way his shirt was disheveled. “Can’t tell. You seem to trip a lot,” he said, referencing the events just minutes ago. 

 

If it weren’t for Paul pulling Alex back, the thief’s nose would’ve been bloodied by now. Alex held up his fist, yelling at the thief.  Paul held on tight to Alex, shushing him. 

 

“Paul, let me go!” Alex struggled, though internally he was confused how the smaller man was strong enough to hold him back. 

 

“Bloody hell I will, you’ll make a ruckus.” Paul said, clearly annoyed Alex hadn’t ceased making a scene. He held the taller man tighter.

 

“I won’t! I promise!” Alex said. Paul was silent for a moment before slowly loosening his embrace. Despite Alex’s promise, the moment Paul let go, Alex lunged at the thief. 

 

“For fuck’s sake!” Paul exclaimed, at both Alex and himself for trusting Alex enough to let him go while he was still clearly upset. He had no business with whatever problem it was Alex had with the thief, assuming that they had met each other before, so Paul sighed in defeat and tried not to step in.

 

Alex grabbed at the thief’s collar. “What the hell is your problem?” he spat at the thief’s face.

 

It was apparent now that the thief looked slightly guilty, though more worried for his own safety for getting caught stealing.

 

“I-I just can’t help it...” he admitted. Alex’s grip was still tight on the man. 

 

“Tell me the truth!”

 

“I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know why I did that!” he whined in a desperate tone. Alex finally loosen his grip on the man. The thief just looked at Alex with pleading eyes. “I-I’m sorry,” he pleaded again. He didn’t utter another word but his eyes started to glaze.

 

Alex started to feel bad. He let go of the man. “If I ever see you near here again—”

 

“You won’t, I promise!” the thief replied before Alex even finished. 

 

Alex was eager to evacuate from the situation, considering it was the cherry on top of his already awful day. “Just leave,” Alex sighed, dismissing the thief before he turned on his heels and walked away.

 

A few moments later he heard footsteps behind him. It was Paul. Alex had forgotten that Paul was there the whole time, silently watching the whole fight from a distance. He had shoved his hands in his pockets as he approached Alex, trying to match his footsteps. 

 

“You finally done disrupting the whole neighborhood, mate?”

 

Alex only nodded. He was too tired to answer, but as he looked down and contemplated the day’s events, he realized how much Paul had helped him that afternoon despite his less than friendly words. Alex felt embarrassed that he hadn’t actually properly thanked him. Judging from Paul’s looks, overall demeanor, and how it turned out he wasn’t an art student, Alex had come to a conclusion or two about who Paul really was. Alex decided that Paul deserved something in return for bringing his baby back. 

 

“Uh, hey, thanks again for helping me out. I don’t know if I would ever have gotten my guitar back if it weren’t for you.” He glanced at the man who was now walking along beside him. Paul just tugged a corner of his mouth, to which Alex could only translate as his way of smiling. Alex felt awkward about bringing up the subject of paying him back. He slipped his hand into his pocket where he kept his wallet, waiting for the right time to fetch it out. 

 

“Buy me a drink?” Paul said suddenly, breaking the silence. It was as if Paul had read his mind. Alex was caught a bit off guard by the question.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“Buy me a drink. As a thank you.” 

 

Alex raised his eyebrows. At least Paul’s offer saved him from opening up the conversation about paying back.

 

“Besides, might be nice to go out for drinks for once.” Paul grinned genuinely for the first time at Alex, and Alex grinned back. It was as if the grumpy man Alex had met before was gone and was replaced by a friendly one. For once he felt like he wasn’t alone anymore in Glasgow. He hoped he wouldn’t regret accepting Paul’s offer.


	5. Chapter 5

Bob woke up extra early the next morning to take Alvy on a much-deserved walk, to clear his thoughts of what had happened with Alex on the day they met. Despite the way Alex had treated Bob, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about him.

 

“I really almost made a friend, Alvy,” Bob sighed, thinking about how he had purposefully avoided Alex in class the next day, “and I ignored him. And then his guitar got stolen in class and I didn’t say anything.”

 

Alvy barked, trotting happily along the deserted sidewalk. His golden curls gleamed in the sunlight of the early morning. Bob guessed that his own were doing the same. “Maybe I’ll try to do better in class today and invite him to sit with me. Yeah, he was mean, but… That doesn’t mean he’s a bad person.” Alvy, being a dog, didn’t respond. Bob sighed, desperately wishing for some human friends. Suddenly, Alvy saw something and took off sprinting towards the park across the street.

“Alvy!!” Bob ran after him, but was stopped by oncoming traffic that his dog had narrowly evaded. After the traffic passed, Bob had officially lost sight of Alvy, but kept going in the direction that Alvy had run off in. A few minutes later, there wasn’t even a sign of which direction Alvy had gone in. Bob tried to quell his rising panic.

 

Luckily, Paul was passing through the park that morning as well, and happened to see the blur of golden fur zoom by. He stood dumbstruck for a moment, then took off sprinting behind him. Paul ran after the dog for what felt like miles. Alvy, having lost sight of what he had originally run off for, became quite anxious after realizing he had run away from Bob. He stopped suddenly and sat down.

 

“Hey, it’s alright,” Paul approached Alvy cautiously, holding out his hand. “I’m going to find your friend. Don’t worry.” Paul had never been much of a people person, but he felt a sense of obligation to return the pup to its rightful owner. He knew he would want someone to do the same for him.

 

Alvy whined, but licked Paul’s hand, deciding to trust him. “Good boy,” Paul smiled. He checked the tag on Alvy’s collar. “Alvy!” Alvy immediately perked up when he heard his name. “Don’t worry, I’m going to find your friend.” Paul looked on the other side of the tag, “Bob, is it?” Alvy wagged his tail upon hearing his best friend’s name. “Alright, buddy. Let’s find Bob.”

 

Paul walked through the park with Alvy, on a close lookout for anyone who looked like they were missing a dog. He instantly stopped and laughed to himself when he saw a mop of blond curls holding a leash without a dog.

 

“Hey, excuse me?” Paul ran up to him with Alvy. “Is this your dog?”

 

Bob was caught by surprise. “How did you know?”

 

“Pets look like their people, don’t they?”

 

“You could say that.” Paul’s reasoning tickled Bob more than it should have and he couldn’t help but let a small laugh escape.

 

“I saw him running a few streets over.” Paul glanced back. “He must have been chasing a squirrel or something.”

 

“Thanks so much for bringing him back, um...” Bob smiled politely, not knowing the savior’s name yet. 

 

“Paul,” the dark haired man nodded back. 

 

“Paul, right. Thank you Paul. I’m Bob,” Bob said. “I can’t believe you found Alvy so fast!” 

 

“Yeah, well, I know my way around this part of town,” Paul said. “Also, I couldn’t stand seeing such a cute dog running around on his own. With a tag nonetheless.” He looked at Alvy fondly, even giving him a pat on the head. Alvy barked happily. 

 

“I don’t know how I could ever repay you…” Bob said softly.

 

“Don’t worry about it. Maybe we could go for lunch sometime?” Paul shrugged casually. 

 

“Yeah, of course. Do you want my cell number?”

 

Paul nodded. “I’ll take it.”

 

Bob waited for Paul to take out his phone. But Paul only dug through his pockets, then lifted the sleeves of his jacket when he realized that he had nothing on him. “Just write it on my arm for now, I guess.”

 

“Oh, alright,” Bob laughed as he scribbled out his number with a pen from his pocket.

 

“See you around, then?”

 

“Yeah, you too!” 

 

Bob smiled as he and Alvy walked back home, satisfied that he had finally - hopefully - made a friend in his new environment. Meeting Paul and befriending him had given Bob newfound confidence in himself, so he decided that the next time he met Alex he would give him a second chance. 

 

Fortunately for Bob, that second chance was just around the corner. The next day, as he was walking to class, he heard someone call his name. He turned his head to see Alex jogging to his direction, trying to catch up.

 

“Hi,” Bob said to Alex, who had caught up with him and was now walking alongside him. Alex didn’t answer immediately, as he was still trying to catch his breath, but he nodded at Bob. 

 

Bob noticed the guitar case Alex was holding. “You got your guitar back?” 

 

“Yes! Oh-” Alex’s grin turned into a confused look. “Wait, how did you know my guitar got lost?”

 

Bob gulped. “Uh, word spread fast,” he lied. He didn’t want to be found out for eavesdropping the other day when he had tried to ignore the man entirely.

 

Alex ah’d in response. They made their way into the classroom to their seats near the window. Bob looked out the window to calm his nerves from the sudden interaction he just had with Alex. As much as he was very pleased that he was on talking terms again with Alex, the short conversation still caught him off guard. He tried to take stay calm by distracting himself, looking out the window to see a dog trotting along the sidewalk. 

 

“I had a dear thing of mine returned too yesterday,” Bob braved himself, opening a conversation with the other man, turning his head to look at Alex.

 

Alex looked up from his sketchbook. “Oh? That’s nice. What’d you lose?” 

 

“Umm, my dog.” Bob hoped he didn’t sound like a bad owner.

 

Thankfully Alex didn’t seem to respond negatively about it. “Really now?” his reply sounded genuinely curious. So Bob let on.

 

“Yeah, he ran off, saw a squirrel probably. Then apparently this guy saw and he ran after Alvy. He brought him to me, and it’s kind of weird because he thought I resembled my dog in a way and that’s how he managed to return him to me.” This was the most Bob had said in a few days and it didn’t feel as scary as he thought it would. He even let out a small chuckle at the end. Alex was watching intently and it felt good that he was actually being listened to. 

 

“That is kind of weird, because I had someone chase down the guy who stole my guitar too. I guess I was as lucky as the person who helped you because we asked the right people at that time.” 

 

“Who stole your guitar?” Bob knew the answer, but just wanted to talk to Alex more.

 

“Some guy. He was actually in our class yesterday,” Alex shrugged. “I didn’t report to the authorities though.” Bob only nodded in reply. 

 

Not long after, the class finally started and everyone went silent. Bob was almost sad that he had to stop the conversation with Alex. But then Alex leaned close and whispered, “By the way, are you free tonight?” Bob’s heart stopped beating. “Me and the guy from yesterday are going to get drinks, want to come?” Bob let out the breath he was holding. 

 

“Sure,” he replied shortly, trying to conceal his excitement.

 

The professor started to explain that day’s activities. They were going to go outside and draw the environment around them. Bob was pleased that he was finally able to practice his drawing in class. He and Alex walked together to find a nice spot to draw. Even though he had warmed up to Alex, Bob was still uneasy about working on his art around him. He was still not fully over the fact that Alex had made fun of his drawings. He unconsciously clutched his sketchbook tighter to himself.  _ Distract him _ , Bob thought, _ Distract him from your drawings. _

 

“So, drinks.” 

 

“Yes?” Alex replied.

 

“With this guy who helped you. What’s he like?”  _ Was he cute? _ Bob added to himself. 

 

“He’s...” Alex’s voice faltered, trying to find the right words to describe the man who had helped him. “He looks a bit rough, but he was alright, I guess,” Alex said, reminiscing on the previous day's events. 

 

“I could say the same for the guy who brought back Alvy to me,” Bob quipped. 

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah. He looks like he could use a full night’s sleep,” and Bob added, though he was only muttering the words, “or a nice bath.”

 

“Huh,” Alex said. His eyebrows knitted together. “Were his teeth chipped?”

 

Now Bob had stopped in his tracks. “Yes?!” He couldn’t believe what was happening. “Is his name--”

 

“Paul,” they exclaimed in unison. 

 

They both stood there staring at each other in disbelief, and then they laughed.

 

“I was going to have lunch with him next week. You should come join us too,” Bob said, now grinning. Alex agreed to the invitation, and both of them knew that Paul wouldn’t mind the extra company too.


	6. Chapter 6

After class, Alex and Bob headed to the local pub and waited for Paul to show up. Alex laughed softly when Bob pulled out his school ID for the bartender, who didn’t believe there was any way on Earth he could be above the drinking age.

 

“I told you, I’m 18,” Bob grumbled softly.

 

“I’m going to need another form of identification.”

 

Bob pulled out his driver’s license. “I’m 18, I promise!”

 

The bartender wrinkled his nose as he inspected it. “Fine, I believe you.”

 

Alex was still trying not to laugh. “I didn’t think you looked that young, but now that they’ve mentioned it…”

 

“Ah, don’t worry about it. I still get offered kids’ menus at restaurants sometimes.”

 

“...Do you accept?”

 

“Depends what’s on it,” Bob smiled.

 

While Alex and Bob were still laughing about what had just happened, Paul sat down with them at the table. “Hey,” he greeted them shortly. He looked a bit more cleaned up than the day before, but both Alex and Bob could still tell something was a bit off.

 

“I’m assuming you’ve met Bob?” Alex felt a little bad for inviting him along, but still felt better to have him there.

 

“Oh, yeah! I found his dog!” Paul’s neutral face, which wasn’t the friendliest looking one, had lit up at the mention of a dog.

 

Bob nodded, still feeling shy. He could feel himself blushing. “Yeah, cheers. I don’t think I would ever have found him without you.”

 

“It was no trouble. He’s a very good boy.”

 

“He is!” Bob grinned. “I love him so much.”

 

“I can tell,” Paul leaned back and gave Bob a kind smile. “He was barely even afraid of me!”

 

“What are the chances you would have even been out there both of those days at the exact right time?” Alex laughed.

 

Paul shrugged nonchalantly. “It was fate or something, I guess.”

 

The bartender returned, sliding Paul and Bob their pints of beer and placing a glass of red wine on a napkin in front of Alex.

 

“To Paul!” Alex raised his glass. Bob and Paul followed suit, all of them taking long sips of their drinks afterwards.

 

“So where’d you guys meet?” Paul asked to both Bob and Alex, initiating the conversation.

 

“Oh, we go to the same school. We’re in a few classes together,” Alex replied. He nodded to Paul. “What do you do?” 

 

“Taking jobs here and there, nothing permanent,” Paul shrugged. “Nothing in my life is permanent.” 

 

Bob raised his eyebrows in question. 

 

“What do you mean?” Alex pressed further.

 

“Oh… well, I’m not even staying at one place at the moment. I got lucky… I met an old friend and he lent me his couch for a few days,” Paul said matter of factly. It was the most he had said in front of the two ever since their initial meetings. The beer had definitely helped him loosen up.

 

Alex and Bob looked at each other, their brows creased in worry. But Paul didn’t look like he was doing it for pity. On the contrary, he seemed to say it in a casual tone, as if it was completely normal for him to inform people that he is actually homeless. 

 

“Well.. what happens after the few days then?” Bob asked, genuinely concerned.

 

“I find somewhere else I can crash,” Paul took a sip from his drink, “and if there aren’t any the park bench is always there.” He gave them a lopsided smile.

 

Both Bob and Alex went silent. Bob pursed his lips, unsure of what to say. Meanwhile Alex was starting to think he had been taking his privileged background for granted. Paul noticed this though and he quickly tried to apologize.

 

“I didn’t mean to bring down the mood, it’s just that it’s been normal for me to be like..” he gestures at himself, “this. For quite a long time. I’ve gotten quite used to it. Don’t worry.” He offered them both an apologetic smile. 

 

Bob only nodded, still unable to properly reply, but he was finally beginning to understand Paul’s demeanor after he had opened up about his background. Alex, having been to private schools all his life, had never personally met anyone who had to live paycheck to paycheck. He felt slightly guilty for feeling uncomfortable. He desperately tried to think of a way to steer the conversation away but instead he blurted, “Paul, I can always lend you--”

 

But before Alex could finish, Paul cut him off. “Nah mate, save it. I have jobs if that’s what you’re worried about.” The hint of bitterness in his voice was back now. Bob could see how Alex squirmed harder in his seat. Bob took a swig of his drink, took a deep breath, and tried to sound as confident as he could.

 

“Come live with me.” 

 

The sudden statement successfully surprised both Alex and Paul. Bob had a determined look on his face as he clutched his drink tighter. 

 

“My flat’s small, but we should be able to live in it together. We can split rent if you’re worried about it.” 

 

Paul shook his head. “Oh, you really don’t have to...”

 

“Paul, please. You helped me get Alvy back. He’s the only friend I have ever since I moved here.” Bob’s voice slightly faltered at the confession, but he continued. “I don’t know what I’d do if he never came back. I owe you everything. Besides...” Bob said quietly, “I wouldn’t mind having a new friend to talk to.” He looked down sheepishly as his finger traced circles on his half empty glass. Paul looked like he was about to cry, but he managed a wide smile instead. 

 

“Yeah, alright. I’ll stay with you. Thank you so much, Bob.” Paul grinned, his cheeks nearly aching felt his cheeks ache from holding his insuppressible smile for so long.

 

Alex glanced over at Bob, who was now looking down at his glass in an embarrassed but happy state, and he found himself in awe at the man. Even though he had only known Bob for a very short period of time, it was obvious the blonde was shy, so being able to see that his friend had taken drastic measures for the better warmed his heart.

 

As the night wore on, the conversation took a lighter and happier tone, with Paul finally opening up more and more as they ordered another round and talked about anything and everything. Finally, after checking his watch, he suggested they should head back before the clock struck midnight.

 

“I don’t mind staying out late, but I have to gather my stuff at my mate’s. I don’t want to wake him in the wee hours of the night just to say goodbye. He’s probably going to be sad I’m gone too soon.” Paul winked playfully. Bob snickered at the gesture. They gathered their things and left the pub, Bob and Paul heading in the opposite direction of Alex.

 

Alex made his way down the sidewalk, his head buzzing from the wine and his heart light. He finally felt like he was starting to make friends in this city. After a few minutes of walking, Alex found himself passing by the abandoned prison a few blocks away from his flat. He heard a soft piano melody coming from inside, which caused him to stop suddenly. How could there be music? The building was dilapidated and abandoned. He approached the door, still listening closely to see if he could recognize the song. Alex tried to imagine who could possibly be playing piano in an abandoned prison, especially so late at night. He opened the door slowly and watched as the light from the street streamed into the building. Whoever was playing the piano had stopped abruptly when they saw the door open, leaving the song on a startling open note.

 

Alex stood in the doorway as the note rang out, confused. He couldn’t see a piano inside the building, and began to think he was just hearing things. He shut the door and made his way back to his flat, the melody from the abandoned prison still floating through his head.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Bob couldn’t help but grin as he peeked around the corner to see the  figure wrapped up in blankets on his living room couch. Paul was still asleep from the exhausting day before, it felt good to see Paul finally warm and safe. Bob glanced over at him occasionally as he got ready to go to class, smiling at the fact that he had both found a roommate and made someone’s life genuinely better. He placed a small note on the coffee table for Paul to read when he woke up.

 

_ Good morning! I’m going to class for the day. Be back by 5. I left some cereal and a bowl of strawberries out on the counter if you want breakfast. Call me if you need anything. See you later. _

_         -Bob _

 

Bob smiled as he patted Alvy’s head and left the flat for class. He met Alex at their usual spot by the window in their drawing class.

 

“How’s Paul?” Alex asked as soon as he sat down, eager to hear about how he had settled into Bob’s flat.

 

“Happy, I think. He was still sleeping when I left for class,” Bob said quietly as he unpacked his sketchbook from his bag.

 

“You’re cool with just leaving him alone in your flat?”

 

“If Alvy trusts someone, I can trust them too.”

 

Alex raised his eyebrows, still a bit unsure of Bob’s logic. He looked out the window at the trees blowing in the wind and the occasional student making their way across the campus. “Something kind of strange happened after I left last night,” he sighed. Alex almost didn’t want to tell Bob for fear of being judged (or a doubt that it even happened), but he proceeded anyway. “I heard someone playing piano in the abandoned prison a few blocks away from my flat. They stopped as soon as I looked in.”

 

Bob frowned. “That is quite strange.”

 

“I was thinking it could be a ghost or something.”

 

“You’re not in Athens anymore. Not everything is haunted here, Alex. It was probably just some kid messing with you.”

 

“Yeah, I guess that could be the case. I’m going to stop by later and see if they’re at it again.”

 

And right after class, that was exactly what Alex did. For the second day in a row, he went out of his way to pass by the old prison. In the daylight, he could see that there was a piano in the far left corner of the main room. He also saw a rope ladder leading up to the rafters, where there appeared to be a nest of blankets. Alex called out to see if there was anyone in there, but no one answered, so he closed the door and went back on his way to his flat.

 

Bob arrived back at his flat after stopping to get a new toy for Alvy. Despite his immediate trust in Paul, he still felt a bit uncomfortable about sharing the flat with someone else. When Bob opened the door, he was immediately knocked off balance as Alvy eagerly pounced on him. Bob laughed as he tossed Alvy his new toy. He stepped into the dorm and noticed that Paul was busying himself at the kitchen table.

 

“I made dinner!” Paul gestured to a bowl of pasta on the kitchen table. “I felt bad because you were doing so much for me and I hadn’t done anything.”

 

“You didn’t—”

 

“Of course I did. You’re my friend, Bob. I’m trying to be a good flatmate,” Paul said with a wry smile. He led Bob to the table, smiling with pride at the pasta he had made. Alvy hopped up to sit on the chair next to Bob, hoping to steal a noodle or two. He held his new toy in his mouth, squeaking it at Bob for attention. Bob patted his head and squeezed the toy, which Alvy dropped and nuzzled Bob’s shoulder instead, grateful for the attention. Paul made a tiny bowl of plain pasta for Alvy, seeing how much he wanted to be a part of the dinner.

 

“Do you want me to help you start setting up our room tomorrow?” Bob asked, twirling the homemade spaghetti around his fork. He was secretly hoping that Paul would want to settle in rather than leave.

 

Paul sighed. “Yeah, of course, but…”

 

Bob raised his eyebrows expectantly.

 

Paul poked his fork into a noodle, “I can do it by myself, you know.”

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“I don’t like to feel dependent, you know? I'm happy to be living with you, but… I feel like you’re going to be the one providing for both of us since I can’t seem to get a decent job.”

 

“Paul,” Bob said softly, gently laying his fork down, “I sincerely promise that that will never happen. I want you to settle in and feel comfortable, and I think tomorrow is a great time to get started.” He looked across the table at Paul, whose eyes had a glimmer of something in them. Could it be hope?

 

Paul scowled slightly but knew better than to argue against it. “Yeah, alright.”

 

Meanwhile, in another part of the city, Alex was investigating the old prison again on his way home from dinner. After seeing the little bungalow set up in the rafters, he was too curious not to. He waited behind the building until he heard the song being played again, and then walked around to the front door. He leaned his ear against the door for a few minutes, savoring the melody before he interrupted. When Alex pushed the door open, whoever was playing the piano stopped. This time, instead of retreating, Alex went inside.

 

Alex called to whoever was inside the abandoned prison with him, “I’m not here to hurt you. Please come out. I want to talk.”

 

Alex heard a bit of rustling from the rafters. “I thought your song was lovely… I just wanted to hear more.” Alex took a few more steps into the room. “Please come talk to me.” 

 

There was a brief silence, and then Alex spied a figure descending the rope ladder from the rafters. When the figure reached the ground, they leaned over to turn on a few overhead lights, and Alex’s eyes widened as he recognized them immediately.

 

“You again,” Alex murmured, approaching the short, dark haired man, who looked either careless or emotionally drained, or both.

 

The man just stared at Alex with his sad, sunken blue eyes. He fidgeted a bit, but stayed nearly completely still.

 

“Alright, that whole staring thing is pretty creepy. You don’t seem into a fight. Let’s talk it out.” Alex’s heart beat a bit faster, his mind racing through the different reactions and outcomes of the situation.

 

The man nodded and gestured to the rope ladder, which he began climbing. Alex followed after him, a bit uneasy, but still willing to listen to him. Upon reaching the top of the ladder, Alex saw more than just the immediate nest of blankets and other soft items. A bunch of dusty instruments were strewn about as well.

 

“Sorry about your guitar,” the man said softly, looking down at the pattern on the blanket he was sitting on and tracing it with his finger.

 

“Oh, that’s fine now, but…” Alex looked out at the items strewn about the bungalow in the rafters. “This might be a bit much. Did you steal the piano too?”

 

“That was here already,” the man murmured. He broke his eye contact with Alex again, too ashamed to look at him.

 

“Yeah, it must be pretty hard to steal a piano,” Alex said, a small smile creeping onto his lips. “I liked the song you were playing earlier.”

 

“Thanks,” the man replied shortly.

 

“I haven’t seen you in class lately,” Alex changed the subject, trying his best not to be angry with the man as he recalled the recent event. 

 

“Oh,” said the man. “I’m… from the music school.”

 

Alex frowned. “So you came to my class specifically to steal my guitar?”

 

“Yeah. Well. Not  _ your _ guitar,” the man mumbled. Alex noticed his slight foreign accent.

 

“What’s your name?” Alex asked, curious about how much information he would reveal. How could a filthy thief like him also produce a melody so beautiful? Who was this mysterious man that had suddenly popped up in his life?

 

The man stared blankly at him, unsure of whether he should speak up or not, finally managing “Nick” in a small voice.

 

“I’m Alex. Your name sounds very proper English,” Alex laughed, “but you sound like you’re not from around here.”

 

“I’m from Germany.”

 

“Interesting. Why’d you choose to come to Glasgow of all places?”

 

“My brother got me into the music school,” Nick explained, leaning back against one of the beams.

 

Alex nodded thoughtfully. “I came here to get away from my family back in Greece.” Alex sat on one of the beams. “I have my own flat and some independence, finally, but I still feel a bit lonely here.”

 

“Least you don't live in an abandoned prison.” Nick chuckled nervously, feeling quite overwhelmed by the sudden visitor.

 

Alex raised his eyebrows. “Oh, you live here?”

 

Nick nodded, looking away from Alex.

 

“Have you lived here the whole time you've been in Glasgow?”

 

“I...had a flat, but...the money was running out fast, and…I couldn’t steal enough to keep up.”

 

Alex noticed the little bumps in Nick’s speech, and how it seemed like he was struggling to get every word out. “Are you alright?”

 

Nick looked up, confused.

 

“I mean, you sound like—”

 

“Oh, that. It’s worse than this a lot of the time. It’s just how I am.” Even while reassuring Alex, Nick refused to make eye contact.

 

Alex smiled. “That’s good to know. Now I don’t have to worry about you as much.”

 

Nick nodded silently, but on the inside, every single cell in his body was screaming at him to do something.  _ Don't open up to him. Are you crazy?! Throw something, run away, hide somewhere. You’ve been found. Your new friend isn’t a friend at all. The police are outside. They’re coming in to get you, and… _

 

“Nick?” Alex poked his shoulder, “Are you alright?”

 

Nick realized how much he had jumped when Alex poked him, and tried to release his perpetually tensed shoulders. “Yeah...”

 

“You don’t seem alright.”

 

Hearing that phrase come from someone other than himself, Nick finally made an effort to connect with Alex. “Thank you,” he said softly. “Thank you for being the first person to realize.”


	8. Chapter 8

Alex moved closer to Nick, intrigued about his story. He sat on the blankets, directly across from him. Nick still wouldn’t look up.

 

“So…what’s wrong?”

 

Nick hesitated for a moment as he tried to construct an answer in his head. “I’ve never been alone before.”

 

“Oh,” Alex said. “What do you mean?”

 

Nick shrugged. “That’s it.”

 

Alex frowned slightly.  _ Why won’t he tell me anything? What does he have to hide?  _ “Why do you live here if you didn’t want to be alone?”

 

“I thought...maybe being in a new place would help.”

 

Alex gently scooted closer to Nick. “Just give it time. It’ll get better.”

 

Nick nodded faintly, his eyes tearing up. “I’m sorry about the guitar.”

 

Alex waved his hand. “I told you already that it’s alright.”

 

Nick wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I can’t… I can’t help it.”

 

“Help what?” 

 

“Stealing.”

 

Alex winced. “Do you steal things often?”

 

“Yeah,” Nick nodded. “Almost every day.”

 

“That’s not good.” Alex didn’t know how to react. “Do you think, maybe…if you went back to your flat, it would get a bit better?”

 

“I can’t go back there,” Nick said, pulling his knees up to his chest.

 

“...Oh?”

 

“I can't go back,” Nick repeated, finally lifting his head and looking at Alex. His voice wavered. “I haven't left here. I can't.”

 

Alex raised his eyebrows. “It’s been four days! You haven't eaten anything?”

 

Nick gestured vaguely toward a bag of pretzels on the floor.

 

Alex looked away, thinking for a moment. “I’ll bring you some food over the next few days and we can think of a plan from there. I don’t like that you’re living like this.”

 

“No...I'm ok,” Nick said, trying his hardest not to let his guard down.

 

“No,” Alex replied firmly. “You need to eat. Let me help you. Please,” he added as an afterthought.

 

Nick swallowed and nodded. “Okay.” His voice was still shaky. “How will I know it’s you?”

 

“Four knocks on the door,” Alex tapped out a rhythm on the closest beam.

 

“Alright.”

 

“See you then. Get some sleep,” Alex smiled up at Nick as he descended the rope ladder. Nick just stared at him with his trademark blank eyes.

 

-

 

A few days later, Bob was finally helping Paul get officially settled in to his new home. Because he had no classes that morning, he decided to finally talk to Paul about their living arrangements. Bob made them a pot of tea as he waited for Paul to finish his shower. By the time Bob poured the tea for the both of them, Paul had emerged from the bathroom.

 

“What’s this?” The dark haired man stepped into their dining space, a towel draped over his head. 

 

“Tea! Come sit.” Bob busied himself with pulling out a chair to sit on, trying not to stare too long at Paul. The leaner man only wore a pair of shorts and was ruffling the towel through his hair.

 

Bob gulped. While Paul wasn’t exactly his type, he had to admit living with another man had only been a dream for so long. Even though this wasn’t the exact scenario he’d had in his fantasies, the fact that up until now their flat situation had been very domestic was enough to make his cheeks turn bright pink. He lowered his head and hoped Paul wouldn’t notice.

 

Luckily, Paul turned his back to Bob as he tousled his hair. He didn’t show any indication of joining Bob at the table, so Bob stammered out, “Uh...I...think...w-we should discuss how all of this is going to work.”

 

Those words finally caught Paul’s attention. He slid the towel down to his shoulders and, much to Bob’s relief, it covered most of the top of his slender body. He took a seat opposite Bob. 

 

“Alright.” Paul turned his entire attention to Bob now. Bob slid Paul his own cup of tea.

 

“Well, I figured we should get you a proper mattress,” Bob said. Paul was about to open his mouth in protest but Bob hurriedly added, “I can’t have you sleep on my couch forever. We’ll find a cheap one.” 

 

“Yeah, okay,” Paul nodded. “But where are we going to put my bed? There’s only one room.” 

 

Bob gulped at Paul’s question. He’d thought long and hard about this and he figured it was for his own good at trying to open up more to people. 

 

“I mean...we can share the room...i-if you want privacy, maybe we could set up a curtain thing across the middle,” Bob said nervously as he made a sweeping motion with his finger, picturing a curtain spanning across the room. The suggestion seemed to be funny to Paul, who snickered in reply. 

 

“That’s fine mate, we don’t need the curtains. Save the money for next month’s rent.”

 

“Are you sure?” Bob asked, his heart skipping a beat.

 

Paul nodded. “I don’t mind,” he said with a crooked grin.

 

“Alright, but this means no...you know...funny business in the bedroom,” Bob said as casually as he could, forcing a small smile. His heart pounded in his ears.  _ Oh my god, did I really just say that? _

 

Paul raised his eyebrows at the implications, but didn’t probe any further. He took a sip of his morning tea, mirroring the man across from him.

 

“Oh, and also,” Bob continued, “for chores, just clean up after your own stuff, alright?”

 

“Yes, sir.” Paul gave Bob a two-finger salute. Bob hummed for a bit, trying to remember the things he’d wanted to discuss regarding their arrangements, but decided that the most important details had been covered. They could figure more things out as time went on.

 

Bob desperately wanted to just enjoy the rest of the morning in comfortable silence, which he found was easy to do with Paul, but it wasn’t often he got to enjoy the other man’s company without time restrictions. While they both lived together, they had different schedules, with Bob spending most of his time on campus and Paul taking various jobs, sometimes during the night. He settled his cup down and looked back up at Paul.

 

“So what have you been up to lately?” Bob tried to initiate small talk. Paul gave a shrug in response.

 

“A bit of this and that, helped a mate move out the other day so there’s that.” He leaned back into his chair, getting comfortable. “There might be a thing next week, but it’s still tentative.” 

 

Bob noted Paul’s vagueness. He realized that he didn’t really know Paul, despite having him as a flatmate. On top of their busy schedules, it didn’t help that Paul didn’t talk about himself that much either. 

 

“What did you do, um,” Bob tried to find his words, “before doing all of this?” 

 

Fortunately, Paul was laid back enough that he took no offense, not that Bob meant any, from the question.

 

“Eh, I tried applying to art school...” He scratched his neck a bit, slightly embarrassed. Bob lit up at this new information.

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yeah,” Paul gave a sheepish grin. “Didn’t get in though. As you can clearly see.”

 

“Oh,” Bob paused for a moment. He suddenly felt slightly bad that he was where Paul had always wanted to be. Not wanting to make things uncomfortable, he asked the first thing that was on his mind. “Do you draw?”

 

“Sure. I draw, paint...I’m into the craftier stuff as well,” Paul replied casually, as if Bob’s brief silence were never there. He really was cool with his situation. Bob admired that. He wished he could be so easygoing. Paul leaned in to the table, tilting his head as he looked at Bob.

 

“What’s art school like?” 

 

Bob raised his eyebrows in surprise. Paul seemed genuinely curious, judging by the expression on his face. 

 

“It’s nice,” Bob nodded, recalling his first few weeks as an art student. “They really weren’t lying when they said there’s all kind of people there,” he said, as he recalled seeing international students walking down the hallway, and people with funky colored hair, and the people who dressed outrageously. “It’s also nice to learn about new things there, too.” 

 

Bob’s own joy was quickly dismissed as he noticed the dreamy look on his flatmate’s face. Paul rested his chin in his right hand.

 

“You should reapply,” Bob suggested. 

 

“I did. Four times,” Paul answered shortly. Bob immediately felt a pang of guilt. An idea sparked in his mind, and he took a mental note to pat himself on the back for being quick on his feet in conversations. 

 

“Would you like to visit the uni sometime?” 

 

At this Paul straightened his back, eyes wide.  “Can I?”

 

“Yeah!” Bob said excitedly. His mind began to race as he remembered about his class the next morning. Life drawing. “How do you feel about getting paid to model-”

 

“I’m in!”

 

“-nude?” 

 

“Oh...” Paul was so keen to be in art school, even just as a model rather than a student, that he didn’t let Bob finish. Once he did, though, he felt slightly embarrassed. Not because he was asked to be a nude model, but because he had made his eagerness known. Sure, he had been homeless and unemployed, and he was used to rejection of various kinds, but he had always tried his best to put up a laid back front. Unfortunately, sometimes his anxiety about his situation showed, and that’s when he’d get all sorts of people giving him strange looks and taking pity on him. But Bob was different. Bob had always been considerate enough not to try and make situations uncomfortable. He was kind, and understanding, and eager to help. As if reading Paul’s mind, Bob had started to talk again, not wanting to let the pause grow even longer.

 

“We have a life drawing class tomorrow morning. I don’t know if they have a model yet, but if you’re up to the job I’m sure the lecturer won’t mind much,” Bob explained. 

 

“Why the hell not?” Paul shrugged and let out a small laugh. It’s not like he had much going on, and it was always a plus to get paid.  _ That’s this month’s rent covered _ , he noted. 

 

Bob grinned. “It’s a deal.”


	9. Chapter 9

Alex absentmindedly fiddled with his drawing pen while he waited for Bob to arrive to their life drawing class. After a few moments passed he felt someone’s presence beside him. It was Bob and, to his surprise, Paul. 

 

“Alex, meet our model for the day,” Bob said as he gestured at the man beside him. Paul playfully bowed down. 

 

“No way,” Alex said, chuckling. 

 

“I hope you don’t mind seeing your friend naked,” Paul teased, at which Alex only laughed harder. They both missed the way Bob forced his laugh. 

 

As they entered the classroom, they noticed that a tall blonde girl was already standing near the seat where the models were supposed to be. Bob approached their lecturer.

 

“Excuse me, ma’am,” he said quickly, slightly panicking, “do we already have a model?” 

 

“Yes,” the older woman said, not even looking at her student. Bob gulped. While he hadn’t exactly promised Paul he would definitely get the job, he felt like he had let the man down. Alex had approached Bob at that moment and overheard the conversation. He then walked over to the blonde girl.

 

“Excuse me, are you our model for the day?”

 

“Yes,” she replied shortly.

 

“I’m not sure you’d want to do that.” 

 

“Pardon?” The woman looked taken aback. 

 

“See, I heard there are some grade A perverts in this class. Very nasty people,” Alex said in a hushed tone. “I don’t know who you are, but you seem to be a really nice girl. I’d hate to see those creeps hounding on you.” 

 

The girl was now looking back at Alex in horror. His fabricated story had worked. 

 

“But you don’t have to worry!” Alex said cheerfully. “My friend over there would be happy to take your place.” He pointed to Paul. The girl was silent for a moment, calculating her choices, before finally picking up her bag from the floor. 

 

“Well, I could use some more coffee anyway. Thank you for your warning.”

 

As the girl made her way out of the classroom, Alex explained the situation to their lecturer. She looked annoyed for a moment, then replied with a resigned sigh, “Ok. Send him over.”

 

Alex motioned to Paul, who quickly jogged over to the chair and sat down. Alex noticed the sigh of relief from Bob when he joined him in their seats. As their lecturer started the class, Bob mouthed a thank you at Alex for his efforts in getting Paul to stay with him. 

 

The class began to busy themselves taking out their drawing equipment. Between the shuffling of drawing papers, another type of shuffling was taking place right behind them. Bob, slightly annoyed at the racket, turned his head to see the source. A man he’d never seen before had fancied himself a seat behind them, positioned between him and Alex. Bob didn’t mean to stare for too long, but the messy curly locks, faint trace of eyeliner, and the pair of shocking magenta pants enveloping long legs was a combination he couldn’t ignore. Even Alex started glancing at where his friend was staring. The man noticed he was being stared at and offered them a grin.

 

“Hi,” the man said, looking up from his easel. 

 

“Hey,” Alex answered, trying to be friendly. 

 

The man then leaned in to them, which caused Bob to cautiously back away in the most subtle manner. His wide eyes stared between both of them before he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket.

 

“You guys want some weed?” he offered, though his hand was still tucked in the insides of his jacket. Bob’s eyes widened in panic and Alex only frowned in response. 

 

“Er, no,” Alex rejected his offer, to which the man only shrugged and leaned back in his seat. 

 

“Do you guys want to see my rat though?” he offered once more, his hand now hovering over a different pocket. Bob swore he saw something move inside the pocket.

 

“No, please, keep it.” Alex answered for both him and Bob. Alex was starting to wonder if his bluff from earlier today was true, suddenly concerned for Paul. 

 

As the lecturer started to call the student’s names for absences, Bob and Alex found out that this bizarre character’s name was Dino.  _ A strange name for strange man _ , Alex thought to himself. As much as he wanted to forget about Dino, and hoped that this was just a brief encounter with one of the quirkier students that an art school has to offer, it appeared that he was very wrong. After Dino raised his hand, confirming his presence in today’s class, the lecturer paused her task. 

 

“Ah, Mister Bardot, so glad to have you here with us,” she stared at Dino, a deadly look in her eyes. “Again,” she added in a grim tone. 

 

“Lovely to see you too, Professor Donovan,” Dino grinned back at the lecturer, visibly making her more annoyed.

 

“Mister Bardot, may I remind you that this is your second semester in this class? You have wasted your absence quota in the past week. If you do not come to next week’s class-”

 

“I will.”

 

“-then you’re done.” she finished, ignoring Dino’s interjection. She huffed in annoyance and continued calling out names, but not before giving everyone a warning about missing too many classes and pointing at Dino as a prime example. 

 

Alex felt even more uneasy at the new information he’d just found out. Just then, he noticed Paul taking his clothes off in the corner of the classroom. He gasped softly and glanced over at Bob, whose eyes seemed to indicate that he was feeling the same way. Paul didn’t hesitate at all, quickly tearing off his jeans and slipping his t-shirt over his head, mussing his hair. Alex tried to look anywhere but at Paul as the man slipped off his pants and took his seat in the middle.

 

Professor Donovan walked over to Paul and directed him to sit down with his legs crossed and an elbow on his knee for him to rest his head on. 

 

“Alright,” Professor Donovan said, turning to the class, “you may begin.”

 

Paul's position, from Alex and Bob's angle, fortunately covered most of his private parts. It still didn’t help both Bob and Alex feel more at ease, especially when Dino decided to pipe up again.

 

“I didn’t know they were hiring cute models now,” he whispered loudly, leaning in between Bob and Alex. They both tried to ignore him, especially Bob, who suddenly felt his heart race. Dino, however, was completely oblivious to their silence.

 

“I mean, he’s definitely easy on the eyes, isn't he?” Dino offered more of his unwanted comments.  Bob gulped, doing his best to keep his expression blank as he focused on his drawing. He absolutely knew what Dino meant as he raked his own gaze over his flatmate. He could see how pale and slender his friend was, and as he looked more closely, he spotted a tattoo or two in an area that was usually covered by his clothes. Bob felt heat rising on his cheeks. He was definitely not into Paul, or types of people that were like Paul, but he couldn’t deny how the contrast of the inks on his pale skin made him look attractive. He felt like his pencil was going to slip away from his now sweating fingers.

 

“Do you reckon he’s single?” Dino let on as Bob gripped his pencil tighter, trying not to snap. It was Alex that finally spoke up.

 

“Would you mind not saying those things about our friend?!” Alex hissed, turning around aggressively. Even Bob flinched at the harsh tone, but also at how Alex had replied rather loudly. But Dino being Dino, he wasn’t affected at all. If anything he was now amused.

 

“That cute guy is your friend? Mate, you better introduce me to him!” At the last note he made sure to look at Paul, an impish grin plastered on his face. Alex regretted telling him off.

 

Paul turned his head slightly to where his friends were sitting, careful not to change his position too much, curious at what all the commotion was about. Paul stared at both Alex and Bob, who were now flustered for two different reasons. Dino straightened his back, seeing that Paul had looked their way.  _ That man really has no shame _ , Bob thought, as he stared in horror when Dino mouthed a ‘hey’ at Paul. Paul didn’t have much freedom in communicating in his statue-like state, but he raised his eyebrows subtly. Dino, encouraged by Paul’s response, gave Paul a playful wink. Alex nearly cringed, feeling bad for Paul, but that feeling was immediately snubbed when he saw the corners of Paul’s mouth twitching into a smile. 

 

Bob tried to keep his cool. Not only had Dino’s antics made him uncomfortable, but he felt ashamed at the pang of jealousy he felt when Paul had responded in a positive way.

 

The rest of the class was awful for both Alex and Bob. As happy as they were for Paul, they couldn't deny that they were both feeling more than a bit uncomfortable - Alex because Dino wouldn’t quit his comments, which were getting more and more obscene by the minute, and Bob because he had started to notice how nice Paul actually looked. When the class finally ended, they hurriedly started to pack up their things. Paul stood up to stretch his limbs and Bob didn’t even try to hide how quickly he averted his eyes. However, Dino had eagerly stood up, his art supplies be damned. His charcoal case made a loud metallic sound as it hit the floor, catching Alex and Bob's attention. They looked at each other in horror as Dino quickly made his way to Paul.

 

“Oh no,” Alex muttered. Bob was glued to his seat, both from embarrassment and terror. Alex tried to pack his supplies as fast as possible, still traumatized about leaving his belongings unattended during class.

 

“What’s up?” Paul heard someone say. He looked up to see the man who had sat with his friends during class. Paul pulled up his briefs before properly responding to the question.

 

“Not much,” Paul answered. He was reaching for his jeans when Dino barged in with another question.

 

“You from around here?” 

 

“If by here you mean art school, nah, I’m just here with my mates,” Paul said as he waved a hand to Alex and Bob. Alex only stared back while Bob was still looking down at his sketch pad.

 

“Nice, nice,” Dino answered feigning interest, his eyes never leaving Paul. Paul was glad that he had put his pants on - being stared at while half naked by a man he found attractive was embarrassing. 

 

“So, what are you up to tonight?” Dino went in for the kill, his hands casually resting in his pockets. Paul raised his eyebrows and tried not to giggle. It had been a long time since someone had asked a question of that sort, if anything he was flattered that someone was interested in him. Being jobless and homeless didn’t leave him much room for friends, let alone dates. The taller guy looked like he was on the wilder side of life too, with his unruly hair, bold clothes, and eccentric demeanor. Paul liked that. 

 

Paul tried to play it cool and told Dino his plans for the night, or rather the lack of plans for the rest of the day. Dino’s grin only grew more wicked. Paul felt blood rushing to his cheeks.

 

“Wanna see my rat?” Dino wiggled his eyebrows. This time his hands did not reach for the insides of his jacket.

 

Back at their seats, Paul’s friends could only stare. Both Alex and Bob had finished packing up their things, but were still watching the scene unfolding before them. Bob studied the way Paul looked at Dino. He was smiling sheepishly, his hands idly fumbling with the hem of his shirt, his eyes never leaving the taller man. He liked Paul as a friend, but after the recent development of his feelings for the man he couldn’t help but ask himself if he fancied him in  _ that  _ way. Perhaps not as strongly as he felt for the man currently sitting beside him, but he couldn’t ignore the jealousy that had sneaked its way into his heart. Why was it that the first time he could freely live and be himself, he just kept falling for men left and right? Bob chewed on his lips, his thoughts making him more anxious each second. Bob was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice that Paul had made his way to their seats.

 

“Hey, Dino here wants to give me a tour around campus,” Paul announced with Dino tailing behind him. Bob tried his best to mask his distaste, but Alex didn’t try at all.

 

“Are you sure?” Alex squinted at Dino, who was now peering into the inside pockets of his jacket. Alex swore he heard a squeak. 

 

“Yeah, you guys have class anyway, right?” Paul tilted his head in question. It was nice that his friends looked out for him but he was perfectly capable of looking after himself.

 

“Yeah,” Dino added, echoing Paul. Bob frowned.

 

“Don’t you have class too?” he jabbed at Dino, recalling how their lecturer had called him out earlier. Who knew what other classes had he been missing?

 

“It’s not a big deal. Besides Paul needs someone to take him home anyway, right Paul?” Dino shrugged, glancing at Paul.

 

Bob did not like this one bit. As much as he tried to remind himself that Paul had every right to hang out with anyone, his own feelings and judgement got in the way.

 

“No funny business,” Bob stared straight at Paul. Paul, confused at Bob’s sudden bitterness, could only nod in agreement.

 

They all left class not long after. Bob noticed that Alex had pursed his own lips, most likely in annoyance. It was almost comforting to know that Alex hadn’t given his full blessing to Dino either. Before he left the room Bob cast a glance to where Dino and Paul were walking, just a few steps behind them. Before Bob looked away he heard Dino murmur to Paul, “So, want to head to my place, then?”


	10. Chapter 10

“Can you save me a spot in class?” Alex asked Bob as they walked across campus. Bob was still a bit irritated by what had happened earlier and simply nodded in response.

 

“I finally found out about that old prison,” Alex said to Bob, trying to cheer him up. “I actually have to bring lunch to the guy that lives there.”

 

“Someone lives there?”

 

“Yeah, the guy who stole my guitar, actually.”

 

“And you’re bringing lunch to him?”

 

Alex sighed. “He’s not doing great, Bob. He steals because he’s scared and depressed and doesn’t know anything else. I decided to give him a second chance and help him out.”

 

“Oh,” Bob said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s nice.”

 

“Yeah. So can you save me a seat?”

 

“Yeah, alright,” Bob said, looking at the ground.

 

“Thanks so much!” Alex smiled and went off towards the store around the corner, where he hoped to find a proper lunch for Nick.

 

Upon arriving at the abandoned prison, Alex climbed the rope ladder to Nick’s little bungalow to find that he wasn’t there at all. He had brought him lunch every day before, and he had always been there. Alex was concerned, but just left the bag of food with a little note that said he would be back later. Alex descended the rope ladder and left the abandoned prison, still worried about Nick.

 

A few blocks away, Nick spotted a couple of men unloading drum kits from a truck next to the main building at the music school. Encouraged by Alex’s recent and continual support, Nick was attending his classes for the first time in weeks. Curious, he walked over and offered to help bring them inside, hoping to possibly score one for his collection in the prison. Even though he had been cooped up inside his prison bungalow in fear of getting caught stealing, the moment he was out and about again he just couldn’t help it. Especially how easy and open the opportunity was this time. His fingers itched at the sight of the instruments being left out in the open, almost unattended. 

 

He spotted a stack of snare drums by the road, ready to be loaded back to their initial places. Nick approached the stack, going over his options. There were three snare drums on the sidewalk, but he’d like to take just one to play it safe, but at the same time he could hoister two in one go if he wanted. Could he possibly even bring all three? He stuck his tongue out in the corner of his mouth, thinking. Only one way to find out. 

 

He tried to pick up the whole stack, but that was deemed inefficient because his sight would be completely blocked. He then proceed to hoist two at a time, one under each arm. He was too preoccupied to notice that a man had approached him.

 

“Hello!” a cheery voice startled Nick. One of the snare drums slipped, but before Nick could prevent it from hitting the ground a pair of hands had caught it. 

 

Nick trailed his gaze to the owner of said hands who had saved the drums from falling. A pair of friendly eyes stared back at Nick. It wasn’t until the man stood up, bringing the snare drum with him, that Nick noticed the towering height of the other man. Even though the man was donning a smile at Nick, Nick couldn’t help but feel nervous. He tried to balance the single snare drum he was holding. 

 

“T-Tall...” Nick muttered, craning his neck to see the friendly man’s face. He received a chuckle in return.

 

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” he replied. “Would you like me to help you with these?”

 

Nick only nodded in response. He watched in silence as the tall man stacked it back in its place and carried all of them in one go. 

 

“Where would you like these to be brought to?”

 

Nick pursed his lips in thought. Initially, he’d wanted to bring them straight to his bungalow. But now that the man was helping him he couldn’t simply out himself for stealing equipment from the university. Nick remembered an empty classroom he used to spend his time in during class breaks. 

 

“There—here-” Nick stuttered. He directed himself to where they were heading and the other man simply followed. They made their way inside the building and into a staircase. 

 

“What year are you in?” the man asked, making small talk. Nick didn’t quite welcome the talk but staying silent would probably make him look rude, as if secretly stealing more instruments wasn’t bad enough already. 

 

“First year,” he replied shortly. 

 

“Oh! Me too!” the man responded in a cheery tone. “What’s your name? I’m Julian!” he added, before Nick could respond.

 

“I’m Nick,” he answered. They had reached the top of the stairs and were now at the destined floor. Nick looked left and right, checking to see if anyone was around. Fortunately, the building was quite deserted, so he ushered himself to the classroom at the end of the hallway, with Julian trailing behind him.

 

“I’ve never been in this part of the campus before,” Julian said as he looked around. Nick wasn’t surprised since this part of the building wasn’t used for classes.

 

“Why are we here? Is this where they usually store the instruments?” Julian bombarded Nick with more inquiries. This was making Nick feel even more antsy, but at the sight of the room he had familiarized himself in he felt at ease once again. He shifted the single snare drum he was holding under one arm and opened the door with his free hand. 

 

The room that was once a classroom was now Nick’s private shelter. During breaks where he had nowhere to go he’d make himself comfortable there. It was peaceful, quiet, and out of most people’s reach. He put down the snare drum he was holding in a corner. Julian followed suit. 

 

“Quite empty here,” Julian pointed out the obvious. There were only a few stacked tables and chairs lined up on the wall, but other than that there wasn’t much. With Julian’s constant questioning Nick was feeling even more uncomfortable. He was afraid that Julian might connect the dots and he’d eventually find out how much Nick had been stealing. Out of the corner of Nick’s eye he saw the taller man put down the other drums on top of the one Nick had placed there.

 

“Anyway! It was very nice to meet you. Do you have any classes today?” Julian wiped his palms on his jeans as he nonchalantly looked around. Nick followed wherever Julian set his sights on, suddenly paranoid that something was going to give out Nick’s guise, even when he knew there was no way Julian could know what he had done.

 

“Yes,” Nick decided to reply, a weak attempt at masking the anxiety he felt.  It didn’t help when Julian started wandering around, his feet taking him from one corner to the other.  _ What is he even looking for? _ Nick thought, anxious to the point of annoyance.

 

“I don’t think we’re in the same classes, I’ve never seen you around,” Julian said. Nick knew exactly why. He’d pretty much holed himself up long enough to use up nearly all of his absences in his classes, to the point that he was almost failing them all. Nick kept quiet this time, warily watching Julian. 

 

Julian’s steps suddenly came to a halt. “Oh! We should go back downstairs. I think there are a few instruments left.”

 

_ Shit _ , Nick thought. He had forgotten about the story he fabricated earlier to somehow trick Julian into helping him steal. He glanced at the tall pile in the corner. Since when did he decide to steal that much? As the reality of what he’d just done dawned on him, he felt cold sweat all over his body.  _ Oh no, oh no, oh no _ , his brain sputtered. What had he done? One day away from his hiding and he had stolen three times the amount as he was used to. His knees felt like they were about to give out. Julian approached Nick this time, his brows slightly creased in worry. 

 

“Nick? What’s the matter?”

 

It was like the sirens inside his head started blaring.  _ I’m going to be reported to the higher ups, I’m going to prison, I’m going to die, _ his head wouldn’t stop screaming. Julian had found out. Nick resolved it the only way he knew how: he ran. His legs swung in full force, taking him nowhere in particular as long as it was away from Julian. He faintly heard Julian call out his name once more, but he didn’t stop running.

 

-

 

Meanwhile, in a small flat in a busier neighborhood, Bob sat alone by the window watching the street below him. He had gone straight home after class, his thoughts still disrupted. He watched a familiar figure cross the street and make his way to the building’s main door. Bob prepared himself to face Paul after the events of that morning’s life drawing class. A click from the door signified that the darker haired man had arrived. Unlike Bob, Alvy still eagerly greeted Paul by the door. Paul patted Alvy’s head, then threw himself on the couch, all the while huffing. 

 

“Long day?” Bob asked, with a personal agenda in mind. He was still somewhat bitter about the idea of Paul hanging out with Dino. He wished he knew why, but he figured that maybe making Paul clear things up for him would make him feel better, so he tried to probe about what Paul was doing with Dino in the most casual way. 

 

“Mmmm…not really, just crashed at Dino’s place for a bit,” Paul answered. The neutral remark was good enough to put Bob at ease. Maybe Paul didn’t really enjoy Dino’s company after all. Bob continued his prodding.

 

“So...did you see his rat?” Bob asked, half-jokingly. 

 

“Oh...yes, and uh, a bit more.” Paul hesitated. Bob raised his eyebrows in question. He hadn’t expected Paul to give a serious answer.

 

“More rats?” Bob asked with a forced grin, even though for the last few hours his mind had wandered about the things Dino had probably done to Paul, from the good to the bad. He felt like a mother watching over her son, but tried to convince himself that he was merely looking out for his dear friend.

 

“Well, yeah, but it wasn’t that that bothered me.” Paul shook his head at Bob, who was still silent as if expecting more explanation. “There was...” Paul tried to look for the right word. “...ah, funny business.” 

 

“Oh,” Bob said, trying not to look hurt.

 

“Yeah, it was pretty gross. I think I’m going to stay away from that guy. I just wanted to see the rat, and…well, he showed me too much.”

 

Bob laughed, relieved. “So you don’t like him?”

 

“No, not like that, at least!”

 

“...What do you mean by that?”

 

“Ah, well, Dino was cute and all, and I liked his rats and his artsy personality and all, but…” Paul paused for a moment, figuring out how to phrase the next piece of the statement, “dude was weird as fuck in bed.”

 

“Oh, so…” Bob fidgeted anxiously, realizing that his suppressed fantasy could become a reality, “...you like guys… like that?”

 

“Well, yeah. I can like basically anyone if I’m attracted to them.” Paul folded his legs beneath him and looked at Bob with a small smile.

 

Bob tried to find the right words to reply. The fact that Paul had easily confessed that he liked boys the way Bob liked boys too somewhat felt relieving. Except that he couldn’t get rid of the voice in his head still whispering that it was wrong. Bob’s own internal debate made him quiet longer than necessary, which hadn’t gone unnoticed by Paul. 

 

Paul glanced at the floor for a moment, worried that he had made Bob uncomfortable. “Is that...okay?”

 

Bob smiled, despite having his own doubts. “Of course! It’s great! How did you find out?”

 

“Find out? Well, I mean...if you like a certain type of person, you just sort of know. Same goes for liking all different types of people,” Paul laughed. “It wasn’t really that hard for me to come to terms with, you know? I’ve always had bigger things going on, anyway, and it’s not like my family would have cared.”

 

“That’s… that’s great, Paul.” Bob felt his heart pounding. “And no one bothered you about it? Ever?”

 

“There’s an occasional homophobe, but nothing anyone’s ever said has killed me, as you can see.”

 

“Oh, so no one’s really that rude about it?”

 

Paul frowned. “Why are you asking so many questions? Have you never met a bisexual before?”

 

“Ah, it’s…It’s nothing. I just want to talk to you more, I guess.” Bob forced himself to smile despite his anxiety.

 

Paul laughed softly. “Bob, you’re such a good flatmate.”

 

Bob could only offer Paul another smile. This was the first time he’d actually met someone who was similar to him in that way. He felt like he wasn’t alone, and after hearing Paul’s story he even felt a bit hopeful that maybe he was alright after all. Bob wanted nothing more than to tell Paul that he was gay, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.  _ Not yet, anyway. _

 

While there was no doubt still a sense of uncertainty within him, his feelings of shame  and doubt had subsided slightly. As Bob started to slip back into his thoughts, this time in a more positive manner, he told himself that one day he would feel as comfortable with himself as Paul did - and when that day finally came, Paul would be first in line to know.


	11. Chapter 11

Later that night, Alex realized he hadn’t checked on Nick, even though had he promised that he would. Despite not really wanting to trek through the cold city to the abandoned prison, Alex pulled on a jacket, grabbed some food for Nick from his kitchen, and headed out the front door of his flat. 

 

Upon reaching the dark, looming building, Alex knocked four times on the door. He waited for a response, but his knocks just rang out in metallic echoes. Alex opened the door just enough to squeeze through, and approached the rope ladder.

 

“Nick?” Alex called out. His voice echoed around the room. He climbed up the rope ladder to find Nick sorting through some items in the rafters. “Hey,” Alex said softly, not wanting to startle him.

 

“Oh! Alex!” Nick turned around. “Sorry....”

 

“For what?” Alex said as he gingerly tiptoed closer to Nick.

 

“I...I don't know,” Nick replied. “I was just...organizing…”

 

“Yeah, I can see that. Where were you earlier today?”

 

“I tried to go to class, but…I didn’t make it.”

 

Alex nodded, wondering what could have possibly stopped Nick from going to class, but not wanting to ask. “Steal anything?”

 

“Three snare drums,” Nick mumbled, turning away from Alex.

 

“What was that?”

 

“...Nothing.”

 

Alex sat down on one of the beams, confused by Nick’s evasive replies. He tried to steer the conversation to a different topic. “Is that your…collection...that you’re going through?”

 

“Yeah,” Nick sighed, dusting off a blue guitar. “Isn't this one pretty?”

 

Alex stretched out his right leg. “Someone probably misses that.” Nick frowned at this, lightly running his fingers up the neck.

 

“We can figure out a way to give it all back. Don’t worry!” Alex laughed softly. He reached into his bag and pulled out the food he had grabbed. “Brought you some dinner.”

 

Nick nodded, feeling a bit ashamed that he was being treated like a charity case. Alex pulled a sandwich out of his bag for Nick. “Thanks,” he said quietly. A small smile crept onto Nick’s face as Alex pulled out another sandwich for himself.

 

“I felt bad that I just missed you earlier,” Alex smiled as he began to eat his dinner. “And I was worried. So I made dinner for us.”

 

Nick stayed silent, overwhelmed with feelings of both shame and gratitude. He hoped Alex could tell he was thankful.

 

“Are you alright?” Alex asked, rising to his feet and stepping over another beam to sit across from Nick. Nick nodded, still unable to express his emotions in words. Alex smiled in response, despite his concerns for his new friend. He watched the flickering stars and city lights through the window. 

 

“It  _ is _ quite nice up here, Nick. You sure have found a good spot to be in hiding,” Alex chuckled softly, trying to get a laugh out of Nick. It didn’t work. “Aw, come on. Tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Nick shifted a bit, refusing to look up to meet Alex’s eyes. “If the police find me, that’s it.”

 

Alex nodded. “I’m sure they wouldn’t arrest you.”

 

Nick shook his head. “But…”

 

“What? They wouldn’t. It’s kind of obvious that you’re not happy. You’ve got something going on, and I think anyone with common sense would be able to tell”

 

Nick made a small noise of agreement, choosing to look at the ground below rather than at Alex. He tried to make out the old concrete patterns on the floor, but in the dark, that was quite difficult for his tired eyes.

 

“Do you like that I’m here with you?” Alex asked, trying to find Nick’s eyes, curious about what was going on behind them.

 

Nick turned to Alex again, his face still expressionless. “Yeah. I do.”

 

“That’s good to know.”

 

Nick nodded and looked away from Alex again. After a few moments, he asked a quiet question. “Can you stay with me tonight?”

 

“Could you repeat that?” Alex asked. He was beginning to realize what Nick meant about people not understanding him.

 

Nick took a deep breath. Instead of retracting his question, he decided to ask it again. “Stay with me tonight? Please?”

 

Alex’s heart thudded loudly in his ears. “You...want me to stay?”

 

“Yeah,” Nick mumbled, hiding his face in the sleeve of his jacket.

 

Alex’s mind began to race. Never in a million years had he imagined that Nick would ask him something like this. His immediate reaction was to lie and say that he couldn’t, sorry, he had class early tomorrow and he had some work to get done tonight - but as he glanced over at Nick, peering up at him from the crook of his elbow, he knew that his new friend needed him.

 

Alex gave him a sympathetic smile. “Alright. As long as you give me a tour of the place.”

 

Nick dropped his arm to his side and gave Alex a small smile in return. He felt surprisingly at ease with Alex. His casual tone and small jokes helped Nick release some of the tension he felt from being alone all the time.

 

Nick started climbing down the rope ladder without saying anything. Alex followed him, wondering what details would be revealed to him during the tour of the abandoned prison. Nick led Alex into a dark hallway that stretched out from the main room. He flipped on a light and then stepped into an adjacent room. Alex saw that it was a small kitchen with an adjoined bathroom. It looked as if although it was abandoned, it was still being used quite regularly. Alex felt relieved to know that Nick was still taking care of himself despite his situation.

 

Nick grabbed Alex’s arm and opened one of the cabinets. Alex peered inside and gasped.

 

“This one’s mine. My brother got it for me,” Nick said proudly as he pulled a sparkly red guitar out of the cabinet. Alex found it interesting that Nick kept his own guitar away from all of the instruments he had stolen and hidden away. It was like, at some point, he had planned on returning all of them.

 

“Oh, wow.” Alex admired the guitar. It was quite beautiful. “Why don’t you keep it with the others?”

 

“It’s mine,” Nick repeated. Alex nodded, trying to understand where Nick was coming from without asking him any other questions.

 

Alex yawned suddenly, stepping away from the cabinet. “I’m getting a bit tired, Nick.” 

 

“Oh. Uh...we can sleep now.” Nick put the guitar away and stepped back from the cabinet as well.

 

“Do you sleep up in the rafters?” Alex asked as he walked back to the rope ladder with Nick.

 

Nick nodded and made a small noise of affirmation.

 

Alex nodded, grateful to be learning more about his new friend. “Is that where I’m staying tonight?”

 

“Y-yeah. We can sleep on the blankets,” Nick said quietly, turning away from Alex.

 

“Oh, alright...” Alex tried to make out what Nick had said. Nick climbed up the rope ladder and nestled into the blankets hidden in the ceiling. Alex followed.

 

“Should I just sleep right here?” Alex gestured to a pile of blankets on the other side of where Nick had made his bed for the night. Nick nodded and turned away from Alex.  _ Well this wasn’t what I envisioned when he asked me to stay the night _ , Alex thought to himself, stepping carefully over to his spot. He glanced over at Nick for a moment, debating whether he should take off his jeans to get more comfortable, finally deciding to just unbutton them. He watched Nick wiggle around in his bundle of blankets, attempting to get comfortable enough to sleep. Eventually, Nick stopped stirring, and Alex was able to finally fall asleep as well.

 

But Nick wasn’t asleep. He was too terrified to sleep. He heard gunshots ringing in the back of his head and the sound of sirens down the street. He tried his hardest to make this night a normal night for his new friend, but it just wasn’t happening. Nick’s body eventually allowed him to rest, but a short while later, he woke up with a sick feeling pulsing through his body. He felt his throat tighten and tears beginning to prickle at his eyes.

 

Alex woke up to the sound of whimpering noises and footsteps and blankets dragging across the rafters. He opened his eyes and tensed slightly when he felt Nick nestling right next to him and wrapping his arms around him. Alex froze. He had no idea how to respond until he noticed the tears in Nick’s eyes, illuminated by the soft city lights shining in from above. 

 

“Nick,” Alex asked softly, “is everything alright?”

 

Nick nodded gently and inched his head closer to Alex’s chest. “Yeah. I...I just…bad dream.” He took a shaky breath, willing his tears not to fall.

 

Alex reached an arm out and wrapped it around Nick. “It’s ok. You’re safe now. You’re safe with me.” Nick hugged Alex tighter in response, trembling slightly. Alex felt a bit uncomfortable being this intimate with someone he had only just met, but Nick looked so afraid and fragile that Alex would have felt even worse if he hadn’t done anything. 

 

Alex awkwardly slid his other arm beneath Nick and pulled him close. He began slowly running his fingers up and down Nick’s spine, trying to comfort him as best as he knew how. He couldn’t help but notice how soft and warm Nick’s small frame felt pressed tightly against him.  _ This is kind of nice _ , Alex thought to himself. Despite his vague discomfort, he felt a small smile beginning to form on his lips.

 

Nick began to relax into Alex’s touch, nestling his face against Alex’s chest. He felt the steady rise and fall of Alex’s chest as he breathed and matched his own breathing to the rhythm. Before long, he drifted off again. Alex slowed his hands down and followed soon after.

 

When Alex woke up the next morning, Nick was already awake, trying to fold one of the blankets. “Good morning,” Alex mumbled. He was still a bit sleepy, but he knew that he was going to be late for class, and didn’t want to use up any of his absences. Besides, he still felt vaguely uncomfortable about what had transpired during the night, and he decided that he was not prepared to even begin to address his own feelings.

 

“Slept well?” Nick asked softly, putting the blanket down.

 

“Yeah. Listen, I have to go…” Alex watched as Nick’s expression fell. “I have class. I’ll be back later to help you, alright? We can get started on getting you out of here.”

  
Nick nodded silently. Alex gave him a small wave and began to descend the rope ladder. The heavy thud of the metal door felt like a blow to Nick’s state of existence.  _ Did Alex not like me? Did I get too close? _ Nick felt dizzy and sat back on one of the beams.


	12. Chapter 12 Part 1

Alex sprinted back to his flat a few blocks away. He got changed and grabbed his bag, still feeling uncomfortable but not wanting to worry Bob.   He shoveled a few handfuls of cereal into his mouth  and went back outside at exactly 8:00, waiting for Bob in the lobby downstairs. 

 

Bob arrived exactly on time that morning, and Alex was thankful that he had been able to run home as fast as he did. 

 

“Good morning Alex,” Bob said, looking half-asleep but still smiling faintly at Alex. Alex was still trying to catch his breath as they started their morning routine of walking to class together. Alex was able to huff out a short reply before struggling to even out his breathing again. They fell into comfortable silence, their steps matching, the wind softly blowing as they trudged their way to campus. The nice weather that morning had put the two friends in a content mood.

 

As Alex calmed down from his earlier run, he started humming a tune, a smile plastered on his face, his hair slightly tousled and cheeks rosy. Bob noticed this, quietly admiring the man’s features. It was times like these that his heart did a little skip and he felt like he was very, very lucky to be able to be friends with a man like Alex Kapranos. Like everyone else, Alex sure had his flaws, but Bob was definitely too struck by the wit and charm that had come with it. Bob’s serene mood did wonders to his confidence, and before he could stop himself he blurted out words he’d usually refrain from saying out loud.

 

“I miss this.”

 

Alex turned his head to his friend, a questioning look on his face. “Miss what?”

 

Although Bob was looking down at the sidewalk, a sheepish smile had formed on his face. His soft cheeks mirrored Alex’s own rose tinted ones. “Well, it’s been a while since we walked to school together,” Bob clarified.

 

“Has it?” Alex tried to recall. It was surprisingly true. They hadn’t been walking together lately, both busy with their own morning agendas. For Alex, it had been checking up on his new friend Nick.

 

With their ever changing personal schedules, he and Bob had only been able to spend time together on campus lately. This wasn’t a problem to the both of them of course, since Alex enjoyed his newfound quality time with Nick and Bob always welcomed solitude, but walking side by side silently was a routine that they had picked up over the weeks. It had given both of them the comfort of knowing they were not alone in trying to get through art school or the harsh adult world they were still trying to get accustomed to. Alex felt a sudden surge of fondness for his first friend in Glasgow. He reached out and wrapped his arms around the man beside him.

 

“Wh—Alex!” Bob exclaimed in surprise. His face had gone red, Alex noticed, up to the tips of his ears. This only made Alex hold the man in an even tighter embrace.

 

“Oh, Bob! I’m sorry I left you alone these past few days,” Alex said. “This is to make up for all those days my poor Bob had to walk by himself!” They had stopped walking now and Alex took that chance to lay his head on Bob’s shoulder.

 

Bob had never been a touchy feely person, not even with his friends back home. He'd always been afraid that his touches might get weird and his friends would get creeped out, so he figured it was better to be safe than sorry. But the hug with Alex felt really nice, the way his arms firmly held Bob and how soft the man’s hair was as it tickled the side of Bob’s face. Bob tried to worm free for the sake of calming himself down. His heart was hammering so hard it felt like it was about to burst out of his rib cage. He took a step back to move away from Alex, but the man still clung to him tightly and they ended up almost falling back into the brick wall behind them. Alex hummed contently now that Bob had his back against the wall, so he could lean in to Bob as much as he liked, and that was exactly what he did. 

 

While Alex enjoyed the soft shoulder he currently had rested his head on, Bob was starting to panic. A few passersby glanced at them and Bob tried his best not to meet their eyes. He and Alex must’ve looked quite intimate, hugging in public like this. What if people thought they were a couple? The mere thought of him going out with a guy was enough to make him blush, and now he was publicly being pressed against the wall by a very attractive man. Bob hoped his body wasn’t doing anything weird. He tried to shuffle his feet so his lower body would stop being so close to Alex’s.

 

“Alex, please...” Bob pleaded, shutting his eyes tightly in embarrassment. Alex looked up at Bob with a wide smile.

 

“Hug me back.”

 

“What?” Bob squeaked.

 

“You’re not hugging me back,” Alex whined, looking at Bob with what Bob could assume were his best puppy eyes. Bob simply couldn’t say no - not that the puppy eyes had worked, but he gloomily thought to himself that this was probably as far as he might go with another guy, even if they were just friends. So Bob carefully wrapped his arms around Alex’s back, giving him a few awkward pats. He hoped this would be enough, but to Bob’s dismay, Alex only returned his head back to Bob’s shoulder.

 

“Alex...” Bob warned. They had hugged for far longer than necessary now, not to mention they might be running late to class. Bob was ready to forcibly push Alex away if he persisted with whatever it was he was currently doing.

 

“You’re a great friend Bob,” Alex said softly, “and I love you.” 

 

Bob felt himself grow tense in Alex’s arms as Alex continued speaking. “I’m so glad I’ve met you. I’m glad you’re here with me. I really am sorry I made you walk alone the last few days.”

 

Alex really did feel bad. He thought of Nick - how Nick had probably been in Glasgow longer than Bob or Alex, how Nick had been alone all that time. Alex felt very fortunate to have found someone he could rely on so early on in his stay in Glasgow.

 

“Alex, if this is about the walking alone thing, it’s okay. Paul walks with me sometimes,” Bob sighed as he felt Alex’s tight grip loosening. Alex slowly detached himself entirely and Bob had never felt so relieved.

 

Alex frowned slightly. “Paul walks with you to campus?”

 

“Some mornings, yes,” Bob answered, still shaky. It was a miracle enough he’d been able to form words after Alex’s sudden act of affection. His head was still spinning, and his face burned like he’d been out in the sun for hours. He gave up on hiding how flustered he probably looked and focused on straightening his slightly rumpled shirt instead. “Please don’t ever do that again,” Bob muttered before he could stop himself.

 

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Alex said, actually sounding apologetic. “I was just...Ah, I don’t know. I just felt like I should tell you how grateful I am.” 

 

Bob managed a smile in return. He did feel nice knowing that Alex had valued him that much as a friend. He wanted to tell Alex how much he meant to him as well, but didn’t want Alex to publicly display any more affection for now. He cautiously switched the subject.

 

“Paul misses you too,” Bob said as he started walking again. Alex followed after him and caught up in a few seconds.

 

“Does he?” Alex was glad that Paul was there too. Even if he wasn’t that acquainted with him yet, Alex was glad Paul was there for Bob. He knew how shy his friend could be at this point of their relationship, so having Paul around would be a great way to help him open up. Alex’s thoughts wandered to a certain man again, a music school student, with a tattered but cozy makeshift bungalow. Maybe Alex was the Paul to Nick’s Bob. He let himself chuckle at the strange thought.

 

“Yeah. If you’re looking to redeem yourself for the walk come join me and Paul for lunch today,” Bob offered, smirking. Before Alex could answer, the blonde checked his watch and cursed. “We’re running late, let’s go!”

 

Both Alex and Bob sprinted all the way to class, making it inside the building just before the doors were closed. They were both still panting at their seats when the class started, with their delay placing them in the front row. As usual, the lecturer paid no attention. The lecturer also ignored how Alex and Bob tried to suppress their laughter after what had just happened. In the middle of trying to regain their composure Alex leaned in to Bob.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Yes what?”

 

“I’ll grab lunch with you and Paul.” 

 

“Alright,” Bob whispered, still chuckling. It had been such an eventful morning for Bob that he almost found it hard to focus during class. His thoughts kept wandering as he was too excited for lunch with his two dearest friends that afternoon.


	13. Chapter 12 Part 2

When the clock struck eleven, Bob practically jumped from his seat. He and Paul had decided to grab lunch at a nice place near campus. It didn’t take long for Bob and Alex to arrive at Jack’s, a simple eatery that had become a favorite spot for hungry, broke students. Bob looked around and found a familiar mop of dark hair sitting alone by the window, a glass of iced tea on the table in front of him.

 

“Hey,” Bob greeted the shorter man. Paul was about to reply Bob’s greeting but then his eyes wandered to the figure beside his friend. He gave a toothy grin.

 

“Alex!” Paul said, genuinely surprised to see him.

 

“Hey Paul,” Alex said as he took his seat. “Hope you don’t mind me joining for lunch.”

 

“Of course not!” he said, happily sliding the menu book to his friends. Alex and Bob read the menu together, their heads bent close to each other and foreheads nearly touching. Once they decided on something to eat they called over the waitress. The place wasn’t as packed as most days, with their class ending earlier than the usual break time. It didn’t take long for their food to arrive.

 

As the waitress placed the plate of pasta in front of Alex, he pursed his lips. He had never eaten in this place before, so he wasn’t sure what he was expecting. It was an alright portion, but the topping looked scarce. Hopefully the taste wouldn’t be too plain. He glanced over at Bob, who had ordered a sandwich, and Paul’s burger. They had dug in and seem to be enjoying the meal, so with that Alex took a forkful of his pasta and bit in.

 

“Hmm,” he hummed as his mouth tried to pin down the taste of his cheap pasta. “It’s a bit too plain,” he decided, forcing himself to swallow. Paul, who was in the middle of munching on his burger, looked up.

 

“Is it? I’ve had that and I thought it tasted pretty okay.”

 

“Oh, well, I feel it could use a bit more spice. You know, some coriander, oregano, fennel…” Paul stared at Alex, unsure of what to say. He didn't know why Alex couldn't just enjoy his meal without complaining. Paul swallowed the bite from his burger before speaking up.

 

“I’ve never had anything that complex.” At Paul’s answer, Alex dramatically made a surprised gesture, a hand on his chest and his mouth open. 

 

“Oh Paul! You’re missing out on so much!” He gestured wildly, fork still in hand. Food had always been one of his passions, along with art and music. He hadn’t had the chance to talk about his culinary experiences with anyone in Glasgow yet so he was happy to begin. “Some of these you can easily make in the kitchen. It’s not that hard.” 

 

“Oh, well, I never really had a kitchen to cook in,” Paul shrugged. 

 

“Now you do,” Bob chimed in. Paul smiled at the remark. Alex, on the other hand, had gone silent. He’d completely forgotten that Paul had been homeless and now he felt bad that he had brought the topic back up. Despite Alex’s sudden internal dilemma, Paul didn’t seem to mind. He kept gorging himself on the burger and fries. 

 

Alex decided to focus back on his plain pasta. He pushed around the food on his plate before musing to himself, “Do you think they have some Pecorino Romano in here?” He glanced at the kitchen doors. 

 

“Nah, don’t sweat it, mate. Whatever fancy stuff it is you lot eat this place’s too cheap for it,” Paul said with a tint of annoyance. Alex frowned. 

 

“I guess not,” he said. He continued eating the pasta anyway, doing his best to hide his own annoyance at the bland taste. “How was the burger?”

 

“It’s good,” Paul said, biting off the last bit of his burger. “Might not be juicy enough for your tastes though.” Alex frowned again.

 

“You don’t know that,” Alex retorted in defense. He didn’t understand why Paul was suddenly hostile over the food they were eating. He was only stating his opinion. Was it wrong to be used to better cooked food? He glanced at Paul who had finished his burger and was now picking at his fries. 

 

“You going to finish that or what?” Paul pointed at Alex’s half full plate with the fry he was holding. 

 

“You going to eat them if I don’t?” Alex said, only half joking. He was surprised when Paul said yes in a serious tone. “Don’t sweat it, Paul,” Alex mocked Paul’s remark from before. “I’ll just make you better pasta at home.” Alex didn’t mean for the comment to be offensive, but apparently Paul was very taken aback. Paul stared at Alex as if he’d grown another head. 

 

“Mate, you know some of us think this is already luxury enough.” He gestured wildly around the restaurant, his anger rising. “I don’t need Perino Roman or whatever it was to mask the taste enough for me to eat it.” 

 

It really wasn’t everyday Paul got to eat out - living paycheck to paycheck didn’t exactly provide a stable enough income. He’d grown accustomed to simple bread he could easily acquire for less than a pound, or a thermos of soup that he would try to make last for the whole day. On a good day, the person lending him a couch would make him a proper meal. Only on special occasions would he go out to eat, and he had considered a lunch with Bob and Alex as one of them. 

 

“First of all, it’s Pecorino Romano, also I was just stating my opinions about food, Paul. What is your problem?” 

 

If Paul had tried to mask his annoyance before, now he was visibly irritated. This frustrated Alex even more.  _ What’s the big deal? _ he thought, angrily picking up his fork and going back to eating the food that had now gone cold. He was hungry, though, so he kept on eating the pasta that he had deemed too tasteless. For the life of him he couldn’t understand why anyone had want to eat this. He sighed.

 

“Okay, well, do you reckon they would add some extra cheese to my plate? Any cheese really. I’m sorry, but I really can’t enjoy the food this way.” Alex put his fork back down. Paul was still silent from before, now just staring at Alex in disbelief. 

 

“Look, if you don’t want it, just hand it over so it doesn’t go to waste.” 

 

“What? Paul, no, I’ll eat it. I’ve paid for it anyway.”

 

“Oh really? You or your daddy’s wallet?”

 

Now it was Alex’s turn to be taken aback.  _ Was that what this was all about? _ Alex tried to stir up words in his mind for any sort of reply, but he was afraid that the next thing he said would anger Paul even more. 

 

“Paul.” It was Bob that broke the silence. His tone was stern, similar to the warning he had given Alex just this morning. Oh, how Alex would do anything to return to the pleasant mood of the morning. “That wasn’t very nice.” Bob said. 

 

Paul closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. “Yes, alright. I’m sorry, Alex,” he mumbled, clearly still agitated. 

 

Alex looked at Bob, his eyebrows raised.  _ This is the apology I get? _

Bob sighed. He felt like a mother trying to get her two children to make up. Before he could speak to Paul again he decided he need to clear things up with Alex.

 

“Look, Alex,” he folded his hands neatly on the table, “What Paul said was bad, but what you’ve said was also...Not good.” 

 

Alex only tilted his head in question.

 

“It’s true that some of us are not well-off enough to eat nice things all the time,” Bob continued, trying not to hurt any more feelings.

 

“Yes...” Alex said, starting to understand. 

 

“So next time you go somewhere that you’re not quite used to, please consider other people’s feelings,” Bob explained. “Paul, as for you, Alex’s comment might have made you uneasy but you can’t blame him if he didn’t have the same experience as you growing up.”

 

Paul was silent before he nodded. Bob noted that he seemed to be taking it harder than Alex as he stared at his plate, a blank expression on his face. Bob reached out a hand to Paul. 

 

“Paul, it’s alright,” Bob held Paul’s hand. He leaned in ever so slightly and calmly spoke, “I know you didn’t have the best upbringing, but… that’s alright. You are so much more than what you’ve been through, so… please don’t ever think of yourself so lowly.”

 

Paul looked up at his friend, misty-eyed. No one had ever told him that before, and for Bob to ever so gently tell him that everything would be okay was more than enough to make him feel like it. Seeing this, Bob only smiled at his friend as he continued to speak, “It won’t be easy but we’re here to help you. We’re your friends, we  _ want  _ to help you. Please don’t feel like you don’t deserve all of this, because you do.” Paul could only nod as his finger brushed a tear from the corner of his eye.

 

“Sorry about that, Paul,” Alex looked down and offered his friend a smile and some support.

 

“I-It’s alright.”

 

“Want to get back to our lunch then?”

 

Paul and Bob nodded in unison. As fast as the arguments had risen, the situation had dwindled back into friendly terms once more. As the lunch went on, everyone started to feel a bit better. Alex even began to appreciate his pasta.

 

“We should do this more often.” Alex suggested.

 

“Lunch together?” Paul inquired.

 

“Er, well, it doesn’t have to be lunch. We should hang out more often I mean.”

 

“Sure,” Bob said. “What would you suggest though? I’d offer my place to hang out in but it’s a bit small. It’s already crowded enough with me and Paul… and Alvy.” 

 

Alex sat up straighter, excited to share the idea that he had in mind.

 

“You guys play music?”

Bob shook his head slowly, but Paul nodded. Quite enthusiastically.

 

Paul recalled how he used to be part of a street music group before he jumped to a different job. Playing instruments had been a thing he’d done ever since he was young. Music was one of his outlets besides art for when life was just not being very kind, Paul knew well enough how unkind life could be.

“That’s great! We could do jam sessions!” Alex clapped his hands together. 

 

“That’s a great idea, Alex…” Bob said slowly, shaking his head, “but I‘ve never played an instrument ever in my life.”

 

“That’s alright, I’ll teach you,” Alex said. He glanced at Paul and corrected himself, “we’ll teach you.”

 

“I don’t know guys...I mean, what if it takes a long time for me to learn?” Bob shifted anxiously.

 

“Look, we’ll just have to try and see, okay? I brought my bass with me from Greece. I’ll lend it to you if you want.” At the mention of actual instruments, it was now Paul’s turn to worry.

 

“Wait, I don’t have any instruments either.” Whenever Paul would play music in the past, he’d either borrow his friend’s things or he would find a public piano he could mess around on.

 

“I brought my keyboard with me as well.” 

 

Bob  and Paul looked at each other at Alex’s statement.

 

“Wow, you came to Glasgow prepared, ” Bob pointed out. 

 

Alex only shrugged. “Well, I enjoy playing music quite a lot. My instruments are a necessity.” Paul whistled in amusement.

 

After they had settled on a potential next hangout spot, which happened to be Alex’s flat, and a possible activity, music, they all left the small eatery. Both Alex and Bob had to head back to class, although they were on different schedules and were headed to two completely different buildings on campus. Paul was heading to the local bookstore, where the shopkeeper had promised him a job loading boxes. They all said their goodbyes, and Alex even initiated a hug to Paul, which was accepted with open arms. When Paul turned to Bob to pass on the hug, Bob happily complied. All three of them departed their separate ways in a merry mood, all of them very much looking forward to their hang out the following week.


	14. Chapter 13

The next night, in a quiet flat a few blocks away from a certain abandoned prison, Alex was lounging on his couch, a blanket pulled up to his chin, the TV glowing across the room. It had been a quiet day and an even quieter week, now that everyone was settled into the routine of their classes.

 

Suddenly, he sat bolt upright, his blanket falling onto the floor. “Nick!”

 

Alex shot up from the couch and ran into the kitchen. He quickly threw together a bowl of pasta for his friend, dumping it into a plastic container and grabbing a fork out of the drawer. He darted to the front hallway, shoving his feet into his shoes and nearly tripping over the laces as he ran out the door.

 

While Alex ran down the street, fringe bouncing against his forehead, Nick stared aimlessly at the ceiling. Alex hadn’t visited in five days, and Nick hadn’t left his makeshift home in the rafters in five days. He watched the clouds pass by through the dusty windows on either side of the building, absentmindedly staring as the days turned into nights and nights turned back into days. Alex hated him. He would never come back to help. Nick was sure that he would spend the rest of his life alone in the rafters, paranoid and afraid of the world.

 

Nick nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard four knocks at the door. He tried to raise himself up on his elbows, but they gave way. He rolled over onto his side. “Alex?” he managed weakly.

 

Alex pushed the door open without waiting for a response, clumsily ascending the rope ladder as he clutched the container of pasta in his left hand. Alex gave Nick a sad smile when he saw him collapsed on his side. Nick looked up at Alex, grateful and relieved, but still terrified. Alex set the pasta down and grabbed Nick’s arms, sitting him up against one of the beams. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner…” he said quietly, averting his eyes. Nick didn’t respond.

 

“I think we need to get you out of here,” Alex said as he opened the container of pasta and handed it to Nick. He observed Nick’s messy hair, his shaking hands, and the dark circles under his eyes. “Yeah. You can’t stay here by yourself for much longer.”

 

Nick poked at his pasta. He felt ashamed for being so dependent on another person that he didn’t take care of himself for the five days that that person was away.

 

Suddenly, Alex knew exactly what question he had to ask. “Do you want to stay with me?”

 

Nick looked up, tears welling up in his tired eyes. He nodded silently and put the pasta down. Alex looked over at Nick and smiled, wanting to hug him, but not wanting to overwhelm him.

 

“Let’s start packing all of this up, then.” Alex stood up and looked around the makeshift room. “...What’s actually yours, that is.” He went over to one of the piles and sorted through each of the items one by one, trying to get Nick to answer for what he actually owned. Eventually, Alex started putting the more important items, like stolen instruments, out on the sidewalk to hopefully be picked up by their respective owners. Nick stayed up in the rafters and quietly ate his pasta. Alex wondered what was going on behind his empty blue eyes, or if there was really anything going on at all. When Alex finally finished, they left with only Nick’s guitar, a small stuffed panda that Nick insisted on holding for the entire walk back to Alex’s flat, and a backpack of clothes and other items he’d brought when he moved to Glasgow.

 

_ This better be a good decision _ , Alex thought to himself as he unlocked the door to his flat. Luckily, he had an extra bedroom for Nick to stay in. Alex set Nick’s bag down on the bed in the spare room. “I can wash your clothes for you if you want to go take a shower or something,” Alex suggested. Nick didn’t respond, but his eyes showed a sense of gratitude that permeated the entire room. He walked cautiously towards the door, hoping that Alex knew to show him to the bathroom so he could clean himself up a bit.

 

“I’ll wait for you right here, okay?” Alex smiled and sat on the floor next to the bathroom door. Nick nodded and disappeared behind the door. Although he had made that promise, Alex saw that window of time as an opportunity to unpack Nick’s bag and find out what was inside. He stood up and returned to the living room.

 

Alex unzipped the backpack and began unpacking Nick’s clothes to wash them while he was showering. He pulled out a bunch of Nick’s stuff from music school as well. Everything seemed normal until his fingers tapped against something solid. Alex frowned as he pulled out a handful of rocks and bottle caps from the bottom of the bag. He dug his hand in again, pulling out several pens and a small gold chain and dropping them into a pile on the floor. Alex wrinkled his nose in concern.  _ Who carries all this junk around with them? Is he a hoarder? _

 

As Alex got up to put Nick’s clothes into the washing machine and turn it on, the bathroom door opened slightly.

 

“Alex?” Nick called, poking his face out of the small gap.

 

“Yeah?” Alex called back, measuring out the detergent and closing the lid.

 

“I...need...” Nick said haltingly. “Can you grab my pajamas?”

 

Alex cursed under his breath. He had just thrown every article of clothing that Nick owned into the washing machine. Sighing, he made his way over to the bathroom door. “I just put them into the wash. I…” he trailed off as he saw Nick’s blue eyes peering at him sadly through the door. “...I can give you some of mine?” he suggested awkwardly. Nick smiled and nodded. Alex quickly made his way into his bedroom and pulled an old pair of pajama pants and a red t-shirt out of his dresser drawer. He walked back to the bathroom and passed the clothes to Nick, who simply said “Thanks” and shut the door behind him.

 

Nick emerged a few minutes later in Alex’s clothes, his hair still dripping slightly onto the towel he had slung around his shoulders. He made his way into the hallway and Alex couldn’t help but smile as he noticed that Nick had cuffed the bottom of the pants several times to make them fit properly.

 

Nick frowned slightly. “What?”

 

Alex grinned despite himself. “The pants…”

 

Nick looked down at them. “Oh. Yeah. Well,” he said flatly. “Made it work.” To Alex’s surprise, he smiled.

 

Alex nodded. “Are you feeling better?” Nick nodded back earnestly. After five days of not showering, the hot water had felt heavenly. Alex smiled. “Great.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Nick, I...wanted to ask you something.”

 

“Yeah?” Nick replied, rubbing his hair with the towel.

 

Alex gestured to the pile of small objects that he had pulled out of Nick’s backpack. “When I was getting your clothes, I found all of this...did you…?”

 

Nick’s eyes widened. “Oh. Yeah. I found it...”

 

“Why did you keep it all in here?” Alex asked. He wanted answers but he didn’t want to push Nick.

 

“I… I don’t know,” Nick turned away from Alex slightly.

 

Alex saw the discomfort in Nick’s change of tone and decided to change the subject. “Do you want to go to bed?” Alex asked. Nick nodded. Alex gestured to the towel in Nick’s hands. “Here, I’ll take that.” Nick passed the towel to Alex, who walked into the bathroom and hung it on the bar. As he walked back out, he gestured to Nick. “Come on, your bedroom is this way.”

 

Nick hesitantly walked down the hall and into the spare room. There were piles of books and papers strewn about, as well as a guitar case and some clothes piled up on the floor. As Alex turned down the sheets for Nick, he looked over his shoulder and grinned faintly. “Sorry about the mess. I just throw things in here to get them out of the way.”

 

“It’s ok,” Nick said softly, trying to sound calm. His heart was already starting to pound as he envisioned himself trying to sleep in this strange room, alone. He shoved his trembling hands into the pockets of the pajama pants, hoping Alex wouldn't notice.

 

Alex finished fluffing the pillows and turned to Nick. “All set. Can I get you anything?”

 

Nick's brain was screaming at him -  _ Ask him to stay with you _ \- but Nick merely shook his head. “I'm ok.” He sat down on the edge of the bed.

 

“Right,” Alex said, striding over to the door and grasping the doorknob, his other hand hovering over the light switch. “Good night, Nick,” he said quietly.

 

“Night,” Nick replied. Alex turned off the light and shut the door behind him. He sighed as he padded into the kitchen to transfer Nick's clothes into the dryer, then headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash up. He wasn't used to taking care of another person, and while he didn't mind looking after Nick, he felt drained. Alex dried his face and headed into his bedroom, pausing to remove his shirt and jeans and toss them into the pile on his closet floor. He rummaged through his drawers and slipped on a pair of pajama pants before he climbed into bed and snuggled beneath the covers. His eyes quickly grew heavy and he could feel himself drifting off.

 

Meanwhile, Nick was sitting up in Alex's guest bed, clutching the blanket tightly around himself. The dim glow of the street lamp outside cast shadows across the floor. His stomach was in a knot as he shook and gasped for breath. After what had happened the last time Alex and Nick had spent the night together, when Alex had rushed out early in the morning without stopping to talk, Nick was afraid of being let down again. But falling asleep in Alex's arms had been so soothing, so warm. He knew what he had to do.

 

Nick climbed out of bed and opened the door. He headed down the hall to Alex's room, pushing the door open gently. He tiptoed over to Alex's bed and looked down at him. Alex's lips were slightly parted as he slept, one arm crooked beneath his head. Nick felt a sudden rush of blood to his head. Alex looked beautiful. He’d never noticed it before.

 

“Alex?” Nick said quietly. He got no response. He repeated Alex's name, slightly louder this time. Alex stirred and rolled into his side, facing Nick. 

 

“Hmm?” Alex mumbled, slowly opening his eyes. He jumped slightly before he realized that it was Nick standing before him. He sat up. “What's wrong?”

 

“Can… can I stay with you?” Nick stammered out. His chest felt tight.

 

Alex's heart began to pound. He hadn't expected this. Before he could even think about it, he scooted over to the other side of the bed. “Sure. Bad dream again?”

 

Nick shook his head as he climbed in next to Alex. “No. I'm just… scared. I can't be alone,” he said softly. He pulled the covers up to his chin and shifted closer to Alex. 

 

“Oh,” Alex whispered. He suddenly felt terrible for not inviting Nick to sleep in his bed in the first place. He tentatively laid his arm across Nick's stomach and closed his fingers around Nick's hip. “Is this…?”

 

Nick rolled over onto his side, wrapping his arm around Alex's waist, his heart fluttering slightly when he realized that Alex was shirtless. “Yes,” he whispered. “This is perfect.”

 

They were practically face to face now, and Alex could feel Nick's breath hot across his neck. He froze, a lump rising in his throat. Before he could say anything, Nick was snuggling himself tighter against Alex, pressing his face into Alex's chest. He looked up at Alex wistfully and quietly said, “Thank you. I don't know what I would have done without you.”

 

Alex looked down at him and instinctively pulled him closer. “It's no trouble,” he said, slipping his other arm beneath Nick and embracing him tightly. Before he could stop himself, he pressed his nose into Nick's hair. It was still slightly damp and smelled of Alex's own shampoo. Any awkward feelings that Alex had felt on their previous night together melted away. Holding Nick felt so good. So right.

 

Nick made a small hum of appreciation and felt himself beginning to relax. He felt safe, and protected, and - dare he think it? - he felt loved. His limbs began to grow heavy, and before he knew it, he was asleep in Alex's arms.

 

Alex smiled as he felt Nick beginning to doze off. Before he could stop himself, he gently kissed the top of Nick's head, then shut his eyes, waiting for sleep to come.


	15. Chapter 14

Alex rested his head on his hand, staring blankly at the lecturer explaining that day’s art history lesson. Francisco de Goya be damned. Even though it looked like he was paying attention, his mind was replaying the events of the previous night over and over again. 

 

He still felt giddy about the way Nick had clutched at him tightly, how nice Nick had felt and smelled. Alex knew that spending the night together had really strengthened their bond. They were practically inseparable the morning after, staying in bed together so long that Alex had nearly made himself late. He had even considered skipping his afternoon class just so he could spend more time with Nick, but he knew he needed to keep up his grades, so he had slipped out of bed, quickly showered, and headed out.

 

Like a lovestruck teenager, Alex sighed and directed his eyes to the window beside him, his thoughts still full of Nick. He wondered what Nick was up to at that moment, spending the day in Alex’s spacious flat. He hoped Nick didn’t feel lonely. Even though Nick was used to being alone, at least now he was alone in a place he was familiar with.

 

When class ended, Alex took a shortcut back to his flat. He walked down the street at such a quick pace that he almost stepped on a cat that was lounging on the pavement. He muttered an apology to the indifferent animal. Alex had to pause for a moment, still in shock that he almost stepped on the innocent feline. The cat didn’t seem to care, basking under the afternoon sun and licking his paws peacefully. Alex suddenly had an idea.

 

Alex practically threw the door to his flat open once he arrived, eager to tell Nick about his idea. He felt a rush of relief as he saw Nick almost immediately, making himself comfortable on the couch, his legs folded under the blanket he had draped over his lap. 

 

“Hello.” It was Nick this time that greeted Alex. He had a small smile on his face. Alex smiled back, happy to see Nick comfortable in his new home.

 

“Hi Nick,” Alex said as he sat himself down beside the smaller man on the couch. “How have you been?” 

 

Nick only offered a small shrug, but he was still smiling. 

 

“Made yourself at home?” 

 

Nick gestured at the space he was currently occupying, the blanket cocoon looking snug. 

 

“That’s great.” Alex felt his cheeks pull into a wide smile. He had never felt this way before. Sure, he had been happy - when he was with his friends, when he was making art - but this was a different kind of happy. He didn’t entirely know what it meant, but all he knew was that having Nick in such close proximity made his skin tingle. He suddenly itched for more contact with the other man, with how close they were sitting and how snug Nick had looked at that moment. As much as he wanted to reach out and wrap his arms once more around the dark haired man, he forced himself to repress the urge. He didn’t want to make Nick uncomfortable as he was aware how fragile Nick could be sometimes. “What did you do while I was away?”

 

“Ate,” Nick replied shortly. Alex had left some sandwiches Nick could nibble on before he left for class. 

 

“What else?” 

 

Nick only shrugged again in response. Alex frowned at that. 

 

“You didn’t do anything else?” The shake of Nick’s head only deepened Alex’s frown. What was the point of bringing Nick all the way to his flat only to have Nick spend his days alone whenever Alex was away? “Don’t you, uh...ever get lonely?”

 

This time Nick did speak up. “No, not really. I’m used to it.” 

 

Alex felt a pang of guilt. “Well, you shouldn’t be. Wouldn't it be nice to have some company?” Alex said, starting to suggest his idea. Nick only shook his head again in reply.

 

“It’s okay Alex. I don’t want to keep you here all the time...” Nick paused and then continued in a quieter voice, “Although that would be nice.” It was so faint that Alex almost didn’t catch it, but he did and it made his heart skip a beat.

 

“Okay, well, I think having someone to talk to would be nice,” Alex said, shifting closer to Nick. Nick, clueless at what Alex was trying to hint, only tilted his head. “Maybe someone to play with...” Alex continued, but Nick was still silent. “A four legged friend, maybe?” 

 

Nick only stared at Alex before shaking his head vigorously. “Oh, no, no, I don’t… That’s...” he faltered. In his head, Nick worried about getting a pet. While he did like dogs, he couldn’t imagine ever owning one. What if he zoned out and forgot to feed it? What if he got too scared to get out and couldn’t walk the dog? What if he was too drained to play with it? He would rather spend his days alone than accidentally abandoning another living being in his hands. 

 

“I don't think I can do that,” Nick finally managed. He looked down at his lap, his fingers playing with the quilt fabric draped over him. 

 

Alex scooted closer, trying to convince Nick. “Nick...how about a cat?” Nick sat up straighter at Alex’s words, his eyebrows raised. He’d never thought of that, a cat.

 

“A... A cat?” Nick asked as he slowly looked up at Alex. His eyes widened.

 

“Yes. A nice little cat,” Alex added, looking back into Nick’s blue eyes. “They won’t make much noise.”

 

“Not noisy...” Nick echoed. _ I do like the calm... _

 

“They won’t be too fussy either.”

 

“Not fussy...” Nick looked past Alex. He started to form a picture in his mind. A nice, round cat. Its soft paws kneading at his stomach, friendly eyes staring at him, all soft and warm in his lap.

 

“They don’t need walks either,” Alex added. Nick’s interest at his suggestion was apparent and Alex was pleased. “I've always wanted a cat,” Alex continued, stretching the truth only slightly. “Have you ever had a cat purr in your lap?”

 

With that, the deal was sealed. Nick grabbed Alex’s hand, his eyes practically sparkling. “Alex...I want a cat.”

 

Alex grinned and nodded. His plan had worked. “Alright Nick, we can get you a cat.” 

 

-

 

When they arrived at the animal shelter later that evening, Nick hesitated to walk inside. Alex realized after a few steps that Nick wasn’t following him anymore.

 

“Nick?” Alex looked back to see that Nick was staring at the door, frozen with some kind of invisible anxiety that Alex would never know. Alex walked slowly over to Nick and ran his hand across his shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

 

“T-They— I—” Nick stammered a bit, in obvious fear of whatever was inside the building before them.

 

It was then that Alex realized that Nick hadn’t been in any sort of actual establishment for months, let alone talked to anyone outside of Alex and a few music school students. “It’s okay. We’re going in together, alright?” Alex wrapped his arm around Nick's shoulders and started walking towards the door. This time, Nick followed, and they finally went inside.

 

They approached the front desk, where a young woman sat, idly doodling in a sketchbook. She looked up at Alex and Nick and smiled warmly. “Hello!”

 

“Hey,” Alex replied. Nick waved, still feeling too tense to speak.

 

“What can I help you with this evening?” the woman asked.

 

Nick cleared his throat. He looked at the woman, smiling kindly at him from across the desk, and froze, unable to speak to her. He nervously glanced at Alex and whispered, “Do...they have… a cat?” As soon as the words left his mouth he immediately felt his anxiety rushing back.  _ I'm so stupid. Why did I say that? She's going to think I'm an idiot. _

 

Alex gave Nick a strange look. “Do you have any cats?” he asked.

 

The woman looked briefly confused, but smiled again and said “Yeah, we've got loads! Come right this way.” She stood up and led Nick and Alex down a hallway and up a flight of stairs into the room that housed the cats. “Come find me when you’ve made a decision, ok?” she said as she headed back downstairs. While Alex was busy looking at each cat and reading about their characteristics and personalities, Nick was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room. He had a different idea.

 

“Alex?” Nick asked, shifting slightly.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Open all of them.”

 

“All of them? Is that—”

 

Nick nodded. “Please?” 

 

Alex hesitated for a moment, looking around nervously before opening all of the cages, waiting to see what Nick would do. Nick continued sitting, completely still, until some of the cats became curious about him and emerged from their cages. When Nick was approached by a chubby brown and white cat, he finally spoke up. “This one.” He scooped the cat up into his arms and was surprised to find that it licked his face. “This one!”

 

Alex found the cage with the cat’s information. “His name is Turnip.”

 

“Turnip…” Nick thought for a moment. “Steckrübe.” He grinned.

 

Alex spent a few minutes attempting to usher the rest of the cats back into their cages. Steckrübe purred contently in Nick’s arms, happy to finally be going home. Alex couldn’t help but smile as he went to the front desk with Nick to fill out the adoption papers. Nick held the cat for the entire walk home, and Alex listened to Steckrübe’s purrs and Nick’s small mutters of ‘meine kleine Katze’ and ‘Ich bin so glücklich, Sie zu haben, meine Rübe’ until they arrived back at the flat. Alex dropped the bag of supplies they had been given at the shelter next to the door.

 

“Maybe…” Nick said, stopping to place Steckrübe down on the couch, “Steckrübe will help me sleep?”

 

“Yeah, maybe,” Alex said, his heart sinking slightly.  _ But I want to be the one to cuddle you to sleep, _ he thought, stopping himself before the words could leave his mouth.

 

“M-Maybe not, though,” Nick mumbled to himself, still wanting to sleep with Alex as well.

 

Alex gave Nick a quick laugh and a small smile, walking over to pat the cat on the couch. Steckrübe hesitantly sniffed at Alex's hand.

 

“We’re keeping Turnip as his name?” Alex asked “That’s kind of a silly name, don’t you think?”

 

Nick shook his head. “Steckrübe.”

 

“Steck...rube?”

 

“Turnip in German.”

 

Alex gave Nick another small laugh. “So we’re keeping Turnip.”

 

“Steckrübe.”

 

“Ah, alright. Whatever.”

 

They spent the rest of the evening on the couch, watching TV and taking turns petting Steckrübe. The cat was quickly warming up to them, and Alex could see that Nick was already starting to fall in love. After a while, Alex looked over at Nick. Nick was trying his hardest to stay awake, but his eyelids were drooping and his head was lolling from side to side. “Tired?” Alex asked, wanting to wrap his arm around Nick, but knowing that Nick might be taken by surprise by the sudden action.

 

Nick only nodded in response and patted Steckrübe nonchalantly. Alex found it a bit concerning how often and how easily Nick would become tired. After just a few hours of being awake, he was always ready for another full night of sleep. “Want to go to sleep now?”

 

Nick nodded again and picked up Steckrübe. This time, instead of taking Nick to the spare room, Alex led him down the hallway to his bedroom. 


	16. Chapter 15

The following morning, Bob was more nervous than usual. Even though the day’s plan was to hang out with his friends, he couldn’t stop feeling anxious. He paced back and forth in his small flat, waiting for his roommate to finish getting ready. He was so nervous that he didn’t even notice Alvy trotting along behind him playfully. It wasn’t until the door to their joint bathroom flew open that he finally stopped his pacing.

“Ready to go to our first jam session?” Paul asked with a toothy grin. Bob gulped and nodded. Even though Alex and Paul had said that they were fine with teaching Bob how to play beforehand, he couldn’t help feeling afraid he had failed somehow. He had never touched an instrument before in his life. Making music just wasn’t his thing. His worry only grew as they approached Alex’s flat.

Inside said flat, Alex had finished setting up their equipment for the day. He was nervous for an entirely different matter. He glanced at Nick, who had just finished putting down the bass that Bob would be learning. Nick had retreated back to his seat on the side of the couch that he had made himself comfortable on for the past few days, with Steckrübe following suit. Alex had been so busy cozying up with Nick that he’d completely forgotten that he had never introduced Nick to his other friends. Well, he had mentioned Nick very briefly to Bob, but he doubted Bob would remember. Thankfully he had told Nick that there would be guests over so Nick had time to prepare himself mentally to meet new people.

There was a knock on the door. Alex shot Nick a look, as if to ask whether Nick was ready for the guests or not. Nick’s small nod was enough confirmation for Alex to open his front door. There stood Paul and Bob, with the former looking excited while the latter could only muster a small, nervous smile. A single bark brought Alex’s attention to Bob’s feet, where Alvy was wagging his tail.

“Oh!” Alex said, startled. He hadn’t thought that Bob would brought Alvy along, although he supposed that shouldn’t be surprised. Alex barely knew Alvy at all because pets weren’t allowed inside the campus buildings, and Alex and Bob really only spent time together in class. Alvy stretched his snout up to sniff at Alex’s hand. Alex smiled and gently scratched the top of Alvy’s head. He hoped Alvy would be a good boy around Steckrübe. He let them in anyway, and as he did so Paul immediately started looking around in awe.

“Wow,” he said, his mouth agape at how spacious Alex’s flat was. Even Bob stopped worrying and was distracted by how nice Alex’s living space was. It didn’t take long for both of their eyes to fall on Nick, who had been sitting silently on the couch, his eyes watching the two new guests.

“Oh,” Paul said, unconsciously narrowing his eyes. “I remember you.”

“Yes, we, uh,” Alex quickly jumped in. The last time Paul and Nick had met, they weren’t exactly on the best of terms. “This is Nick. We’ve become friends.”

Paul raised his eyebrows in question, but Alex didn’t respond to it. He walked them over to the middle of the room where he had set up his equipment, and where Nick was currently sitting. He offered Nick a hand to help him up.

“Nick, this is Bob and this is Paul.” Bob and Paul waved shortly at Nick. Nick just looked at them, eyes wide. The golden cockapoo at their feet let out another bark. “Oh, and this is Alvy.”

Alvy took a step forward to where Steckrübe was sitting, near Nick’s legs. Alex could feel Nick tensing. But as Alvy invaded Steckrübe’s personal space, sniffing at the smaller feline, no growl was heard nor a hiss from either of them. Alex thought about how pets resemble their owners, and perhaps Bob’s calm demeanor had rubbed off on Alvy. Steckrübe hadn’t felt bothered at all by Alvy’s intrusion and Nick took that as a good sign. If Steckrübe was alright with Alvy then Nick should be alright too.

“Anyway, Bob is my friend from uni, and Paul is Bob’s flatmate,” Alex continued where he left off. It took a while for Nick to say anything, still trying to regain his cool. He knew he should be polite and greet the two newcomers, but all he wanted was to hide behind Alex and let him do all the talking. Alex had assured him earlier that day that Bob and Paul were good people and would never hurt Nick. Or rather, they’d have to do it over Alex’s dead body, as Alex had put it earlier that day as a joke (though Nick didn’t really appreciate the humor).

“H-Hello,” Nick finally said, mustering up as much courage as he could. His voice was slightly quivering - it had been a long time since he had talked to someone other than Alex. He tried his best not to cower, even though Bob and Paul hadn’t shown signs of dislike so far. Nick felt something warm brush his legs and took the chance to break eye contact with his guests to look down at Steckrübe. He rubbed his soft body against Nick’s ankles, purring all the while. Nick smiled to himself - maybe this was Steckrübe’s way of telling him that everything would be alright. Alvy hadn’t backed away but he was sitting calmly nearby.

Paul looked at Nick with a bit of concern. He wanted to reach out to him, but just didn’t know how, or if it would even be worth it. Bob must’ve sensed it too, because when Paul looked at his friend he found out that the blonde was already looking his way. They both stayed silent, but the looks on their faces said it all. Probing Nick out of his shell might be hard. Paul knew Nick was probably a nice person deep down - anyone who could put up with living with Alex was probably a very patient individual. Paul almost snickered at his own thought, but Bob on the other hand felt more sympathetic towards the newcomer. Bob had seen himself in the way Nick’s voice had quivered, and from the way his eyes wouldn’t meet for more than two seconds. But that sympathy was also tainted with the faintest hint of jealousy. Nick had been living under one roof with Alex, and as grateful Bob was that he had Paul as a roommate, the idea of sharing a space with Alex was also very appealing. Bob decided to act his best though, and did what he did best in front of new guests which was to keep quiet.

A single clap snapped everyone out of their own thoughts. “Well, should we start practicing?!” Alex asked excitedly. Nick took that as a cue to go back to his seat. Steckrübe decided to plop himself on the ground, this time beside Alvy. It was nice to know that Steckrübe had made a new friend, Nick thought. Deep down, Nick hoped that Paul and Bob would be his friends too by the end of the day.

The other three men walked over to the space Alex where had set up the instruments. Alex picked up the bass he had brought all the way from Greece. “Alright Bob, this one is yours,” he said as he passed it to his friend. Bob took the bass from Alex’s hands, weighing it carefully.

“Um…” Bob was unsure of what he was supposed to do next. Paul noticed Bob’s hesitation and walked behind him then, his right arm sneaking its way to where Bob was holding the neck of the bass.

“Here, let me show you.” Paul placed his hands over Bob’s and showed him how to hold the instrument. When Bob finally got hold of the bass properly, Paul helped Bob into the strap, carefully slinging it over Bob’s head. “There you go.” Paul gave Bob a reassuring pat on the back. Bob silently wiped his now sweaty palm on the side of his jeans, hoping Paul hadn’t noticed.

“Alright, where should I be?” Paul asked Alex, who had just finished slinging on his own guitar. He gestured to the keyboard.

“Are you any good with the keyboard?”

“I’m alright,” Paul said as he took his position behind the M-Audio keyboard. He took in the set in front of him before turning it on. He tested the sound of it and pressed a few buttons, familiarizing himself with the instrument. Alex had started to tune his guitar as well. As all of this was happening Bob stood there, clueless. He shifted from one foot to the other, looking down at the unfamiliar object he was holding.

Nick had been silently watching all this unfold. The sight of musical instruments felt like home, except that the people behind them weren’t his classmates but rather strangers, save for Alex. He’d never seen Alex play his guitar before, so he was much very looking forward to hearing him play. He watched Paul pressing away at the buttons, and occasionally playing a simple tune or two. Nick could tell Paul was already familiar with the keyboard. And then Nick’s attention turned to Bob, who was standing there rather awkwardly. It reminded Nick of when he was a small boy, picking up a guitar for the first time in his life, feeling the same nerves that Bob was clearly showing right now. Before Nick even realized it, he stood up and slowly approached Bob. Bob looked up, suddenly feeling even more nervous. But Nick was cautious, even as he held out a finger towards Bob.

Thwung.

The bass string made a deep noise as Nick plucked it with his finger.

“E.”

“Pardon?” Bob asked, more confused than scared at Nick’s sudden interaction.

“This is E,” Nick explained, which was the first sentence he had uttered ever since Bob, Paul, and Alvy arrived.

“Oh,” Bob nodded. He was unsure about the information Nick gave him, as he recalled vaguely how Alex had described Nick as somewhat fragile. He wanted to make sure though so he asked, “How did you know?”

“Uh, music school.” Nick pointed to a random direction, which Bob had guessed meant that Nick was attending the music school in that area. Nick quickly put his finger back on the bass, this time plucking a different string.

“G.”

“G, okay.” Bob repeated. This time he tried to play the string himself. It made the same deep noise. Nick repeated this with the rest of the strings, demonstrating which note they were and having Bob copying right afterwards. Bob felt relieved he finally had something to do, and he was thankful that Nick would trouble himself teaching Bob how to play the bass from scratch.

While Bob was taking a small private lesson with Nick, Alex was watching. He was secretly proud that Nick had stepped out of his comfort zone to help Bob. He almost felt guilty that he had abandoned his friend when he was too caught up with his own playing.

“How are we doing here, lads?” Alex approached the both of them.

“Nick’s teaching me which is which,” Bob replied with Nick nodding along. Bob plucked each string on the instrument. “E, A, D, G. Is that right?” he asked Alex.

“Yeah, seems like you have a good teacher at hand,” the taller man said playfully, nudging Nick. Nick smiled, pleased that he had helped Bob learn and had made Alex happy. “You want to try playing something?”

Nick gave a small nod in response.

“The drum kit’s open. You should give it a shot.” Alex nudged Nick and directed him over to sit behind the drums.

Nick sat down and picked up the drumsticks. He tentatively hit one beat, and immediately, gunshots started ringing in his head. Seconds later, his memories of stealing the three snare drums with Julian flooded into his mind.

“Nick? What’s wrong?” Alex asked, seeing Nick sitting completely still, eyes focused on something no one else in the room could see. Nick tossed the sticks to the floor and zoomed back to the couch. He flopped down, grabbing Steckrübe and burying his face in his fur, shaking furiously. He eventually looked up to see Paul standing at the keyboard. And he kept staring.

Paul turned around, not understanding Nick’s outburst but forcing himself to be polite. “You want to try keys?”

Nick nodded and slowly got up from the couch. He positioned himself behind the keyboard and began to play a simple tune. Immediately he could feel that the keyboard was a much better fit for him. It felt comfortable to finally be playing an instrument he already knew about and enjoyed.

Nick then remembered something else. “I’ll grab my guitar,” he muttered to nobody in particular, suddenly jogging down the hall to his bedroom to retrieve it. By the time he came back and rested the guitar against the wall, Paul was trying out the drums. Nick wasn’t scared when Paul made the loud noises…much. He did his best to ignore it and started playing along to the beat, just trying to get reacquainted with the keyboard.

“Wow, no wonder you got into the music school,” Alex smiled, thrilled to finally see Nick happy. Nick just laughed softly and kept playing along. Alex eventually joined in on his guitar as well. The three of them quickly hit a groove.

Bob had been watching the scene unfold before him, feeling ashamed that he still didn’t know enough to be able to join in. While Alex, Paul, and Nick were preoccupied, he slipped into the kitchen to start practicing by himself. He pulled a chair out from under the table and sat down. He closed his eyes as he plucked the strings over and over, listening to the sound each one made and trying to memorize them.  

Eventually, Alex realized that Bob was gone. He frowned. “Hey, where’d Bob go?” he called out. Paul shrugged. He’d been so wrapped up in playing that he hadn’t even noticed.

Alex placed his guitar in its stand and carefully stepped over the equipment on the floor. “I’m going to go find him. You guys can keep on going,” he said. Nick and Paul looked at each other and nodded, continuing the jam they had begun.

Bob was so engrossed in his playing, eyes still closed, that he didn’t even hear Alex walk into the room. He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and he nearly jumped out of his skin, his eyes flying open. “Wha—”

Alex drew his hand back. “Sorry!” he said softly, crouching down next to Bob. “I just didn’t know where you went. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Bob sighed. “I’m fine. It’s just…” he trailed off, idly running his left hand up and down the neck of the bass. “You guys sound amazing. I have no idea what I’m doing.” He looked down into Alex’s green eyes and felt his pulse quicken briefly. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Alex shook his head. “Don’t be daft,” he said softly. “We’ll teach you everything you need to know. Nick and Paul and I just have a few more years of experience than you. Everyone has to start somewhere, right?”

Bob averted his eyes. “Yeah, I guess.”

Alex could hear the worry in Bob’s voice. “Here,” he said, rising to his feet. “I’ll show you a few more notes and how to move your hands around on the frets. You’ll learn in no time. Come on.” He stood next to the table, holding out a hand to Bob.

Bob felt slightly ill at the prospect of Alex giving him a private lesson, but he nodded and stood up, facing Alex.

“Turn around,” Alex murmured gently. Bob did as Alex asked, nearly toppling over when he felt Alex’s arms wrapping around him, his slender frame pressed against Bob’s back.

Alex placed his left hand over Bob’s own left hand and his right hand on the bottom of the bass. “I’ll show you where to put your fingers and you can pluck, okay?”

Bob nodded, hardly believing what was happening. He tried to hang on to any shred of composure he had left.

Alex slid their overlapping fingers down the neck of the bass, finding a particular spot and pressing down. “Okay,” he said. “Now pluck the third string.”

Bob did as he was told, surprised to hear a slightly different sound emerging from the instrument. He tried it a second time.

“That’s an A,” Alex explained. He slid their fingers to another spot on the fretboard, again pressing down and telling Bob which string to use. Alex gradually moved faster, helping Bob play different notes until his fingers were moving up and down with ease.

Bob smiled, feeling slightly more confident. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “This has been lovely.” He hoped that Alex would know what he secretly meant.

Alex smiled back. “You’re welcome. We’ll have to practice together more often.”

“That’s good, because I don’t think I’ll ever remember all of those notes,” Bob said wryly.

“You will,” Alex said in a voice barely above a whisper. He rested his chin on Bob’s left shoulder and closed his eyes, his hands dropping down to rest on Bob’s hips.

Bob froze momentarily, turning his head slightly to look at Alex. He was a sight to behold - eyes closed, fringe hanging haphazardly over his forehead, lips full. Bob swallowed and, before he could even think about it, placed a soft kiss on Alex’s cheek. He drew back quickly, slightly bewildered at what he had just done.

Alex’s eyes popped open. He gave Bob a sideways glance and smiled gently. Bob felt his cheeks growing red. He stepped forward away from Alex, a death grip on his bass. “Right, well, shall we?” he said nervously, gesturing towards the living room where Nick and Paul were playing.

Alex grinned. “Let’s go see what those two are up to.” He followed Bob into the next room.


	17. Chapter 16

Alex and Nick were spending a quiet Thursday night at their flat. Alex was sitting on the couch on his laptop while Nick laid in the guest bed with Steckrübe, just relaxing and thinking. After the amazing experience he had had at their first band practice the day before, Nick felt energized for the first time in a very long while. He pulled out his dusty school supplies from the bottom of his bag and opened one of the music theory books.

Nick slowly peeled open the sticky pages of the music theory book. He almost winced from guilt, realizing how much of the school year he had missed due to his time spent in the abandoned prison. I earned this education, I should be taking advantage of it, Nick sighed to himself. He had become re-energized by the jam session the day before, and wanted to return to his classes so he could learn more.

That newly rekindled enthusiasm, he had found, was quickly diminished as he opened to the first chapter of the book. He understood the letters, but not the words. He couldn’t even get past the chapter opener. The As and the Os and the Es danced across the page, none of the words making any sense at all. Nick bit his lip in concentration, his brows now deeply furrowed. He reread the bold titles on the top of the page. As he kept trying to comprehend what the letters were telling him, he grew more and more frustrated. As Nick was preparing to shut his book and never open it again, a noise in the hallway interrupted him.

From his slightly ajar bedroom door he saw Alex walking to his—no, their—kitchen. The gears in Nick’s head were whirring— slowly, but whirring nonetheless. He stood in the doorway, trying to decide if he should approach Alex or not. Nick saw a chance when Alex finally sat back down on the couch with a cup of tea.

“Hey,” Alex greeted first. He moved his legs away to make room for Nick to sit with him. Nick sat down gingerly, not wanting to sit too close to Alex, despite their nightly cuddles.

“I want to study,” Nick said in a faint voice.

“Oh? That’s great!” Alex replied happily.

“Yeah, um,” Nick looked down, fingers idly rubbing the edges of his copy of Alfred’s Essentials. “I don’t really…I can’t…”

Alex waited patiently for Nick to finish his sentence. Nick’s already faint voice was faltering.

“I can’t… read.”

“Not at all?”

“Not very well. It’s hard for me.”

“Oh,” was all that Alex said. He was silent for a moment before bluntly asking Nick the question that had immediately popped into his head. “How did you get through school?”

“I tried. Very hard.” Nick was still looking down. “Barely made it.” It had always taken him a great amount of time to finish all of his work, and ever since he enrolled to a university that was more practice rather than theory he hadn’t done much reading. To top it off, the increasing stress he’d been experiencing lately didn’t help at all. He took a deep breath before finally asking Alex the big question. “Can you read it to me?”

“Of course!” Alex eagerly responded. Nick lifted his gaze to meet Alex’s, feeling hopeful about his studies once more. Alex took the book from Nick’s lap, scanning the cover.

“Alright, let’s study some music theory.” Alex closed his laptop and set it down on the coffee table. Nick tried to make himself comfortable by hugging a pillow and folding his legs up. His grip on the pillow tightened as he tried to contain his excitement over the fact that Alex was kind enough to read to him. Alex cleared his throat before he read aloud.

“Lesson one, The Staff, Notes, and Pitches.”

 _Oh, so that’s what it says,_  Nick thought to himself.

“Music is written on a staff of five lines and the four spaces in bet—”

Nick raised his voice. “I know.” Alex abruptly stopped, a bit surprised that the usually quiet Nick had cut him off. “I know about the staff.”

Alex nodded. “Alright…we can go ahead to the next chapter, then?” Nick nodded in response. After flipping several pages Alex started again.

“Note values—”

“Maybe not that one,” Nick interjected again. Alex stopped midway through his sentence, his mouth hanging open. He was slightly amused at how different Nick was acting when it came to music.

“You already know about this one?” Alex asked again. Nick nodded. Alex was not an expert in music theory, but he knew the basics. He went back to the table of contents page, his finger skimming through the chapter titles, trying to look for something that didn’t sound familiar. “Alright, how about Time Signatures?”

Nick shook his head.

“Is that a No, I Don’t Know or a No, I Already Know?”

Nick looked a bit puzzled at Alex’s question, wide blue eyes looking up in thought, before finally answering, “No, I Already Know.”

“Okay…How about Repeat Signs?” When Nick finally nodded, Alex almost cheered in relief. As Alex flipped the pages to the Repeat Signs chapter he said, “You know so much already, Nick, you almost don’t need to study.”

“I still want to..” Nick replied quietly, secretly happy at the comment Alex had made. He tried to hide his smile behind the pillow he was hugging. He hugged it even tighter when he noticed Alex scooting closer to him.

“Here, let’s look at it together.” Alex had put the book on his lap, slightly angling it towards Nick. When their shoulders pressed together, Nick held his breath. Alex didn’t seem to notice as he started to read again. “Two dots placed before the double bar indicates a Repeat Sign…”

As Alex read more to him, Nick started to feel more at ease. His voice was soothing to hear and the warmth radiating from their close proximity made Nick comfortable. His mind wandered back to their cuddling sessions again, which made Nick yearn for them. But he felt like making Alex read to him for the night had been enough, so he settled on hugging the pillow tightly, desperately wishing it was the man beside him.

“Are you going back to class tomorrow?” Alex asked after he finished the chapter and shut the book.

Nick nodded, looking up at Alex.

“Is that alright? You haven’t been to class in a while…will you be okay on your own?”

Nick only chewed his bottom lip in response. Alex had a point, but he was dead set on continuing his education. He nodded, “I’ll try.”

Alex smiled. “I’ll walk with you, if you want.” Nick’s face brightened and he nodded again.

“Maybe you should talk to your professors about your situation and explain that you don’t act like this because you’re on drugs or something.” Alex suggested, leaning back against the couch.

“Act like…” Nick needed a clarification.

“You know…hiding from people. Not answering when you’re spoken to. Compulsively stealing. Not being able to read. I’m just saying, it’s a little weird, you know?”

Nick winced at Alex’s blunt comment. Without saying a word he suddenly dropped the pillow down and got up from the couch. He grabbed his book from Alex’s lap and retreated back to his room, Steckrübe following close behind him.

Alex stared on in shock. It took a moment for him to register what had happened - what he had said. Even though he was used to Nick’s unavailability during active conversations, the sudden absence really caught him off guard. Alex wondered if his words were taken too seriously.

-

His words were heard. And Nick took them to heart. The next morning, Alex made good on his promise to walk Nick to class. Nick hadn’t said a word to Alex all morning and had barely even made eye contact with him. Alex found this unusual. Nick was normally quiet and not very expressive, so it was often hard to discern how he was feeling - but something felt off. Even though several possible reasons about his friend’s odd behavior were thrown around in Alex’s mind, never once did he think that it was his comment that caused Nick to behave differently.

“Call if you need anything, alright?” Alex still managed to give Nick a smile as they reached the entrance, thinking that things would eventually go back to normal. Nick nodded, looking a bit paler than usual and a tad more shaky. “You’re going to be just fine,” Alex reassured Nick before watching him disappear through the door.  _I hope_.

Alex met up with Bob midway during his walk and they continued along their path to school together. Bob was unusually quiet that morning as well, seemingly only focused on his steps to school. Alex didn’t know if he was just still iffy from the way Nick behaved or everyone seemed to be off today, but he tried not to think of it any further. As they entered their life drawing class, they were greeted by someone familiar but definitely not appreciated.

“Your hot model friend didn’t come along this time?” Dino leaned against the door frame, his hand firmly on a pocket of his jacket which was, in fact, wiggling. Bob tried not to cringe.

“Leave your rat at home, you creep.” Alex didn’t mean to snap, but perhaps the not so positive atmosphere was starting to rub off on him.

“Rats,” Dino corrected him as he put his free hand on his other pocket.

Alex tried to ignore Dino instead, not wanting to foul the unfavorable mood already, and pulled Bob closer to him. As they walked past Dino, Alex muttered under his breath, “God, I’m so glad it’s only rats in those pockets.”

Bob grimaced. “I’m just glad it’s  _actual_  rats and he’s not referring to something else.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

As they sat down in their seats, Bob looked up at Alex, thinking about how he had kissed him the other day. Alex didn’t seem to mind it; actually, he seemed to be a bit more affectionate with him because of it, judging by how Alex had pulled Bob close when they tried to avoid Dino. It was a simple gesture, but it had made Bob’s heart thump. Bob’s fingers twitched. He wished that he could draw Alex for the class, examining his sharp jawline and brilliant blue-green eyes.

“I think I have to go pick Nick up after class,” Alex sighed, breaking the silence and what seem to be Bob’s train of thought. The rose tinted glass had slowly faded away.

“Oh, he’s back in school now?”

“Yeah, he went back today. I just don’t want him running back to the abandoned prison or hiding somewhere new. I don’t think he’s too comfortable in my flat yet.”

Bob nodded nonchalantly, but on the inside, the love he felt for Alex disappeared just as fast as it had bloomed just a few moments ago. There was something in its way, and that something was Nick. The jealousy from the other day reared its ugly head again. In the spur of the moment, he decided he had to distract Alex from saying anything more about him, and distract himself from his feelings for Alex.

“That Dino guy, though…” Bob laughed to himself.

“Oh, yeah, what happened with him and Paul?”

“Went out. Apparently… did some shit. Funny business.” Bob kept his eyes down, embarrassed about the subject matter.

Alex laughed and nearly slammed his head on the desk. “Aw, come on, you’re an adult, you can say they had sex.”

Bob chuckled softly, but winced inside. The thought of Paul being intimate with someone who wasn’t him suddenly made him want to curl up in a ball and hide. Topped off with the fact that it was very clear that Alex truly cared about Nick, Bob wished the ground would swallow him completely.

“Paul hated it,” Bob added. “He never wants to see Dino again, I think.” The jealousy had gripped him tightly now, controlling his words before he could even stop it. Bob didn’t even know if that was the truth, but he hoped it was.  

“Does he?” Alex considered. Bob nodded, fingers crossed that Paul really did dislike Dino’s sexual advances. “That’s good to hear,” Alex added. He immediately paused to himself, surprised at how smug he was knowing that his friend had a horrible date. Alex tried to excuse it with the fact that Dino was a shady guy, but put in perspective he actually felt bad that Paul might not have had a good time.

They sat in silence for a few minutes until class started. Bob’s urge to draw Alex was still strong. As he drew the model for that day, he snuck glances at Alex and traced out his face shape on the next page. If Alex was fine with a kiss, why wouldn’t he like to be drawn in Bob’s sketchbook? Bob finally dropped his attention from the model and began sketching Alex instead. Bob was so focused on trying to replicate his definition of a beautiful man in his sketchbook that he didn’t realize that class had ended, and as soon as he packed up his things, Alex placed a firm hand on his shoulder and dragged him away immediately. He felt his heart beginning to race as Alex tightly held his hand.

“Alex, what are we hurrying for?” Bob asked quietly. Alex only shushed him as they rounded a corner and ducked behind a doorway. They watched as Dino passed by, not even looking their way. Hopefully, he just didn’t notice them.

“Okay, Dino’s gone. Let’s go.” Bob only nodded at Alex’s explanation. He was a bit disappointed that it was merely just to avoid Dino, but Bob noted the way Alex’s grip still lingered.

“Want to come with me to get Nick? Maybe we could all go to lunch after,” Alex suggested, still holding Bob’s shoulder as they hid behind the doorway.

“No, thanks,” Bob said softly, wanting Alex to be all his and not wanting to see Nick until the next jam session.

“Why’s that?”

“Paul’s home and I want to see him,” Bob made up an excuse.

“You could just invite him to lunch?”

“Oh, no, I have a giant project due tomorrow for my…” Bob hesitated, “environmentally conscious sculpting class.”

“That sounds… interesting. See you tomorrow, then?” Alex let go of Bob’s shoulder. Bob almost regretted making that excuse, as he immediately yearned for Alex’s touch. But he did what he had to do.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow,” Bob said to Alex, who had turned his back to Bob and was walking towards the music school before Bob could even finish.


	18. Chapter 17

Alex arrived outside of the entrance to the music school fifteen minutes early and sat on a nearby bench. He opened his sketchbook and started flipping through all of his drawings to kill time, pausing on the drawing of Paul that he had done while he was modeling for the life drawing class. He carefully traced the lines he’d created not long ago. It was a piece he was quite proud of. The way he had captured Paul’s expression, the subtle curves of the man’s body, how the light hit him in all the right places…

A shadow passed over his own version of Paul he’d created, pulling Alex out of his reverie. He looked up and saw Nick had sat himself down next to him without even saying a word.

“So, how was it?” Alex asked.

Nick completely ignored the question and pointed to the sketch Alex was looking at. “Paul?”

“Yeah, he modeled for my class a few weeks ago.”

Nick nodded thoughtfully, looking back up at the students passing by.

“It wasn’t that bad, right?” Alex asked again.

Nick shook his head.

“Good.” Alex smiled and got up from the bench. “Want to get lunch?”

“Can we just go home?”

Alex frowned. He was quite looking forward to a plate of the town’s famous fish and chips but he didn’t want to force Nick into doing something he didn’t want to. “Alright, then.”

As soon as they got back to the flat, Nick immediately flopped down on the couch with Steckrübe. He eventually started falling asleep, despite the fact that it was the middle of the day. Alex smiled and shuffled next to him, careful not to bump into Nick’s legs. He had his sketchbook with him and started scribbling over the sound of Nick’s soft snores.

-

Bob didn’t have a project due the next day, or an environmentally conscious sculpting class, for that matter. He actually didn’t have any reason not to go with Alex to pick Nick up from class, other than his bitter jealousy biting at him. Bob had never dealt with these kind of feelings before. In the past he’d never been too upfront with his crushes, so he wasn’t prepared for the large pang of jealousy he felt coming his way. He tried to calm himself, breathe in… breathe out… breathe–

“Hey Bob,” the front door opened and a familiar voice greeted him, interrupting his brief meditation. He cracked his eyes open to see that Paul had joined him on the couch, taking off his jacket. Bob tried not to stare as Paul’s skin was exposed. The shirt he was wearing was rather form-fitting, with sleeves short enough to reveal most of his upper arm area.

“Hi,” Bob managed to reply back as normally as he could. He looked away from Paul before he could get caught staring and reverted back to resting his head on his hand, mouth pulled into a small pout.

“Home early?” Paul asked. He was right - Bob usually spent the evening on campus to work in the studio but his bitter feelings had made him want to hole up alone. Bob only managed a nod in reply. “Thought you went to hang with Alex.”

“Oh, no, Alex went to pick up Nick.” Bob explained shortly. He tried not to wince at the mention of Alex’s name.

“Really? That’s kind of him to do,” Paul said, stretching his legs on the coffee table in front of him.

“Yep,” Bob agreed. He figured acting all bitter in front of his flatmate would do him no good - and it might make Paul suspicious. So he asked the question that had been bothering him ever since their first jam session. “What do you think about Nick?”

Paul was silent for a while, trying to look for an answer. His thick brows furrowed in concentration. Bob found that adorable. “He’s alright,” was what Paul finally settled on. Bob nodded in acknowledgement. He wished he was as casual about it as Paul was, but even if he had tried to convince himself to be chill about it he knew the jealousy would still be there.

“What’s his deal?” Paul asked, tilting his head in confusion. “I mean…Alex looks after him or something?” Having lived mostly independent from the people around him, he had become used to doing everything himself. The fact that Nick had so easily leaned on Alex felt strange to Paul, though he wasn’t really in a position to complain as he was also accepting Bob’s help.

“I think so, yeah. The guy’s a nervous wreck.” Bob remembered how shaky Nick had looked during their first meeting.

“I’m kind of jealous,” Paul admitted. This response made Bob whip his head around to Paul. What was he trying to say?

“What?”

“I mean, I totally understand what the guy must be feeling. You know, anxious and all that jazz,” Paul said, waving his hands.

“You? You’re the most laid back person I’ve ever met.”

“Well, I mean, I wasn’t always like this.” Paul idly played with a detached string on his ripped jeans. “I’ve been there.”

“Ah…” Bob never knew that side of Paul. In a weird way, it was nice to learn something new about his friend. He wanted to probe but figured that the subject might be heavy, so he saved it for another day.

“I wish I had someone like Alex to lean on, you know?” Paul continued, “To help me get back on my feet, perhaps simply someone to offer a roof over my head.”

“I can understand that.” Bob wished he had Alex to himself the way that Nick did. He shook his head, trying to chase the ugly feelings away. Paul’s reminiscing about his rough past, this isn’t the time to think about boy crushes. And what does he mean? Doesn’t he have me to help him?? Fortunately, Paul didn’t want to linger too long on the topic of his past.

“Anyways, Nick is really good at this whole music thing, I think he’ll be fine.” Paul steered the topic back to its initial track. “The independent music industry here is quite thriving. If he’s willing to, he might make it.”

This was true, the Glasgow creative scene was what had caught Bob’s attention in the first place. He was willing to move all the way from the comfort of his hometown to pursue his artistic dreams. As he looked over to Paul, who was now chatting amiably about Glasgow’s music scene, his heart did a little jump. His feelings for Alex and Nick slowly diminished everytime Paul glanced over at him, making sure he was still listening, and gave a quick smile once in a while. Bob watched intently, quite smitten, though he was only half listening.

“…And that’s how I think he might be successful,” Paul finally finished. This snapped Bob from his staring.

“Uh, yes,” he responded, trying to make it seem like he had been actually listening and not daydreaming about how soft and pink the older man’s lips had looked.

“I mean if Nick’s music career took a turn–I sure hope not, he’s packing some mad talent–he could always try what I did.”

“What would that be?” Bob asked in genuine curiosity.

“Nude modelling,” Paul grinned. Even though he was joking, Bob blinked his eyes in surprise. “Well, it doesn’t have to be nude, but just think about it!” Paul quickly explained.

“He’s got a nice face,” Bob said, picturing the sharp angles. He vaguely remembered a nice strong jawline and chin on a person who was seemingly so soft.

“Blue eyes,” Paul continued. Bob pictured the pair of bright blue eyes that had glanced his way during his brief bass coaching.

“High cheekbones, decent profile…” Paul had made his point. Bob sat silently, lost in thought. Now that Paul had put it that way, Nick was actually…kind of cute. Bob tried not to scream in frustration. He couldn’t believe that now he thought Nick was attractive, too. He couldn’t even fall asleep peacefully with Paul snoring on the other side of the room, lying on the cheap mattress they had recently bought, he hadn’t even fully wrapped his head around his feelings for Alex yet, and now he was starting to think Nick was cute? Nick, who he had been bitterly jealous of just earlier today? He tried not to picture Nick and Alex together, blushing at the suggestions his brain had come up with.

“Pah! Nick’s too short though. And the cameras and the stares would probably scare the poor guy,” Paul dismissed his idea as quickly as he came up with it. Bob only squinted his eyes in annoyance, though it went unnoticed by the other man. He felt it was wise that he try to cool off alone, afraid Paul might unintentionally feed him more…fantasies. Bob even dared himself to call it that.

“I’m gonna go walk Alvy,” Bob said, a little too quickly, standing up.. He grabbed the leash that was hung near the door. The familiar clinking sound of the leash buckle put Alvy on alert. He ran to Bob, knowing that very soon he would be out enjoying the fresh air with his beloved owner. As Bob exited his flat, he glanced back inside out of habit, making sure everything was alright before he left. The last thing he saw before he closed the door behind him was Paul standing up and stretching. His shirt rode up and the bit of pale skin underneath was revealed. Bob gulped before he hurriedly ran down the stairs, eager to try and walk his thoughts away.


	19. Chapter 18

A week later, the four men found themselves crammed together in a tiny booth at an Indian restaurant. Alex had suggested they all go out to dinner together sometime after band practice, “you know, like a… bonding session,” as he had put it. Paul and Bob had agreed, though not without raised eyebrows and some snickering. Nick hadn’t said anything, still mildly frightened of being out in a public place, but Alex had figured that Nick would probably go anywhere that Alex went.

The waiter delivered beers to Paul, Bob, and Alex and a glass of water to Nick before he took their orders. Alex, sensing Nick’s anxiety, went ahead and ordered his dinner for him. Paul raised his eyebrows slightly at this. He was aware of Nick and Alex’s arrangement, sure, but it still struck him as odd that Alex seemed to be doing literally everything for him. He decided that tonight, he would get some answers.

Paul glanced across the table at Nick, who was sitting alarmingly close to Alex. Paul tried to figure out why, but he couldn’t. Bob even seemed a bit uncomfortable when he saw how close they were. He glanced up at Paul with a concerned look on his face, but Paul just shrugged it off.

“Nick?” Paul asked, nudging Bob under the table. Nick looked up, his blue eyes wide like a deer in headlights. “You’ve been going to class lately?”

Nick nodded.

“You’re really good on the keyboard.” Paul offered him a smile.

“T… Thanks…” Nick didn’t really know what to say to that, but wanted to be polite. If there was one thing Nick wanted to do, it was to come off as perfectly normal.

“Aw, come on, don’t be so shy!” Paul tried to lighten the mood, but Nick just looked down, studying the crumbs on the table.

Paul wasn’t jealous, really. Although yes, conceptually, he would have liked to have had someone who helped him when he was in a rough situation, he didn’t like that Nick was acting the way he was. Paul had been through nearly the same ordeal and could still function like a proper member of society, so why couldn’t Nick? Why did Nick refuse to make eye contact and stutter when he spoke? While Alex and Bob made small talk, Paul fished his cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open.

PAUL: wtf is wrong with Nick?

Alex felt his cell phone buzz. He pulled it out of his jacket pocket slightly to check the screen, frowning when he saw that it was a text from Paul. He made a face and slipped the phone back into his pocket.

Paul rolled his eyes and opened his phone again, hiding it under the edge of the table.

PAUL: answer me

PAUL: Alex

PAUL: Alex

PAUL: Alex check your phone

Alex’s phone buzzed repeatedly. He looked up to see Paul glaring at him across the table. Alex got the hint and pulled his phone from the pocket of his jacket.

ALEX: Stop wasting my texts.

ALEX: And I really don’t know, honestly.

PAUL: well you should, if he’s going to be living with you

PAUL: if he’s going to be depending on you for everything

ALEX: Relax, Paul.

Alex looked up to see Bob trying to start a conversation with Nick about his ideas for the next jam session. Nick began to suggest something, but stopped halfway through his sentence.

PAUL: you should ask him why he’s so fucked up then

ALEX: That’s not very nice.

ALEX: You can ask, if you’re really so curious.

Paul sighed, snapping his phone shut. Nick and Bob both looked up, startled by the sudden noise. Nick opened his mouth to speak, but before he could make a sound, Paul leaned across the table and stared at him. “What is your problem?”

Nick’s mouth was still hanging open as he processed Paul’s words. “I–” he started to say, and then simply closed his mouth and looked down at his lap. The world blurred around him. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t respond to the question— so simple, but so complex at the same time.  _What is my problem?_  Nick inhaled sharply, trying to keep the tears from welling in his eyes.  _What the fuck is wrong with me? I was so normal, for my entire life, until—_  Nick was interrupted by Paul starting again.

Paul leaned back, unfazed by Nick’s reaction. “I just don’t get it. You can barely get out a sentence half the time, and Alex–” he glanced in his direction “–does everything for you. You gotta think for yourself sometimes, you know?” He looked at Nick and continued, a little more softly, “What the hell happened to you? Why are you like this?”

Nick’s hands began to shake. Before he could stop himself, his eyes filled with tears and he choked out a sob. He stood up from the booth and ran out of the restaurant. Alex immediately leaped out of his seat and followed him, shooting Paul a dirty look over his shoulder.

Bob stared at the scene unfolding before him, mouth agape. His confusion quickly turned to anger. He whipped his head around to face Paul. “What the fuck was that for?!”

Paul looked down, his face burning. But then he looked up again, voice defensive. “I just wanted to know what his deal was! Don’t you feel like he’s…strange?”

“Well, yeah, but you could have asked more politely!” Bob spat, folding his arms across his chest.

“I know,” Paul said quietly. Only then did he realize that what he did was wrong. “I fucked up.”

“You really did,” Bob agreed. “He’s done nothing to you to deserve that kind of treatment. You owe him an apology.”

Paul nodded and cradled his face in his hands.

Meanwhile, outside of the cozy Indian establishment, Alex found Nick in an alleyway, standing against the brick wall hugging his chest. He was crying quietly, tears pouring down his cheeks, his breathing unsteady. Alex immediately came up next to him and wrapped his arms around him. “Hey…I’m here…it’s ok…shhhhh…” He cradled Nick in his arms until he could feel his breathing evening out. Alex pulled away and looked down at him.

Nick’s voice shook. “Why did… why did he say that?”

Alex closed his eyes. “I don’t know. That’s not the Paul I know.”

Nick shook his head. That wasn’t the Paul he knew, either. It wasn’t the Paul who welcomed him during the jam session, or the Paul in Alex’s sketchbook.

“Listen, I…I don’t think he meant anything by it,” Alex said, trying to reassure himself as much as he was trying to reassure Nick. “I think he just doesn’t understand why you are the way you are.” _I don’t even know that,_  Alex’s brain chimed in. He pushed that thought away.

“I don’t…I can’t tell him,” Nick said, rubbing his eyes.

 _You can’t tell me either._  He nearly let that sentence escape his lips before thinking better of it. “You don’t have to. Let’s go back inside and talk to him. Just…tell him that you don’t want to talk about it.”

Nick nodded. “Okay.”

Alex let go of Nick and they walked back inside to their booth. Their food had been delivered and Bob had already begun to dig in. Paul sat and stared at his plate, pushing the chicken and sauce around in circles, not eating. They both looked up as Nick and Alex sat down. Alex cleared his throat.

Paul looked into Nick’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said, before Nick could even get a word out. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. You didn’t deserve that. It won’t happen again.”

Nick simply nodded.

“Look, I don’t know what you’ve been through, but…I understand. I’ve been through some stuff myself. And it’s okay if you need Alex’s help to do things,” he added hastily.  _I wish someone had been there to help me when I needed it,_  Paul couldn’t help but think.

Nick smiled faintly and placed his hand on Alex’s knee under the table. “It’s okay.”

Paul smiled back and picked up his fork. “S’pose we should eat before everything gets cold, yeah?”

As much as they all wanted to dwindle back into normal conversation, the air around them was still slightly tense, making the whole scene rather awkward. Paul silently cursed at himself for letting his emotions slip up and making a scene, while Alex found that he had to put in extra effort to even pretend to be engrossed in his meal, despite how good it looked and how genuinely tasty it was. Bob hadn’t spoken a word since he had told Paul off. Nick just wanted to hide from the world, eating slowly, taking small bites when no one was looking. He thought about how he could pocket the fork, examining his options. It could easily fit in his jacket pocket, and Alex had mentioned wanting new utensils, anyway…

They all ate their meals in silence, the only noises made up of cutlery clinking together and a sportscaster talking on the television. Since Alex was facing the television in the corner of the room, he absentmindedly watched whatever sport the hosts were excitedly chattering about. Nick was slowly pushing around the contents of his plate before he snuck a nervous glance at Alex, looking for comfort. But instead he saw how engrossed Alex was at whatever was on the television and decided to take a look himself. Soon Nick was also absorbed in the horse race currently taking place on the live television broadcast. The galloping horses quickly replaced all the worry in his mind.

Alex had never been one to enjoy sports, neither as a participant nor as a spectator. But for some reason the horse race had enraptured him. Perhaps he was just desperate to find anything to distract him from the previous event, but he found himself leaning slightly forward, his hand gripping slightly tighter at his utensils in anticipation as the race drew to a finish. A single brown mare had taken the lead, and Alex felt his heart hammer as the horse majestically galloped its way to the finish line.

“…And Franz Ferdinand has won the race!” the enthusiastic sport announcer had exclaimed. Alex pumped his fist under the table, hissing a  _Yes!_  under his breath. Nick, who was as engrossed as Alex at the match, let out his own sigh of relief at the winning horse. Bob and Paul took notice of this and turned their heads to the screen Alex and Nick were currently staring at.

“Didn’t take you as the sporty type,” Paul chimed, his focus already back at the table. Bob was still watching the screen, muttering something to himself.

“Well, I’m not. But that was fun,” Alex replied, continuing his abandoned meal. Nick followed suit, still silent as ever. Bob finally turned around and faced the table again.

“That name sounds familiar…” he muttered.

“What does?”

“The winning horse’s name. What was it again?” Bob turned his head back to the television, hoping the name would pop on screen again.

“Frans Fernando or something…” Alex tried to remember.

“Franz Ferdinand!” Bob corrected Alex, snapping his fingers in eureka.

“Whossat?” Paul asked between chews.

“The Austrian archduke. You know, the guy whose assassination triggered World War I,” Bob explained matter of factly. When Bob wasn’t busy painting, he had favored himself reading. It was nice that he finally had the chance to tell people about his findings.

“I thought it all started in Poland?” Alex interjected.

“No, that’s World War 2,” Bob calmly responded.

“It’s a nice name,” Paul chimed in again.

“Franz Ferdinand?” Alex said, trying to pronounce it more properly this time. He looked at Bob as he did so, seeking approval. A small nod from Bob assured him that  he was correct this time. All the while, Nick was still nibbling on his food, silently watching the interaction in interest.

“I wish my name was as cool as that,” Paul said. Bob gave Paul a small smile.

“I like your name as it is, Paul.” At this, Paul returned Bob’s smile. He thought he saw Bob’s cheeks turning a brighter pink, but it might have just been the dim interior lighting. Alex suddenly sat up straighter in his seat.

“We can use it for our band!” The brown haired man’s eyes lit up. Paul raised his eyebrows in interest while Bob tilted his head. Nick, who had been intently watching Alex for most of the meal, perked up from his seat in interest at the mention of the band.

“Franz Ferdinand the band…” Paul tried to feel the name on his lips. He said it over and over again, trying to get the hang of it.

“It does have a nice ring to it,” Bob offered his two cents on the matter. Alex nodded in agreement before looking to Nick, who had been looking his way. Their eyes immediately met.

“What do you think, Nick?”

Nick blinked a few times. He quite liked the name. But even if Alex had offered a less than desirable name he’d still agree to it, as he was happy enough he had someone to play music with at all, so he nodded. When Alex grinned at the response, Nick smiled back.

“Yeah, alright.” Paul finally decided on his answer.

Alex clapped his hands together. “Then it’s decided! We’re Franz Ferdinand now!”

Paul raised his glass to this. “To Franz Ferdinand!”

“Franz Ferdinand!” Bob and Alex joined in, raising their own glass. Nick had raised his own as well, though he said the name in such a low volume that only Alex beside him could hear. They all took a sip of their own drinks in celebration. As Alex lowered his glass, he glanced over at Nick and placed a hand on the smaller man’s knee, giving it an assuring squeeze.

The night continued for a while longer, the four of them enjoying each other’s company. A sense of camaraderie as a group was present the moment they had decided on a band name. It felt like a huge stepping stone for them as a band. Suddenly, everything felt more real and serious, and while it might mark a drastic change in perspective on how they viewed their ensuing jam sessions, they all felt hopeful for the future of their band.

As Nick got up from the table after they had all paid their bills, he slipped the fork into his pocket.  _God damn it. I’ve got to stop doing that._


	20. Chapter 19 part 1

Later that evening, Paul and Bob sat on opposite ends of the sofa, Bob on his laptop and Paul idly flipping through a magazine while listening to Bob’s iPod. Alvy was curled atop Bob’s feet.

“I still feel so bad about about what happened tonight,” Paul sighed, pulling out his earbuds.

“I think Nick’s fine now,” Bob shrugged.

Paul scooted closer to Bob. “I still feel bad. I shouldn’t have done that to him.” He sighed again and rested his head on Bob’s shoulder. Bob immediately froze when he felt Paul’s soft hair brushing his neck.

“You don’t have to feel bad. It’s okay now.”

“I just… I don’t like how Alex treats Nick,” Paul sighed.

“Why?” Bob asked, doing his best not to focus on how close he was to Paul right at that moment.

“I dunno…something about it just bothers me, coming from that same situation…” Paul nestled himself closer to Bob.

“Everyone’s different. Nick might need help with some things that you didn’t, and that’s fine,” Bob tried to reassure the smaller man.

“You’re right,” Paul said, still pouting.

Bob tried to return his focus to the report he was writing, but he found it difficult with Paul restricting the freedom of one of his arms, though that wasn’t his biggest concern. Paul had made himself comfy on Bob’s side. Even though it was apparent that the both of them were already quite comfortable with each other, Paul’s touchiness had surprised Bob. Bob stared at the mostly empty document on the screen of his laptop. The blinking of his cursor matched the ever increasing beating of his heart. He was too busy trying to focus that he hadn’t noticed that Paul was also staring at his screen.

“What’re you doing?” Paul’s question snapped Bob out of his idleness.

“Oh, uh, I’m trying to do my report.”

“You’re just staring at the screen,” Paul pointed out the obvious.

“Yeah, well,” Bob nudged the arm Paul was currently latching onto, “it’s kind of hard to work while you’re..”

“Ah! Right. Sorry.” Paul quickly detached himself, leaning back into the couch. Bob almost regretted saying anything because he immediately missed Paul’s touch. But between the deadline and his strong need for affection, Bob found that the former had more urgency for the time being.

Paul didn’t retreat back to his former position at the other end of the couch but instead sat closely beside Bob, their shoulders touching. This was comfortable enough for Bob, both physically and mentally. He started to let his fingers tap on the keys. It didn’t last long though. As Bob felt Paul’s gaze on the screen, Bob felt self-conscious even though Paul was only staring at his work. Bob’s pause made Paul raise a question once more.

“Stuck?” he asked, still staring at the screen, waiting for more words to appear.

“Uh…not really.”

Paul nudged Bob’s shoulder. “Go on, then. Wanna see what you think of,” Paul squinted and leaned forward, looking for something on the sea of words Bob had just typed, “Gericault’s Raft of Medusa.”

This shouldn’t have surprised Bob, but it did. He knew Paul had a strong interest in the arts, so it shouldn’t be news for him that Paul would take an actual interest in his essay. This still didn’t make Bob feel any better.

“Well, alright…but take it with a grain of salt,” Bob said, his voice worried. “I’m just a student after all…”

“Still an art student nonetheless,” Paul shrugged. Bob smiled at Paul’s statement. Bob continued typing, once in a while reaching for his book on the coffee table for reference. Paul watched intently, tilting his head along whenever Bob brought the book to his lap for reading. Once in a while Paul asked a question or two, whether it be a term that was alien to him or a further explanation of what Bob had typed. In a way, Paul was proofreading his report, so Bob didn’t complain. Besides, Paul was learning new things along the way too, so it was a two birds one stone kind of situation. After a while Bob finally managed to finish his report. As he closed his laptop and sighed in relief, he heard Paul sigh contentedly as well.

“That was fun,” Paul said. He made a soft noise as he stretched his limbs. “I don’t mind watching you work all the time like this.”

Bob felt his face flush. That was something he’d never expected to hear. As much as Bob agreed, he knew he would need his own personal space to work. Bob scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. “Thanks…”

Paul gave him a toothy grin. “Don’t sweat it. It’s nice to learn a thing or two. I like to know the context and story behind a piece of art, it gives it more meaning.”

Bob nodded in agreement. Truthfully, while they had been spending a lot of time together, it was one of the rarer moments that Bob saw Paul talk about art. It was a comforting thought to know that the person he had hastily asked to be his roommate had actual common interests with him. The blonde sat up straighter in excitement, not wanting to end the night and conversation just yet. “I could tell you more, if you’d like..”.

“Really?” Paul’s face lit up.

“Yeah!” Bob replied eagerly. “We could go to a museum or a gallery, there might be some pieces I’ve learned about, and… And… we can discuss them!” Bob couldn’t help his excitement. Even though he had Alex and a few people in art school he was on talking terms with, Paul was his roommate and probably the person closest to him. He was eager to spend more time with dark haired man now that he knew about their shared interest.

“Sounds like a plan! It’s a date then.”

Bob paused. He could feel his face heating up, all the way to his ears. A date? What had made Paul think of that? Bob tried to retrace his words, had he possibly slipped up? But he knew he had always been careful to hide his feelings, so he was sure he hadn’t hinted it that way to Paul. Paul being Paul, he was most likely using the term loosely, but Bob couldn’t help the way his heart felt hopeful about it.

While Bob sat there, eyes wide and cheeks flushed, Paul kept going. “There’s that really nice museum, Kelvingrove, was it? The one with the nice gardens. I wonder if we could take Alvy on a stroll there.”

Bob gulped.  _We?_  His head was spinning. He was happy that Paul had taken it very lightly, but this whole situation was also nerve-wracking at the same time. It would be his first ever date with a boy, a very nice boy, and it was a big deal to him. Before Bob’s mind could spin even further, Paul brought Bob’s thoughts back to reality.

“Bob?”

“Yeah?” he answered dazedly.

“What do you think?”

“Yeah…” he answered before he had even fully processed the thought.

Paul gave Bob an approving pat on the knee before he got up to leave for the bedroom. “You coming to bed?” Bob desperately wanted to join, and maybe probe Paul further about this apparent date, but he refused, excusing himself to finish his homework. Once the bedroom door closed, Bob lunged for the nearest pillow and buried his face in it, trying not to scream from happiness. He had just made date plans with Paul.


	21. Chapter 19 part 2

The buzzing of a distant cell phone stirred Alex from his sleep. Alex fumbled around for it in the still-dark room. He went into the hallway, not wanting to wake Nick, or Steckrübe, who would start meowing when either resident of the flat would make the slightest movement. “Just because it’s 7 AM over there…” he grumbled, flipping his phone open.

“Hello, Alexander.”

“Hi,” Alex said softly, sleep still heavily clinging to him.

“Are you alright?” his mother asked. “You sound exhausted.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “It’s 5 AM on a Wednesday…”

Alex’s mother ignored him. “Has your father told you the news yet?”

“About?”

“The Bulgarian prime minister was assassinated yesterday.” His mother delivered the news in a collected tone.

“Sucks for him.” Alex yawned, stretching his limbs a bit.

“Alex, we need you to come with us to the funeral.”

Alex sighed and glanced back inside the room through the ajar door, where Nick was still peacefully asleep. “Can’t you get one of my siblings to go?”

“No. We want you to come,” his mother said sternly. Alex closed his eyes in annoyance. He knew that tone well. It was the tone his mother would use when she wouldn’t take no as an answer.

“Well, when is it?” Alex sighed, placing a hand on his hip.

“Sunday.”

Alex saw Nick twitch in his sleep, obviously disturbed by the lack of Alex’s presence next to him. “Can I bring a plus one?”

“To a funeral?!”

“My girlfriend,” Alex quickly blurted out. He regretted his lie almost immediately.

“Oh! Well, in that case…” Alex could hear the smile in his mother’s voice. He rolled his eyes.

“Okay. I’ll buy the plane tickets once it’s not five in the morning here.”

“I’m sorry for waking you up…” Alex could hear his mother’s apologetic tone. He softened up again.

“Oh, it’s fine.” Alex glanced back at Nick again, waiting to join him. “I have to go. I have class this morning.”

“Alright, dear. Call me when you’ve booked the flight. Love you.”

“Love you,” Alex mumbled back, closing his phone and placing it on the nightstand. He flopped back onto the bed, facing Nick. Nick’s eyes fluttered open.

“Hi,” Nick said quietly, gazing up at Alex. “Who was that?”

Alex pulled up the blanket. “That was my mum. She wants me to come to Greece.”

Nick nodded. He felt a gnawing pain in his stomach as his brain began to race, thinking about Alex leaving him to fend for himself. He bit his tongue and tried to appear as calm as possible. “When?”

“Well, we have to be there on Saturday.”

“… We?” Nick felt relieved, but still confused nonetheless.

“I haven’t told her you’re coming yet.” Alex bit his lip as he tried to think of a way out of the lie he had conjured up out of panic. Damn it, it was too early for this.

“Oh…” Nick was still confused. “Can we bring…” Nick scooped Steckrübe, who was slumbering beside him, closer.

“I was thinking we could leave him with Bob and Paul.” Nick clutched Steckrübe a bit tighter. “He’s friends with Alvy, remember? I’m sure he’ll have a great time.” Alex tried to reassure Nick, rubbing Nick’s upper arm for good measure. Nick loosened his grip on the cat, who sagged lazily into his owner’s embrace.

“Alright…” Nick said quietly.

“Do you think you can go back to sleep?” It was still dark out, and Alex wanted a few more hours of rest before having to deal with his family again.

Nick said nothing and nestled himself against Alex’s welcoming arms as they both started to drift back to sleep.

Alex called his mother again a few hours later as Nick was eating breakfast at the kitchen table.

“So, I emailed my professors to let them know that I’ll be away, and I booked the flight.”

“That’s great!” Alex’s mother replied.

Alex ran his free hand through his hair. “There’s a little problem, though…”

“What is it?”

“My girlfriend just told me she can’t come.” He started to tell the lie he had conjured up in his head earlier that morning before the call. If he played his cards right, he might be able to bring Nick with him.

“So just you, then?” His mother sounded a bit disappointed.

“Well, I’ve already bought her a ticket…”

Alex’s mother was silent on the other end.

“Can I bring my flatmate?” Alex asked quickly.

“Flatmate?” His mother’s surprised voice echoed out from the other end.

“Yeah, uh, he’s in school with me and we split rent.” Alex’s lie snowballed.

“Well… I didn’t think you’d need to split rent, of all people…”

“He’s my friend. It’s good to have friends.”

“Fine. He’s allowed to come. Just make sure he’s on his best behavior.” The hint of annoyance was still there, but Alex ignored it.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. He’s really sweet. You’ll love him.” Alex shot Nick a quick smile. Nick smiled vaguely and ate another spoonful of cereal.

“I believe you. I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

“Same here,” Alex lied again, though only partially this time.

Alex shut his phone after saying goodbye and sat across from Nick at the table. Steckrübe joined them shortly after, meowing for some human food. Nick gave him a piece of cereal and patted his head gently. Alex always appreciated how cautiously Nick cared for the cat. It seemed he loved him more than anything, and Alex could understand why Nick didn’t want to leave him, even for just a few days.

“We’re leaving tomorrow,” Alex said to Nick as he poured a bowl of cereal for himself.

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah. From there we’re headed to Sofia, Bulgaria, and then…”

“So soon…” Nick looked down at Steckrübe, his anxiety starting to gnaw at him.

“You can always stay with Paul and Bob if you want,” Alex suggested, seeing Nick’s reaction.

Nick shook his head. “I want to go.” _I want to be with you._

“Alright,” Alex smiled. “We can drop the cat off at Bob and Paul’s place tonight. I’ll let them know.”

Nick made his way to the couch and held Steckrübe in his lap after he finished his breakfast. Alex felt bad for separating them, but he already knew how his parents would react if he brought his flatmate  _and_  his cat to their house. Alex already knew that his parents thought he was a crazy art kid, but he didn’t want them to hate him. He had to put on his best ‘diplomat’s son’ personality and had to teach Nick how to do the same.

“I’ve told you about my family, yeah?” Alex called into the living room as he cleaned up the cereal from the kitchen table.

Nick shrugged. Even if Alex had told him, the information was now lost somewhere in his head.

“Well, my dad’s a diplomat and my mum’s really uptight about it.”

“Oh?”

Alex came into the room. “Yeah. So basically every time there’s some sort of government event going on over there, I have to be there. Lots of fancy parties and meetings that won’t mean anything in a month or two.”

Nick nodded, still paying attention as he patted Steckrübe.

“They don’t like that I’m in art school. In Glasgow. Living with you.”

Nick tensed up and looked down. Was Alex… ashamed of living with him?

Alex noticed Nick’s anxiety. “No! Well, not you specifically. Just that I’m living with someone. They think I’m somehow above that. Really, though, we all need someone to be around, yeah?” Alex sat down on the couch next to Nick and put his arm around his shoulders.

“Yeah,” Nick agreed. Steckrübe curled up in a ball on his lap.

“Are you going to class today?”

“I was planning on it…” Nick said quietly.

“I can walk you there if you want.”

Nick nodded and gave Alex a small smile.

That evening, Nick put Steckrübe into his favorite reusable grocery bag and slung it onto his left arm. He nearly toppled over. “Heavy…” he giggled and balanced himself out. Alex opened the door of the flat and they began to make their way to Bob and Paul’s flat.  As they walked, Alex glanced over at Nick occasionally, admiring him. Nick was so focused on carrying Steck that he didn’t even notice. As they rounded the corner onto the street where Paul and Bob lived, Nick stopped short. Alex got several steps ahead before he noticed, and when he turned around, he saw Nick crouching down, admiring something sparkly on the ground. Nick picked it up and examined it, then smiled and shoved it into the pocket of his jeans. Alex frowned, but decided to keep his mouth shut.

They resumed their walk. Nick eventually took Steckrübe out of the bag and held him. Bob and Paul’s flat was only a few blocks away, and they made it there relatively quickly.

Bob welcomed them into the flat, where Alvy immediately ran over to Nick and Steckrübe and led them to the living room. They sat on the floor playing with Alvy’s toys as Alex talked to Bob and Paul.

“Anything important we should know about the cat?” Paul asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“He’s friendly, I guess. Nick loves him.” Alex glanced out at Nick, who was still playing with Alvy and Steckrübe on the floor in the living room.

“Is everything… alright? From last night?”

“He hasn’t mentioned it. I think he accepted your apology.” Alex looked over at Nick again and said softly, “I don’t think he wants to go on this trip. He’ll miss the cat too much.”

“Well, if you’re worried about leaving him in the flat, he could always stay with us.”

“Oh, no, he doesn’t want to do that,” Alex said, shaking his head. “He already said he’s coming with me.”

“Alright…” Paul nodded.

Alvy led Nick and Steckrübe back into the kitchen a few moments later.

“Are you ready to go?” Alex asked Nick.

Nick nodded in response, handing Steckrübe to Bob. Steckrübe wiggled in Bob’s arms and meowed at him.

“Let’s get packing then. See you guys on… Wednesday? We’re coming back on Wednesday night.”

“See you then!” Bob let Nick pat Steckrübe one last time before he left the flat.

After Alex and Nick said their goodbyes, Bob shut the door and flopped down on the couch with Steckrübe. “And now we have his stupid cat!” Bob sighed.

“What?” Paul asked incredulously.

Bob continued as though he hadn’t heard Paul. “And he gets to go on a fancy trip with Alex!”

“Bob…” Paul sat beside him. “You shouldn’t be jealous…”

Alvy jumped onto the couch and laid his head on Bob’s lap. Bob put Steckrübe down and Alvy hopped up and followed him into the bedroom, where Steckrübe was investigating his temporary home. Bob sighed. “I know. I know I shouldn’t be.”

“You have me right here…” Paul smiled and leaned in towards Bob.

Bob was still pouting, but as he looked over to Paul he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips and the way his heart start beating faster. Paul was quite close to him, so close that if Bob wanted to try, he could count his myriad of freckles.

“We can have our fun too,” Paul said when Bob didn’t respond to his advances.

“How?” Bob asked, genuinely curious. As happy as he was that Paul was being very friendly to him these days, he couldn’t help the jealousy in his gut at the sight of Alex and Nick walking away together.

Paul hummed before he answered, his face lighting up. “You could do your homework!”

“You…you want me to do my homework?”

Paul’s expression turned bashful as he realized how weird his suggestion was. He scratched the back of his head and giggled. “Oh, I meant…you do your homework. Yes. And I can watch again…?”

Bob raised his eyebrows.

“I-I mean, I really liked what we did the other day…” Paul said, fidgeting. “I’d love to do it again… If you don’t mind.”

“Oh…oh! Of course,” Bob answered. He was amazed how Paul could easily turn his mood upside down. “I have to do a presentation about Asian arts. I hope you’re interested in woodcut prints.”

Paul grinned. “You could tell me about taxes and I’d still be interested.”

Bob simply laughed and pulled his laptop off the coffee table. He could get used to this.


	22. Chapter 20

Nick was immediately blinded by the bright Mediterranean sun when he stepped off of the plane in Athens. “It’s warm here,” he laughed anxiously as he slipped off his jacket.

“Yeah,” Alex responded as they walked through the airport. “If anyone comes up to you, don’t say anything.”

“… What?”

“It’s just something you have to learn, Nick. There are certain things you have to do when you’re the child of a diplomat. You’re a public figure.”

“Well-”

“No one will know that you’re not one of my brothers. At least, not here.”

Nick nodded. He felt uncomfortable abandoning his usually secretive life, but went along with what Alex was saying anyway.

“And… you’re going to have your own room when we get to my place. And you’re going to have to sleep there by yourself.”

“That’s…” Nick tensed up as they waited by the automatic doors for their driver. “That’s fine. I guess.”

“I know you’re nervous, but…” Alex trailed off as he spotted the car. “Let’s go.”

Nick sat in the back as Alex made friendly conversation with the driver. He watched the fluffy white clouds against the blue sky as they passed by the dry mountains on either side of the highway.

“Really is beautiful, yeah?” Alex turned around to ask Nick. Nick nodded and returned to his silent observing. He couldn’t help but smile as Alex talked to the driver in a language he couldn’t understand. Nick felt extremely out of place, but in some way, it felt right. More right than it did in Glasgow, at least. As they approached the large gates in front of Alex’s house, Nick realized that maybe this whole diplomatic family thing was more of a big deal than he thought.

“This must be your flatmate?” Alex’s mother asked when she saw Nick trailing a few feet behind Alex.

“Yes. This is Nick.” Alex nudged him to introduce himself. Nick just gave a shy wave.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Alex’s mother said with a smile. “Can I get you something to drink?”

Nick shook his head. Alex’s mother frowned. “Ah, let me get you some water!” She turned and headed to the kitchen.

Nick looked after her, only managing to choke out a response after she had disappeared from sight. He sighed and put his face in his hands. Alex gave him a strange look.

Alex’s mom returned after a few moments with two large glasses of water, handing one to both Nick and Alex. “Thanks,” Nick mumbled, taking a small sip.

“Come sit,” she said with a smile, leading Alex and Nick into the main living room. She turned her attention to Nick as he sat down awkwardly next to Alex on a barely-used loveseat  “So, how did you and Alex meet?”

Nick looked over at Alex instinctively, opening his mouth to speak but not making a sound. Alex stopped himself from rolling his eyes as he looked up at his mother. “We met in one of our classes,” he said, purposely leaving out the fact that they had only formally met when Nick had run off with his guitar.

“I see,” she nodded. “I was very surprised when Alex told me that he was bringing you. I never expected him to be living with anyone else. He’s not…you know…” She paused, waving her hands and trying to find the right words. “…Not really accustomed to living with other people,” she finally managed.

Nick nodded, wincing internally. He had no idea how to respond to such a statement, so instead he attempted to speak up. “It’s beautiful here.”

Alex’s mom smiled at the response, “Yes, I’m glad you find it nice here. If only Alex would’ve felt the same…” Her gaze turned to her son, a tinge of disappointment hinted at the corners of her mouth.

Alex didn’t seem to be fazed as he waved a hand of dismissal. “It’s not that I don’t think it isn’t nice here, I’m just not suited for your lifestyle.”

Nick had a clue that Alex might not like it that much in Greece, but to be in the middle of a soon to be family argument wasn’t ideal either. He tugged at Alex’s sleeve, hoping he would take the hint that he was in the presence of a guest in his spacious living room.

“Anyway, we’re tired. I should see Nick to his room. Please excuse us, mother,“ Alex said all too formally, though Nick guessed it was more of a move to mock rather than to actually give respect. Alex’s mom didn’t even try to hide her annoyance as she bid them goodnight.

Alex and Nick grabbed their suitcases and made their way upstairs. They walked down the hall in silence until they reached a set of doors opposite one another at the end of the hallway. Alex gestured to the door on the left. “This was my old bedroom. The guest room is right here across the hall.”

“Okay,” Nick said, feeling his stomach turn. He hadn’t slept without Alex or Steckrübe in so long that the thought of having to spend the night alone was too much to bear. “A-Are you sure…I can’t stay with you?”

Alex looked at Nick with sad eyes. “You can’t. I’m sorry. They can’t find out about us. They’d never let me hear the end of it.”

Nick sighed. He looked into Alex’s eyes and quickly pulled him into an embrace. Alex hugged back tentatively, his eyes darting down the hall to make sure nobody was coming.

Nick let go after a few moments. He pushed the door open and grabbed his suitcase, turning and giving Alex a small wave before shutting the door. Alex smiled faintly and headed into his childhood bedroom.

—

A few hours later, Alex was settling into his bed, ready to rest after a long day of traveling and nostalgia for his childhood. Nick, on the other hand, wasn’t feeling the same sweet sleepiness that Alex was. He climbed into the soft, warm bed in the guest room, but couldn’t let it accept him. He tried to fall asleep, but only got as far as closing his eyes. He clutched his panda plushie close to his chest, but it did nothing compared to the comfort provided by Alex or Steckrübe. Nick tried to fall asleep, hoping that a good night’s rest would be provided by the quiet room and beautiful view of the Mediterranean landscape. He stared up at the ceiling, thinking about how it wasn’t too different from the ceiling in the flat, and he could pretend he was home, if… Eventually, Nick fell asleep clutching his panda plushie with white knuckles and a sick stomach.

Alex woke up when he heard noises coming from the guest room that sounded alarmingly similar to some sort of distressed animal outside. He hesitated, but decided to get up to investigate, because if there was anyone in that house who was going to see Nick in a state of panic, it was Alex.

“Nick?” Alex whispered, opening the door to find Nick huddled in the corner of the bed, trying to melt into the wall. “Oh, Nick…” he gave him a sad smile. “Is everything alright?”

Nick nodded and motioned for Alex to come over. Alex reluctantly stepped towards him. “Do you want some water or something?”

Nick shook his head.

“Aw, come on, I think you need something in your system… maybe a snack?”

“N-No, Alex, it’s fine—”

“Water and crackers it is, then.” Alex disappeared to the kitchen for a few minutes and came back with the late night snack. Nick accepted it and started munching on the crackers.

“Are you tired at all?” Alex asked.

“… I was…can’t sleep…”

“I have an idea!” Alex ran across the hall to his room and picked up a children’s mythology book from the shelf. “I’ll read to you.”

Nick smiled and made room for Alex next to him on the bed. Alex sat down and started reading one of the stories. Nick nibbled on his crackers, half paying attention, half just happy to be there with Alex. After finishing his snack, he slid one of his arms behind Alex’s back and rested his head on his shoulder.

“Do you like the story, Nick?” Alex asked, only to find that Nick was fast asleep. Alex’s heart fluttered at the sight of Nick snuggled against him, eyes closed, lips parted, breath calm and quiet. He placed the book on the nightstand beside him, then ran his hand gently through the hair at the base of Nick’s scalp and shut his eyes, inadvertently letting out a long sigh.

Alex cared very deeply about Nick, that much was certain. He thought back on their relationship - how in just a few short weeks they had gone from enemies, to flatmates, to - Alex could hardly believe it - friends. They spent so much time together that Alex could barely remember the beginning of his life in Glasgow, when he had been so alone. He liked his arrangement with Nick, and although he had never come right out and said it, he sensed that Nick felt the same way.  _At least, I hope he does._

Nick shifted in his sleep, laying his other arm across Alex’s stomach. Alex smiled to himself. This part was pretty nice, too. Alex had never been the type of person who wanted to settle down and be in a relationship, and he certainly hadn’t gone to Glasgow looking for a girlfriend - or a boyfriend, for that matter. But he felt comfortable with Nick. Safe.  _Do I want him to be my boyfriend?_  Alex didn’t know. But spending time with Nick felt good, and Alex was nothing if not a hedonist.

Alex’s mind wandered back to the dinner they’d had with Bob and Paul a few nights prior, and he suddenly felt sick remembering his thoughts as he’d held Nick while he cried. Alex still didn’t know Nick, really. Paul’s approach to learning about Nick’s past had been all wrong, but Alex found himself wondering the same things. Why was Nick like this? What could possibly have happened to him in Germany that had nearly destroyed his ability to speak, or to read, or had made him unable to sleep without Alex by his side? Alex didn’t know, but he resolved to get to the bottom of it soon.

Alex looked down at Nick sleeping peacefully beside him, then carefully slipped out of his embrace and tiptoed over to the door. He desperately wanted to stay, but he couldn’t risk getting caught. He blew Nick a kiss and shut the door softly behind him.


	23. Chapter 21

Alex woke up early the next morning, fearing Nick’s reaction to waking up alone. Luckily, he made it to Nick’s room before he or anyone else in the house was awake. He opened the door to see Nick in the same position he had left him in.

“Hey,” Alex said as he made his way to Nick’s side. “Nick? Wake up.” He poked his arm gently. Nick stirred a bit and opened his eyes. He smiled when he saw Alex standing over him.

“Good morning,” Alex laughed softly. “You slept well?”

Nick nodded. “Thanks for reading me a story. Sorry I fell asleep,” he said sheepishly, averting his eyes.

Alex laughed. “Anytime. I’m just glad it worked!”

Nick let out a small giggle and looked up at Alex again.

“Anyway,” Alex said, “we’ve got to start getting ready. Our flight is in a couple hours.”

Nick sat up sleepily and stretched. “Okay. But…”

“Yes?” Alex replied with raised eyebrows.

“I don’t have anything to wear,” he said quietly, looking embarrassed again.

Alex waved his hand. “It’s fine! I’ve got lots of my old clothes here. I’m sure we can find something for you to wear.”

At this, Nick’s face brightened. He slipped out from beneath the covers and followed Alex across the hall into his bedroom. The room was shaped like a tower in a castle as opposed to the regular rectangular walls of the guest room. Nick looked around at some of Alex’s old art hanging on the walls and the elegant windows that made Nick feel like he was somewhere in a different century.

Alex slid the closet door open and began to browse through the garments hanging on the bar. Nick watched over his shoulder. “You have so many clothes…”

Alex shrugged. “When you’re a diplomat’s son, you have to be ready for any occasion.”

“Must be nice.”

Alex glanced back over his shoulder. “What?”

“To have all this stuff,” Nick said quietly. “I never got to have anything nice like this.”

“Oh,” Alex said, unsure of how to respond. “I mean…I don’t know. It’s just my life, I guess.” Eager to change the subject, he suddenly stopped and grabbed a hanger holding a black suit jacket and pants. “Alright! This looks perfect!” He handed it off to Nick, who held it up and studied it briefly before nodding.

“I don’t think I’ve worn it since I was about 14, so it should fit you just fine,” Alex said, hastily adding, “I mean, not that you’re short or anything, I just…”

Nick just giggled and walked back across the hall to get changed. He returned a few minutes later, pushing the door open slowly. “Well?”

Alex turned around from the mirror where he had been adjusting his tie and looked Nick up and down. He did his best not to smile at how Nick had cuffed the pants, just like when Alex had let him borrow his pajamas. “Perfect!”

Nick smiled. “Y-you too.”

“Oh, I have something for you!” Alex grabbed Nick’s hand and ran downstairs to his younger brother’s room. He opened a drawer and pulled out a metal box.

“What’s—”

“Flag pins!” Alex searched around in the box for a Greek flag to match those that the rest of his family would be wearing. “Here.” He pinned the little enamel flag to Nick’s jacket. Nick watched as Alex kept rummaging through the box. Alex eventually pulled out a German flag pin and pinned it to Nick’s jacket under the Greek flag. “My brother collected these a while ago. He’s off at boarding school now and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you kept these two.”

“Thanks,” Nick looked up at Alex with his trademark wide eyes. Alex smiled and patted Nick’s shoulder. They went downstairs to find Alex’s mother and get ready to leave.

“You two look stunning!” she exclaimed as she saw them. “Perfect representatives of our country.” Alex thanked her and Nick just smiled in response.

Later that evening, Alex and Nick were back at the house. The whole day had been a whirlwind - the flights, the funeral, the reception - and it was all a blur to Nick. He was exhausted from following Alex around all day, and just wanted to rest. He had been dropped into a completely different world, where greetings and condolences were nothing but political strategy, and wanted to rest before his paranoia grew even more. Someone in that crowd had to have known what he did, about all of the instruments he had stolen.

“Do you want to go get dinner or something? I can show you around the city,” Alex suggested once he had changed back into regular clothes.

Nick nodded and went into the guest room to get changed as well. He came out a few minutes later, but Alex wasn’t waiting for him. He decided to look around the house for him.

“Are you looking for Alex?” Alex’s mother asked Nick when he reached the kitchen. Nick nodded in response, but figured he should speak up as well.

“Yeah,” Nick finally said, pretending he was looking at something on the floor.

“He’s waiting for you in the hall,” Alex’s mother led Nick to the front hall of the house.

“Thanks,” Nick went over to Alex and they made their way out the front door.

“I have to show you all of my favorite spots around the city.” Alex reached for Nick’s hand once they were far enough away from the house. Nick smiled to himself as he slipped his fingers between Alex’s.

A few hours later, after dinner at Alex’s favorite restaurant, the two made their way up the narrow road cut into the side of a mountain. Nick had tentatively grabbed Alex’s hand again, lacing their fingers together lightly. Alex responded with a gentle squeeze that sent Nick’s heart fluttering.

They finally reached a small lookout off the side of the road and Alex pulled Nick down to the ground to sit. The city lights sparkled below them.

“I-It’s beautiful…” Nick smiled and put his head on Alex’s shoulder.

“Yeah. This is one of my favorite spots in the entire city,” Alex smile. “I’ve always loved how the mountains surround the inner city. It’s… it really is beautiful.”

Nick nodded. Alex watched as Nick’s tired blue eyes started to close.

“Sleepy?”

“Yeah…”

“We can go into the city some more tomorrow if you’d like,” Alex said softly, stroking Nick’s hair.

“That… would be nice…” Nick was falling asleep. Alex let Nick rest on him, feeling the smaller man weighing down on him.

A few minutes later, Alex woke Nick up to go back to the house to sleep. It was late, after all, and his mother would be worried if they didn’t come back home soon. Nick was still stumbling as they walked back, too tired to pay much attention to his movements. Alex wrapped his arm around Nick’s waist to steady him, wincing every time Nick stepped on his toes.

When they finally reached the house, Alex hurriedly dropped Nick off in the guest room before his mother could see his exhausted condition. “Will you be alright if I leave you for now?” Alex asked, heading towards the door.

Nick nodded and flopped back onto his bed, still fully clothed. Alex closed the door, hoping Nick would just stay asleep and not need to be cuddled like the night before. He made his way across the hall and shut his door quietly. Alex was so exhausted from their long day and copious amounts of walking that the moment his head hit the pillow he was sound asleep.

He was jolted awake nearly an hour later by a sudden weight pressing on his chest. He inhaled sharply and sat up as best as he could, his legs flailing beneath the covers. “What the fuck?!” he hissed, his heart pounding as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. It took him a few seconds to realize that it was Nick.

Nick had leaped off the bed and was standing in the middle of the room, hugging himself. He felt a slight pang of guilt as his eyes began to water.

Alex clapped a hand over his mouth and flew out of bed, striding over to Nick. “You scared me!” he whispered again, more gently this time. “Come here.”

Nick took a shaky breath and nodded, allowing Alex to walk him over to the bed and pull him down beside him. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and gently shifted himself back on top of Alex.

“Be quiet, alright?” Alex said softly as he brushed Nick’s hair away from his teary eyes.

Nick nodded, trying to stop himself from crying. “Sorry…I just…need you.”

Alex felt a slight pang of guilt for his earlier thoughts. He wrapped his arms around Nick and nuzzled his hair. “It’s okay. You just startled me. And you know we can’t let my parents hear us.”

“I know. I wish…”

“What?” Alex asked, pulling back slightly to look at Nick. Nick just shook his head and closed his eyes. Alex frowned and laid his head back down.

“Tonight was nice,” Nick said quietly, reaching up to run his fingers over Alex’s shoulder. “It’s beautiful out here.”

“I thought so too,” Alex smiled. “Did you get to travel much back in Germany?”

“No…I…I mean, we couldn’t afford it,” Nick mumbled, his eyes fluttering closed again. Alex opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words. Nick shifted again, smushing his face into Alex’s chest and stretching his left leg across Alex’s own legs. “Thanks…”

“For what?” Alex said, hoping Nick wouldn’t notice his pounding heart from his new position.

“For…” was all Nick managed before he suddenly passed out.

Alex frowned and felt the weight of Nick’s body on top of his. “Goodnight, then…” he sighed. Alex couldn’t help but wonder why Nick fell asleep so suddenly and why he needed to be cuddled to sleep every night.  _Maybe something bad happened in Germany?_  Alex stroked Nick’s hair and felt him occasionally shift a tiny bit in his sleep.  _Well, obviously he’s not alright, whatever it is._

After an hour of letting Nick rest on him, Alex carried him into the guest room and put him back in his bed, making sure to gently place the panda plushie in his arms. 


	24. Chapter 22

Alex woke Nick up again the next morning, stopping in the doorway for a moment, smiling as he saw him peacefully sleeping. They ate their breakfast quietly, still sleepy, but ready for the day ahead of them.

Later that day, despite the blazing heat and blinding sun, Nick was happy and not showing any signs of his usual exhaustion. Alex actually had a hard time keeping up with him as he ducked into side streets and entered any shop that caught his eye. Alex was intrigued by Nick’s sudden burst of energy and decided to just follow him rather than stop him so they could get back on track to where they were going. Alex was in charge of speaking for Nick, anyway, so it was important that he followed him wherever his feet decided to take him. Eventually, though, Nick calmed down enough for Alex to take him somewhere for dinner.

Nick smiled when he saw the incredible view from the rooftop restaurant. He had never been anywhere like that, where being on top of a roof wouldn’t get him in trouble. He suddenly realized how different Alex’s life was from his, and that things like fancy dinners and days spent exploring the city were normal occurrences for Alex, while they were rare luxuries for himself. Even though he was a bit uneasy, he got to order whatever he wanted and not have to share or steal anything.

After dinner, Nick was tired and Alex agreed that he would bring him home after doing some more touristy activities and sightseeing around the city. Alex dragged Nick to the top of the Acropolis and back down to the museum. From there, they went home, and Alex dropped Nick off in his room for the night as usual.

Nick tapped quietly on the door of Alex’s room in the middle of the night. Alex’s eyes opened quickly and he sprinted to let Nick in before he could tap any more. He swiftly pulled Nick over to his bed and flopped down.

“Like last night,” Alex smiled, “but maybe don’t fall asleep on me this time?”

Nick shifted and rested his head on Alex’s chest. He said nothing, which concerned Alex.

“Couldn’t sleep again?”

“Bad dream.”

“Oh…” Alex held him close. “Are you alright now?”

“Now that I’m with you…” Nick laughed softly, holding onto Alex.

“Can I ask you something, Nick?” Alex sat up and held Nick’s shoulders. It’s now or never.

“Yeah?” Nick tensed up immediately and sat up to match Alex’s position.

“What… what’s wrong?”

“… bad dream?”

“No… Why are you… like this? What happened to you?”

“Oh… That…” Nick bit his lip.

“If you’re comfortable telling me, that is—”

Nick took a deep breath. “I… lived in a flat with my brother for the past… eight years, I think. Abusive family. He got me out as soon as he turned 18.”

Alex nodded silently and kept listening, noticing how the moonlight streamed through the open window and fell softly upon Nick’s face.

“We didn’t really have money, so…we had to steal. Never got in any legal trouble, but… No one in town really liked us…I guess. They all knew we stole. From there it turned into…”

“Compulsive kleptomania?”

Nick nodded. “Yeah, and then… I was followed home one night, and…” He started tearing up.

Alex ran his fingers softly up Nicks arm. “Is everything—”

Nick lifted up his shirt a bit. “I got shot. Right here.” He pointed to a scar on the left side of his chest. “Right through my lung.”

“Nick…” Alex pulled him closer, feeling his heart pound.

“We had to drive three hours…to the hospital…” Nick paused and took a deep, shaky breath. “Lukas said I almost died…I stopped breathing and…” Nick trailed off and pressed his face into Alex’s shoulder. “…brain damage and… the speech thing…” He tried to will himself to calm down, but couldn’t manage to do anything other than fiddle with a stray thread on the blanket. “It all started then.”

“Nick—”

“Lukas never left me alone after that. Not until I got into the music school,” Nick continued. He was visibly uncomfortable at this point, but forced himself to keep going. “I applied to school in Glasgow because I wanted a change,” he laughed softly. “I thought a change would shake it. I just ended up… depressed, unable to function… stealing every day…”

Alex nodded intently. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea…” he mumbled, lost for words for once in his life. Nick didn’t say anything, simply letting out a long sigh.

They sat in silence for a while, Alex trailing his fingers up and down Nick’s arm, just thinking. He felt sick thinking about what Nick had gone through. No wonder he didn’t want to talk about it. No wonder Paul’s abrasive tone had sent him running. It all made sense now - the stolen instruments, the piles of rocks and junk in his bag, his inability to speak… And yet, here he was. Nick. His Nick. He’d been through so much, and yet, somehow, he had made it.

A sudden giggle startled Alex out of his thoughts. He looked over at Nick, who had shifted closer to Alex and was now nuzzling his nose into Alex’s neck. “What?”

Nick smiled. “You’re cute when you’re deep in thought.”

Alex felt his cheeks flush. He turned his head so they were nose to nose now. “Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s you.”

Nick giggled again. “Alex…” he whispered, his breath warm across Alex’s cheek, “I…I like you. A lot.”

Alex looked into Nick’s eyes, suddenly very aware of how violently his hands were trembling. “I like you, too.”

In an instant, before Alex even knew what was happening, Nick closed his eyes and bridged the distance between them, pressing his lips tentatively to Alex’s. Alex gasped slightly before his eyes fluttered shut and he kissed Nick back, savoring the feel of his soft lips.

Nick drew back slightly and then kissed him again, harder this time. Alex reached his hand up to cup Nick’s cheek, pulling his face even closer. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, before Nick broke the kiss and let out the breath he had been holding. Nick slid his head back slightly and looked at Alex, a wide grin spreading across his face. He suddenly started laughing - laughing like he hadn’t laughed in years. He clapped a hand over his mouth to silence himself, then looked up at Alex and immediately burst into another fit of giggles.

Nick’s sudden outburst startled Alex. He had never seen him so giddy before. Alex couldn’t help but start giggling himself. “Are you alright?”

Nick smiled sheepishly. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Never done that before.” He blushed at the confession.

Alex hugged him close. “Could have fooled me,” he murmured. “You’re a great kisser.”

Nick brushed his lips against Alex’s cheek. “Can I…do it again?”

Alex smiled against Nick’s lips. “You never have to ask.”

Nick grinned and pressed his lips to Alex’s once again. Alex melted into the kiss, finally feeling like he was home.

–

The next morning, a knock on Alex’s door startled Nick awake. “Shit,” he hissed. Not only had he accidentally fallen asleep on Alex again, but if he didn’t answer the door, whoever was on the other side would know that there was something going on in the room. He prepared himself for what he was going to say and slowly approached the door. He made sure his clothes weren’t too wrinkled, indicating that he definitely did not sleep in Alex’s bed last night. He turned the knob and held his breath.

“Nick?”

“Good morning,” he responded to Alex’s mother, trying to keep himself calm.

“You’re up early,” she smiled.

“Just…waking up Alex,” Nick answered. He tried to be polite by looking at the woman in the eyes, but ended up staring at her forehead instead.

“Ah, alright. Come down to breakfast when you’re ready.”

“Thanks,” Nick nodded and shut the door, breathing a sigh of relief. He made his way to the side of Alex’s bed and gently nudged his shoulder. He figured it would be best to actually wake Alex up, not wanting anyone to question him.

Alex stirred after a few moments, slowly opening his eyes. Nick smiled. “Good morning,” he said, bending down to give him a soft kiss on the forehead.

As Alex brushed his teeth a little while later after breakfast, he let his mind wander back to the events of the night before. His stomach fluttered as he remembered their first kiss, and the many kisses that had followed. He could hardly believe that it had happened. Alex smiled to himself as he rinsed off his toothbrush and snapped the cover back on, but his smile faded as he thought back to Nick’s story about his near-death experience.  _His mind swirled with thoughts. I had no idea. Why didn’t he tell me sooner? No wonder he always looks so sad. I have it so easy._

That last thought startled Alex out of his trance. He stared himself down in the mirror. He had never thought of it like that before, but now that he did, he began to compare his own life to what Nick had gone through. He kept thinking about it as he began packing his bag, preparing to return to Glasgow. He decided to take Nick’s suit with him, just in case they ever needed to attend another event.

They still had one more day left in Greece, and Alex wanted to spend it on the roof of his house. Their flight wasn’t until late that night, and Alex wanted to take the morning off in Glasgow to rest, anyway. After Nick finished packing and showering, he met Alex in the stairwell and climbed the stairs with him to see the view of the greater Athens area. Alex was a bit uneasy about being on the roof of his house, but Nick felt quite at home. Eventually, Alex’s mother came up to call them down for lunch.

As Alex and Nick took their seats at the lavish dining table, Alex’s mother came in and set down several big plates. Nick eyed each plate, contemplating which ones he might want to stuff in his face first. Usually being in new places meant his anxieties would skyrocket, which hindered his ability to eat normally. But being in Greece with Alex somehow felt nicer than anywhere else, and he was able to enjoy the various cuisines that Greece has to offer. Nick saw some familiar dishes he’d had the day before, though he decided he wanted to try something new.  Alex seem to notice that Nick was silently observing the day’s menu. He reached to pick up what seemed to be skewered pieces of meat on a stick and offered it to Nick.

“Here, try this one.” Alex carefully handed the still steaming food to Nick. As Nick tried to grab for the end of the stick, their fingers touched. Nick couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped him. Alex raised his eyebrows and grinned impishly.

“It’s called souvlaki,” Alex explained as Nick had worked his way through the first piece. “Do you like it?”

Nick nodded. He took another eager bite, this time trying to get the entire piece of meat in his mouth. His excitement, both from the food and from Alex, made him unaware of his actual eating capabilities. Used to smaller bites, he only got a third of the piece of meat in his mouth, making the remaining small chunk of meat fall off. Luckily Alex was watching after him and saved it from falling into Nick’s lap, possibly staining his clothes.

“Careful there,” Alex said. Nick felt slightly embarrassed, but when Alex reached out to rub his thumb on the edge of Nick’s mouth he felt embarrassed for a different reason. “Got something on your…” and when Alex had licked the crumb from his thumb Nick felt his cheeks grew hot.

The clack of heels surprised them both from their moment. A familiar figure had  appeared in the doorway, “Enjoying your lunch?”

Alex wanted to reply  _Yes, Mother, but only before you came in_ , but refrained from doing so. Instead he gave a simple, “Yes.”

“Nick, do you like our family recipe Souvlaki?”

Nick nodded, his mouth still chewing on the big bite. Alex’s mom turned back to Alex, her expression slightly changing to that of a more stern motherly one.

“Alex, you have to get going soon, hurry and eat so you don’t miss your flight.” With that,  she left the two to their own devices. Alex joined Nick in downing the souvlakia while they were still hot. Every once in a while, they both glanced at each other in silence as they ate. Before long, the time had finally come for both of them to leave Alex’s childhood home and go back to their much more modest lives in Glasgow.

Alex’s mother smiled warmly as Nick and Alex made their way down the stairs, suitcases in hand. She walked up to Alex and threw her arms around him, kissing his cheek. “It was so nice to see you!” She pulled back and looked at Nick before grabbing him in a similar embrace and giving him a kiss on the cheek as well. “And it was so lovely to meet you, Nick. I’m sorry it wasn’t under better circumstances.” She looked thoughtful for a moment, then continued, “You know, you’re always welcome here…and I do hope we get to see you again sometime.”

Nick blushed and nodded. “Thank you for having me.”

“We’ll be back soon,” Alex smiled, “I love you.” He hugged his mother one last time, and with that, he and Nick were out the door and headed back to Glasgow.


	25. Chapter 23

Alex knocked on the door of Paul and Bob’s flat, a folded reusable grocery bag under his arm. He heard rushed footsteps on the other side, then a click of the lock that brought him relief. His legs were starting to ache from skipping the stairs two steps at a time a bit too eagerly. The wooden door swung open to reveal a familiar face.

“Well look who’s back!” Paul grinned. “Came to get the cat?”

“Yeah!” Alex offered a smile before he shuffled in.

“How was your trip?” Paul asked as Alex made his way into the flat. Alex caught a glimpse of blonde hair dashing into the next room followed by a quiet “Steckrübe, Alex is here!”.

“It was great! We had an amazing time.” Alex grinned, nearly telling Paul about their first kiss, but deciding to keep it a secret for now. He was looking forward to telling them about the rest of their journey, though. He couldn’t believe he’d live to see the day where coming home to Greece would make him happy, but here he was.

“Yeh? Glad to hear it. Where’s Nick?” Paul asked as he looked around, as if he expected to see Nick appear from behind Alex.

“Ah…he didn’t feel like coming,” Alex said, averting his eyes and playing with his hair. It was true. Alex had attempted to wake Nick up several times, and each time he had been met with nothing more than a small grumbling sound and a shuffling of blankets. He thought this was odd - Nick loved Steckrübe so much, didn’t he want to see him again? - but he decided not to question it. Alex needed to pick up Steckrübe in the morning so he could make it to his first class later in the day, so he couldn’t wait around. He had decided to plant a kiss on Nick’s forehead instead before heading off. For now, he decided to leave all that behind. He continued waving his arms animatedly and directed the subject away from Nick. “I lived in Greece all my life, but for some reason this trip made that place so much more special!”

Bob walked back into the room, cradling Steckrübe in his arms. “Special?” he joined in.

“Yes!” Alex smiled broadly at the sight of them and also at Bob’s question. He walked over to Bob to rub Steckrübe’s belly. “It’s so good to see you,” he said to the cat, gingerly lifting Steckrübe up.

“Weren’t you there for a funeral though?” Paul inquired, voice tinged with confusion. Alex let out a laugh as he waved a free hand, his other still cradling the cat.

“Well, I didn’t personally know the guy so it doesn’t really affect me.” Alex sighed dreamily and snuggled Steckrübe closer to him, reminded of all the times spent with said cat’s owner the last few days. “Travelling with someone special really makes the whole trip worthwhile, though.”

The pierce that went through Bob’s heart hurt like no other. His throat felt tight and his eyes began to sting. He made a beeline for the pantry, head bent down, fists clenched. He forced himself to move about, preparing cups and taking out the tea bags. Anything to distract himself long enough so he wouldn’t crumble to the ground right then and there. Bob’s change of mood didn’t go unnoticed by his flatmate though, as the loud clunk when Bob set down the cup harder than necessary and the shaky breath he let out was an indication.

“Oh… That’s great! I’m glad you had a good time!” Paul answered for both him and Bob, throwing a worried glance in Bob’s direction and back to the thoughtless Alex. “We had a good time too! Steckrübe and Alvy got along great.” Paul tried to lift the mood for Bob. Even though Bob initially wasn’t too excited having to babysit Nick’s cat while he was on a trip with Alex, it hadn’t taken long for Bob to warm up to Steckrübe.

Bob seemed to calm down a bit, as he dared to throw a smile Alex’s way before continuing with the tea bags. Paul finally took his attention off of his roommate to help Alex put Steckrübe inside the reusable grocery bag. He held the bag open for Alex as he gently tried to fit the big cat in. Alex walked over to where Bob was, bringing the bag with him.

“I should get going…” Alex bid his farewell, feeling vaguely uncomfortable. Bob reached into the bag to scratch Steckrübe between the ears.

“You know he can come by whenever he’d like.” Bob solemnly said.

“What, on his own?”

“You know what I mean.” Bob rolled his eyes and gave a small smile.

“See you in class later then?” Alex slung the bag onto his shoulder.

“Yeah, see you then.” Bob replied, and as quick as he came Alex was already on his way again. Bob looked down to the untouched tea he had prepared for the three of them, but as their front door closed Bob picked up what was meant to be Alex’s mug and threw its contents into the sink.

–

Alex returned to the flat to find Nick still curled up in the blankets, staring at nothing in particular. He placed the grocery bag on the floor, letting Steckrübe hop out and hoping that he didn’t somehow forget Nick in the few days they were away.

“I have someone for you,” Alex said softly, scooping Steckrübe into his arms. He dropped him on the bed next to Nick.

Nick sat up as soon as he saw Steckrübe and quickly wrapped his arms around him. “Steck…”

“Are you going to class today?” Alex sat next to Nick on the bed.

Nick shrugged, knowing deep inside that there was no way he was leaving the flat. Something inside of him made him feel ill. He didn’t want to see anyone or go anywhere.

“Aw, maybe you should try,” Alex playfully bumped Nick with his shoulder, trying to bring Nick along into his own good mood. “I’m leaving in about an hour, anyway, so… maybe…”

Nick looked up at Alex and shrugged again, though he was actually considering his suggestion this time.

“Maybe you could bring the cat with you!” Alex held up the grocery bag he had used to bring Steckrübe over with.

Nick’s eyes lit up. If he couldn’t stay at home with the thing that made him happy, why didn’t he just bring said thing along with him? He held Steckrübe a bit tighter. “I’ll go.”

“How about lunch before class?” Alex peeled the blanket from Nick’s shoulders, helping him up to get ready.

After a nice lunch at a local deli, Alex dropped Nick and Steckrübe off at the front of the music school. “Have fun,” Alex smiled and patted Nick’s back reassuringly. Nick held Steckrübe’s bag on his shoulder as he walked hesitantly into class. He sat down towards the back of the class and was just arranging his belongings when a familiar tall boy sat next to him.

“Hi!” Julian greeted Nick. Nick felt his fear crawl into his heart again, but it was too late to run. Not when Julian had blocked the only way out, as Nick had sat himself at the corner of the room. Julian didn’t give him time to conjure up a reply as he leaned over and peeked into the grocery bag by Nick’s feet.“What’s in the bag?”

Nick hesitated at first, remembering their last encounter, but Julian didn’t even bring it up. Slowly but surely he pulled one of the bag handles to give Julian access to view Steckrübe licking his front paws.

“A cat!” Julian nearly shouted, eyes bright with excitement.

It wasn’t the response Nick had expected, but he was pleased nonetheless. Nick nodded at Julian, but then he immediately flopped the handle back over the bag as their professor walked by.

“You sure are a wild card, Nick,” Julian snaked an arm into the bag to pat Steckrübe. “I think we can be friends.”

Nick nodded silently and pulled his notebook out of his backpack. He finally spoke for the first time in class that day, voice slightly croaking from being silent for too long. “Maybe.”

–

Later that night in Bob and Paul’s joint flat, Bob was deep in thought over his plate of homemade spaghetti. He’d only scooped a few forkfuls of pasta before his mind presented him the events of the day. Alex picking up Steckrübe, and then basically admitting that Nick was somewhat special to him, Bob having to calm himself down in the bathroom before heading to class, and then having to bear with more of Alex talking about Nick thorough the entire class. He had carefully tried to keep himself together for the rest of the day but now that he was back to his flat he had to let it loose. His mind started whirring, eyes wandering aimlessly, hand absentmindedly twirling the fork. Yet, he made no advances to eat.

“…And that’s why I think fairies exist in Scotland.” Paul’s voice probed into Bob’s consciousness. Like someone had turned up the volume dial  all the way to the right.

“I-Yeah. Yeah.” Bob blinked a few times before replying to whatever Paul was talking about.

“So you agree?” Paul asked again, “That fairies exist in Scotland?”

“What?” Bob furrowed his brows.

Paul sighed. “I knew you weren’t listening.”

Bob turned scarlet at getting caught red handed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“That’s okay. Just tell me what’s up, though? I noticed you’ve been on edge since this morning.”

Bob was silent. Either his emotions were very apparent or Paul was quite the attentive man. He knew he had to answer, though he couldn’t think up an excuse because he wasn’t quite ready yet to openly admit he liked Alex.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?” Paul’s words went straight into Bob’s heart. Had Paul somehow found out about his feelings? But then Paul spoke up again, “That your friend got to go to Greece-” Paul made a gesture with his hands, playing up the grandeur of the word, “-with his roommate and yet you’re just stuck here in boring old Glasgow?”

Bob’s figure slackened. As he let out a desperate sigh he nodded to confirm Paul’s guess. It wasn’t the entire truth, but it was good enough to sum up his feelings in a more general way.

“Y’know what, Bob?” Paul folded his arms, looking at Bob more seriously. “I think it’s about time we go on that date.”

Bob froze. “Th-the date?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s a perfect time for it,” Paul leaned forward to Bob, a smile forming on his lips. “If Alex and Nick could have their fun so should we… and hey, the cat left the flat, so we should too!”

“Oh…Okay…” Bob nodded a little too enthusiastically. He had to admit he thought the date plans he made with Paul were for some day in the far future, but apparently Paul was just as eager as he was to do it. He smiled at what the implication might mean. “Wait, when should we?”

“What time are you off class tomorrow?”

“Oh. Uh, we’re done after lunch.” Bob answered carefully. He knew where this was going, he just wasn’t sure if he was ready for it.

“Alright, tomorrow after class is good?”

The insides of Bob’s palms started sweating, anxiety and excitement mixed into one. He knew the sudden plan would make him toss and turn all night in bed, but he also knew he didn’t have the willpower to ignore his feelings, so he gave Paul an assuring nod.


	26. Chapter 24

That morning, Bob found Paul had already left the flat, which was relieving since he hadn’t calmed down ever since last night. Sleep only came to him after hours of tossing and turning, and even then he still woke up with sweat pooling and heart racing. Not even his presentation in class today made him as nervous as his upcoming date.

Bob had never been one for public speaking, and presentation assignments never failed to make him tremble in his seat. His fidgety demeanor did not go unnoticed by his friend sitting beside him.

“Bob, are you alright? Presentation getting on your nerves again?” Alex asked.

“No…” Bob shook his head for a bit before correcting himself. “…I mean yeah.”

Alex furrowed his brows at this. “Okay…are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Bob tried to reassure Alex. He didn’t want to make a big fuss, especially since apparently Alex had noticed that he wasn’t his collected self today. He had his first ever proper date to worry about; he didn’t need Alex giving him any extra attention. Not when it should be Paul that he was supposed to think about. Sometime during his tossing and turning the night before, Bob had come to the conclusion that maybe he really should bury his feelings for Alex. It was more than apparent now that he and Alex would never become a thing, not with Nick in the picture, but he would still appreciate having Alex as a friend. “Hey, Alex, are you free this afternoon?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I was wondering if I could drop Alvy at your place for the evening…?”

This seemed to pique Alex’s interest. He tilted his head in question. “Of course. But why?”

It took Bob a short moment before he could answer. He looked down at his clasped fingers. He was a bit embarrassed, yet he figured if he said his worries out loud it would help him overcome his anxiety. “I’m going out with Paul for the evening and apparently we can’t really bring Alvy with us.”

“Oh?” Alex had turned his upper body Bob’s way now. “Where are you going?”

“The Kelvingrove museum… I don’t think they’ll allow Alvy in though so if it’s okay, I’ll drop Alvy off at your place after class…” Bob bit his lip.

“Sure,” Alex shrugged, expression unreadable. If he thought anything about it, Bob couldn’t tell. But it was good enough for Bob and he could worry less now that he knew he was leaving Alvy in good hands. “I think Nick and Steckrübe would appreciate the extra company.” Bob pretended not to get too bothered by Alex mentioning Nick. He had other things on his mind.

Bob’s presentation went almost flawlessly, much to his surprise. As the class grew nearer to its end, Bob couldn’t even be bothered listening to everyone else’s presentations for the day. He always made an effort to listen to his peers, especially regarding academic affairs, but even talk about Bauhaus couldn’t distract him from thoughts about a certain dark haired man. When class was finally dismissed, Bob quickly said his goodbyes to Alex before they parted ways.

Bob hoped for a bit of time alone at his flat before the date to prepare himself. Maybe change his navy blue tee to a more prim button-down. But the way his key wouldn’t budge meant a key was currently dangling on the other side of the door, which meant Paul was already home. Shit. To Bob’s surprise, the door swung open before he could knock. Paul stood on the other side, all toothy smile with Alvy on a leash beside him. Bob noted the way Paul’s hair was combed tidier and the faint whiff of floral detergent from his crisp shirt.

“You’re all ready,” Bob unconsciously spoke his mind out loud.

“Yup!” Paul said. Hearing—and seeing—how enthusiastic Paul was for their date made the butterflies in Bob’s stomach flutter differently. He noticed the way Paul tried to busy his hands, moving Alvy’s leash to his right hand, a sweep to his already neat bangs, moving the leash back to the left, and then finally settling on putting a hand in his pocket instead.  _He’s nervous, too._  Bob gave a small smile, suddenly feeling better.

“Give me five to change and then we can head over to Alex’s.” The eager nod Paul gave him almost made Bob laugh. After a quick switch to his best shirt and a glance at the mirror to make sure his hair was the right amount of casual messy, Bob was finally ready to head out.

When they reached the familiar front door of Alex and Nick’s joint flat, Bob gave a knock. The door creaked open and a nervous pair of eyes peered out. It was Nick. Bob tilted his head slightly so he could make his face seen by the shy man. He doubt Nick could see anything clearly through a crack that narrow.

“Hey, Nick. Alvy’s here.” The mention of Alvy’s name made Nick’s eyes light up. Still silent as ever, he opened the door to invite them all in. Bob heard the shuffle of footsteps from somewhere inside the spacious flat and soon Alex joined them. “As promised,” Bob passed Alex Alvy’s leash, “Alvy and Steckrübe’s second playdate.”

Nick appreciated the comment and gave a small laugh. After giving Alvy a kiss on his head, both as a goodbye and a good luck charm, Bob and Paul made their way down the stairs of the building. Their steps fell into stride as they headed to their destination.

“So, what were you up to today?” Bob asked, breaking their comfortable silence.

“Helped this lady get her lawn cleaned up,” Paul shrugged. “The pay wasn’t that good but she gave me—Ah, shit!”

Bob was taken aback by Paul’s sudden outburst. Paul had stopped, his face scrunched in annoyance. He quickly gathered himself and looked at Bob the way Alvy looked at Bob when he got caught knocking over the house plant again.

“She gave me some pie. I saved it for the occasion but…guess who forgot it back at the flat…” Paul tried his hardest not to look too gloomy, forcing an awkward grin at Bob.

After spending the entire day feeling on edge and trying his hardest to keep his cool, Bob couldn’t help but laugh. At first a grin, and then it turned into a giggle or two, and he ended up trying to hide his laughter from everyone at the bus stop. Paul’s thick brows were scrunched in confusion. Bob finally regained his composure when he noticed Paul pursing his lips and was looking down at his shoes.

“It’s okay Paul, really…” Bob tilted his head so he could see Paul, who was looking downcast. “I think it was really nice of you to save it for the occasion.”

Paul had stopped bending his head down, but he was still biting the insides of his mouth. “Yeah, but silly stupid me had left it back at our flat.”

“I wasn’t laughing at you…” Paul’s raised eyebrows indicated he didn’t believe Bob’s words, but Bob quickly interjected. “Okay, well, I was, sort of. But it was just…I was just really nervous all day for this so it all just…” he waved his hands, gesturing an outburst.

That managed to tug the corners of Paul’s mouth into a smile once more. “Feels good to know I’m a man worth getting all worked up for.”

Bob rolled his eyes and gave Paul a playful nudge. He silently thanked a higher power for the timing of the bus rolling up to the stop, because he didn’t know how long he could keep up the buddy-buddy charade with Paul the moment he’d said those words. The short bus trip to their destination offered Bob a bit of space to clear his head. He’d thought that once he arrived he would become a nervous wreck again, but he found out that the museum’s inviting presence felt like home, even if Alvy wasn’t with him this time.

As they stepped inside, Bob marvelled at the high ceiling and the displays the museum had to offer. He even almost forgave Kelvingrove for not allowing dogs in, though he still wished for the comforting grip of Alvy’s leash in his hand. He directed his mind and gaze to the hanging displays above them. He had always loved the arts, especially the visual arts. He had spent a lot of his past downtime in London wandering the silent halls of art museums, or turning the corners of an exhibition. Art had always been his place of comfort, and now to spend it with a person he would consider a good friend suddenly made the experience much more riveting.

“Oh, I like that one!” Paul pointed at a particular painting down the hallway. It was a contemporary piece, a painting of wavy lines gradually getting fainter by color. Bob had to agree, it was an aesthetically pleasing one to look at.

“Do you like the more contemporary stuff, Paul?”

Paul hummed before shrugging. “Eh, not really. I mean, I don’t really think about those kind of things. Each piece has its own special feeling and I’m just trying to enjoy it without much fuss…see, like this one here…” He made his way to another painting on the same wall and gestured at a collage piece. The rather abstract drawing was sketchy, the dark thin lines a contrast to the plain white background. “This is also great! It definitely evokes a more…” Paul tried to look for words, his hands moving as if trying to pull the words out of his mind, “a darker tone than the one before. Even though it’s a pretty brightly colored piece.”

Bob didn’t have any comment he’d like to interject. So he only nodded, taking into account how Paul viewed art. Paul went on again, commenting on the pieces they walked past. Once in a while pausing to give Bob room to comment, if he had any. But Bob was too engrossed at just watching how passionate Paul was at talking about art. He was starting to think that maybe the university was blind for turning down someone like Paul. They were inside the museum, surrounded by all these pieces, and yet to Bob the most enthralling thing he couldn’t take his eyes off of was Paul. Paul walking beside him, deep in his own thoughts and openly sharing them with Bob, the art pieces just a blur of color and shapes in the background that further complemented Paul’s boyish profile.

As they trudged their way to one of the corridors, Paul noticed Bob’s prolonged silence. He turned his head to see if Bob was listening, but he found Bob quickly looking away, the tips of his ears red. Paul was about to ask if Bob was still with him or not when Bob stopped in his tracks. His gaze was still away from Paul, but this time it was more focused at an object just a few feet away from them.

“Come here,” Bob walked his way to a plaster statue of a boy and a girl, their limbs intertwined. “This is Paul and Virginia.”

“Ah!” Paul replied in an amused tone. He noticed the change in Bob’s demeanor, the way he stood straighter and his entire face lit up. It was akin to when Bob was talking about art back in their flat just a few days ago, so Paul put on his best scholar attitude and he was all ears.

“This statue was based off  _Paul et Virginie_ , a French novel from the 18th century. This piece depicts Paul trying to carry his friend Virginia across the river.”

“Aww,” Paul cooed. “That’s very sweet of that Paul.”

“I’m sure you’re also sweet,” Bob said, only loud enough for Paul to catch a glimpse of it.

“Sorry?” Paul leaned closer to Bob, trying to catch what Bob was muttering under his breath. He swore he’d heard Bob utter his name. Bob himself only half regretted saying the words out loud. He would have liked to stay silent as usual, but he knew he had to be more engaging on his first ever date. He was at a museum with Paul, surrounded by art and with no one to judge them. There wasn’t a more perfect time for Bob to make a move, no matter how small.

“I-I think you’re also…sweet…” Bob’s voice faltered, but he braved himself to glance at Paul before shifting his gaze away again.

“Mate, you’re giving me too much credit!” To Bob’s surprise, Paul looked just as embarrassed as Bob. Bob didn’t know how nice it felt to make someone else fluster under his words, when it was always the other way around. He used this tiny boost of confidence to speak up again.

“I really think you’re a sweet man, Paul! You’ve been a really good friend to me.”  _And I would very much like for us to be more than friends_ , Bob almost said. He’d have to save that for a more appropriate time.

“You’re a really important person to me too, Bob. I really don’t know where I’d be without you.” Paul’s words had successfully made Bob’s heart flutter. The butterflies had never really left his stomach to begin with, and now there was an entire garden inside of him and Paul was the person nurturing it. He wished he could hug Paul, or hold his hand, or anything. His entire body itched from the lack of contact he desperately wanted. So they both just stood there smiling at each other, Bob awkwardly hesitating on initiating anything and Paul slightly flushed from the mushy confession.

They decided to keep walking in silence instead, Bob quietly absorbing the art and history artifacts around him with newfound rose-tinted interest. Paul had fallen into step as well, calmly enjoying the art while dropping short comments once in a while. Their comfortable silence was broken when they reached a certain part of the museum.

“Here you go, Bob. Here’s our Greece!” Paul opened his arms, as if presenting Bob with the Greek artifacts on display. They had reached the ancient history aisle. Bob had to laugh at Paul’s cheeky comment, even if it reminded him of Alex. The museum didn’t have that extensive of a collection, but what they had to offer was representative enough of what ancient Greek civilization was like. There were functional tools like household objects and war attire, but there were also objects that served more aesthetic purposes like sculptures. As they looked around, Paul seem to notice a certain pattern with the objects presented to them.

“Why are all the men naked?” Bob did a double take at Paul’s question before realizing that what he meant was the sculptures and paintings on the artifacts. He was pointing at a particular jar-like object. There were engravings of figures that were indeed in various states of unclothed. Bob racked his brain for an answer - he swore they had touched upon the subject of ancient Greece in his art history class. Then he remembered that during that particular lesson he had been too engrossed in staring at Alex to really pay attention to the lecture. Bob’s small frown deepened. Alex was barging on his thoughts once more, and in a way barging on his date with Paul.

Bob was silent for a while, deep in thought, trying to push Alex away from his mind while trying to emit an answer to Paul’s questions. He felt a warm hand press on his shoulder. Paul was giving Bob a pat on his shoulder, a small gesture that was firm in its touch yet gentle in its notion.  

“It’s okay, take your time.”

“Oh! Sorry Paul. I just…I can’t really remember the exact reason why. I think it had something to do with their ideologies…”

Paul let out a small laugh. “Well, when you’re ready you know I’ll be here.”

Even if Paul hadn’t intended it to come out vaguely, Bob still flushed. Once again Bob left Paul’s words hanging, but if Paul took any offense to it, he didn’t show it. Instead, they decided to keep walking. As they reached the main lobby once more, the high glass ceiling showed signs of the sky darkening.

“Well, what do you know. it’s dark already,” Paul said, his eyes to the skies.

“We should get Alvy,” Bob replied. Paul let out a small laugh at this. Of course the first thing Bob thought of was Alvy.

“Right. And pie is waiting back home!”

Bob felt the corners of his mouth tug in relief. Even if he was sad that the date had come to an end, he would soon come back home to his two most treasured friends.

–

Bob fumbled with his keys for a moment before unlocking his apartment door. Alvy, who they had picked up from Alex’s place, bounded inside, barking wildly and hopping up onto the couch. Bob shut the door and locked it behind them. He tossed his keys onto the coffee table and flopped down on the couch. He smiled and scratched Alvy between the ears and under his chin. He was just as happy as Alvy to be back home from an eventful day. Paul reached from behind the couch and gave Alvy a pat as well.

Without missing a beat, Paul slipped off his shoes and made his way into the kitchen. “Pie time? I’m starving,” he groaned. Bob heard the fridge door opening.

“Sure,” Bob replied, his eyes shut. He stretched his arms above his head, making his shirt ride up slightly. Paul paused in the doorway, pie and utensils in hand, and admired the sight before him. He smiled to himself as he tiptoed into the room and poked Bob’s exposed belly. Bob shrieked and flailed his arms, nearly smacking Paul in the face. He stared at Paul with wide eyes, which only made Paul giggle.

“Sorry, couldn’t help it,” Paul chuckled. He laid the container down on the table and opened the lid. Immediately the inviting smell of the pie made both of the boys sit up straight. Paul grabbed a slice and then pushed the container in Bob’s direction. Bob, still slightly frazzled by Paul’s antics, took a slice as well.  

While Paul had gobbled up the pastry eagerly, Bob nibbled at it. Alvy sat at Bob’s feet, looking up at him quizzically, hoping to get a taste of whatever Bob was eating. Bob just shook his head and stuffed the rest of the pie in his mouth.

“So, did you have fun today?” Paul asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Bob nodded. “I did. I’d been wanting to go there for a long time.” He reached for a second slice. “Great place to go for a date.”

Paul smiled. “A date, huh? Is that what we’re calling it now?”

“Uhhh…yes?” Bob faltered. He felt the familiar rush of anxiety as his heart began to pound.

“Wait, really?”

“Really what?” Bob felt sick.

Paul looked at him seriously. “Like, a DATE date?”

“Yes—I—I mean— Yes?!” Bob clapped his hand over his mouth in horror as he realized what he’d just said. He leapt off the couch, letting his fork clatter to the floor, and ran down the hallway to their bedroom, not even pausing to look at Paul. He slammed the door shut and locked it before he threw himself onto his bed, hugging his pillow as hot tears slipped down his cheeks.

_Fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK._

This was not the way it was supposed to happen. This wasn’t how Paul was supposed to find out. Bob’s first date ever and he had already let his true feelings slip. Paul most certainly didn’t feel the same way. He would never want Bob now.

_I ruined everything._


	27. Chapter 25

Bob woke up early the next morning, and it took him a moment to realize why Paul wasn’t sleeping in the bed across the room. He rubbed his still-puffy eyes and thought for a moment before rushing to unlock the bedroom door.  He ventured cautiously into the living room and saw Paul asleep on the couch, still wearing his outfit from the night before. He stopped for a moment as he saw Paul resting peacefully, seemingly not caring that he had been condemned to sleep on the couch that night. Bob gently sat down next to him and tapped his shoulder. He knew exactly what he had to do.

“Bob?” Paul opened his eyes and blinked a few times.

“Good morning,” Bob cautiously scooted a few inches closer when Paul sat up. “Sorry for locking you out last night.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Paul brushed his hair away from his eyes, voice still croaky from sleep. “It’s not like this has never happened before.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay, and I’m still sorry.” Bob managed a laugh, trying to lighten up the mood. “I bet the couch isn’t comfortable.”

“It’s fine, I promise!” Paul slid his arm around Bob’s shoulder with ease, reverting back to the pleasant atmosphere of the evening before. It was amazing how Paul had managed to brush it off so easily when Bob still felt guilty about locking his friend out of their room for the night. Bob was even amazed at himself at how easy it was for him to slink back into Paul’s welcoming arms as if he hadn’t cried himself to sleep last night. They were silent for a few moments, still groggy from sleep and enjoying each other’s company after the events of last night.  

“Breakfast?” Paul asked.

“Yeah, but—” Bob paused for a moment, steeling himself for what he was about to say. “I think I have something to tell you.”

“Go on…” Paul lifted his arms away from Bob and shifted in his seat so he could take a better look at Bob. He could sense that Bob wasn’t ready to let go of their previous conversation just yet.

“I thought about it a lot last night, and…I think I wanted that to be a date date,” Bob said, his voice quiet. Paul could tell that Bob was trying his best just to look at Paul in the eyes.

“A date date?”

“Yeah, uh, like…” Bob looked down at his hands. “Like a…romantic…date.”

Paul was silent, his eyebrows raised, unsure of how to react. Bob slowly lifted his gaze to Paul, eyes just peering over. His light eyelashes fluttering against reddening cheeks.

“‘Cause…I like you…?” he continued, voice quivering and unsure. He was biting his lip, eyebrows scrunched in worry.

“Bob…I’m really flattered.” Ever so slowly a smile broke across Paul’s face. This in turn made Bob less antsy, as Paul’s ever-beaming smile was highly contagious. Seeing the positive reaction from Paul, Bob broke into nervous but relieved laughter. Paul grinned at seeing his friend finally smile. “You alright?”

“Yeah…I think I’m okay now,” Bob nodded. “Sorry, I’ve never really…done this before.”

Bob’s voiced faltered. Paul didn’t fill the silence like usual. He was a bit surprised at Bob’s confession, but at the same time it finally made sense why Bob was weird about dating, or about any form of romantic gestures for that matter. He thought about their conversation way back after he had hooked up with Dino.

“So…you were definitely jealous about Dino, huh?”

Bob rolled his eyes at Paul’s teasing, though he was still pink in the cheeks. “Well, Alex didn’t exactly like it either.”

“He didn’t?” Paul raised his eyebrows. He could understand why Bob was bitter about it, but the fact that Alex had harbored the same feelings as well? He didn’t know what to do with that information and the fact that Alex was somewhat jealous of him made him even more flattered. It was too much flattery for Paul’s comfort. He shook his head and decided to turn the conversation back to Bob again.

“So what exactly did you mean by ‘never done this before’?” Paul tilted his head in question. Now that they were apparently in an opening up session, why not ask some more? Might as well make the best of the moment.

“Like…going after…a man.” Bob fidgeted.

“Oh…” More dots connected in Paul’s head. “Why?”

“It’s just…I’m not…out.” Bob shrugged, recalling his earlier memories of feeling left out as a boy when his friends started talking about girls. “Like I knew I was different and as I grew up I realized it’s not always a very accepted thing to like men…you know?” He looked at Paul through his soft eyelashes again. He looked so fragile like this.

Paul sensed Bob’s hesitance. He reached to hold Bob’s hand. “Hey…it won’t be easy. But I’m here for you. Besides,” Paul grinned, “you weren’t so bad on that date. Almost can’t believe you’ve never done this before.”

Bob laughed and shook his head, finding the idea ridiculous.

“No, no, really! I mean, you’ll never know if you don’t put yourself out there, right?”

Bob paused. Even though he and Paul hadn’t established any sort of a relationship between them, he would’ve thought at least they had  _something_. But looking at the bigger picture, he had just come out to Paul and Paul fully supported him. It was overwhelming - but it was enough for Bob for the time being. He decided to just roll with the conversation at hand, asking something he never thought he would be brave enough to ask.

Bob took a moment to consider his words, then looked into Paul’s eyes. “Can I kiss you though?”

“Oh?” Paul raised his eyebrows once more, amused that he was seeing a side of Bob he’d never seen before.

“I mean, you said to put myself out there so…here I am.”  

Paul smiled. “Go ahead, then.”

Encouraged by Paul, Bob carefully leaned in. He saw Paul flutter his eyes closed once Bob was close enough. Kissing someone was nice, Bob thought as he felt his lips touch Paul’s. Kissing a boy was nice. He could get used to this and  _oh_  that was nice. Paul slipped a hand behind Bob’s neck, turning his head to get a better angle. Bob reached out a hand to touch Paul’s cheek, feeling the prickle of the faint stubble he’d sprouted. He didn’t realize how long he had held his breath until he had to break away.    

“W-was I good?”

Paul nodded, a dreamy look in his eyes, before speaking up. “And to think you’ve never kissed anyone? All those boys are missing out.”

A flash of golden-brown hair and lanky limbs passed through Bob’s mind. He shook his head.  _Not now, Alex._  “Come on, I’m not that good.”

“You kind of are,” Paul said as he stretched his legs. He got up and gestured to the kitchen, silently inviting Bob to join him for breakfast. “Trust me, I’d know.”

“Of course,” Bob only mumbled before following Paul. He was slightly unnerved at how casually Paul was treating the kiss - Bob’s first kiss, with anyone, ever. Maybe Paul was right, maybe he should put himself out there. He did like Paul, but Paul never exactly reciprocated his feelings, did he? Which, as much as he wanted Paul to, he couldn’t force him to like him back. The same image flashed into his mind again, of his confident friend with the guitar, with his beautiful profile and talented hands. Bob thought he had sworn off of thinking about Alex, but he found himself musing if, perhaps, he did still have a chance.


	28. Chapter 26

Alex invited everyone over the next day for what ended up being a particularly brutal band practice. He had finally started looking around for potential venues for their first gig, despite the fact that Franz Ferdinand, as a group, was collectively not ready for one. There were moments where Alex wouldn’t want anyone to leave the room or get distracted in any way, at all. He wasn’t going to settle for anything less than the best from his bandmates.

Finally, after hours of rehearsing, playing the same four songs over and over, Alex relented and let them all take a break. Bob accompanied Alex into the kitchen for a drink, and Paul approached Nick as he stood absentmindedly at his keyboard. “Want to go for a walk?”

Nick jumped at the sound of Paul’s voice, not expecting anyone to disturb him. He gave Paul a small nod and headed towards the door.

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you at dinner last week,” Paul sighed as soon as the door to the flat was closed.

“It’s… okay.” Nick studied his shoes as they walked.

“Ah, I don’t believe that.”

“N-No, I—”

“Hey, I’m just messing around!” If Paul heard the tinge of panic from Nick’s voice before, he didn’t show it. He teased around as usual like he would to anyone who was a friend.

Nick only nodded and kept walking, trying not to do anything that would set Paul off again.

“I just wanted to get to know you better, and I didn’t know how to ask. I’m sorry,” Paul finally said in a way that didn’t worry Nick.

“Oh…”

“So…” Paul hesitated when he saw the frightened expression on Nick’s face. “What brought you to Glasgow?”

Paul’s calmer tone made Nick less antsy. Feeling slightly more comfortable, Nick began slowly telling pieces of his story to Paul. From what Paul could understand from Nick’s fragmented anecdotes, he had been through a lot more than Paul had originally thought.

“Do you… Want to show me the abandoned prison? I never got to see it and I was wondering if it was the same one I’ve snuck around in a few times…”

Nick nodded slowly and grabbed Paul’s arm, leading him down a side street and down a few more blocks. He stopped in front of the rusted metal doors of the abandoned prison. Paul pushed them open. The entire building seemed to creak as a particularly strong gust of wind blew through.

“You lived here?!” Paul gasped, glancing back at Nick, who followed a few steps behind him.

“Yeah.”

“For how long, exactly?”

“… A month. Or two.”

“That long?!” Paul was genuinely surprised. He knew Nick had been through quite a lot, but to live in an abandoned prison all alone in such a condition sounded rough. And Paul knew all kinds of rough. He just didn’t think that Nick had lived such a life.

Nick didn’t say anything and just stared up at the rope ladder. He quickly flipped the lights on and Paul watched as the dusty building came to life.

“Maybe we could do something about this place,” Paul suggested, taking note of the high ceilings and completely open floor plan. “I mean, the police would be less bothered with your petty theft if there were entire concerts going on in here, right? They wouldn’t even be able to tell that any of that ever happened!” Paul grabbed Nick’s shoulders out of excitement.

Nick jumped slightly, but nodded along to Paul’s idea and followed him as he ventured into the side room with the cabinets.

“We could put a little bar in here, drinks and snacks and all that…” Paul grinned, absolutely enthralled with his idea. He flung open a few cabinets and watched as clouds of dust billowed out into the air. “Man, this needs a proper renovation. Full on Property Ladder, yeah?”

Nick nodded yet again and went to the sink. He turned it on, showing Paul that the abandoned prison even had running water.

“Oh, that’s perfect! I can’t wait to start working on this place,” Paul stood back from the cabinets and looked around at the room and glanced into the dark hallway. There’s got to be a lot more, right? Could you show me around?”

Nick hesitated. “I-I only know these two rooms.”

“Maybe we could explore together, then?” Paul stepped out into the hallway. Nick followed slowly behind him, not wanting to venture too far into the darkness. He followed Paul through a few more rooms, stopping by the individual prison cells and trying not to look at them, afraid that he might see his future inside.

“Kind of funny that you were hiding from the police in a prison,” Paul chuckled softly, just trying to make casual conversation with Nick. Nick forced a laugh, wanting to keep up with Paul.

“You’ve been through a lot, yeah. Kind of like me, but more, I guess. I just couldn’t get into any good university and had nowhere else to go.”

Nick nodded intently.

“Not much of a conversationalist… At least you’re a good listener,” Paul turned back to return to the main, open room of the prison. He glanced back at Nick, who stood with his hands in his pockets, smiling faintly. “Alright?”

“No one’s ever said that about me before,” Nick replied quietly, his smile broadening.

“Well, it’s true,” Paul grinned, pleased that he had pulled any sort of emotion out of Nick.

“What did you mean…” Nick’s voice was so soft that Paul barely noticed it.

“What?”

“When you said you had nowhere else…”

Paul paused for a moment. This wasn’t exactly what he had expected. “Why don’t we…uh…why don’t we sit down for a minute?”

Nick looked up at the rafters and invited Paul to follow him. Nick climbed the wobbly rope ladder to the top and watched as Paul followed after him. Paul was amazed that for a man with so much anxiety, Nick had scaled the ladder with ease. Nick crawled over one of the beams and plopped down in the pile of dusty blankets. The dust made his eyes water a bit, and he was worried that Paul wouldn’t want to stay up there.

Paul cautiously followed Nick over to his blanket pile and sat across from him.

“Sorry it’s dusty…” Nick said softly.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Paul laughed, “you don’t live here anymore. It doesn’t have to be nice.”

Nick made a quiet hmm of approval. “So…”

“Oh, right, yeah,” Paul said, averting his eyes. “Well…it’s kind of a long story.” It was also a story Paul hadn’t ever really told to anyone. Paul looked back at Nick, who was staring at Paul, eyes vacant as ever, but with a look on his face that indicated that he was listening intently. “I think we have a lot in common, Nick. My parents didn’t really care for me either. They were never really around… they’d go to work all day, go down to the pub all night, come home late…my siblings and I had to take care of ourselves.“ Paul looked into Nick’s eyes. "They kicked me out as soon as I finished secondary school… basically told me that I was an adult now and I had to figure my own shit out.”

Nick nodded and scooted a bit closer to Paul, listening closely to his story.

“I tried to get into university. I applied literally everywhere I could. I was rejected on the basis that I couldn’t pay for tuition and didn’t have a permanent home.” He let out a sigh. “That’s why I started working all those odd jobs…met some people along the way who would let me crash with them for a while. And that was it. Until Bob.”

“Your siblings…?” Nick didn’t finish the question, but Paul got the idea.

“Don’t really talk to them anymore,” Paul shrugged. “We’re all kind of going our separate ways. Guess we always have, really.”

“Do you miss them?”

“Sort of, but… We weren’t as close as you and Lukas were.”

Nick nodded and looked away. He blinked a few tears out of his eyes.

“You miss Lukas?”

Nick nodded.

“He seems like a great brother.”

“He is…” Nick smiled. He thought back to everything Lukas had done for him, from supporting him when he wanted to play guitar as a kid to helping him fill out his music school applications.

“Well… I’m glad you’re here in Glasgow, Nick. This city needs more people like you,” Paul smiled.“You have an interesting perspective.”

Nick’s smile widened quite a bit, and Paul was sure that Nick had never smiled like that before. But maybe… looking into the good parts of his past made him feel better about the bad ones.

“Hey, maybe we should go back to your flat before Alex gets mad,” Paul laughed softly. “He really wants us to sound perfect, huh?”

Nick agreed and began descending the rope ladder, watching as Paul followed behind him.

Paul examined the room for the final time that day. “I think we’re going to have some killer parties here.”

—

Upon returning to the band practice, Paul and Nick were met with a very enthusiastic Alex. As it turned out, Alex had just set up their first ever gig.

“Yeah! It’s at this guy’s flat, from our painting class…” Alex explained. “He heard me talking after class about the band and called me about an hour ago asking if we wanted to play his flat.”

“At his flat? And we won’t get in trouble for that?” Paul asked.

“You really care if we get yelled at by the landlord of some guy from my painting class?”

“I mean…” Paul thought about it. “No?” He shifted a bit, not comfortable with the idea of breaking the rules, especially with a formerly wanted criminal in the band.

“That’s the spirit. Now let’s get back to practicing.” Alex picked up his guitar and made sure everyone else was stationed at their instrument.


	29. Chapter 27

Finally, it was the night of the gig. As the band approached the building that supposedly encased the flat, Paul immediately recognized it.

“This is…” Paul hesitated, “…never mind.” He clutched his bag nervously, obviously knowing something that the others didn’t.

The others looked at him curiously, still waiting for the front door to be unlocked. As the front door of the building opened, the boys realized it wasn’t a flat complex at all. It looked more like a movie set than anything, just a completely open space with various rooms of a home spread out throughout it. Nick spotted something small and furry scurrying across the floor.

“Rats?” Nick asked himself quietly as he saw a few more running around.

Paul stayed silent, but the expression on his face said it all. He knew what this place was. As a familiar figure emerged from the darkness, Alex and Bob exchanged a knowing glance.

“Welcome!” Dino exclaimed with open arms.

Alex groaned loudly. Bob and Paul were silent, the latter suddenly looking pale. Meanwhile Nick was his usual wide-eyed, quiet self. A vice-like grip on Alex’s shoulder made him turn his head. It was Bob.

“Why didn’t you tell us it was his flat?” he hissed.

“I didn’t know, I swear! I thought we’d be at…never mind.” Alex shook his head. No use in arguing now, they had a show to start.

“Come in, I’ll show you the stage,” Dino said as he welcomed the boys to the ‘flat.’ He had even more rats on himself than usual, including one perched on his shoulder and one nesting in his hair. As they made their way backstage, a few more rats crossed their path. Nick was entranced by the rats, but Alex made sure to hold him back from chasing them around the building. Alex’s mind was racing with questions, from ‘how many rats live here?’ to ‘how do you get the rats to sleep in your pockets?’. After dropping off their instruments backstage, Alex couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Wait, so you just live in a fuckin’  _warehouse_?”

“You could call it that,” Dino smirked. Alex clenched his fist behind his back, fighting the urge to punch Dino right in his stupid nose. “Let me show you around.”

Dino led the boys through the building, occasionally stopping to introduce them to various rats. “This is Peanut, my right hand rat.” Dino pulled a tan-colored rat out of his pocket. “Or, I should say, right pocket rat.”

Nick reached out to pat Peanut, but Alex forced his arm back down.

“He can pet her, Alex. She’s friendly.”

Alex sighed and let go of Nick’s arm. Nick gently patted Peanut. “So soft…”

“Yep! I take care of my rats. They’re all rescues, mostly special needs rats. They’ve all earned the luxurious life they now live.” Dino smiled smugly and let Peanut climb to his shoulder. Nick noticed that the rat only had one ear and giggled. Peanut’s nose twitched as she brushed her face with her paw.

A few places behind the others, Bob nudged Paul, curious about his thoughts. “You hooked up with this guy?”

Paul only managed an embarrassed nod and kept walking, following Dino on his tour of the warehouse. Bob noted that for someone who had been to Dino’s weird place before, Paul sure was as surprised as the rest of the group.

“Please tell me the rats weren’t there when you…” Bob tried to look for the right word but decided to drop the question instead. “Never mind. Forget I said that.”

“I can’t tell you they weren’t there,” Paul said with a sigh, though his eyes were roaming from one point of the room to the other. “They’re everywhere. And they were everywhere.” Bob winced.

Just then, both Bob and Paul spotted a statue near a loveseat that didn’t match the rest of the interior in that room.

“What’s that?” Bob asked Paul, trying to steer the conversation away from Paul and Dino hooking up. Paul only shrugged at Bob’s question. “What do you mean you don’t know, you’ve been here before?”

“No. I mean yes. But no, not like… this.” Paul waved his arms around. “When I came here, I swear the flat wasn’t even as big as ours!”

Bob, while confused, noted how Paul had referred to their shared flat as  _ours_  out loud. He smiled to himself despite how nervous he felt inside. Doing their first gig was nerve-wracking enough, but the fact that it was in Dino’s flat, gross-but-hot Dino’s flat, wasn’t helping at all.

“What isn’t big?” Dino sauntered into the conversation, hands in his pockets, petting the two rats within. Bob had to admit that the second appearance of his magenta skinny jeans was something he was quite pleased to see, but he quickly reminded himself that not even Dino’s slender and lean legs could excuse his creepy behavior.

“Your flat,” Paul answered. “The fuck is all this?”

“Well, Paul, let me demonstrate.” Dino walked over to the makeshift bar area. He knocked on the wall and started sliding it around, before eventually setting it back in place. “Kind of like the Sims, when you make the house, y’know?”

“Oh…you know, that’s actually impressive.” Paul nodded and nudged Bob, trying to suppress a flustered laugh.

“Thanks. When you came over, my friend had just thrown a wild party…” Dino gave Paul a wink before continuing, “…and we hadn’t cleaned up yet, so I just covered the rest of the area except the bedroom.”

“Okay…” Paul’s initial amused manner quickly dropped. Dino, being Dino, didn’t seem to take the hint.

“So, how about after the gig I’ll show you something else that’s big…” Dino leaned in closer to Paul, his eyebrows wiggling. This time Paul didn’t react positively to Dino’s advances. Before he could reject the offer Bob stepped in, to all of their surprise.

“I don’t think he wants that,” Bob said, his voice trembling partly from annoyance and partly from his nerves. “You can keep the rats to yourself.”

Dino raised an eyebrow and looked at Bob and Paul back to back. “Ah…Alright, alright. I see. Yes, I get it now…” the curly haired man muttered to himself. Bob and Paul glanced at each other at the man’s weird reaction, but decided not to bother with it. Fortunately for them, they were the band that was performing tonight. So Dino, being the host, quickly ushered them back to the stage area. After the band returned from sound check, Dino busied himself introducing Nick to the various rats around the warehouse.

“This one’s named Hydrox!” Dino scooped up a black and white rat that was scurrying near his feet. Nick patted the rat’s head. Upon looking closer, Nick noticed that the rat only had three paws. They moved onto the next rat that passed by, with Nick patting along and genuinely enjoying Dino’s very extended introduction to his furry friends.

“I really hope Nick doesn’t start hoarding rats after this,” Alex sighed, watching the proceedings while perched on the edge of the stage, “but at least he’s talking to someone.”

“Maybe we should tell him to come back soon,” Bob replied as he practiced a bass tab. If there was someone who was going to mess up on that stage, Bob wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be him.

“They’ll come back eventually,” Alex shrugged.

After a few minutes, Nick came back, thankfully rat-free. Dino’s supposed flatmate from painting class was still nowhere to be seen. Luckily, after one final warm-up, people started arriving. It was a real concert, after all. Backstage, Alex was helping Bob review his bass tabs again. “Not too fast on this one,” he reassured Bob as he played. Nick and Paul were practicing elsewhere.

Finally, the moment arrived. The boys walked onto the stage and took their places at their instruments. The hum of chatter from the small crowd died down and a hush fell over the room.

“Ehm…hello,” Alex said into the microphone, voice wavering slightly. “We’re Franz Ferdinand and this is a song called ‘Darts of Pleasure’.” Alex peered over his shoulder at Paul, who took a deep breath and launched into the disco beat, and they were off.

As soon as they went onstage, Alex saw something change in Nick. There was energy in his body and finally, life in his deep blue eyes. Unlike the rest of the band, Nick didn’t look at the crowd, but rather, through it. He didn’t care how many people were watching him in the crowded room in the warehouse. He just knew that he wanted to play music and make people happy.

Alex occasionally snuck a glance at Nick, watching how he played with such energy that he was nearly vibrating. He then would look over at Bob and see that he wasn’t forgetting any of his bass tabs. He gave him reassuring smiles throughout the set, although Bob rarely expressed any emotion and Alex had no idea how he was feeling. Alex just hoped that Paul wasn’t doing anything stupid behind him.

After their final song, the boys gathered offstage. Alex felt energized and alive, his entire body buzzing. Paul and Bob packed up quietly, though both were smiling. Nick was immediately back to being quiet. He packed up his guitar and stood next to Alex, wanting to nudge his shoulder and ask to go home, as if he hadn’t just done something extremely out of character. Or… maybe it was in character. Alex glanced over at Nick. “Ready to go?” Nick nodded blankly. The band loaded their instruments back into Alex’s car and set off toward Bob and Paul’s flat. After dropping off Paul and Bob and their instruments, Nick and Alex headed home.

“You alright?” Nick nodded blankly again. Alex frowned and glanced over at him. “You looked great up there, you know.”

The corners of Nick’s mouth turned up slightly at this. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

What was Nick’s deal? Nick had looked so alive on that stage. So…normal. More animated than Alex had ever seen him. But the way he was acting know was as if nothing had happened. Why couldn’t Nick always be like that? Alex pulled into a parking spot and turned the car off, looking over at Nick again. He had closed his eyes and was resting his head against the window, lips parted. Alex smiled at the sight. He wanted answers, but right now, this was all he needed.


	30. Chapter 28

“So…what’d you think of that?” Paul unlocked the door to the flat and flopped down on the couch, exhausted.

“It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.” Bob hung his jacket up in the closet and went over to the couch, not joining Paul, but standing over him. He had to admit, he’d never had that big of an adrenaline rush before. By the time he got home there were still remnants of it and he wanted to ride it out.

“I had a great time,” Paul laughed. “Can’t wait to do that more often.” In the soothing, yellow glow of the cheap lights in the flat, Paul looked softer than ever. Bob had the strong urge to cuddle him, but knew he had to hold back. Even though they had shared their moments once in a while ever since the date, they had never actually talked about what their status was. So he stopped himself, even when the adrenaline was pushing him to wrap his arms around Paul and rest his head on his chest. He settled for sitting at the armrest, staring at Paul’s sleepy smile, chipped teeth and an arm draped over his face.

“You can come a bit closer, Bob. I’m not modeling today.”

Bob laughed and sat down next to Paul. “I’m just thinking about a lot of things right now.”

“Like?”

“I don’t know. I’m not used to people paying attention to me… I don’t know if I really liked performing tonight.”

“Well, you did a great job.” Paul sat up and rested his head on Bob’s shoulder. “And looked great too, might I add.”

“Don’t say that…” Bob smiled as his face began to burn. He hoped Paul couldn’t see. After an entire night of other people possibly staring at him, he didn’t know if he could handle any more, even if it was from Paul.

“We all loved being onstage with you tonight. Alex told me you’re one of the best bassists he’s ever heard, and you just started two weeks ago!”

“Ah, I wouldn’t say I’m one of the best, but…”

“You’re just—” Bob felt arms wrapped around him. Perhaps Paul was high from the stage adrenaline rush too, he thought as Paul crushed him in a hug. “You’re the grounding energy we need onstage!”

“But—”

“I mean, Nick’s quite literally vibrating, Alex is up there trying to be all… flashy, I’m going absolutely crazy in the back, and… you’re just so cool, Bobbo!”

Between the pet name and the stage feedback, Bob opted to respond to the easier one. “Am I really that cool?”

“Yeah! Of course!” Paul laughed and tackled Bob, ruffling the blonde hair on the top of his head. “I mean it. I’ve seen gigs, been part of them before a couple of times too. I would know.”

Bob’s body was aching already from all the tension of performing, and now his cheeks had started to ache as well. He couldn’t contain his smile. It felt nice to be acknowledged by Paul, being pampered by compliments as he snuggled him. Everything felt nice and it was one of the rare moments that he felt fully confident in himself. In fact, he was so confident that he decided that maybe it was time that he put himself out there.

Paul untangled himself from Bob and got up. “Heading to bed, you joining?”

Bob tried to act cool. He should be used to this kind of wording from Paul. Bob shook his head. “I’ll catch up later.”

“Alright. Good night, Bob.”

“Good night.”

As Bob watched Paul retreat down the hallway, his thoughts turned back to the gig. The way he and Paul had quickly locked into rhythm together; the way Nick had bounced around the stage, more energetic than Bob had ever seen him; and Alex…everything about Alex, really. The way he managed to hit every note and chord perfectly even as he jumped and danced and occasionally ran around the stage. The way his fringe bounced against his forehead, the way he locked eyes with each person in the audience as though they were the only person in the room, the way he smiled and nodded at them…the way he had smiled at Bob, reassuring him. Bob pressed the palms of his hands against his eyelids, his heart fluttering at the memory. Alex was always so careful to make sure that Bob was alright.

As Bob reflected on Alex, he realized that if he wanted to become closer with him, he had to start being more honest. Although the thought terrified him, Bob was going to come out to Alex the next time he saw him.

–

Bob’s newfound confidence lasted all weekend, and by the time class rolled around on Monday, he felt ready to approach Alex. He made sure to get to class early to save the two seats in the back corner that he and Alex normally occupied, and began doodling absentmindedly in his sketchbook while he waited.

Alex rushed into the classroom a few minutes later and plopped down next to Bob. “Hey,” he gasped, slightly out of breath. “Thanks for saving my seat.”

“No problem,” Bob said, suddenly feeling far less confident. He rolled his pencil between his fingers. It was now or never. “Hey, Alex…I…I wanted to tell you something,” he said softly, now gripping the pencil.

“What’s that?” Alex turned to face Bob. He seemed unusually serious for 9 o’clock on a Monday morning.

Bob leaned closer to Alex so as not to draw attention to himself. “So I was talking to Paul the other day…and uh…we, I, um…I told him…”

Alex tilted his head, unsure of where this could be going.

“…I told him that I wanted our trip to Kelvingrove to be a date. Like…a date date.”

“Oh?” Alex sat up a little straighter. “You and Paul are dating?”

“No! Well, I mean, we went on a date? But…no…no, we’re not…” Bob muttered.

“Oh. But that means you’re…”

Bob looked at Alex, took a deep breath, and said the words he’d never been able to say out loud before. “Gay. Yeah. I’m gay.” The words rushed out of his mouth in a torrent. “And I just…I wanted you to know since you’re…you’re one of my best friends, you know?” He bit his lip and looked down, studying the pattern on the carpet.  
  
He jumped when he felt a warm touch on his right knee. “Well, thank you,” Alex smiled. “I’m honored.” Alex glanced around as the last few students trickled into the room - their professor would be here any minute. “Did you just figure it out…?”

“I always knew I was a little different…ever since I was a kid…but I couldn’t really put a name to it for a long time…until I was, I dunno, 14? 15, maybe?” Bob was rambling now, but he glanced up at Alex and figured that he didn’t seem to mind.

Alex nodded. “I always kind of thought you were.”

“Really?” Bob’s voice was a panicked whisper. Had it really been that obvious?

“Yeah. Dunno why, really. Just had a feeling.” Alex looked over at Bob, green eyes sparkling beneath those damned long eyelashes, and Bob felt his heart skip a beat. Alex shifted closer to Bob, leaning his arm on Bob’s desk, just as their professor walked in. “We can talk more later,” Alex said, a sly smile on his lips. Bob could have almost sworn that Alex winked at him.

As Bob went to close his sketchbook at the end of class, he flipped past a certain page with a certain drawing on it. He paused, considered it, then nudged Alex’s shoulder. “Hey, I want to show you something.”

Alex sat back up from stuffing his supplies into his bag. “Yeah?” Alex said, trailing off as he noticed Bob’s opened sketchbook. He leaned closer. It was…it was him.

Alex laughed gently and held the sketchbook. The drawing was quite accurate, but was done in Bob’s signature soft style. Alex also noticed that it was drawn from Bob’s angle sitting next to him in class.

“Well, that’s sweet,” Alex smiled.

“Sweet?”

“Mhm,” Alex’s smile grew even wider. “You know what else is sweet?”

Bob shook his head, his stomach twisting and turning.

“You.” Alex raised his eyebrows, stepping so close to Bob that he could feel the warmth of his soft, rosy cheeks.

Bob giggled softly, looking back up at Alex after overcoming his embarrassment. Was this…flirting? Was Alex flirting with him? “You’re sweet too,” he said quietly.

Alex smiled at Bob, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I’m going to head out now, if you care to join.” He gave Bob a knowing look and left the classroom. Bob grabbed his bag, nearly spilling the entire contents onto the floor in his rush, and hurried out the door, catching up to Alex.

Once they were in the hallway, Bob looked up at Alex, searching for an answer to what was going on. Alex only grinned and pulled Bob into the corner behind the door where they hid from Dino a few weeks earlier. Before Bob could react, Alex’s hands were on Bob’s shoulders, steering him against the wall. There was a thunk that Bob vaguely realized was Alex’s bag dropping off his shoulder and then, without warning, Alex kissed him.

Kissing Paul had been soft, careful, delicate - but this was different. Kissing Alex was fireworks and sparks and electricity, hands grabbing at hips, Alex’s tongue swiping across Bob’s lips. Bob instinctively parted them, his own tongue tangling with Alex’s.

They stayed like that for a few moments until Alex pulled back, gasping for breath, his cheeks flushed. Bob had never seen Alex like this, but he knew he certainly wouldn’t mind seeing more.

As if reading Bob’s mind, Alex slipped his hands around Bob’s waist, pulling him close. “We should take this somewhere a little more private,” he murmured, giving Bob a sly smile. He slid one hand down to Bob’s arse and dragged the knuckles of the other across the bulge in Bob’s trousers.

Bob gasped softly at the sensation. His heartbeat thudded in his ears as he brushed his lips against Alex’s again and whispered back, “Let’s go.”


	31. Chapter 29

Later that week, the boys were opening for a local band at a real venue for the first time. They finally had a proper stage and a backstage area that wasn’t a run-down kitchen or an empty expanse of warehouse floor. Tonight, the boys had a crowd. Sure, a crowd that wasn’t there for them, but a crowd nonetheless. Alex paced around the dressing room as Paul munched on a bag of crisps, watching Bob play a rhythm game on his Gameboy. Nick sat across the room, staring blankly ahead, half-watching as Alex passed by over and over. Alex wondered what could possibly be going on in Nick’s head that was more entertaining than the world around him.

Alex nudged Nick’s shoulder. “You should eat something before we go onstage,” he said, handed him some apple slices. Nick ate them cautiously; every time Alex passed by, he noticed that Nick had only taken a few small bites. “And maybe get off the floor?” Alex asked on his next loop around the room. Nick shook his head in response.

The crowd wasn’t too happy to see that some unknown art school band was performing that night, but Alex was confident that they could win them over and maybe even perform better than the main act. Once again, as soon as the Franz boys stepped onstage, Nick came to life. He looked over at Alex and grinned, standing in front of his keyboard, his guitar in hand.

Three songs in, the crowd was warming up quite a bit. It actually seemed like they were…interested. As he was furiously strumming away on one of the new songs they had practiced that week, Nick saw an opportunity to give the audience even more energy. As his part in the song ended, he set his guitar in its stand, ran to the edge of the stage, and dove into the crowd.

Nick severely misjudged the distance between the stage and the barricade. His body tensed as he slammed into the metal bar on top of the barrier, leaving a dizzy ringing in his head and a sharp pain in his chest. He slid down to the ground and stayed there for a moment, trying to regain a sense of where he was and how he could get back onstage. He looked back up at the stage, the lights blurring his vision. Alex was still performing like nothing had even happened. Bob gave him a look of slight concern, which Nick returned with a small nod. He climbed back onstage, the pain in his chest worsening when he pressed against the side of the stage to try to pull himself up. His vision became even more dazed as tears began to mix with the bright lights. He reached for a water bottle and took a sip, and then picked up his guitar and continued playing. Luckily, there were only a few songs left until he could rest and let his body reset.

When Alex finally looked over at Nick, he could immediately tell that something was wrong. Nick had lost all of his usual onstage energy, and was focused on not moving at all. He looked scared again, ready to start sobbing at any moment. Paul noticed as well and tried to rush the rest of the band through the last song so Nick could get off the stage as soon as possible. As soon as the show ended, Nick packed up and stood next to Alex as he talked to some people backstage, waiting to finally go home. Alex occasionally caught a glance at the paleness of Nick’s face and the terrified expression in his eyes. When Alex noticed Nick leaning into the corner, barely holding himself upright, he hastily said his goodbyes and pulled on Nick’s arm. “Alright. Let’s go home.”

They slipped out through the back exit of the venue, lugging two guitars and a keyboard with them. Alex packed the instruments into the back of his car. “Great show, huh? They really seemed to love us…”

“Yeah,” Nick said groggily.

“You sure took a tumble tonight, huh?” he asked Nick as he started driving back towards their flat.

“Yeah,” Nick said again in a soft voice, the pain in his chest becoming more prevalent by the minute.

“You’re feeling alright, though? You weren’t acting like yourself…”

“I’m fine.” Nick rubbed the back of his neck. The pain increased with every movement.

“It looked like it hurt…”

Nick nodded and looked out the rain-splattered window at the city lights passing by. “It did.”

“Do you want to get it checked out? You don’t look too good.”

Nick shook his head and took as deep of a breath as he could manage. He knew something was very wrong. But Alex couldn’t know. Nick wouldn’t allow it.

Upon entering the flat, Nick immediately went to get ready for bed, hoping he could sleep off his injury. Steckrübe followed him into the bathroom.

“Ah, Steck…” Nick scooped him up but had to put him down due to the pain. He locked the bathroom door and stared at himself in the mirror. “Not good…” He spotted a bruise forming around the scar on the left side of his chest. Steckrübe hopped onto the counter and nuzzled Nick’s face. Nick patted Steckrübe’s head and continued examining his injury.

Alex knocked on the door a few minutes later. “Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you alright in there?”

Nick opened the door and looked up at Alex.

“Can I see where you hit the barricade?”

Nick pointed vaguely to his chest, not lifting up his shirt.

“Maybe we should get that checked out.”

Nick shook his head and pulled Alex’s sweatshirt on over his shirt. He quietly slunk off to Alex’s room, where he flopped onto the bed with more caution than usual. Alex followed right behind, flopping next to him and running a hand through Nick’s hair.

“Why’d you decide to stage dive tonight, anyway?”

“Never did it before. But hey…I’ll try anything once,” Nick murmured softly as he pulled the blankets around himself, the pain in his chest growing even sharper.

—

Alex slipped into the classroom as quietly as he could, making his way to his usual seat while trying to act like he wasn’t strolling in ten minutes late. He slid into his chair and glanced over at Bob, who was doodling in his sketchbook, obviously not listening to the lesson. Bob didn’t look up. “Hey,” Alex whispered.

“Hey,” Bob replied in a soft voice, eyes still downcast. Alex shifted uneasily. The tension was unbearable.

Once their professor had finished her lesson and sent the class off to work, Alex decided to try and break the silence. “That was a really great show last night, huh?”

“Mmm,” Bob replied, the grip on his pencil noticeably tighter whenever Alex spoke to him. “How’s Nick?”

“I’m not sure, to be completely honest with you,” Alex sighed, flipping to a new page in his sketchbook. “I walked him to class this morning and he got all dizzy and had to take a break…he just sat down in the middle of the sidewalk. I’m worried.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound good.” Bob looked around the room, not wanting to focus too much on Alex.

“You did great last night, though. You’re incredible for someone who just started.”

“Thanks,” Bob nodded and went back to sketching. Don’t give him too much attention. He flipped the pages of his sketchbook, lingering for a moment on the sketch of Alex, the memories of their hookup the other night swirling through his mind, despite his attempts to push them away.

Suddenly, Alex’s phone started ringing. He flipped it open to see the caller ID. Bob looked up, a bit confused, because Alex was always sure to leave his phone on silent. Alex mouthed something to Bob that he couldn’t quite understand and left the room.

“Can you come pick me up?”

“What’s wrong?” Alex leaned against the wall outside the classroom.

“I feel sick…” Nick sounded a bit out of it over the phone.

“Alright. After class. And then we’re going to get you checked out.”

“I’m fine. Just take me home.”

“I’m only picking you up if we can go get you some medical attention.”

“I just need to rest…”

“Fine. I’ll be there in about an hour, alright? Do you want me to bring anything?”

Nick paused. “Snack for Steckrübe?”

Alex laughed softly. “Okay. Be there soon.” Alex returned to class and started packing his bag.

“Going somewhere?” Bob asked, once again not looking up from his drawing.

“Yeah, picking up Nick,” Alex sighed as he continued to collect his belongings.

“Don’t worry about cleaning up your desk,” Bob smiled. “I can stay for a minute after class to clean up.”

“No, I can clean up, I promise!”

“I’ll do it for you. Go get Nick.”

Alex finally gave in and thanked Bob before gathering his belongings and quietly leaving class. Bob watched as he left, still unable to shake the memory of their tryst. It had been good. Very, very good. Bob couldn’t deny that. But as soon as it had ended, something had changed. Bob wasn’t sure if it was his anxiety playing tricks on him, but something seemed…different with Alex now. And on top of that, Bob felt sick with guilt at the fact that he had lied to Paul when he’d come home later than expected. He desperately wanted both Paul and Alex, that was certain. How could he ever choose? Bob sighed and put his pencil back to the paper.

Alex found Nick sitting on a bench in the main hall of the music school, slumped against the wall, holding his guitar and Steckrübe’s bag. Alex took both the guitar and the bag from Nick. “Maybe we should get a leash for the cat so you don’t have to hold him all the time,” Alex laughed, trying to ease the tense, heavy mood.

Nick nodded, but didn’t get up from the bench. Alex helped him up, letting him lean against him. Nick’s chest hurt more and more with each step, his breathing becoming more and more painful and uneven. He kept pushing on despite the pain, not wanting Alex, or anyone around them, to know how much it hurt. As soon as they reached the flat, Nick went into Alex’s room and fell asleep on the bed, not even bothering to get changed. Alex watched anxiously from the doorway as Nick tossed and turned in his sleep.


	32. Chapter 30

“Nick?” Alex tapped on Nick’s shoulder, waking him from his nap.

“Hm?” Nick looked up, still trying to cling to his sleepiness.

“Just making sure you’re alright.”

“What time…” The pain was spreading to Nick’s head now, dizzying him quite a bit.

“10 PM. You slept through the whole day…” Alex sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Nick nodded and laid his head back down on the pillow. “Don’t you want to have something to eat? Or at least some water… Or get changed?”

Nick shook his head and shut his eyes, so Alex decided to take matters into his own hands. Soon enough, Alex was back with some bread, a glass of water, and a fresh change of clothes. Nick tried to sit himself up, but he was so dizzy that he immediately fell back down. He felt like he was seasick, like the one time he had gone sailing with Lukas at age 11 and had become so ill that he vowed to never set foot on a boat again if he could help it. Alex leaned him up against a pillow and handed him the glass of water. Nick managed to get a small sip down, but even just swallowing hurt at that point.

“Need help getting changed?” Nick shook his head yet again, but then quickly retracted that decision once he tried to lift his arms. Alex helped him slip his jacket and shirt off and wiggle into a nice, warm sweatshirt. He winced at the sight of the deep purple bruise on the left side of Nick’s chest. “I think we need to get you some help…”

Nick mumbled something that sounded vaguely like “No” and laid back down, wincing as he shifted the pillow behind his head. He looked up at Alex expectantly, attempting to hold out his arms as an invitation but dropping them with a small gasp.

Alex felt the knot in his stomach grow bigger. He said nothing, simply nodding and climbing into bed next to Nick. He nearly draped his arm across Nick’s chest before remembering the bruise and slipped his arm across Nick’s stomach instead. Nick’s normally steady breathing felt shallow and ragged.

They laid in silence for a few minutes before Alex spoke up again, deciding to finally give voice to the anxious thoughts that had been swirling through his mind for weeks. “Nick?”

“Yeah?”

Alex pulled his head back off Nick’s shoulder to look at him. Nick’s eyes were closed. “Can I ask you something?” Nick tensed slightly and nodded faintly. “What are we?”

“What?” Nick whispered, now visibly shaking. Alex rubbed his stomach gently.

“Well, I mean…what is…all this? Are we…you know, dating? Or…?”

Nick didn’t respond, so Alex continued, stumbling over the words pouring out of his mouth. “I mean, we’ve been together for a while now, and uh, I mean I like you, a lot, you know, and I…I like being with you…so, uh, I just want to know what we are.” He touched Nick’s cheek lightly.

“I…I don’t know…” Nick said quietly, trying to take a deep breath and failing as a sharp pain shot through his chest. It felt like his entire abdomen was on fire, threatening to eat him alive. He tried his best to concentrate solely on the feeling of Alex beside him.

“You don’t know?” Alex felt a slight twinge of panic, but took a deep breath and forced it away. “What don’t you know? What is there to know?”

Nick didn’t respond. Alex’s head began to spin. Nick didn’t feel the same way? After everything they had been through? After Alex had saved Nick from the abandoned prison, given him a new home, held him through his nightmares, kissed him, loved him…

Alex sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, anxiety and sadness and anger rising in his chest. He looked over his shoulder at Nick and was surprised to see him looking back at Alex, his eyes slightly glazed over. “What?” Alex said quietly, bunching the blanket in his fists.

“I’m sorry…I can’t…do this…right now…” Nick’s voice wavered, sounding like he was on the verge of tears.

Alex nodded and stood up. “I’ll be back…I just…need to use the bathroom,” he lied. Nick said nothing, closing his eyes and resting back on his pillow as another sharp wave of pain washed over him. Alex walked out of the bedroom and shut the door almost all the way, leaving it open a crack. He walked to the living room and sat down on the couch, staring into the darkness. It felt like the last few months had been a perfect dream, and suddenly his world was crashing down around him. He rubbed his eyes, willing himself not to cry. Not only did Nick apparently not love him, he wouldn’t even listen to Alex offering to take him to the doctor for what was obviously more than just a simple bruise.

_I’d do anything for him and he doesn’t even care._

Alex laid down on the sofa and curled himself into the fetal position, clutching a pillow tightly, willing his brain to shut off. Eventually, he fell asleep.

A few hours later, Alex awoke with a start, momentarily confused as to where he was before the memory of his conversation with Nick returned. He stretched and stood up, his back cracking in the process from lying in such an uncomfortable position for so long. He headed back down the hall to get into bed with Nick and noticed that the bedroom door was open slightly wider than it had been - Alex smiled as he realized that Steckrübe must have nosed his way in to stay with Nick. His smile faded the moment he pushed the door open the rest of the way and stopped dead in his tracks.

_Nick._

Nick was still lying flat on his back, his breathing coming in sharp gasps, his face contorting each time he inhaled. Steckrübe sat beside him, staring at Alex with wide eyes. Alex rushed over to Nick’s side of the bed and grabbed his hand. “Nick? Nick?!”

Nick said nothing as he blinked up at Alex, still gasping for air. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks, which were red from both crying and the lack of oxygen in his system. He must have been struggling for a long time before Alex found him.

“Nick? What happened? What hurts?” Alex pleaded, his eyes filling with tears too. “What happened?? Please talk to me!”

Nick shook his head, opening his mouth as if to speak but not making a sound. He blinked rapidly and sobbed. Alex felt a sudden rush of adrenaline as he did his best not to panic. “Okay. Okay. We’re going to the hospital. I’m calling an ambulance.”

At that, Nick flailed his hands wildly and shook his head. He made a choked sound as he cried harder.

Alex was nearly hyperventilating now, searching for a solution and not finding one. “Okay. I’ll drive. Come on. Come here.” Alex grabbed Nick’s hand and squeezed it gently, pulling him out of bed as best as he could. He wrapped his arm beneath Nick’s armpits to hold him upright. Nick leaned into Alex for support, trembling. They made their way to the front door. Alex slipped into his shoes and then held Nick tightly as he did the same, stepping gingerly into the right shoe, then the left. Alex grabbed his keys off the table and led Nick out of the flat, stumbling slightly. Nick winced with every step, making increasingly distressed sounds every time his feet hit the ground. Alex scooped Nick off his feet and carried him the rest of the way down the hall and out through the lobby of his building, being careful not to put too much pressure on his chest.

As Alex pushed the front door open with his foot, they were met with a gust of wind and fat raindrops splashing on their heads. Alex cursed as they slowly made their way across the car park. By the time they arrived at his car, both of them were soaked. Alex carefully placed Nick on his feet and leaned him against the passenger side of the car so he could unlock it. He opened the door and lifted Nick into the seat. Nick had stopped crying, but he was still wheezing, his eyes half open and his head lolling from side to side.

Alex shook his wet fringe out of his eyes as he climbed into the driver’s seat. He pulled out of the parking lot and turned onto the deserted street, driving as quickly as he could without speeding. He looked over at Nick every so often. His eyes were closed and his face was twisted in pain. Alex gripped the wheel tightly with his right hand and slipped his left hand over onto Nick’s thigh. Nick mustered up enough energy to lift his right hand and slip his fingers between Alex’s. Nick’s hand felt cold and mostly limp, like it was about to give out at any moment. Alex gently rubbed Nick’s thumb with his own, feeling Nick’s rapid pulse.

Alex found the closest parking spot to the hospital and pulled in, trying to be as gentle as possible so Nick wouldn’t feel any pain. He climbed out of the car and unlocked Nick’s seatbelt, pulling him out and carrying him once again. “You’re going to be fine…” Alex murmured, trying to convince himself. He stopped in front of the automatic doors of the A&E and looked down at Nick, whose eyes were barely open, glazed over. His fringe stuck to his forehead, his usually pink-toned face paler than Alex had ever seen it. Alex cautiously placed Nick down in the nearest chair, hoping he’d be able to hold himself up and keep breathing, and walked up to the front desk. “Hi,” he said to the woman, trying to sound calmer than he felt. “I don’t know what’s going on, but my friend is having trouble breathing…” He gestured behind him at Nick, who was now slumped against the wall, completely still.

The woman shoved a clipboard and a pen at Alex and immediately picked up the phone, dialing a number and talking quickly. In the blink of an eye, two nurses walked into the waiting area, one pushing a wheelchair. They walked over to Nick. One sat next to him and spoke to him quietly, holding his wrist and feeling for a pulse. The other locked the wheelchair in place and stood beside it. When Nick didn’t respond, they lifted him into the seat carefully, unlocked the wheels, and swiftly whisked him away through a set of swinging doors.

The woman at the front desk continued asking questions, but Alex tuned them out. If that was the last time Alex would see Nick, he didn’t even get to kiss him goodbye, or tell him he loved him, or apologize for what happened earlier that night…

Nick’s vision blurred as the fluorescent lights danced around him. Where was he going? Why was everyone so rushed? Nick tried to ask someone what was going on, but nothing came out. His chest felt tight. Why was his vision going dark?

_…Alex?_


	33. Chapter 31

The sun was barely above the horizon as Alex walked to Bob and Paul’s flat, warming his hands in the pocket of his hoodie, thoughts of the last few hours running through his mind. 

The flat was silent. Empty. Alex stared into the darkness. Purple and green speckles danced across his vision as his eyes adjusted. Nick was certainly not a loud flatmate by any means, but the lack of his quiet shuffling around the flat and the sight of his soft form curled up beneath the blankets was noticeable.

Once Alex had kicked off his shoes, he staggered to the bathroom using the dim glow of his phone to light the way. When he flipped on the bathroom light, it was as though Alex was staring directly into the sun. He grimaced as his eyes readjusted to the light. He stared at himself in the mirror. Fuck, he looked like hell. The dark circles under his eyes stood in stark contrast to his pale skin. It was only then that Alex noticed that his hands were trembling - from cold or from nerves, he couldn't say. He felt exhausted to the point of numbness from the day's chaos. He held his hands under the warm water for a few moments, then splashed some on his face, staring blankly ahead all the while.

When he entered his bedroom, Steckrübe was still curled up in a ball in the indent on the bed where Nick usually slept. If Nick were here right now, he would be asleep next to Alex, snug against his side, mumbling random German words against Alex's shoulder...but he wasn’t. He was gone.

Alex threw himself face down onto his side of the bed and squeezed his eyes shut, praying he would fall asleep. He didn’t. Every time he would come close, his body beginning to feel that familiar weightlessness, Nick’s choked sobs echoed in his mind, startling Alex back into the present. He tossed and turned, trying to talk himself down from his anxiety. _Nick will be fine. They’re just keeping him for the night to make sure he’s okay. He’ll be home tomorrow. They would have told me if he wasn’t fine. He’s fine._

Alex stumbled out of bed as soon as he saw the faintest pink hint of sunrise. He couldn’t stay. He’d slipped back into his shoes and set out for Bob and Paul’s flat.

Bob was surprised to open the door to find a disheveled Alex, still slightly damp from the rain, standing outside the entrance to the flat. “... Alex? It’s not even 6 AM yet…” 

 

“I’m sorry...I just needed to get out.” 

“Oh…” Bob welcomed him into the flat, his brow furrowed in confusion.

Alex plopped down on the couch. “Can I tell you and Paul something? And will you promise you won’t freak out?”

“Go on…” Paul, awakened by Alex’s knock at the door, popped out from the bedroom and sat on the couch with Alex and Bob.

“I had to rush Nick to the hospital a couple hours ago. And he’s still there. And they don’t know if he’ll make it, and we can’t visit until he’s stable.”

Bob clapped his hand to his mouth and gasped. Paul’s eyes widened. He cursed under his breath and ran his hand through his hair. “Shit, Alex. What happened?” 

“They don’t know yet. We just know he wasn’t breathing.” A few hours earlier, saying those words out loud would probably have brought Alex to tears. Now, though, he didn’t feel anything. _Desensitized already._

“Oh…” Bob clasped his hands behind his neck, unsure of what to say.

“I knew I should have taken him earlier…” Alex sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “But he wouldn’t let me.”

“Hey, it’s alright. You tried your best.” Paul offered Alex a smile and a hug. “And we’re going to make sure everything ends up okay.”

Alex nodded and leaned back against the couch. “I need him to be okay.” Alex thought about Nick’s reaction earlier that night. “I don’t think I’ll be able to live with myself if he doesn’t make it.”

“He’s going to be fine, Alex. It’s never as bad as you think it is, y’know?”

Alex sighed. “But I was there, and…” he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

“Want to come with me to take Alvy on his morning walk?” Bob suggested. He immediately regretted this decision, feeling his anxiety rising - oh god, he was going to have to be alone with Alex. But he didn’t like seeing Alex in this state, and he knew Paul didn’t either. He got up from the couch and called Alvy from the bedroom. He pulled Paul aside into the kitchen. “Make him some breakfast. We’ll be back in an hour. Maybe even less.” Paul nodded and squeezed Bob’s hand.

Bob and Alex returned to find Paul putting the finishing touches on breakfast - scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee. “Sorry, I know it’s not much,” Paul said sheepishly as he pulled three forks out of the drawer.

“It’s lovely,” Bob smiled up at Paul as he scooped some eggs onto his toast and took a big bite. 

Paul gently placed his hand on Bob’s shoulder. “I’m glad,” he said, returning Bob’s smile. Alex kept his head down as he ate, ignoring the pang of jealousy in his stomach.

After breakfast, Paul volunteered to wash the dishes while Alex and Bob sat in the living room, watching TV and playing with Alvy. 

“Is it okay if I stay with you guys until Nick comes home?” Alex asked. “Sorry, I just… I don’t want to be in the flat without him.”

“Yeah, of course,” Bob answered. “Do you want to go get your stuff from your flat?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah. And Steckrübe.”

Paul walked into the room, his phone open in his hand. “I have to go run some errands,” Paul interrupted. “Mind if I go do that while you two are out?”

“Yeah, no problem,” Bob said, noticing Paul’s inbox open on his phone screen. He felt a momentary flash of panic - who was Paul texting at this hour? - but the matter at hand distracted him. “You’re sure you want to go now, Alex?”

“Yeah, I… I’m sure.”

“Alright,” Bob stood and headed for the door, Alex right behind. “See you later, Paul.”

As Bob walked Alex to his flat to start packing, Paul headed for the opposite side of town. He soon arrived at a familiar warehouse disguised as a flat building and rang the doorbell.

Dino opened the door, looking a bit disheveled, a brown rat on his shoulder, and nodded at Paul.

“Hey,” Paul said. “Thanks for letting me come over. And sorry for being so cold the other night. My friends don’t really like you.” _You’re lying to yourself. Go home._

“Why’s that?” Dino welcomed Paul into the building. Paul took off his jacket and laid it on a stray table.

“They don’t get the rats. Or the setup of your...flat.” _Go home to Bob. You don’t like Dino._

“Ah,” Dino said with a nod. He flopped down onto the couch and set his shoulder rat on the floor. “I’m sorry to hear that. Glad you don’t mind, though.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Paul sat down beside Dino on the lumpy sofa. A different rat, this one black, immediately darted up Paul’s leg and torso, settling on the top of his head.

“Wow, he really likes you!” Dino said with a grin.

_Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!_ “Oh, okay!” Paul said, sitting on his shaking hands, trying to smile back but mostly grimacing. He winced at the feeling of tiny paws rustling through his hair. “What’s this one called?”

“Shadow!” Dino beamed with pride. “He loves popcorn and rat football!”

“Oh…” Shadow had found his way down to Paul’s shoulder and was now nuzzling Paul’s neck. Paul hesitantly reached up to pet the top of Shadow’s head. He wanted to ask Dino to elaborate on what on earth “rat football” was, but decided he was probably better off not knowing.

“He must think you’re really cute,” Dino said, moving subtly closer to Paul. He lifted Shadow off of Paul’s shoulder and placed him on the table. “I do, too,” he said with a toothy grin. He pushed Paul down by the shoulders and straddled his lap, giving him a wink.

Paul wrapped his legs around Dino’s and grabbed the back of his head, pulling Dino into a forceful kiss. Dino returned it hungrily. Paul clenched his hand in Dino’s hair as things became more and more heated, their tongues tangling together. Kissing Dino was nothing like kissing Bob, Paul thought. Kissing Dino felt passionate, but somehow too rough, too cold. But Bob...Bob was so gentle, so warm and soft. It was like night and day. And Paul knew where he should be right now.

_Go home. Go home. Go home._

Paul looked up at Dino with a devilish grin and unzipped his trousers.

\--

Alex opened the door to his flat and found it, as expected, empty. Although Steckrübe was home, probably napping on a windowsill somewhere, the flat seemed lifeless. Bob went to search for Steckrübe as Alex packed some of his belongings into a backpack. 

“Does Steck like going on walks?” Bob asked Alex when he returned to the living room, empty-handed.

“Yeah, I think so…” Alex replied.

“I think I have an old leash at home from when Alvy was about his size. We can take him out later if you want.”

Alex laughed as he zipped up his backpack. "Yeah, alright." 

They eventually found the cat, which took longer than expected considering he was just a few feet away from them, perched on the bedroom door. Bob helped Alex put Steck into his usual bag and the three of them left the flat, heading back to Bob and Paul’s. 

They walked in silence for a while. Alex looked over at Bob, whose hands were jammed into his pockets, his face looking quite red, either from the cold or from embarrassment, or both.

“Fine. Let’s talk about it.”

Bob looked up, looking somehow both shocked and relieved. "Talk about…?" 

“Our hookup, Bob. I know we’ve both been thinking about it.”

Bob laughed nervously. “Oh...yeah...” He didn’t want to admit just how much he had.

“So, I had an argument with Nick last night before I took him to the hospital.”

“Oh…” Bob said, unsure of where this conversation was headed. “What does that have to do with our hookup?”

Alex drew a deep breath. “I want to stay with him.”

“Oh.” _You don’t even know if Nick is alive,_ Bob thought, _he could be brain dead for all we know, how could you say something like that right now?_ He shook his head to clear that thought out of his mind.

Alex looked over at Bob and frowned. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I, uh…” Bob sighed, trying not to let his heart completely shatter. “Why did you hook up with me, then?”

“I don’t know. Something got into me, I guess. Maybe I ate pasta with horny sauce for breakfast that morning.” Alex looked at Bob and raised his eyebrows playfully with a smile. Bob smirked in return, but kept his guard up. “I mean, it happens to the best of us, right?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Bob muttered under his breath.

“...What?”

“Nothing,” Bob said quickly

Alex’s eyes widened. “Wait...you mean...that was your first time?” Bob bit his lip and nodded. “Oh...I...oh! Ok. Wow. I would never have guessed. You were great.” 

Bob’s cheeks grew red. “Really?”

“Really.” Alex grinned at Bob, who was now fully smiling himself. “Look, I’m sorry, Bob. I didn’t want to...lead you on, you know?” Alex’s voice faltered, but Bob could tell that he was being genuine. “You’re a great friend, though...and I hope we can stay friends.”

“Yeah,” Bob said, idly rubbing a dry patch of skin on his palm. He smiled over at Alex. “I want to stay friends.”

“Great,” Alex said, rubbing Bob’s shoulder. “You are cute, though.”

Bob blushed again despite himself. “So are you.” They walked in silence for a few minutes, Alex switching Steck’s bag onto his other shoulder, before Bob spoke up again. “So I was thinking that you could sleep in my bed while you’re staying with us, if you want. The couch is kind of crap for sleeping.”

“Yeah?” Alex asked, tilting his head quizzically. “But I don’t want you to have to sleep out there either…”

“I’ll sleep with Paul,” Bob replied, immediately mentally smacking himself for his choice of phrase. “Not...like that...you know…”

“Okay,” Alex laughed. He nearly continued with a joke about not doing that while he was in the room, please, but his brain couldn’t put the words into a coherent sentence.

Bob couldn’t help but notice how exhausted Alex looked. “Want me to hold Steck for a bit?” Alex nodded and passed him the bag. “You alright?”

“Yeah…” Alex murmured. “Just thinking about Nick.”

“Yeah.” Bob looked over at Alex. “I’m sure he’ll be fine soon, yeah? In a couple of days?”

“I guess so.”

“I think he will,” Bob said with a faint smile. Alex stared straight ahead as he walked, but he was smiling, too.


	34. Chapter 32

Alex almost missed the call. He had been in such a deep slumber that he only noticed the phone ringing on the tenth buzz.

It had been five days since Nick had been hospitalised, and those days had been a blur. He had been trying to carry on as normal, or at least as normal as things could be without Nick around. He endeavored to go to all of his classes, but instead he had slept through most of his alarms or just couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed, despite Bob’s encouragement. Bob gave Alex his notes so that he could catch up on the classes he missed, but Alex couldn’t seem to concentrate; he just stared at the pages, not taking anything in. He didn’t even feel like working on his art.

As soon as Alex got the call, his first thought was to find Steckrübe. He got up from Bob’s bed and ventured into the still-unfamiliar flat, searching for a certain round, brown-and-white friend. “Steck!” Alex called quietly, trying not to wake Bob and Paul. He held Alvy’s puppy leash in his hand as he checked under furniture and around corners. Somehow, within the cramped boundaries of the flat, Steckrübe was nowhere to be seen. Alex went into the bathroom and sighed. He looked at himself in the mirror and decided that he needed more sleep, but now wasn’t the time. He spotted a dark object in the reflection and turned around to see Steckrübe curled up in the corner of the bathtub. He laughed softly, “We’re going to see your best friend today, Steck.” He gave the cat a soft pat on his head. “Do you miss him? I miss him.”

Despite his comfortable tone with the cat, Alex was incredibly nervous. He felt the same way he did the night he brought Nick to the hospital, but with less urgency and more anxiety this time. The hospital staff had never given him an update on Nick’s condition, and he had no idea if he would be perfectly fine or in an even worse state than before. He sat with Steckrübe, gently petting him, until the door of the bedroom down the hall opened.

“Why are you chasing down your cat at five in the morning?” Bob asked sleepily, approaching Alex.

Alex jumped at Bob’s sudden presence. “I’m bringing him to see Nick,” Alex explained, grinning.

“Oh, he’s all good now?”

“They haven’t really told me anything other than that we can visit him today. I’m sure he’s alright, but… Who knows? Maybe he’s even ready to come home!” Alex scratched the top of Steckrübe’s head a little more aggressively than normal. 

Bob raised his eyebrows, leaning against the doorway and watching as Alex fumbled with the leash, trying to fasten it to Steck’s collar. “Need help with that?” Just as Bob asked, Alex figured it out.

“Come on, Bob,” Alex said, suddenly springing to his feet. “Let’s get ready to go. I hope Nick is doing well. Do you think he’s doing well? I think he must be doing well.” Alex was pacing now. “Do you think they’ll let us bring the cat? We’re going to have to hide him! It’s ok. He’s quiet. Should we bring food? I think Nick might like some snacks. And we’ll need them too. I made him some CDs the other day so I’ll bring those as well… and of course his favorite mythology book. Perfect! I can’t wait to see him.”

Bob stared at Alex, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Why are we going now? It’s 5:15 in the morning. Can’t it wait?”

“No! We’re going to see Nick!” Alex was practically yelling now. “Go wake up Paul!”

Bob suppressed an eye roll and stumbled back to their bedroom. Alex lifted Steckrübe and cradled him in his arms, finally happy for the first time in days.

\--

The three boys walked down the hospital hallway, silent except for the soft beeping of machines and their own footsteps. Alex held Steckrübe inside his jacket, with a bag full of snacks and items for Nick on his arm. “I hope Nick likes the mix CDs I made for him,” he laughed, anxiety creeping into his usually comfortable tone, “and I hope he’s happy to see Steckrübe too.” Despite the fact that he was currently walking through a hospital, he had a spring in his step, so excited to finally be able to see Nick again. The bright fluorescent lights and white walls energized him rather than worrying him. He slowed down as he approached the wing where Nick was staying. Paul glanced over his shoulder to double check the number on the slip of paper they had been handed by the receptionist.

“This can’t be right,” Paul nudged Bob to show him the slip of paper. “I think we’re in the wrong wing. The slip says he’s in the ICU, but that can’t be right…” Paul whispered as he triple checked the numbers.

“Alex?” Bob began to tap Alex’s shoulder but stopped himself. He looked at Paul, fearful of Alex’s reaction.

“Here we are,” Alex said with a wide-eyed smile as he paused to reposition the bag and the cat. He took a deep breath, apprehensive about what he would have to face when he opened the door. He pushed it open gingerly and took a step inside.

It was worse than he could ever have imagined.

Nick lay motionless on the bed, the only visible sign of life being the slight rise and fall of his chest. Tubes came into and out of his body from all directions, all doing various jobs to monitor his condition and keep him alive. His hair was matted and greasy, his face pale, his eyes half-closed. He looked like a shell of himself. A heart monitor beeped slowly but steadily, the green line casting an eerie glow onto Nick’s bed. 

Alex felt the ground drop out beneath him. He began to rush to Nick's side, before stopping himself halfway, terrified to get any closer. Steckrübe meowed in Alex’s jacket, but Alex just put a hand over him and didn’t move. Nick wasn’t moving either. 

Bob nudged Paul anxiously as they watched Alex. He hadn’t even stopped to take Steckrübe out of his jacket. He stood frozen in the middle of the room, the early morning light from the mostly covered window making a harsh line across his face.

“Do you think Nick knows we’re here?” Bob said softly.

Paul shook his head and took a deep breath, reaching for Bob’s hand.

Alex took another step towards the bed. “Nick?” he asked softly, watching as the tube in Nick’s throat breathed for him. There was no response. Alex couldn’t tell if Nick’s blank, glazed over blue eyes were looking at anything at all. He searched for an open spot to give Nick a reassuring touch, but there were tubes, wires, and monitors all over his body. Alex eventually decided to give Nick a reassuring pat on his upper arm. He left his hand there for a moment, waiting for a reaction. Nick’s arm felt cold to the touch.

Suddenly, it was like a light switched on. Nick blinked a few times and then fully opened his eyes. He made a small, choked sound when he saw Alex.

“Nick!” Alex smiled and kept rubbing Nick’s arm, hoping to warm him up. Nick looked up at Alex, his eyes still unfocused. The steady rhythm of the heart monitor suddenly increased. Alex jumped and stepped back, afraid he had done something wrong. He clutched the straps of the bag on his shoulder to try to control his shaking hands.

Bob approached the foot of Nick’s bed tentatively, unsure of what to say. Paul came up beside Nick and gave him a gentle touch on his forearm. “Hey,” he said quietly. Nick’s hand twitched slightly, his fingers curling up and then releasing. Paul looked back over his shoulder at Alex, keeping his fingers moving up Nick’s arm gently. “You alright?” Alex nodded, even though he really wasn’t.

“We brought you some gifts,” Bob finally managed. He held up a soft green blanket and a smiling frog plushie that he and Paul had bought for him at the hospital gift shop. Bob draped the blanket over Nick’s feet and placed the plushie against the foot of the bed.

All of a sudden Alex leaped and yelped in surprise. He had nearly forgotten about Steckrübe, who was now vigorously clawing at Alex’s chest in at attempt to free himself. Alex unzipped the jacket and dumped Steckrübe onto Nick’s bed, grabbing the leash. Steckrübe meowed and padded up toward Nick’s face. Nick’s eyes widened and his heart monitor began to beep faster and faster. Steckrübe rubbed his face on Nick’s twitching hand.

Just then, a nurse burst into the room, mouth dropping in shock when she saw Steckrübe. “Why is there a cat here?!” she yelled. “What are you doing?!”

Alex winced. “We’re just trying to help…”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?!” the nurse continued, angrily picking Steckrübe off the bed. “He has a collapsed lung, has been going in and out of respiratory failure, and now he can’t breathe without a machine and you brought a cat?! Do you know how serious this is? You all need to leave.”

“No!” Alex said pleadingly, willing himself not to cry. “Please, we just wanted to see him. Look how happy he is now that we brought the cat!” He looked over at Nick, who wasn’t responding to what was going on around him. “Please let us stay. I won’t let Steckrübe on the bed, I promise.”

The nurse raised her eyebrows. “Steckrübe?”

“It means turnip in German,” Alex mumbled.

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“Look,” Paul jumped in. “We’re very sorry. We were just trying to cheer Nick up. The cat’s on a leash and we won’t let him onto the bed anymore. Okay?”

The nurse rolled her eyes. “Fine. Be careful. Exciting him will just make it all worse.” She walked over to briefly check Nick’s vitals and make sure all of his tubes were still connected properly, and then walked out without saying another word.

Bob and Paul looked at each other nervously and began whispering to one another. Alex clutched Steckrübe’s leash and stared at Nick, his head still spinning from what the nurse had just revealed to him. _A collapsed lung. Respiratory failure. He can’t breathe without a machine._ Alex’s mind began to race. _He’s going to die. He’s never going to be able to do anything again. There’s no band anymore. I can never kiss him again—_ Alex looked down at Nick’s parted lips, held open by the tube, and tears began to prickle his eyes. As soon as he turned away from NIck, he bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he wasn’t so pathetic.

“Alex?” Bob said quietly, placing his hand on Alex’s shoulder. 

Alex kept his eyes shut. “Yeah?”

“Let’s leave him alone for a little bit. Come sit.” Bob grabbed Alex’s hand and pulled him over to a chair in the corner of the room. Paul pulled two more chairs over from the other side of the bed and arranged them next to each other. The three simply sat for a while, occasionally making small talk before lapsing back into a comfortable silence. Alex picked up the mythology book to entertain himself, and considered going to read it to Nick, but he wasn’t sure if he would start crying or even if Nick was still awake to listen. Steckrübe curled into a ball at Alex’s feet and dozed off. Bob dozed off after a while too, laying his head on Paul’s shoulder. Alex pretended not to notice, although his eyes occasionally drifted to Nick’s bed, and he wished Nick was able to do the same.

A little while later, another nurse knocked on the door and came inside. He gave a polite nod to the group before walking over to Nick and checking to make sure everything looked good. He didn’t seem very concerned, but was cautiously checking all of the readings on the machines. Alex figured he was just used to seeing people near death. _But Nick isn’t. Or maybe he is._ Alex shook the thought out of his head.

Paul, quite curious about everything going on in the room, went up to the nurse. “Is Nick doing alright?”

“Yeah, well, for someone going in and out of respiratory failure,” The nurse sighed.

Paul nodded, understanding the circumstances of his question. “Is it ok if we keep this on his bed?” He picked up the frog plushie. Nick’s hand twitched.

“I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem.”

Nick’s hand twitched again. “Did you see that?” Paul asked, still holding the plushie.

“Oh, yeah. I’m sure we can fix that.”

“No, I think he’s trying to tell us something…” Paul put the plushie near Nick’s hand. He immediately grabbed it and squeezed it. “He wanted the plushie!”

The nurse laughed softly, “Maybe we could get him to use his hands to communicate with us.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Paul grinned, proud of himself for having figured the twitches out, and proud of Nick for interacting with him. He went back to sit with Alex and Bob.

The nurse eventually approached them after recording Nick’s information onto a chart on his clipboard. He began informing them of the data from the machines, and while none of them really knew what it meant, they could tell it wasn’t good. “The good news is that he’s stable for now,” the nurse explained, “and we can give him the proper care he needs. We weren’t able to clean him up for the past five days, so we’ll have to do that now.”

Alex nodded intently. “Are we allowed to stay?”

“You’re allowed if the patient allows it. I’ll go ask Nick.”

Alex followed the nurse to Nick’s bed, wanting to see how he would answer. _Please, Nick, let us stay._

“Nick, would you like your friends to stay while we’re cleaning you up? Thumbs up for yes, thumbs down for no.”

Nick’s hands began to twitch rapidly. He looked around the room wildly, his eyes fully open now. Alex stood behind the nurse, looking at Nick pleadingly. Nick didn’t move, save for his twitching hands, shaking so much that he nearly threw off the oxygen monitor clipped to his right index finger.

The nurse looked at him curiously. “Is that a yes or a no? Can you do a thumbs up or a thumbs down?” 

Nick, still trembling, began trying to communicate. He made small, choking sounds, but they didn’t sound like answers. After trying everything he could, he became so frustrated that he started crying, his pale face becoming red nearly instantly.

“Well, that wasn’t a yes or a no,” the nurse sighed, “but it wasn’t a yes. So, you guys can come back in a few hours.”

With that, Alex, Bob, Paul, and Steckrübe left the room. Alex left the bag of snacks and mix CDs, hoping that its contents would be of use at some point in the future. But as he looked back at Nick as he left the room, he couldn’t be so certain.


	35. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sol here! This chapter is pretty experimental and I tried a multimedia format instead of traditional plain text. I wrote this chapter to follow the structure of Haruomi Hosono’s Watering A Flower. So… Click on each link as you get to it! Enjoy!

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zlpva2-5FMs&t=63s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zlpva2-5FMs&t=63s)

Nick didn’t know where he was. Usually he was in a field of wildflowers, but now, his half-open eyes only saw an endless expanse of ocean. Was he on a boat, lost at sea? A droplet of water streamed down his face. And then another. There was a storm on the horizon. He watched as the storm came in faster than he expected, soon soaking through his hair and dripping down the back of his neck. Although the boat was rocking and he felt uncomfortable, Nick was calm. He didn’t move at all. He missed the field of wildflowers, but he didn’t mind the rain. He saw the frog plushie sitting at the foot of his bed and reached for it. His hand twitched. He couldn’t lose the frog in the storm. Why couldn’t he see it anymore? Where was it going?

Nick felt the rain on his arms now. Or was it ocean water? It felt too refreshing to be ocean water. It was definitely rain. Nick felt pressure on his shoulders. It was probably just his jacket weighing down on him after being soaked by the rain. But then it went away… He looked around the room and saw someone next to him. Alex? No. It had to be one of the crew members on the boat. But… Nick only wanted Alex. Or at least someone who would comfort him and make him feel better. Nick missed Alex’s presence and how his gentle touch and comfortable smiles put him at ease.

Soon, he felt the rain on his chest. That was the scariest part, but it was over quickly, as the storm made sure to be gentle. Nick’s chest was quickly dried off and covered with a blanket. He was thankful for that, and thankful for maybe, possibly, having soft hair again after all of this was over.

“You’re doing alright, Nick?”

Nick couldn’t even move his head to nod and signal that yes, he was alright. His hands twitched as he tried to answer.

“Left for yes, right for no.”

Nick concentrated on a blank spot on the ceiling and focused all of his energy on his left hand. Yes.

“Good. We’ll be done soon,” the voice next to Nick reassured him. Nick wanted to believe him, but he had a hard time believing that anything was certain.

Nick closed his eyes again and focused on his breathing. Well, not really his breathing, but the breathing going on inside of his body. _If I don’t make it…_ Nick wished that someone could just take his tube out. He wanted to feel better, but his body wouldn’t allow it. _Please be done soon. I want to go home._

The boat was still rocking. Nick knew that he was being shifted and tilted, making sure that the still-working parts of his body still worked, but his mind wouldn’t let him believe it. He was on a boat, lost at sea.

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbQMWSmOFS4>

As soon as Nick was warm and dry and dressed and his chills had gone away, the door was shut and the lights were turned off. Bedtime. Well, all the time was bedtime, considering he couldn’t move from his bed without risking his life, but he knew the hospital staff wanted him to sleep. He couldn’t. He was alone. He couldn’t even see the frog plushie in the darkness surrounding him. A few terrified tears escaped Nick’s eyes as his boat turned into a spaceship, rocketing through space at a speed faster than anything he’d ever experienced. Planets and stars whizzed by, glimmering briefly in the windows. Nick was strapped to his seat in the cockpit, unable to even look around. What were these machines for? Where was he going? Was someone going to be waiting for him when he got there? Where was Alex? It was all so unfamiliar… Nick was terrified. He could feel his hands trembling as his eyes watered more. Was there a destination on this journey, or would he be lost forever?

Suddenly, the spaceship spun around, although Nick didn’t feel like he moved at all. He was confronted with his favorite celestial object just meters from his spaceship. _Moon…_ Nick thought to himself, wanting to smile, but not being able to move the muscles required to make that happen. He tried to reach out and press his hands against the cold glass of the window in front of him, but he couldn’t.

The moon felt like a comforting friend as Nick’s space shuttle orbited it. He was completely captivated by its soft, cool light. Where was the sun? Nick couldn’t turn his head to look for it. Although the impending panic of the situation was still washing over him in occasional waves, the cooling presence of the moon comforted him. He just wanted someone to lightly touch his arm, or kiss his cheek and tell him everything was going to be alright. Stability. That’s what he wanted. Closure. An end goal. A way out.

Suddenly, his spaceship spun around and he was faced with the stars and planets whizzing by once more. He blinked the tears out of his eyes and felt them roll all the way down his face, and down his neck, and get lost somewhere between his chest and the blankets. Nick wished he could pull the blankets up around his face and hide, or go home to the fluffy comforter on Alex’s bed, but he was stuck in the dark, in a blank, white hospital room, drifting through space.

The stars were bright, but unfamiliar. They cast beams of light across the space shuttle, each one disappearing as fast as the one before as Nick continued to hurtle through space. The stars shone not as beacons of hope or reassurance, but as reminders that Nick might never see them again. Nick tried to keep his eyes open and watch as the stars twirled around his spaceship, but was so tired that he didn’t want to. Their dazzling light burned his exhausted eyes, anyway. Where was Alex? Why was he in space? Where was he? Nick was so far away from everything he’d ever known…

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVFf4U6pssI>

Until he wasn’t. It was summer, in a run-down flat in Munich. Nick sat curled up on the sofa in the living room, munching on a bowl of cherries and reading a book for his summer reading project. Rereading the same page over and over. The air conditioner buzzed under the window and the curtains gently fluttered against the wooden floor. A bird flew back and forth outside, gathering sticks and string for its nest. Nick stopped reading to admire the bird's bright blue wings and its chirping song.

Trying to see past the machines to the small sliver of light against the wall, Nick wished he could be outside in the trees, too. He blinked a few times and tried to tell his mind to be quiet, and that he would be back outside someday.

“You’re coming tonight, yeah?” Lukas asked, fixing his hair as he walked into the small living room. He approached Nick and stood in front of him, checking his appearance in the reflection of the window.

Nick nodded and put his book down. “I’m planning on it. Where’s your gig at, again?”

“Down the road somewhere,” Lukas laughed, picking up a piece of mail from the side table. “Ah, shit. Electric bill. Anyway, you say you’re planning on it as if you have a choice. I wouldn’t let you stay home by yourself.”

“Why’s that?” Nick was sixteen, after all, and definitely capable of staying home alone. All of the other kids at his school stayed home alone all the time, but Lukas would never allow it. They all lived in nicer parts of the city, or had better security on the front doors of their flats, or weren’t worried about the local authorities busting in again at three in the morning.

“I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want anything bad happening to you.”

“Yeah," Nick said, trying to hide his disappointment. "Want some cherries?” Nick held the bowl out to Lukas, who took a handful of cherries and went into the kitchen.

Nick knew where this was going as he stared up at the dark ceiling. He wasn’t in space anymore, and there was no way to go back. His hand began to twitch.

Nick got up from the sofa and went into the bedroom that he shared with Lukas. He sighed and stopped to make his bed, looking up at the new posters on Lukas’s side of the room. He was always into some new Krautrock band, some new musical style to take inspiration from. Lukas insisted that he never copied other bands, but occasionally Nick would hear him play something that sounded just a bit too similar to a song he had heard on the radio the other day. Lukas always said it was just an influence. Nick smiled to himself as he picked out an outfit for the night. He considered wearing his favorite denim jacket, but he didn’t think that night was important enough to wear it on. He reserved that jacket for two occasions: for going out with Lukas and his friends, and for being onstage. He wasn’t doing either of those that night.

A few hours later, Nick and Lukas made their way to the venue down the street from their flat. Nick brought his summer reading book, now rereading the next page over and over after finally understanding the one before. As he took a seat at a table towards the back, he noticed someone staring at him, eyeing him down.

Nick tried to turn his attention back to the book he was reading, but the eyes burning into the back of his head told him he was already a target. _You’re just paranoid, it’s fine. Wait for Lukas and then go home._

As the gig began, Nick tried his best to lose himself in the music. He focused on the stage, flicking the pages of his book with his thumb. He wondered if the man was still nearby. When Nick eventually worked up the courage to glance behind him, he was horrified to see that the man was sitting even closer. Nick’s hands froze and his entire body began to feel cold. Lukas was onstage. There was nothing Nick could do. He sat and waited, trying to ignore the man staring at him. He watched Lukas onstage and pleaded to him silently. As soon as he was done, Nick rushed to find him.

“We have to go home. There’s someone in here that recognizes us,” Nick said quietly.

“You can go home,” Lukas sighed. “I’m staying. Not missing out on a good party.”

“Alright…” Nick looked towards the back of the bar. “Promise you’ll be home in an hour?”

“Promise.” Lukas patted Nick’s back and turned back to his friends.

In his hospital bed, Nick was shaking more than ever, twitching and thrashing and trying to get rid of the memory. His arms flailed uncontrollably, dislodging all sorts of IVs and monitors. Nick heard frantic beeps from the machines around him, watching him with cold, unwavering gazes. After a few minutes of thrashing, he felt the tube in his throat shift quite drastically. He choked and tried to cough, the tube sliding against his vocal chords.

Nick walked anxiously down the street, an intense feeling of being watched hanging around his head. _It’s nothing. You’re just being silly._ Why did he tell himself that? Why was he so stupid? He looked over his shoulder. No one. He kept going, still cautious. He felt a cold hand on his leg, which was kicking out uncontrollably. “What’s wrong?” Nick knew exactly when the man would appear behind him. He made slightly less choked sounds than before, trying to scream, unable to breathe.

“I-I think he needs more sedatives,” a frightened voice next to him said softly, “and he’s dislodged his ventilator.”

Nick cried more as he kept thrashing and shaking. _Please help._ The saliva that would usually drip from his slightly-parted lips was dripping back into his throat instead. His tears blurred his vision, which was beginning to go dark around the edges. He couldn't even see the small sliver of moonlight glowing on the wall across from the window anymore. He felt his eyes rolling back into his head as he fought to stay awake.

“Shh, it’s alright,” the voice reassured Nick, trying to calm him down enough to reposition the tube in his throat. His body kept kicking and thrashing, disregarding what the voice said. No matter how hard Nick tried, he could not control himself and his flailing body. However, as he couldn’t breathe, his movements soon died down.

Nick turned to make sure no one was following him. He wanted to take off running, but as he locked eyes with the man following him home, he could only watch with wide eyes.

Dizzy from a lack of oxygen, Nick passed out just as the man behind him fired a quick shot. But at least he wasn’t alone.


	36. Chapter 34

Nick woke up two hours later, his body no longer thrashing and his breathing tube thankfully readjusted. 

“Oh, you’re awake!” The nurse smiled with a sigh of relief. Nick blinked a few times, willing himself to somehow react. But he couldn’t. He was stuck, frozen, unable to move. His body felt limp, like he was floating through space again. He thought about stretching his arms a bit, but they were heavy, like they were made of stone. Nick almost couldn’t even feel them. He looked down to see restraints on his forearms. The tears forming in the corners of his eyes welled up and threatened to roll down his face. Nick knew he was dependent, always dependent on someone else, whether it was Lukas, or Alex, or the medical staff, but… he didn’t want to be that way. Thinking about his condition embarrassed him. The void felt so comforting in that moment. A big, dark expanse where he couldn’t see anything, hear anything, feel anything… the sedatives would do their job and he would be asleep. _Please. Please let me sleep. I’m tired._

Nick didn’t like that his mouth was stuck slightly open and his eyes were half closed. _I bet I look dead. They keep checking on me because I’m so close to just being dead._ Nick glanced around the room at the monitors, the warm yellow light from the hallway, and the frog plushie sitting at the foot of the bed. _Comfort me. Please. I’m tired._

-

Alex was so distressed by Nick’s state the day before that he tossed and turned all night. He watched as Paul and Bob slept side by side in the bed across the room. Why did Nick have to be so stupid? Alex wondered what Nick was doing while he was laying awake, trying to fall asleep. _Honestly, he’s probably doing the same thing,_ Alex laughed softly to himself. Steckrübe padded into the bedroom and jumped onto Alex’s bed. He curled up in a tight ball beside him.

“I’m going to visit Nick first thing tomorrow morning,” Alex said softly to the cat, patting his head. “I’m sorry you’re not allowed to come. I know you miss him.”

With Steckrübe next to him, Alex fell asleep quite quickly, determined to wake up the next morning and help Nick to feel better. At least, if Nick woke up the next morning.

Which he didn’t. They put him on extra sedatives due to an ‘incident’ the night before involving kicking and thrashing, according to the hospital staff. Alex discovered that information when he walked into Nick’s room. Despite what had apparently happened, he didn’t look as bad as he had the day before. His eyes were fully closed this time, and his hair looked soft and clean. Alex gasped when he noticed the restraints on Nick’s arms and legs, practically chaining him to his bed.

He walked to the side of the bed and grabbed Nick’s hand, which had an IV in it, delivering the extra sedatives. It twitched in Alex’s gentle grip. “Hey,” Alex said softly, biting his lip. “I’m here. It’s alright now.” Nick didn’t react.

He sat with Nick for a few minutes, rubbing small circles on Nick’s palm. After a while, he spotted Nick’s cell phone sitting on the side table and had an idea. “Can I call your brother? I’m sure he’s worried about you.” Nick’s right hand twitched. Alex picked up the phone and crept out of the room.

The phone rang six times before Lukas finally answered. “What’s up?”

“Hey...this is Alex, Nick’s flatmate…”

“He’s got a flatmate?”

“Yeah. I… have to tell you something.”

“Go on, then.”

“Nick’s in the hospital. He’s been going in and out of respiratory failure for about a week now,” Alex said without missing a beat. He’d said it so many times at that point.

“Oh…” Lukas said casually. “Well, I don’t think I can get over there. Tell him I said to feel better.”

“I will…” Alex found Lukas’s reaction a bit disheartening.

“Bye then.” Lukas hung up before Alex could say anything else. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, but wasn’t sure if they were tears of sadness or anger. He slunk back to Nick’s room and put the phone down. Nick’s legs had shifted under the blanket, indicating that he was slightly less under the influence of the sedatives.

“Lukas said he’s worried about you.” Alex gently squeezed Nick’s hand. “And he’ll try his best to get here to be with you. He said he misses you, and he loves you, and he wants you to feel better.” Alex couldn’t look at Nick, who had now opened his eyes the slightest bit, completely invested in what his brother had told Alex. Alex pulled a chair up next to Nick and sat with him, gently stroking his arm and telling him about Steckrübe and about how his classes were going. Eventually, he ran out of things to say, and just listened to the steady rhythm of Nick’s breathing. _Please, don’t stop anytime soon._

After about an hour of silence, the door to the room opened. Alex turned around to see one of the nurses. “Hi,” he greeted her with a small, startled wave.

“No cat this time?”

“No cat,” Alex laughed, gently squeezing Nick's hand. He hoped Nick couldn’t hear anything going on in the room.

“It’s time for Nick’s bath.”

“I guess I’ll get going, then...” Alex let go of Nick’s hand and stood up from the chair that he had pulled aside. Nick’s heart monitor immediately began beeping rapidly, the wheezing sounds from his chest increasing in volume. His hands twitched as he fought to open his eyes.

The nurse looked at Nick, puzzled. “Oh?”

“I don’t think he wants me to leave,” Alex looked down at Nick as he tried to voice his opinion. “He’s always struggled with being alone.”

“That’s why we’ve upped the sedatives.”

Alex felt an immediate pang of unease at that statement. “Can I stay? Maybe he’ll feel more comfortable if I’m here and won’t do the whole kicking and thrashing thing again.”

The nurse took a moment to think. “I’ll ask him.” She went over to Nick and noticed his left hand twitching. “That’s a yes.”

Alex smiled and sat back down next to Nick. The nurse went to prep Nick for his bath. While she wasn’t looking, Alex kissed Nick’s hand gently. “You have to clean him up like this every day?”

“Well, wouldn’t you feel a bit icky after laying in bed 24 hours a day?”

“That’s fair,” Alex agreed. 

The nurse lifted Nick’s arm and scrubbed at his shoulder. “And I would feel bad if we didn’t clean him up after last night’s incident, anyway.”

“I heard he wasn’t doing well.”

“Yeah, he dislodged his ventilator and stopped breathing again. He’s a tough case, this one.”

Alex clenched his fist behind his back. _How dare she talk about Nick like that._ “I think it would help if he wasn’t left alone for so long. Upping the sedatives could help, but you could at least have someone here to talk to him… or just sit with him.”

“The thing is… we’re busy,” the nurse sighed as she slid Nick down to lie flat on the bed. “I’m not sure if we could get someone to stay with him all the time.”

“Well, I don’t think he’ll get better if no one acknowledges his emotional needs.”

“There’s no way we can know how he’s feeling.”

“What was that last night, then?” Alex tried his best to stay calm.

“Probably just pain from the sedatives running out.”

“But how do you _know?_ Don’t you care about him?”

“Listen, it’s nice that you’re looking out for your friend, but we know what we’re doing.”

Alex crossed his arms in front of his chest, watching as the nurse finished washing up Nick and rolled him gently onto his back. She fixed his shirt and then gently slid him into a more upright position, placing two pillows on either side of him and one behind his head for support. Alex cringed at the way Nick's limbs flopped around as he was moved. It was killing him to see Nick this way - so weak and helpless. If Nick were conscious, Alex knew he would be thrashing and fighting. He barely even let Alex cuddle him, and there was no way he would tolerate a complete stranger touching him like that. At least Nick’s eyes were closed now, and he looked a bit more like himself when he was clean. Alex did miss looking into Nick’s deep, blue eyes, though, and wondered when Nick would be able to look at him again. Alex grabbed Nick’s hand again as soon as he was in his proper position.

The nurse then checked Nick’s ventilator, making sure it was doing its job properly. Nick seemed a bit distressed by this, his eyes opening slightly and his hands twitching more. Alex squeezed Nick’s hand to support him. “Is there anything we can do to help him communicate a little better?” Alex asked the nurse upon seeing Nick’s reaction to the tube being touched.

“I suppose we could try a communication board, but we’d have to lower his sedatives for that.”

Alex had no idea what a communication board was, but anything would be better than silence. “Try it. Let’s ask him.”

As the nurse walked back over to Nick, Alex wondered if he would even be able to respond. His eyes were nearly closed again and his entire body was still.

“Nick, do you want to try a communication board? It’ll help you talk to us,” Alex suggested softly, placing a hand on Nick’s arm. Nick’s eyes opened slowly and he lifted his left thumb weakly, struggling against the heavy haze of the sedatives. Alex and the nurse looked at each other and smiled.

Bob and Paul arrived shortly after. Bob stood at the foot of Nick’s bed, still nervous about getting too close. Paul stopped at Nick’s side and snuggled the frog plushie under Nick’s arm.

“It’s time for dinner now, Alex,” Paul suggested gently as Alex continued to stroke Nick’s arm. Alex nodded, patted Nick’s arm one last time, and left the room with them.

The three of them ended up at a shabby looking Italian restaurant near Bob and Paul’s place. Despite its appearance, they had heard that the food was actually really good and authentic Italian. Bob and Paul hoped that a satisfying meal would make Alex feel at least a little better, and the fact that it was near home was a bonus; he looked exhausted.

He was more tired than he had ever been in his life, but it wasn’t the kind of tired that sleep could fix. However, Bob and Paul were right about the restaurant. It reminded Alex of a place near his parents’ house in Greece that he used to frequent; while the decor wasn’t as fancy, the atmosphere and aromas wafting throughout the small building brought him back to his home country, where Italian food was all the rage. When their food arrived, Alex took a bite of his spaghetti bolognese and briefly forgot all of his worries. This was much better than the pasta he had eaten at the diner a while before. 

Bob and Paul also relaxed a little when they saw that their friend suddenly looked less stressed than he had in days. Paul decided to let Alex enjoy his meal fully before bringing up his idea, since the foodie looked like he was in a world of his own. A few moments after he had put down his knife and fork, a concerned frown returned to his face. Paul took this opportunity to bring up his idea.

“So, Alex, I had an idea for a gift for Nick. Something he can look forward to when he’s better.”

_Optimistic, I see,_ retorted Alex in his head. He refrained from saying anything out loud to avoid seeming ungrateful, and tilted his head slightly in curiosity.

“Y’know that building Nick used to stay in? Well I’ve been there a few times this week, cleaning it up and making it look a bit nicer. It still needs more work, but all it really needs is some things that would be in any cool hangout spot. I’ve been hunting around and found some old furniture going for free, and Bob has offered to paint the place.”

“Yeah, I can even rope in a few classmates,” the blond interjected. “We could paint a mural or something like that.”

“We could use it to hang out, and also for band practice, and maybe even concerts! I reckon you could fit 200 people in there, at least!” Paul became animated from the prospect of a space of their own, but quickly reeled in his excitement and looked at Alex to see what he thought. 

Alex pondered for a moment; they didn’t even know if Nick would survive yet, let alone if he would ever be able to walk or play an instrument again. _That said,_ he thought to himself, _maybe this will give him something to be cheerful about, something to work towards. Plus, working on this will help to keep everyone’s mind off of things._

Alex smiled at his friends. “That’s a brilliant idea! He’ll be so happy when we tell him. Is there anything I can do to help while he’s in the hospital?” Please let there be something I can do to help. 

“You could help me with the mural if you like?” Bob replied. Alex gave an enthusiastic yeah, and Bob was glad to see his friend excited about art again. 

The three men, over numerous glasses of Italian wine, spent the rest of the night discussing ideas on how to turn the abandoned building into what they drunkenly dubbed The Chateau. When they finally went back to Bob and Paul’s flat, Alex didn’t feel so alone anymore.


	37. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Hey everyone! First of all, thank you all so much for reading ITAO! Second of all, we wanted to share something that will be very important in this chapter as well as in future ones. While researching how Nick could communicate with Alex and the hospital staff, we discovered communication boards. These are devices that hospital patients can use if they are unable to speak. The one Nick uses in this chapter looks like this: <https://www.behance.net/gallery/3186157/Hospital-Communication-Board>
> 
> Enjoy!

Alex was startled out of a dream a few hours later by a buzzing on the nightstand. He grabbed his phone immediately when he saw it was the hospital calling him.

“Hello?” He answered groggily, but with a sense of urgency. A million questions immediately rushed through Alex’s mind. Was Nick suddenly ready to come home? Did he stop breathing again? Did one of his machines stop working in the middle of the night? Alex took a deep breath as he waited for a response.

The voice on the other side told him first of all that Nick was completely fine, but that didn’t stop Alex from worrying. “We gave him the communication board and he’s been asking for you for the past three hours.”

“Oh…” Alex rubbed his eyes. “Should I come, then?” He sat up and made his way to the hallway, not wanting to disturb his friends sleeping in the other bed.

“If you want. Maybe you’ll be able to calm him down enough so he can go to sleep.”

“What, you’re not just going to up the sedatives again? Put him to sleep so you don’t have to deal with him?” Alex sneered, still not fully over his encounter with the nurse earlier.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” the nurse replied testily, “but we would appreciate it if you came to see him.”

“Sorry,” Alex muttered. “I’ll be there soon.” Alex threw on some proper clothes and snuck out of Bob and Paul’s flat. He yawned and blinked a few times before deciding to stop over at his flat to grab some things for Nick before visiting him. He hopped into his car and started driving down the empty streets, wishing Nick was in the passenger seat next to him. When Alex flipped the light switch in the living room, he found everything exactly as he had left it the day he decided to stay with Bob and Paul. The flat felt empty without Nick and Steckrübe, but Alex still missed it. He picked up Nick’s panda plushie along with a pair of blue fuzzy socks and a sweatshirt before tidying up a bit and then going back to his car. _Nick needs me._

Alex arrived at the hospital and was happy to see that Nick was propped upright against his pillows, a communication board in his hands. He looked sleepy, but still alert. Alex’s heart skipped a beat as he admired Nick - oddly adorable in the dim light of the hospital room. _Christ, Alex, what the fuck is wrong with you?_

He walked over to Nick as the nurse who had called him followed him into the room, clipboard in hand to jot down Nick's vitals. She nodded to Alex and gave him a tight-lipped smile as she began to write. Alex stood on the opposite side of the bed and gently placed the panda in the crook of Nick's arm, waiting for the nurse to finish.

A few moments later, she stopped writing and slipped the pen into her pocket. “Thank you for coming on such short notice.” She gestured to the communication board in Nick's lap. “Ever since we gave that to him he's been asking for you.” Alex peered down at it and noticed for the first time the boxes that Nick had circled with his dry erase marker.

_I want to see family._  
I want to be comforted.  
A L E X. 

Alex smiled and felt his face growing hot as he looked at the board. Nick wanted him to stay. He looked back up at the nurse. “Has he been doing better since you gave him the board?”

“Yeah, he’s been a lot less anxious. Basically perfect besides that he’s been asking for you and won’t sleep.”

Alex nodded and pulled a chair up next to Nick’s bed. “Thank you for doing this for him. Is he getting closer to breathing on his own yet?”

The nurse shook her head. “We still have a long way to go with that. His right side is mostly better but still not breathing independently, and his left side,” the nurse sighed, “...it’s still very damaged. But we do know that he will get better and will improve over the next few weeks.”

Alex nodded again and held Nick’s hand. “It’s good to know that he’s getting better.” He gently stroked Nick’s thumb with his own.

“I’ll leave you two alone now,” the nurse said as she started walking towards the door. “The call light is right next to Nick’s bed. Let us know if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” Alex smiled and then turned back to Nick, who was circling something on his board.

_I love you._

He tapped it repeatedly, his pale cheeks glowing pink. _I love you. I love you. I love you._

Alex laughed. “I’m so glad you can talk to me now, at least a little. Do you think we could make another card with some more words for you?”

_Yes,_ Nick tapped.

“Alright, I’ll get to work on that.” Alex spotted a spare notepad and a pen on the counter across the room.

_Thank you._

“Oh! I brought fuzzy socks, too!” Alex smiled as he pulled the socks out of the bag he had brought. “I know it can get pretty chilly in here.”

_Socks. Yes._

“I guess I’ll put them on you, then?” Alex lifted the blanket at the end of the bed and slipped the fuzzy socks onto Nick’s feet, which were in fact ice cold.

_Socks. Socks. Socks._ Nick kept tapping, his eyes bright.

“You like the socks?”

_Yes. Socks._

Alex patted Nick’s feet, making his toes wiggle. He laughed softly and sat back down next to Nick. “How have you been feeling?” Alex asked as he sat down and held Nick’s hand again.

_Afraid. Afraid. Comfort me._

“Oh…” Alex sighed. “But you heard what the nurse said, right? That you’re getting better?”

_No. No. Afraid. Frustrated._

Alex ran his fingers through Nick’s hair, wishing he could do something, anything. “I know it’s scary, but it will all be over soon, alright?” He looked up at the clock on the wall, calculating how much more time he could spend at the hospital if he wanted to make it to class on time, which he really needed to do. “Hey, I have to go in a few minutes, okay? But I’ll come back to see you later”

_Don’t leave. Afraid._

“You don’t like being alone?”

_Yes. Yes. I love you._

Alex looked into Nick’s eyes, which were fighting to stay open. He had an idea. “Here.” He gave Nick the zip-up hoodie he had brought from home. “If you put this on, I’ll always be with you, alright?”

_Thank you. I love you. I love you._

Alex laughed again at Nick’s declarations of love. “Yeah, I love this hoodie too. I’d help you put it on, but I don’t want to move you the wrong way…” Alex pressed the call light button.

The nurse came back instantly, ready to check Nick’s vitals and make sure he was still doing alright, but Alex’s only concern was for her to get the zip-up hoodie onto Nick. After a bit of convincing, the nurse agreed to put it on him. She spent a few moments carefully slipping the hoodie around all of Nick’s tubes and wires. Nick scrunched up his face in discomfort and let out a low whine as the nurse lifted his arms and shifted his torso from side to side. As soon as it was fully on and zipped up, Nick relaxed. The navy blue hoodie felt like a hug from Alex, and that was exactly what Nick needed right at that moment. He looked up at Alex with love and appreciation, despite still feeling uncomfortable. He still looked tired, Alex noticed, but a different kind of tired. Not sedated this time, but sleepy. Alex grimaced as Nick was moved back to a proper sitting position, his limbs flopping again. He really doesn’t have control, huh. At least Nick looked happier in the hoodie.

After the nurse checked Nick and jotted down her notes, she left the room again. Nick immediately grabbed his board and tapped the still-closed marker furiously on one square, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.

_Frustrated._  
Frustrated.  
Frustrated. 

“Did it hurt when she was moving you around?”

_Yes._

Alex bit his lip, tears threatening to escape his own eyes, and ran his fingers over Nick's knuckles soothingly. “Do you want me to read you a story?”

_Yes._

Alex grabbed the mythology book off the table and sat down on the edge of Nick's bed, minding the tubes and wires. He made it through less than three pages before Nick's eyes closed and he fell asleep. Alex shut the book and then, after a glance out the door, placed a kiss on Nick's forehead, nosing his hair gently, breathing him in. Nick smelled clean, but not like his usual scent of peaches and fresh laundry. In fact, he smelled almost too clean, like whoever had last touched him had dunked their hands in antibacterial hand sanitizer first. Despite how much Nick seemed unlike himself, Alex knew that the real Nick was still in there, somewhere. And one day he would be back. All Alex could do for now was hope. He stood, running his hand down Nick’s cheek once more before he turned and walked out.


	38. Chapter 36

“Nick, calm down.”

Nick felt a hand on his leg once again and opened his eyes to see that he was furiously kicking and thrashing. The only difference from last time was that this kicking and thrashing wasn’t purposeful, and it didn’t feel good at all. And it wouldn’t _stop._ Nick did everything in his power to calm his flailing legs, but he couldn’t. He had never felt so helpless. His arms thrashed out at his sides. Where was Alex? He arched off the bed, gagging as his breathing tube shifted. His blanket came undone and dropped to the floor. He felt himself sliding towards the edge of the bed to join it.

“Nick!” He felt hands on both of his legs now, and a hand on either arm. Through his half-lidded eyes he saw three nurses, doing their best to restrain him as his legs kicked out and convulsed wildly. His arms thrashed violently now, the IVs in his forearms nearly ripping out of his skin. After a few minutes, Nick felt his body slowing down, suddenly crashing from his wild attack. His head lolled to the side as he felt hands adjusting his breathing tube, gently bringing him back to reality. His head was spinning and he couldn’t stop tears escaping from his eyes.

Two of the nurses talked in hushed voices at the doorway, glancing back at Nick occasionally. Finally, after a few moments, they returned to Nick’s side.

“You’re going to have a brain scan later,” the blonde nurse said. “We need you awake for it, so we’re going to take you off the sedatives for now.”

Nick couldn't even find the strength to nod, so he simply looked at her, hoping she understood.

She put the communication board on Nick’s lap. “Would you like to do anything while we’re waiting to do the brain scan? Your friends are art students, right? Would you like to draw?”

_Yes._

“Alright, I’ll be right back.”

_Don’t leave. Don’t leave._

“Ah…” She glanced around the room and spotted the notebook that was still sitting on the counter from when Alex was writing in it a few days before. “Is this ok?”

_Yes. Thank you._

Nick held the notebook close, and as soon as the nurse left he opened it to a blank page. He grabbed the pen next to him and just started writing. He didn’t know where the words were coming from, but they needed to get out. His arms jerked and twitched as he wrote, but he tried to fight it. This was important.

When he finished, he folded the letter with shaky hands and laid it on the bedside table, not even bothering to read it over. He had barely placed the pen on the table before his head fell back and he drifted off to sleep, all of his energy gone. All he could hope was that Alex would understand.

A couple of hours later, Nick awoke to a hand on his arm and a gentle voice calling his name. He opened his eyes slowly to the information that they were taking him back for the brain scan. His leg kicked out again.

“It won’t hurt, and it won’t take long,” the nurse reassured him. Nick closed his eyes again, trying to believe her.

—

Alex found the neurology office fairly easily. It was a small room in a distant hallway, far from anything Alex had seen in the hospital before. _So many people are suffering here. Is Nick one of the worst?_ Alex shook the thought and entered the small office when he was called.

“Hi, Alex,” the doctor said when he went in. Her calming energy immediately made Alex feel more at ease.

Alex greeted her and sat down at the desk, not knowing what to say. “Is Nick alright?” he finally managed, fiddling with one of the pens on the desk.

“Well, it doesn’t appear that the kicking and thrashing were anything more than a bad reaction to the sedatives. His reaction increased when they gave him more, and so on.”

“Why did he react like that?”

“Here.” The doctor showed Alex the scan of Nick’s brain. “He has a bit of damage to the language processing and speech areas of his brain, as well as some executive functions like decision making and general cognition. Has he ever mentioned that to you?”

“Yeah, actually,” Alex realized, “he had a different lung injury before all of this and said he had some brain damage from a lack of oxygen.”

“That explains it, then. Does he act normal, usually?”

Alex thought for a moment. “He does have some unusual behaviors, but… he doesn’t need to be normal. He’s perfect to me.”

“Unusual behaviors?” The doctor leaned closer to Alex. “Can you tell me what you mean?”

“Uhh…” Alex felt uncomfortable talking about Nick’s issues with a complete stranger, when he wasn’t there to speak up for himself. “Well, he has bad dreams a lot...he’s stolen some things before...he has trouble reading and speaking, and he doesn’t always make eye contact when he’s talking to someone new.” Alex paused, then continued with a sigh. “Nick told me that it all started with the initial brain damage that he got from being shot. He doesn’t really have any physical issues, though.”

The doctor nodded. “All of that definitely could be connected to how he reacted. We think the thrashing was caused by a reaction with the part of his brain that controls movement. Rather than turning off, like it usually does with sedatives, it tried to reject them. Because of that, his body didn’t want to accept the sedatives.”

“Oh…” Alex nodded along thoughtfully and pretended to understand what the neurologist was telling him.

“The good news is that he’s been off the sedatives for a few hours now and he’s doing perfectly fine! You’re allowed to go see him now, if you’d like.”

Alex beamed and thanked the neurologist as he left the small office.

—

Alex walked into Nick’s room to find him fast asleep. He smiled when he saw that the IV giving him sedatives had been removed. He walked over to Nick and brushed the hair off his forehead. Nick stirred at the touch and his eyes lit up when he realized that it was Alex. He lifted his right arm and stretched it out as far as he could, smacking his palm against the bedside table. Alex blinked in confusion for a moment before he noticed the folded paper atop the table. “Is this for me?” he asked. Nick gave him a weak thumbs up of approval.

At that moment, a nurse rushed in, saying something about needing to check on Nick. She rushed Alex out of the room before he could even ask Nick about the piece of paper.

Once he was alone in the hallway, Alex unfolded the piece of paper. He held it gently, trying to decipher Nick’s messy handwriting.

\--

A lex

Thank you so much for putting up with me  
Im sory you have to see me like this  
It hurts a lot so bad and Im scared but pleas dont worry  
I cant wait to go home and pet Steckrübe again and  
Play music again but not do anyt hin g dumb this time  
Because I Ive learned now maybe I shouldnt stage dive until they tell me its okay

But right now it hurts I want to go home but they wont let me  
I want t o get up but they won’t let me  
I Miss being able to speak  
I dont feel like I have a body anmore it just hurts so much  
But when youre here I forget  
You make me happy   
Please bring Steck next time I miss him

I’m sorry I didn't listen to you  
I feel like a bad Flatmate  
Im sory I cant do anthing to help you out

Im scared I wont get better it  
Hurts it hurts and I dont know why it hurts so much  
I still cant breathe Im Scared I wont be able to

My body is kicking thrashing I cant stop it wont stop  
Im so tired but I cant sleep it wont Help Im terrified  
You saved me

I want to be with you  
Im sorry I couldnt tell you that niht it hurt too bad  
I want to be yours

I love you so much Alex  
Ive loved you from the first night you Visited me at the prisonn  
You accept me ffor who I am and you ne ver get mad at me Evn when I deserve it  
I deseve it   
Thank you  
Than k you  
Thank you for saving me  
I love you  
I love you  
I love you Alex  
I love you

\--

Alex braced himself against the wall, trembling as he clutched the paper. _Nick loves me. He meant it the other day. And I didn’t listen._

Alex folded the piece of paper again and ran back into the room as soon as the nurse left. The heart monitor started beeping faster than Alex had ever seen it beep before as he approached Nick’s bed. He laughed softly and believed for a moment that Nick was giving a small smile as well. Was he? Maybe it was just the lighting. Alex ignored the beeping and held Nick’s hand. “I love you too,” he said softly. “So much. And you're going to get better.” Alex ran a hand through Nick’s hair. “And I’m sorry for trying to talk about our relationship when you were in so much pain. I should have known better.” Nick started furiously tapping the _I love you box_ on his board, blinking back tears as he looked up at Alex.

Suddenly, a nurse rushed into the room. “Is everything alright in here?” she asked, obviously concerned by the sudden, rapid beeping. Alex dropped Nick’s hand, instantly brought back to the reality of the situation as he remembered the condition Nick was in. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t form the words.

“Just…don't get him overexcited, yeah?” the nurse sighed as Nick’s heart rate slowed back to normal. “He’s still in critical condition and we want him to make it out alive, after all.”

“Alright,” Alex said sheepishly. The nurse gave him a stern look and walked out.

Nick’s eyes were bright, but he wasn’t smiling. He couldn’t. There was no way he could do anything more than move his eyes and his hands. He still had to make it out of the hospital alive before Alex could even think about the future. Was it better to be hopeful or to prepare himself for the worst?

Alex looked back down at Nick and realized that his eyes were still so full of love, searching for an answer from Alex, an answer neither of them could find.

“I love you, Nick.” Alex ran his hand through Nick’s hair. “I really do.”


	39. Chapter 37

“Alex is visiting Nick again?” Paul went into the hall to find the flat empty besides himself and Bob, and Steckrübe and Alvy, who were working together to catch an insect by the window.

“Yeah, presumably,” Bob sighed, opening the window to let the bug out.

“I feel so bad for him.” Paul flopped down on the sofa. “I don’t know what I’d do if something like that happened to you.” He thought for a moment about seeing Bob in a state where both life and death were uncertain. “Well, you’d probably let me take you to the hospital before it got that bad.”

Bob agreed and picked up his mug of tea from the coffee table. Despite living with Alex for over a month, he had never asked him how he felt about the entire situation. He was always busy, either visiting Nick or doing something to try to get his mind off of him. “I hope Alex is alright,” Bob sighed, changing the subject slightly. “He seems so stressed and sad all the time. I mean, at least he’s turning up to classes now, but every time I check up on him there he’s just sort of… staring off into the distance.”

“I guess it must be hard to concentrate during something like this,” Paul continued, still thinking about what he would do if it were Bob who was in the hospital. He stared at the blond for a moment, imagining him in the same situation as Nick: unable to speak, unable to move, so afraid. Paul began to tear up at this, then felt a flash of guilt, like a bolt of lightning had struck him; he remembered the incident with Dino. Paul couldn't say that he regretted it...but it hadn't felt right. He debated whether he should tell Bob. They weren't a couple. It shouldn't matter. _Right?_ But it did. And Paul knew he had to make things right.

"Paul?" Bob's gentle voice brought Paul back to reality. Paul looked up to see Bob holding Alvy's leash. "I'm going to walk Alvy, want to come?"

"Yeah," Paul said absentmindedly, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. He stood up and stepped into his trainers. Bob hooked on Alvy's leash and they headed out into the cool autumn air.

The boys walked quietly for a few minutes, side by side, Alvy happily trotting along in front, making their way to the neighborhood park. Paul's nerves were all aflutter. He really didn't want to tell Bob, but he knew he would feel the guilt gnawing at him if he didn't, so he finally broke the silence. "Uh...I wanted to tell you something." 

"Yeah?" Bob said, subtly tightening his grip on the leash. "I...had something I wanted to tell you, too."

"Oh?" Paul replied, forcing his voice to stay even. "I guess I'll go first..." _Why am I so nervous? We're not even dating. It's not like I cheated on him…_ "Remember a couple weeks ago, the day Nick went to the hospital, when I said I was running errands? I, uh, I actually went and saw Dino. And we hooked up."

Paul couldn't read the expression on Bob's face. "Oh? Really?"

"Yeah," Paul said, sitting down on a park bench and gesturing to Bob to do the same. "I was just so stressed out and I...ran away from the situation instead of dealing with it. And I'm sorry I lied to you."

"It's okay, I understand. It was a scary situation." Paul thought he could sense a tinge of nervousness in Bob's voice. "I...I wanted to tell you that I...Alex and I...hooked up, too. Before Nick got hurt."

Paul's jaw dropped. "Really?!"

Bob blushed. "Yeah. We did. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner."

“Wait, that was your first time, wasn’t it?” 

Bob smiled. “Yeah. It was good, I'm not gonna lie.”

“Alex is a lucky guy," Paul blurted out.

"Dino’s pretty lucky too,” Bob said quietly. His eyes met Paul's for a brief moment before they both looked down sheepishly.

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before Bob spoke up, his voice wavering. “So...where is this going?”

“What do you mean?” Paul asked, even though he had a pretty good idea of what Bob meant.

“What is this to you?” Bob continued, gripping Alvy’s leash. “Us, I mean. What are we?”

Paul took a deep breath. “We...I...I would like to have something. With you. But...this is all new to me, you know?”

“What’s new?”

“This...whole relationship thing. I’ve never had a steady relationship before. Just hookups and stuff. Nothing serious.” Paul was blushing now. “I like you a lot, Bob...but I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“Yeah,” Bob said quietly. “I don’t think I am, either.”

“And I don’t want to let you down.” Paul looked over at Bob with sad eyes. Bob stared into the distance, idly rubbing Alvy’s ears. “You deserve better than that.”

Bob turned his gaze to Paul. “You haven’t let me down yet.”

“Even though I hooked up with Dino?”

“Even though you hooked up with Dino.” Bob giggled a little bit at this. “You’ve been so good to me. And I like you a lot too. But I’ve never done this before either. So...maybe...we can just take things slow?”

Paul looked at Bob, amazed at the words that were coming out of his mouth. Just a short time ago, Bob would never have been this open with anyone, even Paul. But now here he was, confessing his feelings for Paul and basically asking him out. Paul’s heart fluttered. “Yeah. Alright.” His face broke into a grin. 

Bob giggled again. “Your smile is adorable.”

“Yeah?” Paul was blushing again. God, how did Bob affect him like this? “It’s nothing special. My teeth are all crooked.”

“Well I like it,” Bob said, standing up and stretching.

Paul looked around to make sure nobody was passing by and then grabbed Bob’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “Thank you,” he said quietly. He brushed Bob’s hair off his forehead and smiled. “Hey, I wanted to show you around the Chateau a bit. I’ve been fixing it up for the last couple days.”

“Alright,” Bob said, clutching Alvy’s leash. Paul reluctantly let go of Bob’s hand and they set off.

\--

When Paul unlocked the door to the Chateau, Bob stared in wide-eyed amazement. What was once a dusty, derelict prison now looked like an entirely new place. All of the cobwebs and debris had been dusted away; the light fixtures had actual light bulbs in them; the windows, or at least the ones that weren’t smashed, had been cleaned, and any that had been broken were now boarded up. The walls of the building had all been painted white.

“I thought that white was a good shout, since it’s a blank slate,” Paul explained, looking at Bob to make sure he had made the right decision, “and we could paint on the boards on the windows too. It’s probably cheaper to paint them than to get them replaced. What do you think?” 

Bob slowly walked around the room, looking at everything in amazement. “Paul...” Bob turned to look at the dark-haired man and paused for a few seconds, staring at him with awe. “Paul, this is incredible. How did you turn this place around so quickly?”

Paul looked away as if slightly embarrassed, but smiled softly as he felt pride in his work so far. “It didn’t take too long, really. It’s not like I have much to do in the daytime anyway.”

Bob stepped closer to Paul, and held him by the hands, looking deeply into his eyes. “You’re amazing, you know that?” Paul looked back at him, surprised by these words. He couldn’t remember anyone ever saying such kind things to him.

Their faces and bodies slowly edged closer together until their noses were brushing against each other, and they could feel the warmth of the other man’s breath on their faces. 

“I love you,” Bob whispered, taking shaky breaths.

“I love you too.” Paul blinked back tears as he replied quietly, “Thank you. Thank you for everything; for helping me, for being there for me, for believing in me. I love you so much.” Despite his best efforts to stop them, tears began to stream down his face. Bob wiped them away with this thumb and pressed a firm, lingering kiss on Paul’s lips. 

After a few moments, they ended the kiss and held each other for a long time, with Paul placing soft kisses on Bob’s cheeks every now and then, and Bob running his fingers through Paul’s thick dark hair. Bob laughed suddenly. “So much for taking things slow, I guess.”

Paul laughed too, rubbing the leftover tears out of his eyes. “Guess so.” He wrapped his arms around Bob’s waist, savoring the feeling of Bob’s fingers on his scalp.

“I think I’m going to get some people from school together and paint a mural,” Bob said, glancing around at the bare walls again. “What do you think? I mean, it’s like the biggest canvas ever!”

“Yeah!” Paul said with a grin. “I’ll help too, if you want.”

“Of course!”

 

“Maybe we could ask Alex if he wants to help too?”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea,” Bob said. “That will help him feel better about the whole situation with Nick, I think.” Paul nodded enthusiastically, holding Bob close, hoping that he was right.


	40. Chapter 38

Not even five minutes after Alex had finally passed out for the night, he was once again startled awake by his phone ringing. For some reason, he’d had a harder time than usual falling asleep that night. While he had gotten used to not having Nick sleeping next to him, tonight he missed him more than ever. 

“You want me to come now?” Alex sat up and watched as Steckrübe pushed the door open with his face. He glanced over at the clock, a bright red 2:47 shining back at him, and bit back a sigh. Sleep could wait. He needed to see Nick. So he threw some cold water on his face to wake himself up and rushed out to the car, speeding most of the way to the hospital.

The soft glow of the fluorescent lighting in the lobby of the ICU was becoming familiar to Alex. He strode through the automatic doors, the only sound at this hour the quiet tap of his trainers on the floor. It was strange, but the walk to Nick's room had practically become a ritual by now. Down the hallway, make a left past the nurse's station, take a right...and there he was. Nick, sitting upright in bed, his breathing tube removed, replaced with a mask.

Alex's eyes widened. Nick looked awake, and alert, and almost - almost - like the Nick that Alex loved. He couldn't suppress a smile as he walked into Nick's room and stood beside his bed. Alex glanced over his shoulder briefly - another step in the ritual - and threaded his fingers between Nick's. “Hey,” he said quietly.

Nick laced his fingers with Alex's and looked up at him, his eyes shining. “Meine liebe,” he said in a voice barely above a whisper, a small smile spreading across his face under the mask.

Alex nearly jumped when he heard Nick’s voice. Finally, after weeks of waiting, he could speak again. He squeezed Nick’s hand. “My love,” Alex replied in a whisper, sitting down beside Nick. It felt good to finally be able to say it out loud.

“Mr. Kapranos?” a voice called out from the doorway. Alex dropped Nick’s hand and they both turned to look at the dark-haired nurse striding into the room with a clipboard.

Alex stood and nodded at the man. “That’s me.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Look, Nick had a bit of an issue last night...”

“Oh?” Alex said, running his hand through his own hair nervously. “What happened?”

“Well, the bad news is he choked on his breathing tube in the middle of the night. The good news is he’s breathing on his own again,” the nurse smiled. Alex let out the breath he had been holding and smiled back. “The only problem is that he’s still very weak and his lung might not be fully healed yet, so he’ll have to use this external respirator for the time being.”

Alex nodded. “Does that mean he’ll get to leave soon?”

“We’re going to keep him for a few more days to monitor his breathing and make sure his lung doesn’t collapse again, so, yes,” the nurse said.

Alex looked back at Nick. His expression behind the mask was hard to read, but the way his eyes sparkled said it all. He turned back to the nurse. “That’s amazing. Is there anything I can help with?”

“Well… right now we could make sure he’s steady on his feet. He hasn’t moved from his bed since he got here.”

Alex nodded. “Do you want me to help?”

“Yeah, of course. For moral support.” Alex tried to hide his disappointment, but still stood behind the nurse, ready to jump into action. The nurse walked over to Nick. “Hey, do you want to try to walk? So we can see if you’re strong enough to go home soon?” Nick nodded. The nurse gently lifted Nick and helped him sit upright, placing his feet on the floor. Alex smiled at Nick and whispered some words of encouragement. Nick took a moment to compose himself, then, with the nurse holding him beneath his arms, he stood up for the first time in over a month.

Nick swayed from side to side in his spot, immediately feeling as though the room was spinning around him. He held onto the nurse with shaking hands, trying not to topple over and knowing that if he did, he would probably be stuck in the hospital for even longer. He looked over at Alex, who was smiling and giving him a thumbs up of approval. He looked… proud of him. Nick smiled under the mask despite his intense discomfort.

“Do you think you can take a step?”

Nick looked up at Alex, who nodded in response to the question. Nick nodded as well and tried to move his leg. He kept his weak, shaking grip as he shifted and wiggled and tried to make something happen.

“... Could I help?” Alex asked. The nurse gave him a puzzled look. “I could help hold him up. Maybe—”

The nurse shook his head. “Let’s see if he can take a step first.”

Nick tried to regain some balance and composure, but couldn’t. He was getting tired. Fast. Alex could see the uncertainty in Nick’s eyes and went over to him, grabbing his hands to keep him steady. The nurse stepped back, but stayed ready to help.

“One step, Nick. Then you can rest,” Alex said softly.

Nick mustered up all his strength and drew his right leg up, carefully placing it back on the floor in front of him. Alex beamed, only holding on tighter. Nick tried again with his left leg, and…everything in the room began to spin around him. He became dizzier and dizzier until he toppled over into Alex’s arms. Alex caught him and sat him down on the edge of the bed. He felt Nick shaking in his arms worse than he’d ever seen. 

Despite this, he savored the feeling for a moment, knowing that it was the closest thing to a hug or a cuddle that he could get at the moment. Nick felt… not like himself. At all. He felt small, fragile, and even a bit colder than usual. He looked completely disheveled, with his hair a mess and wearing a heavily-used hospital gown. Alex wanted to help the younger man more than anything, but knew there wasn’t much he could do right now. Shaking his concern, Alex encouraged him anyway. “Great job,” he said softly. Nick smiled, although he was still shaking and wheezing and trying to catch his breath. 

The nurse hit a few buttons and turned a few dials on the respirator machine. He then helped Nick get back into bed and pulled up the blankets around him. “We can try again tomorrow, okay?” the nurse said with a smile. Nick gave a weak nod.

Once the nurse had left and shut the door behind him, Alex pulled up a chair beside Nick’s bed and curled his thin frame into a ball. He held Nick’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. Nick had already fallen asleep. Alex shifted into a more comfortable position and joined him in slumber soon after.

A few hours later, there was a knock on the door, and someone new entered the room.

“Alex?”

Alex uncurled his legs and blinked the sleep out of his eyes. “That’s me.”

“Hi, I’m Doctor Gillis. You’re Nick’s flatmate?” Alex nodded. “He’s set to go home in four days. How’s the flat?”

“I’ve been staying with friends, so...I guess a bit dusty, but clean otherwise.”

The doctor nodded. “Nick’s going to need to be quarantined until he can breathe on his own. Lots of illnesses going around this time of year, and his immune system isn’t ready to handle them yet. We’re going to need you to clean the flat before we can let Nick go home.”

“Yeah, of course,” Alex grinned, finally realizing the reality of the situation. _Four days._

That evening, after bringing everything home from Bob and Paul’s flat, Alex opened the door to Nick’s bedroom and flicked on the light. The room looked… empty. Unused. Alex went over to the bed and stripped the sheets off, tossing them out into the hall. _Nick needs fresh sheets when he comes home. He’s coming home. He’s coming home!_

As soon as Alex returned with a clean set of sheets, he noticed something shiny sticking out from beneath the bed. He leaned over the bed to see a pile of small, mostly metal objects. And then he saw a pile consisting of rocks, and another one made up of bottle caps. Alex put the sheets down and knelt on the floor amid the piles, wondering what to do with them. He picked up a fork from the pile of metal objects. _Where did he even get this?_ Sifting through the piles, Alex felt clueless. These items were useless to him, but to Nick, they were clearly special. He didn’t want to move something that obviously meant so much to Nick, but his conversation with the doctor earlier that day had frightened him. If he wanted Nick to recover, he would have to do whatever the doctor said - and in this case, he had to clean the flat until it was spotless.

A little while later, after Nick’s bedroom had been fully cleaned, Alex flopped down on the sofa, the letter that Nick had written him clutched in his left hand. He had located some small cardboard boxes and carefully placed Nick’s piles into them, stacking them in the closet in the bedroom for Nick to go through someday. Alex was surprised to see that Nick had actually organized his clothes in the closet as well, including a denim jacket that he had never seen before. 

As he read through the letter again, Alex almost started sobbing. He couldn’t even imagine how much energy it had taken Nick to write it. He thought back on the past month - it felt more like a dream than anything else. The first time he had seen Nick lying there - tubes and wires sticking out everywhere, only living because a machine was breathing for him - was the most frightening thing he had ever seen. He looked so...helpless. Yet, somehow, Nick had pulled through. And despite everything that had happened, Nick’s eyes still lit up every time Alex walked into the room.

_Your eyes are bright with life._

_And life is bright with you._

Alex sat bolt upright. “Your eyes are bright with life, and life is bright with you,” he murmured. He said it again. And again - and as fast as his legs could carry him, he leapt off the sofa and ran to Nick’s bedroom. He grabbed Nick’s guitar and sat on the floor, and then started writing. He kept writing and playing until the sun came up, and he fell asleep cradling his guitar, dreaming of Nick.


	41. Chapter 39

Five days later, it was finally the start of winter break, and Nick was finally ready to go home. He was strong enough to sit up on his own and could even get out of bed and take a few steps, but walking outside or even just down the hall was impossible. But the worst was over.

The cold rain beat down on the windscreen of Alex's car as he turned into the hospital parking lot. As happy as he was that Nick was finally coming home, he couldn't help but feel apprehensive. Nick would need to be monitored constantly for illnesses, and oxygen levels, and whether his mostly-healed lung had collapsed once again - and all of this responsibility suddenly fell on Alex's shoulders. He'd taken care of Nick plenty, but this was different. This was quite literally life or death.

Alex shook his head to clear those thoughts from his brain, flicking his fringe out of his eyes. He pulled up the driveway to the main entrance and parked. He got out of his car and trudged through the wind and rain towards the automatic doors, umbrella clutched tightly in his hand, trying not to think about taking care of Nick.

As the glass doors slid open, Alex noticed that someone was sitting in a wheelchair in the lobby, oxygen mask on his face and a shoebox-sized machine in his lap. Two plushies, a frog and a panda, sat behind the machine. There was a momentary disconnect before Alex realized—

“Nick!” he exclaimed, a little bit louder than he had planned on. Alex walked over to Nick and placed a hand on his shoulder, grinning to hide his nerves. Nick was dressed in blue-and-white striped hospital pajamas and Alex’s zip-up hoodie, and he had his green blanket draped around his shoulders. Alex noticed that his hair didn’t look as soft as usual. _I guess that’s my job now._ Alex thanked the nurse standing nearby and then turned back to Nick.

“Are we… going home now?” Nick asked in a voice nearly too soft for Alex to hear.

“What was that?” Alex leaned in closer.

Nick repeated his question. He couldn’t say it any louder. Luckily, Alex heard him this time.

“Yeah. We’re going home,” Alex smiled. “You’re going home.”

Alex started rolling Nick towards the doors. Nick beamed as the doors parted. Despite the storm, he was happy just to feel the outside world again.

“Ah! Forgot this…” Once they were outside, under the overhang by the doors, Alex opened the umbrella and placed it in Nick’s hand. “Hold on if you can,” he instructed him. “I think we might have to run.”

Nick nodded, still smiling, and clutched the umbrella.

“You ready?” Alex asked. Nick nodded again. “Alright, let’s go then!” Alex took off running through the car park, making sure to still be cautious with Nick and not accidentally flip him over. 

Alex came to a sudden stop when they finally reached his car. He closed the umbrella and threw it into the backseat, along with the backpack on the back of the wheelchair. He then helped Nick get into the passenger seat, holding onto him to make sure he didn’t trip or topple over. As he sat Nick down, he kissed his forehead lightly, then ducked back outside to fold the wheelchair up and placed it in the boot of the car. Alex climbed back into the driver's seat, running his hand through his damp hair and tousling it. 

Nick was still happy just to be out of the hospital. Even though the rain was cold, it felt good on his skin. He looked up at Alex as he started to pull out of the car park.

“What do you want for dinner tonight?” Alex asked when he noticed Nick staring at him. Nick, still not used to having his voice back, didn’t say anything. “Soup, maybe?” Alex asked again.

“Soup…” Nick grinned. He missed being able to eat. He hadn’t tasted anything since the day before he left for the hospital.

“I can make you my favorite soup from back home! But I might need to shop for ingredients first…”

Nick nodded, reassuring Alex. Once he was home, he would be fine. He just needed to rest. He wouldn’t be afraid this time… he couldn’t be. He was too tired.

Alex parked at the flat block and helped Nick get into the wheelchair. Nick’s eyes were still bright, but he looked tired. Sleepy. Alex carefully balanced Nick's ventilator and all of his personal belongings on his lap and quickly pushed him to the front door so as not to get him too wet. “Almost there!” Alex pressed the button for the elevator and waited for a moment. He never took the elevator. The lights inside flickered and he was always afraid that the cable would snap and send him plummeting to the basement. Soon enough, the metal doors to the elevator slid open, and Alex rolled Nick inside. Alex held Nick’s hand and waited for the elevator to finally reach their floor. The ventilator hummed and whirred in Nick’s lap. Nick didn’t seem to mind. The elevator doors opened again and Alex rolled Nick to the door of the flat. He fumbled with the key before rolling Nick inside.

“Steck!” Nick whispered as he saw Steckrübe running to the entrance of the flat to greet him. He reached out to pat him with shaking hands. Alex continued pushing Nick until they reached his bedroom. 

“Want to try to walk to your bed?” Alex asked. Nick nodded weakly. Alex locked the wheels and picked up Nick’s ventilator, balancing it in his arms. Nick grasped the arms of his wheelchair and pushed himself upward unsteadily. He immediately plopped back down in his seat. Alex’s heart sank as he watched Nick struggle. He handed the ventilator back to Nick and wheeled him over. Once he was situated on the bed, Nick finally allowed himself to relax.

 

Alex tucked an extra pillow under the left side of Nick’s chest. “Need anything?” he asked after making sure Nick was perfectly tucked in. Nick shook his head in response. “Some water, maybe?”

Nick nodded and Alex left the room to prepare a glass of water. Nick could already feel his eyes starting to close, until a familiar round friend hopped onto the bed. “Steckrübe...” he said softly, beaming. Steckrübe padded across the bed and plopped himself down at Nick's side. Nick reached out to gently scratch Steck's chin and ears. He hadn't seen Steck in ages, not since Alex's ill-fated first visit to the hospital. His fur felt soft. Nick had missed it.

Alex came back with the glass of water and handed it to Nick, who still had one hand on Steckrübe. “Is it ok if I leave to get the ingredients for your soup now?” Nick nodded, too tired to object.

Alex sighed as once again, he trekked through the rain to his car. _Just lemons and stuff for the broth. You’ll only be a half hour. Nick will be fine._ As he drove down the street to the supermarket, Alex’s thoughts only darkened. He tried to distract himself as he approached the shop and went inside, the fluorescent lights hurting his eyes. He walked through the aisles with an intent, but couldn’t find any of the necessary ingredients at first. His mind was too focused on what could be going on in the flat. _What if he pissed himself? What if he stopped breathing and can't call me? What if he's dead?_

Alex found the lemons and went to locate the other ingredients. _What if I make this soup for him and he can’t even eat it?_ Alex made his way towards the checkout counter and fumbled around in his pockets looking for his wallet. His hands felt cold. _He’ll be back in the hospital before tomorrow. I know it. I can’t take care of him. I’ll just let him down._

Alex arrived back at the flat fifteen minutes later and unlocked the door. The flat was eerily silent. Alex put the soup ingredients down in the kitchen. “Nick, you alright?” he called out to the empty flat, There was no response. Alex didn’t even want to check. Nick was dead; he knew it. He crept quietly towards Nick’s room, his heart pounding, and slowly turned the doorknob. _Maybe I should leave this door open next time. Actually, maybe I shouldn’t even leave him home alone next time._ Alex peeked into the room to see Nick peacefully asleep with Steckrübe by his side. Alex sighed in relief and went to Nick to wake him up. He patted Nick’s head gently and watched as his eyes opened. “I’m back,” he said softly and kissed Nick’s forehead. “I’m going to make your soup now. Do you want to come into the kitchen with me?” 

Nick looked up at Alex and reached out to grab his arm. He held onto him and tried to pull him down to cuddle.

“No, no cuddling now! I have to make your dinner!” Alex laughed and pulled away from Nick. “Do you want to sit in the kitchen with me or stay here?”

“I-I’m sleepy…” Nick murmured and reached for Alex’s arm again.

“Alright. Stay here. I’ll wake you up for dinner.”

Nick flopped back down on the pillow as Alex left the room. Alex kept the door open, hoping to reassure himself that everything would be alright. He set to work on the avgolemono soup - a staple of Greek cuisine, the dish Alex’s mother had cooked for him whenever he was sick. It seemed to have a sort of magical healing property about it, and Alex hoped that it could cure Nick, too.

Alex had made the soup so many times now that the process had become routine for him, which allowed his mind to wander. As he absentmindedly stirred the broth, watching the pieces of chicken swirl around, he thought about Nick. How happy he was to finally have him home, the smile on Nick’s face when Alex saw him in the hospital lobby. But he knew there was a long, long way to go. 

Alex was startled back to reality by a soft blooping noise. He looked down to see his broth boiling, close to bubbling over the edge of the pot. He quickly turned down the heat and grabbed the lemon halves that he had sliced, squeezing them into a bowl and stirring in the eggs. He carefully added a ladleful of broth to the mixture and then dumped it all back into the pot.

As the soup began to simmer and the familiar citrus smell wafted through the kitchen, Alex tiptoed down the hall and peeked into Nick’s bedroom. He couldn’t tell if Nick was awake or asleep, but he certainly looked peaceful, his chest rising and falling to the rhythm of the ventilator. Steck was sprawled out beside him. Alex smiled to himself and returned to the kitchen, where the soup bubbled steadily on the stove, ready for him to add the noodles.

Once he'd added the noodles, Alex sat on the counter and watched them bubble and swirl around. His mind immediately returned to Nick. _I can’t take care of him,_ Alex sighed to himself and picked up a wooden spoon to stir the square-shaped noodles. He had never had to take care of another person - and until he moved to Glasgow, he'd barely had to do anything to even take care of himself. But, he had to keep going. He had to show Nick that his pain and struggle were worth it. He had to be strong for Nick, because Nick had been so strong for him for so long.

Alex shook his head, snapping himself back to the present. He turned off the heat and moved the pot to a cool burner. As he ladled the soup into a bowl, he debated whether or not he should help Nick out to the kitchen table. Remembering how Nick had barely been able to walk five feet from the door to his bed, he decided against it, grabbing a tray out of a cabinet and placing the steaming bowl atop it. He grabbed a spoon and made his way down the hallway. 

“Hey,” Alex said softly as he walked into Nick's room. Nick opened his eyes and looked up at Alex, one hand on Steck's belly. “Dinner's ready,” Alex smiled. He placed the tray on the floor temporarily so he could remove Nick's mask. He unfastened the strap around the back of Nick's head, like the doctor had demonstrated the day before, and gently lifted it. Alex laid it on the bed at Nick's side and looked down at him. Seeing Nick's face made his heart skip a beat. His lips looked so inviting, and Alex briefly imagined himself lying on top of Nick, his arms wrapped around Nick’s shoulders as he kissed those soft, pink lips… shit, he was slipping out of reality again. Alex forced those thoughts away and quickly stooped down to bring Nick his soup.

Alex placed the tray with the soup bowl on top of it on Nick’s lap. He then rushed back to the kitchen to get a bowl for himself, assuming that Nick probably wanted someone to eat dinner with him anyway. He then pulled in a chair from the kitchen table. “Okay, soup time.”

Nick looked down at the spoon and lifted his hand to try to pick it up. He grabbed the handle, but then quickly dropped it. He tried again and got the same result. Nick inhaled sharply, feeling disoriented without something to help him breathe. He felt vulnerable. He was so weak that he couldn’t even eat his dinner. 

Alex put his soup bowl down on the nightstand. “You need help?” Nick nodded, ashamed that he couldn’t complete one of the most basic tasks out there. “Alright, I’ll help you.” Alex lifted the bowl and scooped a spoonful of soup for Nick. Nick gladly accepted the soup, happy to be eating something, let alone something with so much flavor. 

Alex lifted a second spoonful to Nick's lips, doing his best to ignore the fact that he was currently spoon feeding his boyfriend like an infant. Alex sighed, remembering Nick’s month-long near-death experience. He wasn’t going to instantly get better. He couldn’t. After Nick finished most of the soup, Alex had an idea. “Want to try by yourself?” Nick nodded and grasped the spoon, a bit stronger this time. He lifted it to his mouth, hands trembling, and swallowed the soup. It still tasted just as good as when Alex helped him.

Alex let out a few quiet cheers as Nick managed to slowly feed himself. It still felt pathetic, but any steps towards recovery, no matter how small, were worth being celebrated. Nick looked happier too, now that he had had his dinner. He fed the last spoonful of soup to Steckrübe with shaky hands. As soon as Nick was done with his dinner, Alex put the ventilator mask back on him. It was relieving to finally see him breathe a bit easier. The rise and fall of Nick’s chest returned to normal as he lay back down to rest. Even just eating dinner had tired him out to the point where he needed to catch his breath and recharge. Alex gently kissed his forehead again and sat with him, holding Nick's hand until he drifted off to sleep.


	42. Chapter 40 (Part 1)

Alex had finished cleaning up dinner hours ago while Nick napped in his room. He looked tired, but peaceful. Alex could almost ignore the dark circles around Nick’s sunken eyes as he enjoyed his first proper sleep in over a month. As he gazed at Nick while he slept, Alex realised that looking after him was going to be more difficult than he thought it would be; Nick couldn’t really do anything for himself at all. He seemed to shut down, staring off into the distance. Even the smallest task, as dinner proved, wore him out entirely. 

Seeing Nick in this state reminded Alex of Nick’s first night home from the abandoned prison. He looked so tired and disheveled, too upset and scared to look after himself. He had come such a long way in such a short amount of time, only to be completely set back. Alex felt guilty as he mourned the Nick he knew before the accident. He still didn’t smell the same, like peaches, and his hair was no longer soft. Alex’s guilt rapidly turned into determination as he realized that it was his job to do something about it. It felt greasy and tangled as Alex ran his hand through it, talking to Nick as he slept. Nick was wheezing slightly despite the mask. “It's okay,” Alex murmured. “You can do it. Just keep breathing.” 

He sat with Nick until Steckrübe decided to get up, standing on Nick’s stomach. Nick woke up abruptly and laughed softly when he saw Steckrübe standing on him. But… then he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He sat up and pushed Steck onto the floor, gasping. Alex grabbed Nick's hand, his eyes wide. “Are you alright?!”

Nick nodded and laughed again, but then looked down to make sure Steck was okay. Luckily, he was sitting safely next to the bed. Nick pulled Alex’s arm, wanting to cuddle, but Alex rejected him again.

“Hey, Nick?” Alex asked, once again playing with Nick’s hair.

Nick looked up and nodded.

“Did they give you a bath this morning at the hospital?”

Nick stared blankly into space, then frowned and shook his head. “I don't... remember,” he said, barely audible. All of his memories of his time in the hospital had blurred together. Nick found it quite difficult to tell the time and date when the windows were closed and he was sleeping and waking up at odd hours of the day.

“Oh! Okay,” Alex replied, trying to choose his words carefully. “I was just...thinking that...maybe you could...take a bath? I could... I could help you take a bath?”

Nick nodded at Alex's request, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. But he did feel greasy, after all, and he would feel better once he was clean.

“I’ll go get everything ready, and then… I’ll help you get there. Is that alright?” Alex picked out fresh pajamas for Nick and went to put them in the bathroom. He turned on the bathtub faucet and watched it fill up slowly. As he poured a small amount of bubble bath into the rising water, he noticed his hands shaking. It was just a bath, right? He was just helping Nick take a bath. So why was he so nervous?

Alex returned to the bedroom and helped Nick swing his legs off the side of the bed. He picked up Nick’s ventilator. “Do you think you can walk to the bathroom or do you want the wheelchair?” he asked.

“Chair,” Nick said softly. Alex nodded in response and guided Nick into the wheelchair, placing the ventilator on his lap and carefully rolling him down the hall into the bathroom. They stopped in the middle of the bathroom floor and Nick looked up at Alex expectantly. “Can you...help?”

“Help? Help what?”

“My clothes,” Nick said softly, looking slightly embarrassed.

_SHIT._ Alex hadn’t thought this far ahead. “Oh! Of course, yeah!” He laughed nervously and removed the ventilator mask from Nick’s face. He tried to steady his shaking hands as he slipped Nick’s arms out of his t-shirt and pulled it up over his head. He then put the mask back on Nick, making sure it was secure. Alex stood Nick up and gently tugged down his pajama bottoms before tossing them on top of the discarded shirt. “Can you, uh…” he said to Nick, gently touching the waistband of Nick’s boxers. Nick nodded, pulling them down and wriggling out of them. Alex averted his eyes, although he could still feel his face getting hot. Luckily, the lights were dim enough in the bathroom that Nick wouldn’t notice.

_God, Alex,_ the voice in his head hissed, _what the hell is wrong with you? He’s your boyfriend, for God’s sake. It’s nothing you haven’t thought about before._ Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Ok, ready?” he asked.

“Ready,” Nick replied with a smile. He stood, lifted one leg shakily and began to climb into the tub, grabbing onto Alex’s shoulder for balance. Alex felt a slight sense of relief as Nick sank down below the bubbles, leaving only his shoulders and chest exposed.

Nick looked soft in the dim light of the bathroom. Alex had kept all of the lights off except one so he could see what he was doing. Alex cupped his hands, scooped some water out of the tub, and poured it over Nick’s head. Nick giggled at the sensation. Alex grabbed the shampoo off the shelf and squeezed some of it into his hands. He started washing Nick’s hair with a slight sense of caution, not wanting anything to drip into the ventilator mask. Alex worked the shampoo into Nick’s hair, massaging his scalp. Nick made a soft noise of approval and closed his eyes. Alex smiled to himself as he carefully rinsed the shampoo out, making sure to avoid Nick’s face. He then did the same with the conditioner, adding a little kiss on Nick’s forehead when he was done. This was nowhere near as bad as he had expected it to be.

When Alex was finished, he pulled out the stopper and helped Nick sit upright. He placed his arms under Nick’s armpits and lifted him carefully to sit on the edge of the tub, wrapping a towel around him. He dried him off and ruffled his hair with the towel. Nick smelled like peaches again. Finally. Alex helped Nick get dressed, sitting him down in the wheelchair so he wouldn’t flop over. Alex removed the mask again and helped Nick wiggle into his shirt. “Can you do the rest?” Alex asked, handing Nick the rest of his clothes. Luckily, Nick could put everything on but his socks. He shifted and wiggled and tried to pick his legs up, but couldn’t. Alex knelt down next to him and slipped the fuzzy socks onto his feet. 

Alex rolled Nick back into the bedroom and placed the ventilator back on the nightstand. He lifted Nick back into bed and laid him down. Nick looked up at Alex lovingly, and Alex wanted nothing more than to kiss Nick’s lips, to wrap Nick in his arms and pull him close...but he couldn’t. “Nick?” he asked quietly. Nick looked up at him quizzically. “I know the doctor said you need to be quarantined...but...do you want me to stay?” 

Nick nodded vigorously, his eyes wide; he was afraid of being alone in this condition, and being with Alex helped to keep his mind off of how awful his entire body felt. Alex slipped out of his jeans and socks and stretched himself out alongside Nick. He hesitated to put an arm around Nick, afraid of hurting him. Instead he reached his hand up and laid it on Nick’s chest. Nick lifted his right hand and grabbed Alex’s, intertwining their fingers. He was asleep in no time.

“Love you, Nick,” Alex said softly. He laid there for a while, listening to the ventilator and feeling Nick’s chest rise and fall, making sure that he was safe.

Alex knew Nick wasn’t going to instantly get better, but he didn’t expect him to be completely dependent. Nick shifted in his sleep, grabbing onto Alex’s arm and nuzzling his face into his shoulder. The smooth plastic of the mask felt cold on Alex’s skin. He reached to stroke Nick’s hair, which was still slightly damp from his bath. At least he finally smelled clean and soft again. Alex had missed that. For now, it could only come from Alex taking care of him. Alex didn’t want to clean Nick up again, but based on his condition, he knew he would have to. Maybe Nick would become more comfortable with it, too.

After about an hour, Alex slowly crept to the living room and returned to Nick’s bedroom with a beanbag chair. Although Nick was quarantined, Alex had promised he would stay. He curled up on the beanbag and, holding Nick’s hand, fell asleep.


	43. Chapter 40 (Part 2)

Alex awoke to the glow of sunlight behind the curtains and a cat on his stomach. 

It took him a moment to get his bearings before he remembered that he was in a beanbag chair on the floor. He laid there for a few minutes idly petting Steck and trying to wake up. He couldn’t see Nick from this angle, but he could hear the ventilator pumping away, so he figured Nick was alright. Once he had woken up a bit more, Alex stood and stretched, trying to work out the kinks in his back and neck from sleeping on such an uncomfortable surface all night. He made his way out to the kitchen to start breakfast and refill Steckrübe’s food and water bowls.

A short time later, Alex returned to Nick’s bedroom, kicking the door open as he balanced two smoothies and a plate of toast in his hands. He was surprised to see Nick with his eyes open and his hand massaging Steck’s tummy. “Good morning,” he greeted Nick, placing their breakfasts down on the nightstand. He helped Nick sit up, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a sitting position. “Did you sleep well last night?”

Nick nodded and gestured weakly to the plates Alex had brought in. “Breakfast?”

“Yes. A strawberry smoothie and warm toast,” Alex explained. “Are you hungry?”

Nick nodded again. “Toast…”

Alex removed Nick’s mask once Nick had affirmed that he did, in fact, want breakfast. Nick picked up the toast and slowly nibbled on it. He hadn’t really gotten used to chewing again, but Alex insisted that eating the toast was good practice for eating more solid foods. And the toast tasted amazing, anyway. Nick was convinced that Alex was the best chef on the planet.

They ate their meal in relative silence - relative, because while they weren’t speaking much, all Alex could hear were the sounds of Nick munching away on his toast and slurping his smoothie. When they finished, Alex placed the empty dishes and glasses on the nightstand, eager to move on to his plan. “So, I thought we could try to have you walk this morning,” Alex announced. “What do you think?” 

Nick nodded. “Okay…” he said, expecting Alex to only have him take a few steps. He wasn’t sure if he could really handle much of anything, particularly since he had immediately fallen when he tried to stand up the previous day, but he didn’t want to let Alex down, and he knew that Alex would be there with him for every step. And Nick wanted to recover. He wanted nothing more than to recover. So did Alex. They were both anxious to get their lives back.

Alex beamed. “Great! I’ll help you up.” He slipped his arms underneath Nick’s and lifted him to his feet. Nick wobbled in place for a moment. His legs felt like jelly after he’d barely used them for weeks. He held onto Alex with trembling arms, his fingernails nearly digging into Alex’s skin.

“Alright, ready?” Alex slipped behind Nick, his arms still firmly wrapped around Nick’s chest. “Take a step.”

Nick took a deep of a breath as he could, feeling very unsure of himself, and lifted his right foot, propelling himself slightly forward. He repeated with his left foot, wobbling a bit more this time. He stopped, trying to regain his balance, before he felt a nudge on his calf. Alex was pressing his toes into Nick’s leg, urging him on. “Come on, Nick! You can do this.” Nick pushed himself to step again, slogging his way toward the door.

Alex, figuring Nick was making good progress, decided to let go. Nick immediately stumbled without support and nearly crashed into the wall. Alex cringed and grabbed him. “Okay…it’s okay…” he said, trying to reassure himself as much as Nick. He helped Nick straighten out his back and continued to hold him up. He had to, or Nick would have completely toppled over. Alex held the ventilator in one arm and held Nick in the other. “Keep going,” he instructed him softly. 

Nick grimaced as he slowly made his way across the room, dragging his hand along the wall for support. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take…but he couldn’t stop now, could he? He had to show Alex that he was better. That he didn’t need to be so dependent on Alex anymore; he could take care of himself. He tried with all of his might to hide the agonising pain he was in.

Each step was torture. Nick dragged his exhausted legs across the floor, and every muscle within them burned. His chest tightened with each movement, and every breath became more and more of a struggle. Couldn’t Alex see how much it hurt? Why wasn’t he sitting Nick down, stopping him, giving him time to breathe? He needed a break after eating his breakfast; why wouldn’t Alex give him a break now? His entire body felt heavy, like it was being pulled into quicksand. His legs quickly became dead weight under him.

Despite the pain, Nick had to keep going, keep going keep going _keep going—_

THUNK.

Alex jumped, nearly dropping Nick’s ventilator as Nick crumpled to the floor. He gasped in horror as Nick laid motionless on the rug, curled up in a little ball on his side. Alex put the ventilator down and knelt at Nick’s side, shaking. _You’re a fucking idiot. How could you do this to him?_ “Nick?” he said, panicking. “Nick??” Alex shook Nick’s upper arm. “Nick, wake up—” Nothing. There were no signs left that Nick was alive. _Shit, I’ve killed him._

A moment later, Alex regained his composure and listened for a pulse, doing everything he could and pressing his fingers so hard into Nick’s wrist that he knew it had to hurt, if Nick could feel it. He’s dead. It’s my fault. Nick’s arm felt limp as Alex placed it back down at his side, reminding Alex of how floppy Nick seemed to be as he was moved around in the hospital. After not finding a pulse, Alex settled on pressing his ear to Nick’s chest and listening for a heartbeat. Thankfully, there was one. It was faint, but it was there. Was Nick still breathing? Alex threw off the ventilator mask and listened to see if Nick was breathing without it. After a few moments, Alex began to hear Nick gasping and wheezing for air. He sighed in both relief and exasperation and fastened the mask back onto Nick’s face. “There you go,” Alex said softly. This was good for now. Nick was alive. “Wake up,” Alex whispered, “please wake up.”

After a few minutes, Nick rolled over and looked up at Alex, pained. He fought to keep his eyes open as they tried to roll back into his head. He gasped, the ventilator unable to keep up with his rapid, shallow breaths. Alex frantically pressed a few buttons and turned the dial on the ventilator, hoping for the best.

If Nick was calm enough to let the ventilator breathe for him, it would have worked. Alex had done everything right. All of the dials and buttons were doing their jobs. But… Nick couldn’t catch up with the rhythm and even tried to pull off the mask. “No—” Alex clamped a hand around the mask and secured it to Nick’s face. Nick immediately grabbed Alex’s wrist with both hands, trying to throw him off. Alex looked into Nick’s eyes; they were shining with tears, bright with distress and frustration. Alex could only stare at Nick as he tried to hold him still, his heart pounding with fear at the sight of the younger man struggling to breathe. 

Nick’s breathing eventually began to even out, but he still lay on the floor, his hands balled into fists, tears stinging the corners of his eyes and threatening to spill onto the carpet beneath him. He’d never felt more frustrated. Alex sat with him, gently rubbing his back and whispering something that would be encouraging if Nick could have heard it over the whirring of the ventilator.

“Can I— go to bed—” Nick choked out in a voice barely above a whisper, the settings of the ventilator restricting his speech more than ever. He had to ask Alex to help him. He had to keep asking for help until he didn’t have to anymore.

“Yeah, of course.” Alex lifted Nick and carried him back to his bed. It was so easy for him. He could just walk there and gently set Nick down. Nick felt like a ragdoll in Alex’s arms, floppy and unable to do anything to help himself. It was almost as embarrassing as the night before.

Alex pulled the blankets up for Nick and tried to give him his frog plushie, which he rejected immediately. Alex knew something was wrong when Nick rolled onto his side and refused to acknowledge him. Alex tried to sit Nick up with an extra pillow under his left side, but Nick slapped it away. When Alex tried to soothe Nick by stroking his hair, Nick thrashed and tried to throw Alex off.

“Do you want me to stay?” Alex asked softly, nearly through tears. Nick made a small grumbling sound and pulled the blankets up around himself.

“Please, Nick? Please let me stay,” Alex reached to run his hand through Nick’s hair, only to have his hand swatted away.

_That’s a no,_ Alex thought to himself and left the room, making sure to leave the door open a crack, just in case. As he made his way to his bedroom, he wondered just how far he had set Nick’s recovery back.


	44. Chapter 41

After he had left Nick to stew in his own anger, Alex sat in the hallway and listened to the sound of Nick’s ventilator whirring. He didn’t want to leave in case Nick was still struggling to breathe, but after twenty minutes Alex decided that he was fine, and went to the living room. 

He flopped onto the sofa and began staring at the ceiling; his stomach cramped in guilt. _I pushed him too far. What if this makes him worse? What if he hates me?_ A thousand awful thoughts swirled around his head, so many that he almost felt dizzy. Alex couldn't take it any longer. He pulled out his phone and texted Paul. 

Alex: Are you awake?

He nervously flipped his phone open and closed, waiting for a message.

Alex: Call me please. I need you.

Alex had nearly given up hope when his phone began to buzz. “Oh thank god,” he murmured as he pressed the green button. “Hello?”

“Are you alright?” Paul's voice was quiet but filled with genuine concern.

“Yeah...well...no, not really.”

“What happened?”

Alex turned and looked down the hall towards his bedroom. “Nick…” he said shakily.

“Shit, is he ok?! What happened now?!” Paul's voice grew more frantic. “Do you need me to come over?”

“No, no, he's ok. I mean,” Alex faltered, “I think he's ok? I...I think I screwed everything up.” His chest felt tight. He bit back tears.

Paul paused, unsure of what to say. “I mean...I don't know what happened, but I don't think that's true at all. Nick loves you. And you love him. I don't think it's anything you can't fix…”

Alex buried his face in the arm of the sofa, hot tears slipping down his cheeks. He did love Nick. He loved Nick more than anything or anyone he'd ever loved before. Why had he been so stupid? 

“You there?” 

Alex came back to reality. He took a deep breath to try and sound as normal as possible. “Yeah. I just...I want him to feel better, and he's not getting any better, and I tried to help him walk, but I pushed him too far beyond his limits and he fell and now he's in bed and won't talk to me—” Alex put his hand over the mouthpiece as a sob escaped him.

“Alex,” Paul said in a voice so gentle that it only made Alex cry harder. 

“I knew I wouldn’t be able to help him; he’ll be back in the hospital by tomorrow—”

“Alex!” Paul cut him off. “Don’t say that!”

Alex looked up, staring blankly into the empty flat, gasping for breath. He could still hear the whirring sound coming from Nick’s room. Maybe the whirring sound could hear him, too.

“Alex?”

“Yeah—” Alex was shaken back to reality once again. “What do I do? I can’t leave him alone for too long…”

“Talk it out,” Paul said matter of factly. Alex could almost see him shrugging and giving him a casual smile.

“How do I talk it out with someone who can barely speak?”

“Listen to what he has to say,” Paul advised, “and respond with a bit of empathy.”

“You think I’m not already doing that?”

“Alex, I haven’t been there to see it, and I know you’re trying, but… please, really try to listen to him. He’s angry because he’s helpless and feels like you aren't listening to him.”

Alex regained a bit of composure. “Right.” 

“He’s just frustrated. I’d be frustrated too if I couldn’t walk or breathe by myself.”

Alex nodded, and then remembered he had to express something verbally. “Yeah,” he sighed.

“Give Nick a moment or two to rest, alright? Make yourself tea or something. Leave enough water in the kettle for Nick as well, if he wants some. And then, go talk to him.”

“Okay,” Alex finally smiled. “How do you know all of this?”

“Ah, it’s just what I’d do with my Bobbo if we were in the same situation.”

“Your Bobbo?” Alex laughed softly, through the tears that continued to well up in his eyes.

“Yeah, my Bobbo…” Alex could practically hear Paul’s smile through the phone. “I don’t know what I’d do if he were in the same situation as Nick. That must be so hard.”

“It sounds like you do. And it is, but… It’s better than him being back in the abandoned prison.”

“You’re right,” Paul agreed. “Hey, you feeling better now?”

“Yeah. Thanks. Sorry to bother you.”

“No worries,” Paul replied. “I think Bob’s got some stuff to do today, but maybe tomorrow we can come by and visit? If Nick’s up to it...”

“Oh! Sure!” Alex smiled. “I mean, as long as he hasn’t kicked me out or anything.”

Paul laughed softly. “He can’t kick you out of your own flat. Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’ll text you later, yeah?”

“Okay,” Alex said, hoping Paul was right.

After they had said their goodbyes, Alex did exactly what Paul said. He brewed himself a cup of tea and sat on the sofa with it. It tasted more like pure warmth than anything else. He missed Nick’s presence beside him. Nick felt more like pure warmth than anything else. At least Alex had left some water in the kettle for him.

_Give him a moment or two, and then…_ Alex got up from the sofa and ventured to Nick’s room, stopping outside the door for a moment, or maybe more than a moment. The whirring sound was louder than ever as he entered the room. “Nick?” He went over to Nick and waited for him to react. Nick's eyes were closed, but Alex could tell by his face that he wasn't actually asleep. "Nick??" he said again, a little louder this time. Nick opened his eyes and glared at Alex. He rolled over and faced the wall.

"Nick," Alex repeated again, softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Can we talk? Please?"

Although Nick was facing the other way, Alex could hear him grumble. Nick pulled at the mask and tried to take it off, but his grip was too weak. Alex reached for the mask and secured it onto Nick’s face.

“Can you speak with the settings like that?” Alex asked, seeing the rate at which the little machine was whirring and puffing. Had he ruined Nick’s vocal cords too?

Nick shook his head, trying to choke out any sound that he could. Nothing.

“Alright, alright, I’ll change it,” Alex pressed a few buttons and set the ventilator settings back to normal. “There we go. So… do you want to talk it out?”

Nick grumbled again. Alex frowned and tried to stroke Nick’s hair. He had never seen Nick act this way. It was difficult to take him seriously when his arguments were quiet grumbles and he had fuzzy socks on his feet, but Alex remembered Paul’s advice.

“I’m sorry for pushing you too far earlier,” Alex sighed as he tried to stroke Nick’s hair again. Nick pushed him away and mumbled something to himself. “I just want to help you,” Alex said quietly.

Nick finally looked up at Alex. “Fine. Let’s talk.” His voice was still quiet and sounded like it could break at any moment. Alex still had to lean in a bit to hear him.

“Alright. Are you feeling okay? Can you breathe now?”

“Obviously not,” Nick mumbled and turned away from Alex. “I still have this...stupid mask on.”

“It’s only temporary…”

“Easy to say when… you’re not the one wearing it,” Nick said haltingly. He reached up to the mask to try to take it off, but Alex stopped him.

“You’re right. I’m just glad you’re breathing at all.”

“You tried to… get me to stop earlier.” Nick pulled the blankets up to his eyes.

“Please, Nick… it wasn’t on purpose. I just didn’t know your limits.”

“You should now,” Nick muttered, hiding his face.

“I do,” Alex smiled. “I know now. Sorry about all that.”

Nick nodded and finally looked up at Alex. “Sorry for worrying you.”

“You didn’t worry me,” Alex gently patted Nick’s hair. Nick didn’t try to throw him off this time.

“I heard you... talking to Paul...you were worried.”

“I just want you to feel better…”

“Well it… won’t happen... instantly.”

“Yeah. I know.” Alex looked down at Nick and stroked his hair. “I just thought… never mind.”

“Thought what?”

“I thought you could walk that far.”

“I can’t,” Nick grumbled again and turned away from Alex.

Alex corrected Nick softly, “Not yet.”

Nick sighed and slowly pushed himself upright. “Not yet.”

Alex was still having a hard time taking Nick seriously. His voice was so soft and quiet, constantly being dragged away by the rhythm of the ventilator.

“Are you feeling better from earlier, though?” Alex asked, stroking Nick’s hair softly.

“Yeah, I’m not… on the floor choking.”

“That’s good to hear.” Alex smiled and continued waiting for Nick to face him again.

“It hurts, Alex... Everything hurts. And I’m... scared,” Nick finally broke, turning to Alex. Tears spilled down his cheeks. He hugged Alex and buried his face in his chest. “I’m scared.”

Alex wrapped his arms around Nick and held him. Nick continued to cry, but felt soothed by Alex. It was comforting to finally be held again. After a while, once Nick calmed down, Alex sat him up again.

“Nick, look at me.”

Nick turned to him, looking sleepy but appreciative nonetheless.

“You’re going to get better. I’m here for you and I always will be. Never doubt that, alright? I love you.” Alex hugged him again, feeling Nick’s heart beat steadily.

Nick hugged Alex back. “I love you too.”

“I made tea, you want some?” Alex smiled as he brushed Nick’s hair out of his eyes.

Nick nodded and smiled, his eyes finally bright.

“Alright. I’ll be right back.”


	45. Chapter 42

The next morning, there was a knock on the door just as Alex was making breakfast for himself and Nick. 

“Hi!” Paul exclaimed when Alex flung the door open in a rush, a spoon still in hand from mixing a smoothie for Nick. Bob stood beside him, grasping Alvy’s leash.

“You’re here early! Nick actually isn’t even up yet.” Alex welcomed his friends into the flat. Alvy bounded in, ready to play with Steckrübe, and immediately got to work searching the flat for him.

Paul noticed that in addition to sounding tired the day before, Alex looked tired too. His eyes were puffy with dark circles under them and his face was unusually pale. “Did you sleep much last night?” Paul sat atop the kitchen counter and watched as Alex continued making the smoothie.

“Mostly just made sure Nick kept breathing,” Alex laughed as he poured the smoothie into a glass and opened the refrigerator.

Paul frowned at that remark. “Maybe you should go rest.”

“I can’t. Not until Nick can walk by himself and stops using that machine.”

“Want me to at least finish making breakfast?”

In the other room, Nick opened his eyes to a cold, wet sensation on his arm. _They’re probably just putting a new IV in, it’s been a few days anyway_ — Nick suddenly remembered that he was home and looked down to see Alvy gently nudging his arm. “Alvy!” he whispered as he reached to pat him. Alvy must have been a bit uneasy, because he kept backing away. But Nick really wanted to pet him. “Alvyyyy…” Nick kept reaching further and further, until… _CLUNK._ He found himself on the floor next to Alvy, tangled in the ventilator tube.

Alvy sniffed Nick and licked the exposed part of his face, making sure he was okay. He then started barking to alert someone in the flat to the fact that Nick was on the floor and probably shouldn’t have been.

Alex dashed into Nick’s room and was horrified to find him sprawled on the floor. Thankfully, his worry subsided when he saw Nick reaching up to pat Alvy’s chin. Alex patted Alvy’s head with a smile and then started helping Nick sit up and untangle himself from the tube. He managed to lift Nick off the floor and into the wheelchair seat. 

“Good morning, love,” Alex said, running his hand through Nick’s hair. Nick’s cheeks colored faintly at the touch. “Sorry for waking you up so early. I didn’t think Paul and Bob would come over so soon.”

"It’s ok,” Nick said quietly. He scratched Alvy between the ears. “Alex?"

"Yeah?" 

"Can you… help me change?" Nick asked, gesturing to his pajamas. He had gotten used to people seeing him looking disheveled after a month in the hospital, and he knew it was only Bob and Paul anyway, but he still felt the need to look more presentable before he emerged for the day.

Alex nodded. “You want to brush your teeth too?” It was Nick’s turn to nod. Alex wheeled Nick to the bathroom. Nick clutched the ventilator, still blinking sleep out of his eyes. 

Alex squeezed the toothpaste onto Nick’s toothbrush and carefully removed his mask. While Nick brushed, Alex went back into the bedroom to grab the fresh pajamas. After Nick awkwardly rinsed out his mouth by attempting to stick his whole face under the faucet, he lifted himself out of his seat shakily and balanced his arms on the edge of the sink. He stared at the face reflected in the mirror. Chapped lips. Tousled hair. Dark, sunken eyes. Quite a significant amount of weight loss. Nick barely had any idea who he was anymore. He wondered what he looked like when he smiled, when he was sleeping, when he made pathetic attempts at walking… Maybe his appearance was what worried everyone. His clothes hung off of his body. He looked dead. _I didn’t think I would look this bad,_ Nick thought, still taking in his current appearance. _How can someone who looks so dead still be alive?_ He would never recover. He knew it. He would be confined to this form forever.

Nick carefully adjusted his weight and balanced on one arm to slip his hand beneath his t-shirt. He ran his hand over the bruise on his chest, wincing at the discomfort that still lingered weeks later. Just beneath it sat the scar from being shot, and further down his stomach, the scar from Nick’s ICU feeding tube. Nick hated feeling scarred, his skin permanently disfigured.

“All set?” Alex called from the doorway. Nick saw Alex appear behind him in the mirror, clutching Nick’s clothes, a hairbrush, and some deodorant. Nick saw Alex’s eyes widen as he noticed Nick out of his seat, leaning on his now-trembling arms, his legs beginning to wobble under him. He strode over to Nick. “Are you—”

“I’m fine.” Nick grumbled to himself. Alex grabbed Nick’s waist and sat him against the wall so he could get changed. Something seemed off, but Alex decided to ignore it. Nick tried to wiggle out of his pants and slip the new ones on. He batted Alex's hands away when he tried to grab the waistband. "I can do it," Nick grumbled, a little more harshly than he meant to.

“Can you?” Alex sighed as he watched Nick wiggle on the floor like a worm drying up on the pavement.

Eventually, Nick had to give up. He sat against the wall, his breathing turning into heavy wheezing from the exhaustion of flopping around on the floor. Alex slipped the new pair of pajama pants onto Nick’s legs in no time.

Alex then grabbed the hem of Nick's shirt and lifted it up, grazing the bruise along the way. Nick grunted and slapped Alex's hands away, more forcefully this time. "Oh! Sorry. Is that the bruise from when you hit the barricade?" Alex asked. "Can I…"

Nick didn't say anything, his breathing heavy from anxiety and anger and the lack of the ventilator. He whined and turned away, reflexively covering his chest and stomach. Alex frowned and waited for Nick to turn back to him. “I won’t touch it, I promise…”

Nick whined again and scooted back against the wall. Alex only went closer. “Please? I just want to see if it’s healed all the way.”

Nick shook his head and continued to cover his chest and stomach. He even attempted to swipe at Alex’s hands once more, but missed and nearly toppled himself over. 

“Okay, then…can you show me?” Alex finally asked. Nick nodded reluctantly and slowly turned back to Alex. He lifted his shirt and showed Alex that the bruise was more green and yellow than purple. Alex smiled. “It looks so much better than before!”

Nick’s eyes instantly lit up as his face broke into a careful smile. Maybe he really was getting better. Alex helped him slip into a new t-shirt and a fresh sweatshirt from Alex’s personal collection, then slipped the fuzzy socks onto Nick’s feet. 

Before putting the ventilator mask back on Nick’s face, Alex found himself once again captivated by Nick’s lips. Except… they were chapped now, probably because of the constant dry air being forced into them by the ventilator. Alex got up and ran to the sink, throwing open one of the drawers and retrieving a Chapstick. He handed it to Nick and let him put it on by himself. He wanted to give Nick at least one self care achievement for the day, and while it pained him not to be able to touch Nick’s lips, he was satisfied knowing that Nick felt accomplished.

“Oh! I almost forgot,” Alex said, quickly striding back into Nick’s room and returning to the bathroom with two small bottles. “Your medicine…”

Nick nodded to prepare himself as Alex poured the contents of the first bottle into a teaspoon. He lifted it to Nick's lips, holding his hand underneath to catch any drips. Nick gagged a bit at the taste and Alex couldn't help but smile. "It's gross, I know." Nick nodded vigorously. Taking medicine had never been one of his strong points, but he desperately wanted to get better.

Once Nick had gagged down a second spoonful, Alex turned the ventilator back on and fastened the mask back onto Nick’s face. Since Nick still couldn’t lift his arms all the way without a significant amount of pain, Alex helped him brush his hair and restore it to its usual soft, fluffy state. Finally, after a few minutes, he put the brush down and gave Nick a gentle kiss on his forehead. Nick grabbed Alex’s shoulders and bonked his face with the mask. Alex let out a laugh as he stood Nick up and helped him get back to his wheelchair.

Alex wheeled Nick into the living room to see Bob and Paul, and helped him walk the last few feet to the sofa. Nick collapsed on the sofa, next to Bob, and Alex helped him sit up.

“You should really go get some rest,” Paul sighed as he watched Alex put the ventilator back in Nick’s lap.

“Who’s going to take care of Nick then?” Alex sighed, gently running his fingers through Nick’s hair.

“Ah… I think we’ve got it for the next couple hours,” Paul laughed, increasingly worried about Alex’s protective state.

“Hours?”

“Yeah. Go take a nap. We’ll take care of Nick, alright?”

Alex nodded and trudged to his bedroom. He hadn’t slept in his own bed since the night before Nick came home. He missed sleeping in it, but Nick’s safety was a greater concern than a good night of sleep.

In the living room, after being served his breakfast and eating almost all of it, Nick sat sleepily patting Steckrübe and listening to Paul and Bob’s conversation. He felt his eyes beginning to close as Paul mentioned something about a squirrel he had seen earlier that day.

“Tired?” Paul glanced over at Nick, who nodded and held back a yawn. “Want to go back to your bed, then?”

Nick nodded again. Paul helped him into the wheelchair and began wheeling him back to his room. He then got him into his bed and decided that he would go pick up some lunch while Alex was sleeping.

“Bob, can you stay with Nick for the next hour or so? I’m going to go pick up lunch from the shop by the museum. Sandwiches, maybe some soup for Nick?”

Bob nodded to affirm that everything Paul had suggested was alright with him, although he secretly felt a bit apprehensive about staying with Nick as he slept. He looked so… fragile. In a different way than before. Nick was pale and thin; he looked like he might crumble into pieces if Bob even laid a finger on him. Bob looked back up at Paul, who gave him a slightly confused look and a thumbs up.

As Paul left the room, Bob sat cautiously on the edge of Nick’s bed. Alvy and Steckrübe came into the room as well, wanting to be around their favorite people. Steckrübe hopped onto the bed and curled up in a ball near Nick’s feet. Bob smiled and reached to pat Steckrübe. Nick, feeling some movement near his feet, shifted just enough to grab Bob’s arm and pull him down. Bob immediately pulled away and stood up. Nick looked up and whined softly, weakly reaching an arm up to Bob.

“You want me… to sit with you?”

Nick nodded and patted the space on the bed next to him. 

“Ah… Alright…!” Bob laughed, trying to conceal his sweaty hands and his racing heart. Nick was cute, after all. He climbed onto the bed and sat next to Nick, not wanting to initiate anything.

Nick leaned back against the pillow and sighed contentedly. He looked up at Bob with a blank stare and a slight smile. Bob looked at him out of the corner of his eye, not daring to make eye contact. "You alright?"

A quiet "Yeah…" was all Bob could hear before Nick went silent, save for the soft pumping noise of the ventilator. He didn't dare to look for a few minutes. When he finally worked up the nerve to glance over, he felt a flutter in his stomach. Sleeping Nick was a sight to behold, soft hair and parted lips and pink cheeks--

Bob shook his head to clear his brain. He didn't like Nick like that…right? Maybe he did. The last few months had been such a rollercoaster of emotion that Bob didn’t even know how he felt anymore.

Now that Nick was safely asleep, Bob wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Nick wouldn’t know if he got up and left - but how would he feel when he woke up alone? _Alex will kill me if Nick wakes up and nobody’s with him._ Bob shifted onto his side enough to wiggle his phone out of his pocket without disturbing Nick. He was seven levels deep into Brick Breaker when he felt a soft bonk on his shoulder. He froze. Nick was sleeping on him. Nick...was sleeping on him. Shit. He clutched his phone in his now-sweaty hand and tried desperately to calm down. 

Nick’s arm lay on Bob’s stomach, but Bob was too afraid to move it in case he hurt the sickly man, or even worse, woke him up. Bob was too nervous to even move his head in case he knocked Nick’s mask from his face. Bob felt uncomfortable in every possible way; his body had tensed up and was beginning to ache. _I can’t move. I can’t move him. What the hell do I do?_

Bob was pulled from his thoughts by Nick, who had begun to twitch slightly. Then Nick whimpered and thrashed his legs wildly. He let out a sob and threw his arm across Bob’s stomach, clutching onto him for protection. Bob had no idea what to do. _Why is he shaking so much? Did he stop breathing? Does he need to go to the hospital?_ Bob craned his neck to check the ventilator - it was still humming and blinking, which was a good sign. Nick was still trembling. Was he having a nightmare? Bob contemplated waking him up before deciding that he was wholly unprepared to deal with the awkward situation that would no doubt ensue. Instead, he slipped his right arm behind Nick and tentatively began to rub his hand up and down Nick’s back. He didn’t entirely know if it would work, but he remembered his mother doing the same for him when he was a kid, and it had always made him feel better.

The moment Bob started rubbing small circles between Nick’s shoulders, it was as though a switch had flipped. Nick stilled and then relaxed, burying his cheek in Bob’s chest. Bob breathed a sigh of relief, but the feeling was quickly replaced with anxiety at the realization that he was now very much cuddling with a very cute boy who was very unaware of the entire situation.

Bob picked up his phone, which he had dropped into the blankets in the frenzy, and awkwardly navigated to his text messages. He frantically started tapping out a one-handed message to the only person who could guide him through this.

BOB: Paul pkease help me  
BOB: Nicj fell asleep hes cuddling me I dont know what to do

“Warm…”

Bob nearly yelped. “What?” he hissed, eyes wide.

Nick readjusted himself, pulling Bob in tight. “Warm…” he repeated.

BOB: He keeps sayimg varm  
BOB: Whats varm  
BOB: What do i do?

“Weich...matschig…” Nick’s voice was soft and sweet. Bob could practically hear him smiling in his sleep. He had to get out of there. His phone suddenly buzzed.

PAUL: Just let him sleep

BOB: WGAT

PAUL: Let him sleep its ok. He needs you :)

Bob let out a groan. He really didn’t want to be dealing with this right now.

BOB: Please come soom im scared

PAUL: Lol youre so cute. Ill be there in 15 min

Bob sighed and put the phone down. Nick nuzzled him and mumbled a few more incoherent phrases. It was going to be a long wait.


	46. Chapter 43

Bob flopped down on the sofa later that evening to try to enjoy a book he had picked out from a local shop. Paul joined him a few minutes later and turned on the TV to the local sports station.

“Huh. Horses again,” he sighed and looked over at Bob.

Bob didn’t respond as he tried to focus on what he was reading. The book wasn’t as good as Bob had expected. Maybe Alex would have liked it more than he did.

“You alright, Bobbo?” Paul looked over at Bob, who quickly shut his book.

“Oh! Yeah, I guess so.”

“You guess so?”

“Yeah, well… I still don’t know how to feel about what happened earlier.”

“With Nick?”

Bob nodded. “I don’t know how I did that. I hope he doesn’t remember any of it…” Bob had slipped out of the room the moment Paul had returned with their lunch, carefully laying Nick's head back on the pillow and tiptoeing away as fast as he could. When Nick woke up, he didn’t say a word about it.

“Ah, don’t worry,” Paul reassured Bob, slipping an arm around him. “You did the right thing. I don’t think he remembers it, anyway.”

“I hope he doesn’t…” Bob sighed, “and I think he was talking in his sleep too.”

"Yeah?" Paul asked. "What were you texting me...he was saying varm?"

"Yeah. I suppose that probably means ‘warm’, right?"

“Sounds about right I guess. Did he say anything else?”

“Weich?”

Paul grabbed Bob’s laptop from the table, and Bob scooted closer to Paul to join him.

“That’s ‘soft.’ He called you soft!”

“Oh," Bob said, frowning. "I think he also said...matschig?”

“Hmm…” Paul typed it into the translator. “Squishy. He called you squishy?” Paul suppressed a laugh.

“He called me squishy?!”

"Apparently!" Paul said with a giggle. 

“Am I… squishy?” Bob asked softly. He had learned to not take comments about his weight seriously, but Nick's words - intentional or not - still stung.

“I guess so,” Paul smiled, “but that’s not a bad thing. I’d like to be a bit more squishy, actually. Some people think I’m scary because I’m all points and angles.” Bob smiled slightly at this, but Paul could sense his discomfort, so he shifted closer to Bob and climbed into his lap. "Hey," Paul said quietly, "don't take it personally. Nick was asleep, he probably didn't even know what he was saying. And it doesn't matter anyway, because you're adorable the way you are. Alright?" He ran his hand through Bob's hair and smiled.

Bob returned the smile and pulled Paul close. "Alright," he murmured before he wrapped his arms around Paul's waist and kissed him gently.

One kiss led to another, and another, and another, until they finally broke apart after nearly twenty minutes of making out. They lay in silence for a few minutes then, Bob on his side squashed into the back of the sofa and Paul, being much smaller, flat on his back beside him. Suddenly, an ad for a Christmas sale came on the TV.

“What are we doing for Christmas, Bobbo?”

“Uh…” Bob thought about it. “I’m sure we could go visit my family.”

“Your family?”

“Yeah, uh… I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you came with me.” Bob’s parents had always been very accommodating.

“Do they… do they know?”

“Know what?”

“That we live together? That you’re a baby gay?”

“No. I haven’t told them anything,” Bob sighed, burying his face in his palm.

“Do you think you’re going to?”

“... It depends.”

“Depends on what?” Bob shrugged his shoulders at Paul’s question. Bob didn’t think that his parents would be upset that he’d taken in a roommate, or that he was gay - but he couldn’t be certain.

“Well,” Paul continued, “I’d be happy to be there for you if you decide you want to tell them. Moral support, yeah?”

Bob smiled. “Thanks,” he said softly. Paul was too good to him.

“Either way, we can’t be there for long. We have to be back to make sure the Chateau is working before the New Year’s Eve party.”

“You’ve got the new lights working?”

“Yeah, and the stage is in too! Just have to plug in some appliances and hope the place doesn’t blow up.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Bob laughed and leaned against the back of the sofa. “Y’know, I think my parents are going to like you.”

“Really?” Paul beamed. Most authority figures hated him.

“Yeah. Tell them you built the hottest new venue in the city. They’ll think you’re some sort of entrepreneur.”

Paul laughed and looked up at Bob. “I won’t scam them into believing anything. I’ll just be honest. We built the Chateau so Nick would feel better about doing crimes there.”

“Just clarify that it was petty theft, alright? And that he’s mentally ill?”

“What, don’t want them to think you’re friends with too many outcasts and weirdos?”

Bob laughed, “Ah… I just don’t know if they’ll judge me. Or you. Us.”

“They seem nice enough, at least from what you’ve told me.”

“I guess they are.” Bob rested his head on Paul’s stomach. “Oh, you really aren’t squishy.”

“Well, I guess we’ll just have to get some dinner!” Paul beamed again, then chuckled along with Bob as his stomach rumbled in perfect comic timing. “Fancy going out somewhere?”

“It’s a date!” Bob immediately regretted this sentence, but he relaxed his briefly tense body as Paul’s grin spread even wider across his freckled face. 

Paul stood up from the sofa to change his outfit, then kissed Bob on his forehead. “I can’t wait.”

As Bob watched Paul walk to the bedroom, he felt his cheeks burn and a lump in his throat. _I can’t wait for my parents to meet him._


	47. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Sorry I always forget to update the fic on AO3! Follow us at find-the-eyes.tumblr.com for weekly updates! -Allegra]

A week later, after an optimistic doctor’s appointment and a lot of walking practice, it was finally NIck’s birthday. He had survived another year, somehow. Alex woke up extra early to get started on a birthday surprise for Nick. He figured Nick wouldn’t be awake, and if he was, he couldn’t get very far to ruin the surprise. Alex began preheating the oven and rummaged around for the ingredients for cupcakes. He hadn’t baked in a long time, but he had an idea of exactly what to make for Nick.

While the cupcakes cooled, Alex headed back to the bedroom, hoping that Nick was awake by that point. And he was. He lay on his back, his right hand stroking Steckrübe between the ears. He looked up as Alex sat on the edge of the bed. "Happy birthday," Alex said softly, kissing Nick's forehead. 

Nick smiled wide behind the mask. "It's my birthday?"

Alex laughed. "Yeah, of course! Did you forget what day it is?" 

His attempt at sounding playful was lost on Nick, who immediately looked distressed. "Yeah...I did."

"Oh." Alex shifted uncomfortably. "Do you want to come out to the kitchen? I'll make you breakfast." 

Nick nodded. Alex helped him up and began leading him to the kitchen, one arm around Nick’s waist. Nick was slowly but surely getting stronger. As Nick took a few wobbly steps, he realized something. “It smells like…” Nick hesitated for a moment, “cake!”

Alex laughed, “Oh, must be our neighbors, then…”

Nick hmmed softly and let Alex lead him the rest of the way down the hall, one shaky step at a time. When they reached the kitchen, Nick's jaw dropped. "Cupcakes!"

Alex slipped his arms around Nick's waist. "Surprise!" He nuzzled the back of Nick's neck. "Wanted to do something special for you today. I hope you like it."

"I love it," Nick murmured, turning to look at Alex and bonking his mask against Alex's cheek. "Thank you...so much."

Alex laughed, “Of course, Nick. Want to help me frost them?” Nick nodded and wobbled a bit more on his still-unsteady feet. Alex helped him into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and handed him a cupcake to frost. “We can invite Bob and Paul over to help us finish these,” Alex suggested.

A while later, as Nick nibbled on his cupcake and Alex was cleaning up the mess from baking, there was a knock at the door. Alex finished washing his hands and rushed to unlock the door and open it, hoping that the person on the other side wouldn’t be too irritated. However, when Alex opened the door, no one was there— only a basket with a few items poking out of it.

He brought it inside to investigate, wondering if it could be a get well gift for Nick from one of his music school friends. However, the contents of the basket spoke for themselves. Inside was a cuddly rat plushie and a potted plant, and a small card shoved behind them. Since the card wasn’t in an envelope, Alex snuck a peek at it.

_Dear Nick,_

_The rat plushie is for cuddles. The plant should help you get more oxygen into your system.  
Happy birthday and get well soon!_

_Love,_

_Your pal, Dino_

“More oxygen? He doesn’t even know how a collapsed lung works!” Alex whispered to himself, setting the basket down on the kitchen counter.

“What’s that?” Nick asked when he saw the basket.

“Ah… it’s…” Alex didn’t finish his answer and ran to grab his phone to call Paul and Bob.

Paul and Bob showed up not even twenty minutes later. By that point, Alex had helped Nick get to the sofa, still not showing him the gift. Nick watched as Alex ushered Bob and Paul into the kitchen, not letting them stop to even say hello to Nick. Paul managed a quick wave and Bob gave a quiet "Happy birthday" as they passed. Nick frowned. What was Alex up to? He scooted to the corner of the sofa closer to the kitchen and craned his neck to hear better.

“Orange cupcakes?” Paul asked when Alex offered him one. "That’s a bit… different. I like your style.”

"It's Nick's favorite color," Alex said, waving his hands. "Look, I really need you guys to help me with this…"

"Whassat?" Paul asked, half of the cupcake already in his mouth.

Alex retrieved the gift basket and placed it on the table with a sigh. "I found this outside the door this morning. It's from Dino, apparently. I don't know what to do with it... How did he even know that it was Nick's birthday?"

Bob pulled the card out of its envelope and read it. He wrinkled his nose and passed the card to Paul, who let out a deep sigh and passed it back to Alex.

Nick contemplated getting up from the sofa, but knew that he wouldn’t be able to make it to the kitchen. If he fell flat on the floor like a pancake, he would at least be able to bring some attention to himself, but Nick knew Alex would respond by babying him more if he saw him sprawled out on the ground. Why were they talking about the basket? Why was it such a big deal? Why couldn’t Nick decide for himself if he wanted it or not? Would it be worse for Alex to see him on the floor, or if he wasn’t able to decide if he wanted the gift for himself?

With a soft grumble, Nick pushed himself up from the sofa and stumbled to the wall that divided the living room from the kitchen. It ended halfway through the flat, to give the space that ‘open concept’ feeling that Alex constantly pointed out, so Nick had to stop leaning on it if he wanted to reach the kitchen. 

Luckily, Paul noticed before Nick had to venture into the kitchen unaided. He ran over and steadied Nick. “Trying to go to the kitchen?”

Nick nodded, ashamed that he needed help, irritated that Paul phrased it like that. Somehow, despite his frustration, Nick liked feeling Paul’s arm steadying him, open hand on his back. Nick refused to look up as he slowly made his way to the kitchen, Paul encouraging him with each hesitant step.

“Nick?” Alex asked as Paul led him into the room. Nick wasn’t supposed to have moved from the sofa, but Alex simply shrugged in response to seeing him. “Sit him down at the table,” Alex suggested to Paul, once again ignoring Nick’s intentions. Paul took a sharp turn to make sure Nick was headed in the right direction.

Once Nick was seated at the table, Alex brought the basket over. “Alright. We decided to give this to you. It’s from Dino.”

“How did he…” Nick thought for a moment, before trailing off and realizing even he didn’t know it was his own birthday that day. He smiled when he saw the rat plushie and pulled it out of the basket to hold it.

Alex smiled at Nick’s delight. “I have a gift for you too…” He pulled out a red sweatshirt from behind the counter. “So you won’t have to steal mine all the time.”

Nick took the sweatshirt and turned it over and over in his hands, then buried his face in it. "So soft," he said, barely audible behind the mask. He looked up at Alex, beaming.

Bob then handed Nick another gift. “From both of us,” he clarified, not wanting to take all of the credit. Nick unwrapped the gift to reveal a new black and white checkered strap for his guitar. Nick smiled and quietly thanked his friends, although he began to feel himself shifting with uneasiness. When would they go away?

As soon as Alex carried Nick back to the living room, Nick began to fall asleep. Well, not really, but he pretended he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer and that he was exhausted from all of the birthday festivities. He just wanted to be alone with Steckrübe, watching TV or playing guitar or trying to read. But for now, he had to act tired. Alex believed it, and Paul and Bob both felt equally bad about tiring Nick out, so within twenty minutes, the flat was empty. Mostly.

“Want to go to bed?” Alex asked, helping Nick up and beginning to walk him back to his bedroom before he could even respond.

Nick hesitantly let Alex guide him, feeling yet another unwanted hand on his back. He still needed to be held up, of course, but… something about the entire situation made his stomach churn. It wasn’t the support. Alex was great at helping Nick when he needed it, and without Alex holding him up as he stumbled and wobbled, Nick would have definitely run into a few more walls and fallen onto the floor a few more times than he already had. Maybe he even would have popped his lung again, but Nick didn’t want to imagine that. 

Nick stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to face Alex. He wasn’t sure what he could do to alert Alex to the fact that he didn’t want to keep going. His only defense would be to flop onto the ground, although that would probably just worry Alex even more.

“Are you alright, Nick?”

“No.” The forceful tone in Nick’s voice surprised them both. “I want to go back...to the sofa.”

“Oh…” Alex replied, uneasy. “I...okay--” 

Nick turned away sharply, pulling himself free of Alex’s touch, and started wobbling back to the living room. Alex, being much faster than Nick, immediately caught up with him and steadied him again. Nick grunted and elbowed Alex, then flopped onto the ground.

“What’s wrong?” Alex knelt down to help Nick get back on his feet, but Nick only thrashed a bit in response. He wriggled across the floor to pull himself onto the sofa, but by the time he got there he was too tired. Alex slipped his arms under Nick’s and pulled him into a seated position on his favorite cushion. He sat beside Nick, feeling very uncomfortable at Nick’s sudden defiance. “Nick, please, talk to me.”

Nick took a moment to catch his breath, not knowing if or when he would be able to talk to Alex. He adjusted the mask on his face and Alex instinctively reached over to stop him. Nick grabbed Alex's arm and shoved it away. "I'm fine."

Alex sighed and bit his lip. "Nick…" he repeated quietly, "please. I need you to talk to me." He hesitated for a moment, then reached out his hands, lightly grasping Nick's own. Nick, who was looking the other way, glaring at the wall, softened a bit at Alex's touch. He let out a sigh.

“You should…” Nick still tried to catch his breath, “you should be the one… talking to me.”

"What?" Alex shook his hair out of his eyes. "What do you mean?"

It took a moment for Nick to compose himself. "You never...ask me what I need...you just keep… doing everything...for me." He could feel his eyes starting to burn. 

“You think so?” Alex looked over at Nick, who still refused to make eye contact. It reminded Alex of their conversations in the abandoned prison, when Nick was too afraid to look into his eyes. "I just want to help you…"

“You’re helping,” Nick responded. He was starting to choke up, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. He considered his words for a moment. “I’m just…more ok than… you think I am.”

"But…you can't even walk on your own, or breathe on your own…of course I'm worried about you." Alex squeezed Nick's hands and shifted closer to him.

"But you don't...even give me a chance…to try things on my own," Nick said softly. "Why didn't you want… to give me Dino's gift?"

“He’s not a good guy, Nick. I don’t want him to think he can be our friend suddenly.”

“He’s… not that bad…”

Alex opened his mouth to respond, to try and argue his point, but nothing came out. Nick was right. Alex wasn't listening to him. Somewhere along the line, he had decided that he knew what was best for Nick. He shut his mouth and stared at their clasped hands.

“So… can you… listen to me? Like… before all of this?” Nick finally looked up at Alex, his blue eyes teary and his usually pink cheeks a deeper shade of red. 

"Of course," Alex said, instinctively reaching up to brush Nick's tears away, but stopping himself short. "Is this ok?"

"Yes," Nick said. He trembled as Alex so lovingly wiped the tears off his cheeks and wrapped his arms around Nick's stomach. 

"I'm sorry," Alex said, his own breath shaky. "I'm just...I'm so worried about you. And I want to make sure you're ok. And I just...don't know what to do."

"I don't know what...to do either," Nick said, laughing softly. "But just…keep trying your best."

“I know,” Alex said softly, “I’ll keep trying. Until you’re better.”

Nick smiled and bonked Alex’s face with the mask. Alex grinned and buried his face into Nick's neck, holding him tight.


	48. Chapter 45

That night, Nick woke up with sore legs and a dull, throbbing pain in his chest. He opened his eyes slowly, hoping it wasn’t anything serious. He saw Alex peacefully sleeping next to him on the beanbag chair and knew that if he gathered up his strength, he could wake him up. Nick didn’t want to worry Alex. Worrying Alex was his worst fear. Although they talked everything out, Nick was still afraid that Alex would overstep his boundaries again if his condition worsened.

Shaking his concern and dazed by the pain, Nick reached his arm out to wake Alex, gently poking his shoulder. Just a small amount of pressure on his finger sent waves of sharp pain shooting up his arm and to his chest. He tried not to cry as he waited for a response from Alex.

“...Nick?” Alex asked as he opened his eyes, his voice soft from sleep. “What’s wrong?”

Nick could barely answer, anxiety about the pain piling on top of the pain itself. He struggled to verbalize fragments of various words and phrases.

“Does something hurt?” Alex asked, sitting up so he could face Nick.

Nick nodded as he tried to sit up as well. He couldn’t read the emotion on Alex’s face through his blurred vision, his tears welling up and turning everything hazy.

“Ah, okay…” Alex stroked Nick’s hair gently. “I think your pain meds have worn off. They’re supposed to be given every eight hours, but I think you had them early because you went to sleep early. That’s not a problem. Would you like to come with me to get your meds?”

Nick nodded again and helped as Alex sat him up. The pain in his chest was still dull. Nothing to worry about. Right?

“Do you want to walk or go on wheels?”

“Wheels, please,” Nick choked out, wheezing against the pain in his chest.

Alex lifted Nick into his wheelchair and began wheeling him to the kitchen. 

“It’s… dark?” Nick asked, wondering if Alex would turn on a light.

“Oh, uh, I’ll get a flashlight!” Alex ran back to his room to grab his flashlight from the top drawer of his dresser. “There we go.” He shined the flashlight towards the end of the hallway.

“Why not just…” Nick motioned at a light switch.

“Wouldn’t want to wake Steck.”

Nick shrugged and adjusted his ventilator mask. He felt another wave of pain radiating from his chest. 

“You alright?” Nick nodded. Alex opened the refrigerator and got out Nick’s pain medicine. “Do you need the full dose?” 

Nick nodded again. He smiled at Alex’s concern, and his smile widened when he felt a soft tail brush against his legs. “Steck!” he said, leaning awkwardly over the ventilator to pet him. Alex walked over with the medication dosing cup and a glass of water and grinned at the sight.

“Do you want to hold Steck after you take this?” Alex asked, sliding the mask off Nick’s face.

Nick nodded earnestly, quickly downing his medicine and a few sips of water. “Ready!” Alex giggled and placed Steckrübe in Nick’s lap after he put Nick’s mask back on. Nick held him close, scratching between his ears and whispering to him in German. Alex’s heart thumped in his chest and he wondered how he had gotten so lucky.

After a few moments, Alex instinctively grabbed the handles of the wheelchair to roll Nick back to bed, but he stopped himself. “Are you ready to go back to bed now?”

“Wait,” Nick said quietly. “I want to…” He let go of Steck, who hopped down onto the floor, and shifted to get a better hold on the ventilator. Then he grabbed the wheels on his chair and began rolling himself into the living room. Alex walked behind him, fighting the urge to help. Clearly Nick had something in mind.

Nick rolled himself to the window and pulled the shades open. Although the lights of the city were bright, Nick could see the stars outside, finally. It had been a long time since he had seen them. When Nick pointed to something, Alex leaned in to join him. “Moon…” Nick smiled.

Alex wrapped his arms around Nick’s shoulders. “The stars are beautiful, aren’t they?” Nick just nodded, his eyes still on the sky. “We could go stargazing sometime, if you want…”

“Really?!” Nick leaned his head back to look up at Alex. “I’ve never been…”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, right?”

“Yeah,” Nick said, excited at the prospect. He looked up at Alex again. “I think I’m ready...for bed now.”

Alex wheeled Nick back to the bedroom and helped him back out of the chair. He then helped him get into his bed, smiling as Nick curled up beneath the blankets.

“Are you feeling better?” Alex asked as he settled into his beanbag chair.

Nick blinked a few times and then shook his head. “It still hurts.”

“Want me to sleep with you tonight?”

“Can you…?” 

Without a word, Alex slipped under the covers beside Nick, tangling his legs with Nick’s and pulling him close. “Alright?”

“Of course,” Nick smiled. “And thank you…”

“For what?”

“For asking…for listening.”

Alex smiled as Nick nestled himself into his pillow and quickly fell asleep. “Goodnight, Nick,” he whispered.

\--

That morning, Alex awoke to a loud buzzing on the nightstand. It was a phone call from his mother, who immediately began asking if he was planning on coming home for Christmas. Alex half-listened to her rambling, still groggy after only a few hours' sleep.

“I was planning on it, but…” Alex said once he was able to get a word in edgewise. He looked back at Nick, who was still peacefully asleep, Steckrübe by his side and the ventilator humming on the nightstand. He had to tell her. "I don't think I can come home."

"What?!"

"I'm sorry for telling you so late, but...Nick has been...not well lately. He's been really sick and he's not even supposed to leave the flat. I can't leave him here alone."

The tone of Alex's mother's voice shifted. "What? Nick is sick?! What happened to him?"

"Long story. I really can't leave him, and he's not allowed to travel right now, so…"

“Oh…”

“I promise I’ll be back sometime soon, alright?”

“Alright.” Alex noticed the hint of resignation in his mother’s voice. “You’re sure Nick can’t just come with you? He’s always welcome here, you know.”

“I know,” Alex said sadly. “But he can’t go on a plane until he’s fully healed. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Alex’s mother’s voice was lighter now. “I’m glad you have each other. You’ve seemed a lot happier since you met him.”

“Yeah,” Alex said quietly. He wondered if his mother could tell that he was smiling. “I am.”

By the time Alex hung up with his mother, Nick was awake and patting Steckrübe gently. Alex heard Steck’s soft meows and turned around.

“You’re up early!” Alex went over to Nick and sat down next to him.

“I heard you… on the phone,” Nick said softly, looking up into Alex’s eyes.

“Oh! Are you okay with staying here for Christmas?”

Nick nodded, “Can’t go… anywhere else.”

“That’s very true. Want breakfast?” Nick nodded vigorously. "In bed?" Nick's eyes lit up and he nodded harder. Alex kissed his forehead. "Alright. Be back soon!"

Unfortunately, when Alex opened the refrigerator to grab the smoothie ingredients, there were none to be found. There wasn't much of anything left, aside from a few slices of shrink-wrapped cheese, some butter, and a few assorted condiments. He figured that Nick would be fine with just some toast - until he checked the counter and discovered that they were also out of bread. Alex groaned and made his way back down the hall, where Nick was still petting Steck.

"That was fast," Nick said, looking perplexed.

"Yeah, we have, like, no food," Alex said with a grimace. "We're going to have to go to the store..." He envisioned the entire process - getting Nick changed into some proper clothes, putting him in the wheelchair, bringing him down to the car and helping him get in, folding up the wheelchair, repeating the entire process in reverse at the store…

"I can...stay home."

"What?'

"I'll stay home," Nick repeated, more firmly this time. 

The next words out of Alex's mouth were almost I'm not leaving you home by yourself before he remembered his promise from the previous day. He swallowed hard. "Okay…you're sure?"

"I'm fine…I'll just rest...with Steck," Nick said. He scratched Steck's chin.

"Okay. You'll call me if you need me, right?"

"I'll be fine…" Nick sensed Alex's uneasiness and added, "I'll call you...if I need you."

Alex nodded and gave him a wave. "Alright. Be back soon."

\--

Alex stood in the produce section, examining boxes of strawberries and deciding which more fun and exotic fruits they would go with. Maybe Nick would like a starfruit smoothie? Was it worth it to spend five quid to shred up a starfruit, or would Nick like to eat it sliced instead? Alex sighed and picked up a starfruit, considering it before placing it in his basket.

Every time Alex bought something new for Nick, like fuzzy socks or a new type of fruit or a brand new sweatshirt, he realized that it was often the first time Nick had ever experienced it. How had he gone his entire life without wearing fuzzy socks? Alex eyed a box of cherries and went to examine it to make sure they were ripe. You could never trust ‘fresh’ produce in Glasgow winters, at least according to Paul. Alex decided that the cherries were fresh and put them in his basket. As he went to shop for bread and some other essentials, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Alex?” A familiar cheery voice said from behind him.

Alex turned around to see Julian with a basket full of sweets and other snacks. He greeted him politely, not sure why Julian was so eager to see him. He had only spoken to him when picking Nick up from class a few times after Julian walked him out. 

"Where's Nick?" he asked with a bright smile, clutching the basket in one hand and running the other through his floppy curls. "I haven't seen him in so long! Is he ok? Did he go back to Germany? I miss Steckrübe too! Is he doing alright?"

“He’s doing alright now,” Alex smiled, “and so is Steckrübe.”

“What do you mean, now? Did something happen?”

“Yeah, uh…” Alex sighed, “Nick was in the hospital for a month. He popped his lung trying to stage dive and went into respiratory failure. He’s doing alright now, but he’s still on a ventilator and quarantined in the flat.”

“A ventilator? That doesn’t sound good! How does that work? Can he breathe alright? What happens if Steck's fur gets in it?!” Julian, although quite alarmed, somehow still looked cheery.

Alex explained how the ventilator worked and told Julian that Nick was completely fine and on his way to a full recovery.

“So he’ll be able to walk soon and go to class?”

“Yeah, hopefully,” Alex affirmed Julian’s concerns. 

"Great! Can I bring him a get well gift later? Does he want some snacks?"

Alex was amazed that one person could be full of so many questions. "Yeah? I guess he does?"

Before Julian could embark on another barrage of questions about Nick, a woman with curly brown hair pushed her trolley up beside them. “Who’s this, Julian?”

“Mum! This is Alex, Nick’s flatmate! I told you about him, remember? He brought his cat to class and then disappeared? Well, I just found out he’s been really sick and quarantined in his flat and I’d like to bring him a gift later! Is that alright?”

“You’re sure you can bring a gift if he’s quarantined?”

Julian looked to Alex for an answer. Alex nodded. “As long as you don’t have any particularly harmful germs about you.”

“Is he contagious?”

“No, it was an injury.”

Julian’s mum looked back and forth between the two men. “In that case… I guess you can go after we’re done here. I’ll walk you there.”

“I’ll go look for a gift, then! See you later, Alex!” Julian took off to look for a plushie for Nick, leaving Alex with his mum.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Alex,” she smiled warmly. She was a calmer presence compared to Julian, and Alex wondered how she was so patient with him.

Alex made his way to check out after finding everything he needed for Nick’s breakfast and meals for the next week. As he paid for his items, he couldn’t help but wonder how Nick was such good friends with Julian. They were complete opposites in every way, and Alex knew that Julian had definitely latched onto Nick rather than the other way around.

Once he reached his flat, Alex greeted Nick and immediately started throwing together a breakfast for him. He decided to slice the starfruit rather than blending it.

“Julian’s coming over today,” Alex said to Nick as he placed his breakfast down on the nightstand.

Nick grinned as Alex removed the mask and gave him his breakfast. Breathing without the mask was still a bit of a challenge, but being unable to consume solid food for weeks had truly made him appreciate eating, so he was happy to put up with it for a short time. He picked up a piece of toast with both hands and nibbled on it carefully. "Really? When?"

“He said he was coming as soon as he finished shopping, so… he should be here soon. Do you want to get ready?”

As soon as Nick nodded and put his toast down, Alex heard the doorbell. “That must be him. Stay here, I’ll get it.” He slipped Nick’s mask on and ran to get the door. Alex welcomed Julian into the flat and noticed that he was holding a gift bag.

“Where’s Nick? Is he awake? I’m sorry I came so early; I wasn’t expecting to visit!” 

Alex just laughed in response and led Julian to Nick’s bedroom. He opened the door slowly, anticipating Julian’s reaction and his onslaught of questions. Julian peeked around the door frame and gasped at the sight of Nick. Alex could have sworn he saw Julian visibly deflate. And for once, Julian didn't have words.

When Nick saw Julian, his eyes instantly lit up. He nudged Steckrübe, who was sleeping beside him.

Julian took a deep breath and slowly approached Nick. He opened the gift bag and smiled. “A birthday gift and a get well gift!” 

Nick reached into the bag and pulled out a lobster plushie and a koala plushie. He hugged the plushies with as much strength as he could and then placed them down next to Steckrübe.

“Can you talk with that mask on?” Julian asked, wondering if Nick was being quiet on purpose or not.

Nick nodded. “A little.”

“Does it hurt?”

Nick thought for a moment. “Without medicine… yeah.”

Julian nodded thoughtfully. “Is Steck happy you’re home? I heard you were away for a month! Do you remember any of it?”

At the mention of his name, Steck’s ears perked up and he let out a small meow. Nick didn’t answer any of the questions, too tired and out of it to speak that much.

“Steck!” Julian gasped and patted Steckrübe’s head. “Are you alright, Nick? Can you breathe? I’m sorry if I’m interrupting your breakfast. Did you finish your breakfast?”

After Nick once again didn’t answer fully, Alex interected. “Nick’s still not feeling well. He can’t talk all that much. Right, Nick?” Nick looked up at Alex and nodded, relieved that Alex had jumped in to help this time. After this reminder, Julian sat down in the beanbag beside Nick and tried to talk a bit more slowly.

Alex smiled and went to the kitchen to clean up from breakfast. He could still hear Julian rambling away in the other room about what Nick missed in class and how bad he felt for him, although he couldn’t hear Nick offering anything in return. But Julian was obviously responding to something, considering he was taking little breaks between his rambles. By the time Alex came back into the room, Julian was telling a story and using Steckrübe to act out one of the characters as Nick laughed along quietly. Holding Steckrübe was a huge sign of trust from Nick, and Julian had entered the VIP friend-of-Steck club.

Julian was mid-sentence when his mum rang to tell him that he had been at Alex and Nick’s flat for too long. He sighed as he listened to her and then hung up. “My mum wants me to go,” he sighed, reminding Alex of just how young he still was. “It was nice seeing you guys! Can I come over again soon?" He looked expectantly between Alex and Nick.

Nick nodded furiously, which made both Alex and Julian giggle. "I think that's a yes," Alex smiled.

"Ok! See you guys!" Julian gave them a wave and headed out of the flat, a noticeable spring in his step.

Alex turned back to Nick. “What did you two talk about?”

Nick smiled, “School, music… Steck…” 

Alex laughed softly. “That’s great, Nick. I didn’t know you were so close with Julian!”

Nick nodded, “he’s my… only friend at school.” He paused, then added, "I think I'm...his only friend too."

"Yeah? I guess I can see that." Alex admired how perceptive Nick was, even if he didn't always show it. "But I'm glad you two found each other."

"Yeah," Nick agreed. 

“Want to get ready for the day now? I think you need a bath…”

“I’m smelly… I know…” Nick looked up at Alex with a grin.

"I mean, I wasn't going to say anything, but..." Alex returned Nick's smile. It felt good to see Nick so happy. He leaned down and gave Nick a kiss on the forehead. "Love you."

Nick beamed and bonked Alex's face with his mask. "Love you too."


	49. Chapter 46

Bob woke Paul up in a rush, shoving a suitcase at him. “We have to go in an hour! Start packing!” Bob ran frantically from room to room, gathering more essentials that he would need to bring with him. 

Paul sighed and sat up, pushing the suitcase aside. “Are you feeling alright, Bobbo?”

Bob stopped in his tracks in the doorway. “Why’s that?”

“I’ve never seen you this frantic before.”

“Well, you’ve never seen me pack for a trip then,” Bob laughed to himself as he continued to pack his bag.

“Is this about coming out?”

Bob froze once again. “Uh…yeah. It is.”

Paul smiled as he finally got up. “Aw, don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not that easy,” Bob sighed. “It’s my parents. If they don’t accept me…”

“You’ll always have me if anything goes wrong.”

“But that’s… that’s different,” Bob sighed again. “I don’t want them to think any differently of me, or that I’m not a good son, or…”

Paul nodded, trying to understand Bob’s point of view. Paul had only ever known himself as a bad kid, one who wasn’t going anywhere in life. Being bisexual was nothing on top of being a failure by default.

“Bobbo, you’re the sweetest boy I know. No matter what, they’ll still love you,” Paul advised Bob, trying his best to be supportive. He had no idea what Bob felt like. He couldn’t even imagine it.

—

Once their bags were packed and they had wrangled Alvy into the car, Bob and Paul were ready to head out to Bob’s parents’ home in the countryside.

“Do you miss being back home, Bobbo?” Paul asked, admiring the green fields passing by along the motorway.

“Yeah, I miss how quiet it was.” Glasgow was nice, but Bob missed being able to wander around the fields across the street from his house with Alvy. 

They pulled up to Bob’s parents’ house a short while later. Alvy, who had nestled himself into the blanket on Bob’s backseat for the ride, scrambled into Paul’s lap and began barking. Paul stared at the house in wonder. It looked idyllic, like a painting on the front of a Christmas card. The house’s pale yellow siding and dark green trim stood in stark contrast to the bare trees and brown grass surrounding it. A large wreath with a red bow hung on the front door. The aura of the house was cozy and comforting. Bob had grown up _here?_ Paul thought back to his own upbringing, in a disheveled flat in one of Glasgow’s rougher neighborhoods. It was so quiet here, so unlike the bustling city he grew up with, cars and trains whizzing by on the streets below and blinking lights flashing into his bedroom when he was trying to sleep. Paul looked over at Bob and sighed, a bit envious that he could even go back to his childhood home.

“You ready?” Bob asked, knocking Paul out of his reverie. Paul nodded and opened the door, letting Alvy hop out. “Don’t do anything that would indicate that we’re together in any way until I tell you, alright? For now, you’re just a friend.”

They trekked up to the front door with their suitcases, Bob clutching Alvy’s leash. Before the boys could reach the threshold, the door opened and a smiling face appeared. “Robert!” his mother said as she pulled him in for a bear hug and a kiss on the cheek, which he gratefully accepted. After a few moments, she pulled back and looked Paul up and down, her mouth pulling into a smile once again. “And you must be Paul!”

Paul nodded and awkwardly held out his hand. “Very nice to meet you, Mrs. Hardy.” 

As soon as Paul stepped into the house, he felt out of place, his dark hair and clothes contrasting the pastel colors and cozy furniture around him. Even Alvy matched the warm, comforting interior of the house.

“Is Dad home?” Bob asked. Alvy trotted back and forth in the front hallway, happy to be home.

“He should be in the kitchen. He figured you boys would be hungry after such a long drive. You should go say hi,” Bob’s mother said. Paul felt a pang of jealousy at Bob’s normal relationship with his parents.

“Alright,” Bob said, nearly grabbing Paul’s hand to lead him to the kitchen before thinking better of it. They headed down the hallway side by side.

The kitchen was just as cozy as the rest of the house. Paul sighed as he stepped in, almost considering running upstairs to change into the one yellow sweater he brought, just to fit in a bit better. Bob’s dad turned and nodded as they entered. “Hello, Robert. And this must be Paul.”

“Hey, Dad,” Bob said, cheeks turning pink with embarrassment. Paul raised his hand in a nervous wave.

As soon as he and Bob sat down at the kitchen table, Bob’s dad brought over two bowls of steaming hot soup for them.

“How’s school, you two?”

Paul glanced at Bob anxiously. “It’s good,” he lied.

Bob looked a bit confused at first, but decided to go along with it. “Yeah! It’s been great, and I’m barely even homesick!” He laughed to himself, “not that I don’t miss being home, though.”

After a few moments, Bob’s mum came into the room. “Paul, I brought your suitcase up to Bob’s room. I’m sorry we don’t have another bedroom… are you okay with sharing a bed?”

Paul and Bob exchanged a nervous look. “Y-yeah, that’s fine,” Paul said, feeling his palms growing sweaty. “I mean, we already share a room, so, y’know, it’s alright.”

“I’m sorry to have to do this to you, Paul, it’s just that we don’t have anywhere else for you to sleep, really - the sofa’s not very comfortable, and we wouldn’t want to do that to a guest in our house!” Bob’s mother smiled and looked at her son. “You don’t mind, Bob, do you? I suppose I could go out and buy an air mattress…”

“No! No, that’s okay,” Bob interjected. He took a deep breath. “Paul’s right, we’ve been sharing a room for the last few months, it’s fine!”

Once they had finished their soup, Bob led Paul up to his room, which was painted a pastel yellow color and felt just as warm and cozy as the rest of the house. Paul admired the soft quilt on Bob’s bed and smiled when he realized he would be sleeping in it for the next week. As he sat on the bed, Paul noticed a shelf of sports trophies dating back from when Bob was a kid to just a few years prior to moving to Glasgow. "You played football?" he asked.

"Yeah. Ran track, too." Bob replied, the bed sagging as he settled down next to Paul.

"You didn't strike me as a sports guy!" Paul laughed.

"Why, because I'm chubby?"

"No! No, Bob, it's not that,” Paul said, suddenly feeling very embarrassed. “I just...I mean, you're an art student and all. Those two worlds don't usually…overlap." 

Bob shrugged. "I mean, yeah, I know. It was my parents' idea when I was a kid, and I really enjoyed it for a while. Just not my thing anymore, I guess." He took a breath, then looked at Paul with a sly grin. "I liked watching the other guys, though."

Paul laughed softly, reflecting on just how much love he felt in Bob’s home. Bob’s parents were proud of every single one of his achievements, from primary school football games to surviving his first semester of art school. _He's so lucky._

“Did you play sports as a kid, Paul?”

Paul thought for a moment. “Maybe when I was really young. I’m not sure. I didn’t really do much of anything.”

"Oh?" Bob moved closer to Paul. "What do you mean…?"

Paul tensed and looked at Bob. “I didn’t have a normal childhood, I guess, and we never had money for that sort of stuff anyway.”

Bob nodded. “I get that.” He flopped down so he was lying on the bed, and Paul soon joined him.

“It’s… it’s not really an easy thing to just ‘get.’ I’m still dealing with it now. I haven’t even spoken to my siblings in years.”

"Oh," Bob said nervously. He had no siblings to speak to anyway, so he couldn't exactly relate, but he'd had no idea what Paul had been through.

“Yeah. Haven’t talked to my parents for even longer. Sometimes I feel bad for moving out and cutting myself off from my family, but…” Paul sighed, “it’s what I had to do.”

Bob nodded, unsure of what to say. He turned onto his side and wrapped himself around Paul's lithe frame, squeezing him in a hug. "It's okay. If this all goes well my family can be your family too.”

At that remark, Paul laughed and hugged Bob back. They laid there in silence for a few minutes before Bob suddenly sat up. “I think we should go back downstairs,” he sighed. His usually rosy cheeks looked pale.

“Are you getting nervous again?”

Bob nodded and cupped his face in his hands. “I don’t know if they’ll still love me…”

At that moment, Paul finally understood why Bob was so nervous. He was all his parents had. There were no other, more successful or wanted siblings to fall back on. It was just Bob, a former athlete now in art school, about to come out as gay. “I think they’ll still love you, Bob. It seems like they love you more than anything.”

Bob smiled and wrapped his arms around Paul once more. Paul could only see Bob’s blond curls and the yellow walls of the room and wondered how someone could possibly match their home so much. Why wasn’t their flat enveloped in pastel colors and cozy blankets?

“Ready to go downstairs now?”

“Yeah, but…” Bob sighed, “I think I don’t want to come out yet. I can wait a few days.”

“That’s ok,” Paul tried his best to reassure Bob, gently stroking his back. “If you’re not ready yet, then you don’t have to.”

“Maybe I can drop hints, to try and gage what they think?” Bob asked nervously.

“You could try,” Paul said thoughtfully. “But maybe it would be better to just get it over with, you know? Like how you’re supposed to rip off a plaster all in one go so it doesn’t hurt so much?”

Bob took a deep breath, pulling Paul closer, nuzzling his hair. “You’re probably right. I need to bite the bullet. I just need to work out what I’m going to say.”

“You can practice on me, if you want.”

“No, I…” Bob smiled as he stood up and walked cautiously towards the door. “I’ll be right back.”

Bob walked to the large bathroom across the corridor and quietly closed the door. Standing in front of the sink, he noticed that his hands were shaking; his heart thudded so violently that Bob was sure it would launch itself out of his body. He closed his eyes, taking in slow, deep breaths to calm himself. After a few minutes, his heartbeat slowed down and his trembling had largely ceased. Bob opened his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror in front of him. His body had calmed, but dread still radiated from his eyes. Despite the waves of panic resurfacing, he knew that it was time. 

He unlocked the door and walked cautiously down the stairs. These could be the last normal moments of his life. He took a deep breath and calmly approached the living room, where his parents were sitting and watching TV. 

“Oh, hi, Robert!” His mother greeted him with a beaming smile. “Are you both settled in?”

“Um, yeah, we are, thanks.”

_Just do it. Just say it._

“You’re sure you don’t mind sharing a bed? There should be enough room for the both of you, but we just couldn’t think of anywhere else that would be comfortable for you both.”

“No, we don’t mind. There’s plenty of space.”

_Spit it out, for fuck’s sake._

“That’s good,” Bob’s dad chimed in with an equally cheery expression on his face. “It’s lovely that you’ve made such a close friend at uni already.”

_Is that a hint? Do they know?_

“Yes, he’s seems like such a lovely boy, Robert.” Mrs. Hardy gave her son a comforting smile, and Bob relaxed, just a little. He had missed his parents a lot since he left for uni. They were caring people, and it was obvious that they loved him dearly. 

_It’ll be ok. Just do it._

“I’m gay.”

Mr and Mrs Hardy took a double-take as their son blurted out these words. They stared at him blankly for a moment, and Bob’s anxiety reappeared; he felt as if it had its hand around his throat, squeezing and choking him.

“What did you say, Robert?” Bob had frozen still at his mother’s words. Usually he found her so easy to read, but he had no clue what either of his parents were thinking. With what little breath he had left, he almost whispered his response.

“I’m gay. What… what do you think?” 

Mr and Mrs Hardy looked at each, then returned their gaze to their only child.

“Robert…” Bob closed his eyes in anticipation at his father’s words, bracing himself for the worst. “That’s ok, Robert.”

Bob reopened his eyes to find both parents once again smiling at him. The hand around his neck vanished, but a lump in his throat remained.

“It… it is?” 

“Of course!” Mrs Hardy stood up from the sofa and approached her son. “We’ve always sort of known, Robert. Don’t look so panicked, darling!”

Before he knew it, Bob felt hot tears streaming down his face. His mother wrapped him in her arms, slowly stroking his soft, golden hair, the colour that matched her own. 

“We love you, son. You know that we always will.” Robert’s father joined their embrace, and held his small family close. Bob had never felt so light now that the weight of being in the closet was lifted from his shoulders. 

The three stayed in their embrace for a long time, until Mrs Hardy interjected.

“Wait, so does that mean Paul…” She struggled to find the right word, not wanting to press him too hard.

The words left Bob’s mouth before he could stop to consider them. “He’s… my boyfriend.”

His parents squeezed him even more tightly, a little too tightly for his liking, and his mother let out an excited squeal.

“I’m so glad! Why don’t you go get him? I’ll bake cupcakes! Does he like cupcakes? I can make them rainbow!” Bob giggled at his mother’s flurry of words.

“Yes, he loves cupcakes. Although he’ll pretty much eat anything.” Bob smiled shyly as he thought about Paul. “I’ll tell him to come down.”

As Bob ran up the stairs two at a time, Mrs. Hardy just as quickly ran to the kitchen, but not before sending Mr. Hardy to the shop for a surprise for the two boys. Bob’s dad smiled proudly as he walked to the car, pleased that his home was once again full of excitement.

—-

“You told your parents I’m your boyfriend?” Paul grabbed Bob’s arm and sat him down on the bed as soon as they got to Bob’s room. “Your mum really thinks we’re getting married.”

“That’s the goal, isn’t it?”

“We don’t know that yet.”

“So I’m just a hookup to you, or something?” Bob said a bit louder than intended.

“No, Bobbo… you mean more to me than anything, but… you really had to call me your boyfriend? I don’t think I’m your boyfriend, yet.”

“I didn’t really know what else I could say—”

“Maybe we could use that label one day, but—” Paul sighed, “not yet.”

“Why not? What are we, then?” 

“I don’t know, Bob. I don’t think we’re anything yet.”

“Are we dating? Could I at least say we’re dating?”

Paul laughed shakily. “Well, we’ve been on dates…”

“So, what, they didn’t mean anything to you? You’re just Dino’s little bitch boy!” Bob huffed and flopped on his back. “That’s why you won’t say we’re boyfriends. Because you’re being controlled by his stupid, ratty—”

“Y’know what, Bob… let’s just forget about this for now.” Paul was taken aback by Bob's sudden outburst. He bit his tongue to keep himself from lashing out any more.

"Yeah, you never want to talk about anything," Bob grumbled, rolling over to face the wall. The air was tense for a few moments before Bob let out a sigh. "I'm sorry," he said, quieter this time. "I guess I'm still all fired up from coming out."

"It's okay," Paul said, his voice quiet as well. He turned to look at Bob, tentatively placing a hand on his back. "We'll talk about it when we get home. I promise."

Bob rolled onto his back to look at Paul, his blue eyes shining. He nodded meekly.

"I'm proud of you, Bobbo," Paul continued with a smile. "You did great out there." He ran his fingers through Bob's hair, messing it a bit.

Bob couldn't help but let out a giggle. "Couldn't have done it without you, Paulie." He paused, then added, "So, we're okay, right?"

Paul laid down beside Bob and wrapped an arm across his stomach. "Yeah. We're okay."

“Let’s hope everything’s still the same in the morning.”

“Don’t worry. It will be.”


	50. Chapter 47

Alex didn’t know if Nick had ever properly celebrated a holiday. Sure, Nick had mentioned getting gifts for Christmas and dressing up for Halloween in passing, but Alex was never sure just how legit his celebrations were. Most of what Nick talked about felt sad, almost— Alex wasn’t sure how it would feel to have his childhood memories invalidated in front of him, so he tried to listen and relate as much as he could. Holidays were no exception.

Whether or not Nick had ever actually celebrated Christmas, Alex was determined to   
make the day special. He thought about all of his favorite foods he ate on Christmas Day back home, and tried to make a list of which ones could be cooked in the flat, and a list of those that Nick would like.

After a few minutes of quiet reflection, Alex realized he was still sitting on the beanbag chair and should be doing chores and figuring out Christmas dinner before Nick woke up and needed help. He stood and stretched, grabbing his phone off the nightstand and heading out to the living room. His mother made the best spanakopita in the world (in his opinion) and he wanted to give Nick a taste of Christmas in Greece. 

Alex still felt terrible for not going home. His family was always extremely close and he was the only one who had left the country permanently. But he couldn't leave Nick, and he couldn't take Nick with him, so that was that. Alex dialed his home phone number and waited. 

“Alex!” His mother answered the phone cheerily.

“Hi, mum. Happy Christmas Eve.”

“It’s so nice to talk to you! How is everything?”

"Uhh, I'm alright," Alex said, not ready to give her an update on Nick's condition. "So, I wanted to make your spanakopita for tomorrow, but--"

"Oh!!" As soon as Alex mentioned his favorite food from back home, his mother began listing ingredients. He scrambled to find a stray scrap of paper to write them down on.

Five minutes later, after she had rattled off the ingredients, the steps, and every secret trick that she knew to make the pie perfect, Alex's mother let out a sigh. "Got all that?"

"I think so," Alex said, biting the cap of his pen. "Thanks, mum."

"Of course, dear. How's Nick, by the way?"

At this, Alex could feel himself tense up. Nick was supposedly asleep in the other room, but Alex always felt nervous talking about him. He was clueless as to what Nick could and couldn’t hear, or if he was even asleep at all.

“He’s doing better,” Alex finally decided to say, “but the doctor hasn’t cleared him yet. He still has a long way to go until he’s all the way better.”

"Cleared him for what?"

Alex clenched his teeth, remembering that he hadn't actually told his mother what had happened. "Cleared him to breathe on his own. Without the ventilator."

"He's using a _ventilator?!_ Alex, you never told me!" The worried tone of his mother's voice made Alex feel terrible. "What happened to him?"

"He jumped off the stage at a gig and hit the barrier the wrong way and injured his lung." The memory of it made Alex shut his eyes and shudder. "But he's getting a lot better, and he can go without the ventilator for meals and stuff." 

“That’s… alarming. But it’s good to hear that he’s recovering.”

“Yeah. I should probably go check on him; he’s still asleep…”

“Oh, well.. I guess I’ll talk to you later. I hope everything goes well. Tell Nick I said to feel better.”

Alex laughed softly, “Alright, mum. Love you.”

Alex snuck back into Nick’s room to find him still asleep. He went to the side of Nick’s bed and stroked his hair. Nick grabbed Alex’s arm and pulled on it. _Oh. Bad dream._

Avoiding crushing Nick, Alex hopped over him and got under the blankets. Nick immediately hugged Alex with his entire body, even tangling his legs with Alex’s. Alex smiled slightly as Nick continued to cuddle him. Even when he was scared or asleep, or both, Nick was so good at cuddling.

Nick was eventually startled out of his dream. He wiggled a bit, and then found Alex again.

“Good morning,” Alex smiled as Nick held onto him.

\--

A few hours later, after tidying up the flat, Alex decided it was time to get to work on making the best Christmas meal Nick would ever have. 

“Want to come to the store with me, Nick?” Alex asked as he flopped down next to Nick on the sofa.

NIck shook his head frantically, not wanting anyone to see him in the state he was in. Seeing Julian a few days ago had been enough interaction. He didn’t want to upset anyone else with his condition. He didn’t want any more pitying glances and mumbles of ‘feel better.’

“Oh… are you sure? Maybe it would be good to get out of the flat for a bit…”

“I’m sure,” Nick said softly. He missed being outside, but the thought of leaving the flat terrified him. No one could see him like this.

“Yeah, I guess that’s alright. It _would_ be sneaking out, after all, and maybe we’d run into someone from the hospital who knows you’re not allowed to be out,” Alex rambled, trying to stop himself from worrying about Nick. “Want anything specific from the store?”

“An ice lolly?”

“Nick, it’s December!”

“Please?”

Alex looked at Nick to find him staring at him, his blue eyes wide and full of love. “Fine, I’ll buy you ice lollies. What flavor?”

“Cherry.”

“Alright,” Alex laughed to himself as he got up. “Want anything else?”

Nick shook his head. “Just ice lollies.”

“See you later, then. Call if you need anything.”

—

Alex came back an hour later, smelling like winter air and feeling like it too. Nick picked up his ventilator and wobbled to him to help assess the items he had brought home.

“Ice lollies!” Nick laughed, surprised that Alex had actually listened to his request. He also saw hot cocoa mix on the counter and did a tiny fist pump to himself. 

“I got marshmallows, too!” Alex wiggled the bag of marshmallows in front of Nick’s face.

“Marshmallows!” Nick grabbed the bag and clutched it to his chest. Alex laughed and wrapped his arms around Nick.

"How would you like to go on a date?" Alex asked, retrieving the bag of marshmallows with one hand and resting his other hand on Nick's hip.

"A...date?" Nick's expression brightened, then immediately fell. "But I can't...go out."

"Yeah! A date right here in the flat!" Alex placed the bag on the counter and slipped his now-free hand onto Nick's other hip, holding him close. "A hot cocoa and cuddling date! We can watch a movie and I'll make you dinner later. How does that sound?" 

Nick’s eyes lit up as he nodded and hugged Alex. “It sounds… good. Really good!”

Alex smiled back and kissed Nick's forehead. "Let me just get some things ready, okay?" Nick nodded, unable to hide the grin behind his mask. He followed Alex into the kitchen and retrieved an ice lolly from the freezer. 

Alex followed all the steps his mother had told him, taking care to use exact measurements of everything. He wanted to make the pie perfect for Nick. Nick had offered to help in any way he could, but Alex simply waved him off and told him to relax. So Nick did. His mask lay on the table before him as he savored the ice lolly and watched Alex work. Nick smiled to himself at how focused Alex was.

"What movie do you want to watch?" Alex asked as he finished chopping the spinach and poured it into the pan on the stove.

"Oh...I don't know... I'll watch anything," Nick said with a shrug. Alex frowned. Nick never really made decisions for himself, did he? He just went along with whatever Alex (or anyone else) said. Alex flipped on the burner and waited for the pan to warm up to saute the spinach and onions.

"Come on, you must have an idea of what you want!" Alex said cheerily, hoping Nick would actually make a decision. Nick only made a vague noise and focused on his ice lolly. Alex suppressed a sigh and turned his attention back to the food. That conversation would have to wait for another time.

Once the pie was fully prepared, Alex placed it in the fridge to be baked later. "Want to go out to the sofa and I'll make us our hot cocoa?" Nick, who had finished eating and placed the mask back on his face, nodded vigorously. He stood up and slowly made his way back to the living room, wobbling with each step but managing to keep himself upright. 

Alex made the cocoa and tossed a few marshmallows on top of each mug. He carefully placed them on the coffee table and sat down on the couch before immediately jumping back up. "Ah, one more thing!" He dashed off to his bedroom, leaving Nick to stare down the hall in confusion. Alex returned a moment later with a silver-and-red-striped parcel and a grin on his face. "Merry Christmas!" 

Nick froze for a moment - Alex had gotten him a _gift?_ He blinked and took the package, running his hands over the wrapping paper. He wasn't used to people doing nice things for him, and he certainly hadn't expected or wanted anything. A wave of guilt washed over him - he hadn't gotten anything for Alex. He never had, in all the months that they had known each other. 

"Open it!" Alex bounced up and down on the couch beside him. Nick ripped the paper and out fell a fluffy, multicolored blanket. 

Nick's eyes lit up as he held the blanket up against his face. "It’s so soft!"

Alex smiled. "It is! I know how much you like blankets and soft things so I had to get this for you when I saw it! And I thought we could use it now!"

"Yeah," Nick replied, smiling, though he could feel his anxiety building. "Thank you," he said quietly, laying his head on Alex's shoulder.

Alex draped the blanket over Nick and giggled. "Of course, love. Let me put the DVD in and I'll be right back." Once the movie was set up, Alex wriggled beneath the blanket next to Nick and wrapped an arm around him. Nick relaxed into Alex's touch. 

As he tried to stay focused on the movie, Nick’s mind kept wandering to the fact that he hadn’t gotten a gift for Alex. There had to be something he could scrape up for him. Would Alex understand that Nick wasn’t able to buy a present? Was he even expecting a gift from someone who couldn’t leave their flat? 

As the credits rolled, Alex realized that Nick had tensed up again and looked down at him. “Is everything alright?”

"Yeah..."

“You like your gift?”

Nick ran his fingers along the edge of the blanket. “I love it… I just… I should have… gotten you something.”

“Nick, you’ve been stuck in the flat for a month! It’s fine!”

Nick didn't really have an answer for that. Alex was right. Even if Nick wanted to get him a gift, there was no way he could have done it without Alex taking him somewhere. Nick sighed. This whole being dependent thing was getting old. Just then, Nick realized what he could give Alex.

“I’m going to go put the pie in the oven, okay?” Alex asked. Before he could even stand up, Nick shifted forward on the couch out of Alex's arms, much to Alex's surprise.

"I'll be right back," Nick said, standing up unsteadily and slowly walking to his room.

Alex frowned, wondering what Nick was possibly up to. He switched off the DVD player and headed into the kitchen, hesitant to interrupt whatever Nick was doing. As soon as Alex had finished with the pie and made his way to the living room doorway, Nick stumbled out of his bedroom, guitar in one hand and ventilator in the other. 

_It was supposed to be a surprise,_ Nick sighed to himself as he steadily returned to the living room. Nick made his way back to the couch and plopped down. He pulled off his mask and tossed it onto the floor.

"Nick? What are you--"

Nick pulled a pick out of his pocket and looked over at Alex with a smile. "I wrote you a song," he said softly.

“When did you have time to do that?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while…”

Alex nodded intently, waiting to see what Nick would play for him.

“It’s called ‘Dream Again,’ I mean… it’s a working title, but… it’s based on some weird fever dreams I had when I was hospitalized…” Nick readjusted the guitar in his lap. “I was scared most of the time when you weren’t there. But sometimes… they were comforting. Like my brain trying to calm me down.”

“Oh…” was all that Alex could manage. He reached out and gave Nick’s hand a squeeze, and that was all the encouragement Nick needed.

He took as deep a breath as he could and began to sing quietly, his voice shaky. "Don't be afraid if you're descending...the sweetest despair...without a handrail to guide you…" 

Alex stared at Nick, transfixed. Nick squeezed his eyes shut and focused on pouring all of his energy into the song.

"Sometimes the sound of a thousand whispering words...of hope will reassure...show me the future…" Nick opened his eyes and looked at Alex. "Will see us join together...if the oceans split or the mountains sigh...then I will keep on dreaming…" Nick's voice was weak and trembling. "I live to dream again...I live to dream--" Nick coughed suddenly, a deep rumble in his chest, and began to wheeze. Alex instinctively reached up to rub his back, then leaned down and grabbed Nick's mask when Nick couldn't get his breathing under control.

It took only a few moments for Nick’s breathing to come back to normal. He laid the guitar down on the floor and tossed his pick down with a sigh. Alex could sense Nick’s frustration at being unable to finish the song, so Alex wrapped his arms around Nick and began peppering small kisses on his forehead, his cheeks, his neck. Nick closed his eyes, desperate to kiss Alex back, but instead settled on running his fingers through Alex’s hair and rubbing one hand up and down Alex’s back.

Alex pulled away slightly after a while and gave Nick a gentle squeeze. “That was amazing. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. You’re amazing, you know that?” 

Nick looked deeply into Alex’s eyes, unable to believe how fortunate he was to find someone like him.

“I love you.” Alex almost didn’t hear Nick’s quiet voice over the sound of his ventilator.

“I love you too.” Alex leaned back into their embrace and pressed a lingering kiss on Nick’s forehead, until the oven’s alarm began to beep.

“Pie’s ready!” Alex pressed one more kiss onto Nick’s forehead and went to the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

Nick watched as Alex made the final preparations for dinner. A small smile was hidden behind his mask as he felt the butterflies fly around in his stomach.


	51. Chapter 48

The bright December sun poured through the windscreen of Alex’s car, warming Nick’s face as he stared idly out the window. 

Despite his calm demeanor, Nick’s mind was racing. They were on their way to yet another medical appointment, something that had become routine for them over the last month. Nick hated going to the doctor. Any doctor. The unforgiving fluorescent lighting, the white walls, the sterile smell, the way everyone around looked so sad for Nick. He’d had enough. He just wanted to be better. But it didn’t seem like he ever would be. 

“You alright?” The car had come to a stop, Nick realized, and Alex had placed his left hand atop Nick’s right. Nick turned his gaze to Alex and forced a smile.

“Oh...I’m fine.”

Alex frowned as he lightly ran his fingertips across Nick’s knuckles. “Fine?” Nick _hmm_ ed in response. “Aren’t you excited? They might clear you to stop wearing the mask today!” Alex was always good at retaining the deluge of information that the doctors and nurses had given Nick during his recovery, and he had been looking forward to this day for weeks. He was (somewhat selfishly) excited about the prospect of finally being able to kiss Nick again, but he was also looking forward to Nick regaining his independence, freedom from his reliance on a machine to control his breathing.

“Yeah…” Nick said, pausing before quietly adding, “...No. I’m not. I’m scared.”

“Oh, Nick,” Alex whispered, squeezing Nick’s hand as he hit the accelerator when the light flashed to green. “Everything is going to be fine. I’m sure.” 

Nick said nothing, trying to focus on the warmth of Alex’s reassuring hand atop his. Logically, he knew that he had come a long way since the day he had come home from the hospital, but his anxious brain could only think of what he still couldn’t do. He couldn’t walk long distances without becoming exhausted. He couldn’t breathe on his own for more than a few hours. He couldn’t bathe alone, or cook for himself, or sleep by himself without Alex staying with him to make sure that he was still alive. That was the worst thing of all, Nick thought, the way Alex had completely uprooted his life to take care of him day in and day out, somehow managing to fit in schoolwork and errands and taking care of Steckrübe on top of everything else. Would Alex be okay with having to do this every day, forever? If Nick didn’t get better, he knew he would be stuck in their flat forever, never again able to play a show or go to class or go places with his friends. And Alex would have to follow suit. Nick couldn’t do that to Alex...but he wouldn’t have a choice. Alex wouldn’t want to take care of him, he would break up with him, and Nick would be alone yet again.

The car jolted to a stop again, this time in a space in the car park, the grey medical building looming before them. 

“Want to roll there?” Alex asked as he waited for Nick to step out of the car.

Nick stepped out of the car and shakily shut the door. “I can walk.”

“You’re sure?” Nick nodded before almost losing his balance. Alex instinctively grabbed Nick’s waist to steady him. “Are you absolutely sure you don’t need to roll?”

“I’m fine.” Nick wasn’t feeling fine, but he forced himself to soldier on. Alex kept one hand on Nick’s lower back as they made their way up the sidewalk. By the time they had reached the front door, Alex’s arms were firmly wrapped around Nick’s chest as his legs threatened to give out beneath him. 

Alex stumbled through the automatic doors and sat Nick down in a chair in the waiting room so he could talk to a receptionist. Nick sank into his seat, slumping down far enough to rest his head on the back of the chair. The room spun around him even when he closed his eyes. His chest ached, like his lung was going to collapse again at any moment. 

Nick only opened his eyes when Alex sat down next to him. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Nick blinked and tried to catch his breath.

“I brought you water,” Alex handed Nick a bottle of water. “Can you open it?”

Nick nodded and opened the bottle. As soon as he took a sip, he was called for his appointment. As he trudged down the hall to the exam room, he held onto Alex with one arm and the wall with the other.

When they made it to the exam room, Nick immediately collapsed onto the bench he was supposed to sit on. Alex sighed and lifted him to sit on it. “Are you feeling alright?”

Nick nodded and leaned against the wall. This wasn’t going to go well.

The doctor came into the room a few minutes later and both Alex and Nick greeted her hesitantly. Alex was nervous now. Nick could tell.

“Could you take off your mask, please?” The doctor asked, ready to assess Nick’s breathing. Nick pulled the mask off, once again hesitating, scared of the possible negative outcome.

The doctor then listened to Nick’s breathing with her stethoscope, running the cold metal over his chest and back. Nick made sure to try to keep it as even as he could. Even the slightest flaw could stop him from being cleared. He put the mask back on after she was done.

“I think we should do an x-ray,” the doctor suggested, “is that ok?” Nick nodded and looked over at Alex, who gave a thumbs up of approval. “Come right this way,” she said, sliding the exam room door open and heading down the hall.

Nick glanced nervously at Alex and slid himself off the table, his legs wobbling. He took a hesitant step, his hand still firmly planted against the counter, and then another. Alex reached out for him, but Nick shook his head. He stepped again and again, small steps, making his way to the door slowly but surely.

The doctor reappeared in the doorway. “Right this w-” she began, trailing off as she locked eyes with Nick, his hand braced on the wall, his legs dangerously close to giving out again. 

“... I’ll go get you a wheelchair,” the doctor rushed off and returned a few moments later. Nick hesitated to sit down, not wanting to accept his weakness.

Luckily, or unluckily, for Alex, Nick’s walking abilities were to be assessed as soon as he returned from his x-ray.

“Well… you’re walking,” the doctor reassured Nick after he wobbled across the room, “that’s a good thing. But you’re not balanced at all when you walk…”

Nick nodded, acknowledging that he was always afraid of toppling over whenever he took more than a couple steps without support.

"But that's okay. We can get you a pair of crutches for that."

Nick's ears perked up at the suggestion. Crutches? He was strong enough for crutches? He nodded vigorously. "Okay." 

The doctor left the room to look for a pair of crutches. Nick wobbled back to the bench and tried to hop up to sit on it. 

“Let’s hope this helps, yeah?” Alex remarked cheerily as he helped Nick onto the bench. Nick nodded again, a bit nervous. What if he wasn’t strong enough?

The doctor came back a few minutes later, holding a pair of crutches. Nick tensed up when he saw them. It was happening. He did his best to let his body relax as the doctor slipped the cuffs around his arms and showed him how to properly hold the handles. 

“You got it, Nick?” Alex asked as Nick cautiously slid down from the bench. Nick nodded and steadied himself. He took one slow step, then a second. This wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t great, either - but he was upright and walking. His shoulders were scrunched and his elbows bent awkwardly outwards as he made his way to the door, then turned around and walked back to the bench.

The doctor nodded her approval. “Great. Before you leave, we’ll get a nurse to adjust the height of those. I can see that they’re a little too tall for you.” Alex inadvertently let out a small snort of laughter and Nick looked at him, brows furrowed. “The x-ray results should be back by now… let me go check!”

When the doctor left the room, Nick looked up at Alex. “Why’d you laugh just now?”

“Well… You are quite short, Nick. But it’s cute. You’re cute!” Alex playfully rubbed his hand across Nick’s upper back. Nick smiled faintly. He was proud to have graduated to using crutches, but the nagging fear of not being cleared still clouded his mind. He couldn’t let his guard down just yet. 

The doctor returned with the x-ray photos in her hand. Her white coat swished as she shut the door and strode over to the x-ray screen, flicking on the switch. “Well, Nick,” she smiled, “I’ve got some good news. Your lung is fully healed!”

Nick grinned, but was still unsure of what that meant. It sure didn’t feel healed.

“The punctured part has been completely patched up. If you look here-” She hung the x-ray on the screen and gestured to one area. “-the puncture from falling on the barrier is totally gone. There was a hole here on the first x-rays we took, but not anymore!”

Nick wanted to know why he still felt so much pain and weakness if he was as “healed” as the doctor claimed, but couldn’t find the words. Alex spoke up, as though reading his mind. “So, what exactly does that mean?”

“It means that his lungs are fully functioning again and he can breathe independently. There’s no chance of air escaping and causing his lung to collapse again. So,” she said with a smile, turning her attention back to Nick, “that means you don’t need to wear the mask anymore! You can always put it on if you feel like you need it, considering your lungs are still weak. But you are in the clear!”

A smile spread across Nick’s face again, this time for real. He was cleared. He was better. He wasn’t confined to the flat anymore. He had...survived. If he was physically able, he would have jumped for joy, but instead settled on kicking the air gently with excitement.

Alex nudged Nick’s shoulder and tapped the mask. When Nick turned to look at him, Alex carefully lifted the mask off his face and pulled the straps out of his hair. Nick blinked rapidly and took his first real deep breath in months. “Thanks,” he said with an appreciative smile. 

“Does this mean I can leave the flat now?” Nick asked, silently hoping that the doctor wasn’t aware that he had actually left the flat already.

“That should be fine! Just take it easy, okay?” 

Once the crutches had been adjusted and Nick had been handed a fresh pile of instructions and paperwork, the boys made their way out to Alex’s car. As Alex readjusted the ventilator in his hands, he stole a glance at Nick, who looked fully content for the first time since Alex had met him. He was practically glowing, his smile spreading wider and wider across his face. His blue eyes were brighter than ever. He was practically bouncing with every step. Alex wanted nothing more than to grab him right then and there and kiss him within an inch of his life, but he decided it was better to save that for when they weren’t in public. He watched as Nick walked steadily to the car, taking it slow, not afraid of falling or passing out. Alex could tell Nick was tired, though, as he leaned against the car door, waiting for Alex to unlock it.

Nick slid into his seat as Alex opened the back door to toss Nick’s crutches into the pile of trash and random medical papers that spilled off the seat. _I really need to clean,_ he thought to himself as he shoved a sketchbook out of the way to set the ventilator down. That could come later, though. Nick was waiting. Alex smiled as he shut the door and opened his own. He couldn’t wait to get home and kiss Nick for the first time in forever.

Alex climbed into his seat and looked over at Nick with a smile before putting the car in reverse and slowly beginning to pull out of the parking space. Alex’s neck was twisted to the right, checking for oncoming traffic, when he practically jumped out of his skin as he felt something wrap around him. He whipped his head around to find himself nose to nose with Nick, whose arms were already around Alex’s shoulders. Nick took a shaky breath and smashed his lips into Alex’s, pulling himself further across the armrest. Alex fumbled around for the gearstick, blindly returning the car to park before awkwardly wrapping his own arms around Nick’s back. Nick felt so small and fragile, like he was going to crumble in Alex's arms. It was a sharp contrast to the strength with which Nick was kissing Alex, his breathing heavy, his tongue pressing into Alex's mouth, one hand on Alex's back and one hand fisted in his hair.

Alex had never seen Nick like this before. He'd never gotten a chance to, before the accident had torn them apart for so long. Alex pulled Nick as close as he could, feeling his pounding heart as their chests pressed together. Nick was making soft noises now, gasping and sighing and moaning quietly. Alex couldn't help but respond with his own sounds as he kissed him back furiously. Nick's lips were chapped from the cold and being stuck behind the mask for weeks and weeks, but Alex didn't mind. He had been denied the pleasure, the warmth of Nick's breath and the taste of his lips for far too long.

"Alex," Nick breathed, finally pulling back from the kiss, pressing his forehead to Alex's. He was nearly panting, trying to catch his breath, but he was grinning from ear to ear. "I love you so much...I missed this so much."

"I love you too," Alex murmured, running his hand up and down Nick's cheek before pulling him in for another, more gentle kiss. Nick tried to deepen it the best he could, but his breathing was more shallow now, his lungs struggling to keep up. Alex sensed this and broke the kiss, helping Nick pull himself across the armrest and into Alex's lap. They stayed like that for a few moments, Nick straddling Alex's legs, Alex rubbing Nick's back as his breathing slowly came back under his control. Nick tightened his hold on Alex and laughed quietly. "What?" Alex asked.

Nick shook his head, too overwhelmed for words. "I...just...I love you. So much, schatz."

Alex giggled at the pet name. "Love you too, Nitzki," he said, running his hands up Nick's sides now. Alex continued to hold him, calming him down, until he realized they were still technically in public and their car was halfway out of the parking space. Normally he would have cared that they were making out in a place where anyone could see, but his brain was so overwhelmed with emotion that he'd lost all of his rational thoughts.

“Ready to go home, Nick?” 

Nick nodded, his arms tightening around Alex as he pressed himself flush against Alex's body. "One more?" he asked shyly, ghosting his lips against Alex's.

Alex smiled and pulled Nick close, their lips gently meeting once again.


	52. Chapter 48.5

Nick was still getting used to being off the ventilator. It had only been a few hours, but it was already easier for him to breathe on his own. As he wobbled around the flat, happy just to be back on his feet, Alex stopped him.

“I think we should go on a real date, Nick. It’s about time.”

Nick grinned and blushed. “Yeah. It’s time.”

“I think I know a good restaurant we could go to tonight,” Alex smiled and reached for the phone, “I’ll make a reservation.”

Nick nodded and went to sit on the couch, his legs tired from walking around the flat. He threw his crutches aside. A date. At a restaurant. Nick thought back to the last time he’d been anywhere fancy, which was… never. He had gotten so used to eating cheese sandwiches with Lukas that Alex’s home cooked meals deserved Michelin stars.

"Alright, we're all set for 7:30!" Alex walked back into the room and set his phone on the table. "Want to go get ready?"

"Get ready?" Nick asked, looking down at his hoodie-and-jeans combo. "We're not ready?"

"We have to dress up! Come on!" Alex bounded off to the bedroom. Nick grabbed his crutches and followed behind as best as he could.

Nick rummaged around his bedroom for a proper outfit, but didn’t know what to look for. What about what he wore onstage? That should be good enough.

“Uh… I don’t think that’s a good look for tonight,” Alex laughed softly as Nick came out of his bedroom in a red and blue patterned shirt and white dress pants. “You look like the flag of the UK.” 

Nick frowned slightly and began to retreat back into his room, wobbling a bit on his crutches from standing for so long.

“No, wait, I’ll help you.” Alex followed Nick, holding Nick's shoulders as he sat down carefully on the bed and leaned his crutches against the wall. "You get undressed and I'll look in your closet."

"Trying to get me naked?" Nick said with an impish grin. Alex raised his eyebrows. Nick was flirting? This was new and unexpected. And nice.

"And what if I am?" Alex attempted to wiggle his eyebrows at Nick, who simply giggled and began unbuttoning his shirt. Alex turned back to the closet and the task at hand. He shuffled through Nick’s clothes, trying to find something that would work. Although he and Nick had gone out to look for clothes before he was injured, he still couldn’t find much in Nick’s closet.

Nick watched Alex from the bed, worried that his rummaging hands would come across a stray bottle cap or straw that he pocketed somewhere. He didn't want Alex to find out and throw it away. 

“Hm… I think you have some pants in here that would go well with one of my shirts,” Alex suggested, tossing a pair of pants to Nick. “I’ll be right back.”

Alex went to his room and pulled out a light blue shirt from his closet. It was a bit small on him, anyway, and Nick would probably like it. He returned to Nick's room, holding the shirt up in front of his face triumphantly. "What do you think?"

"Good..." Nick said softly. Alex lowered his hands and only then did he realize that while Nick had removed his pants with no trouble, his shirt still hung unbuttoned on his shoulders. 

"Oh...do you need help?"

Nick nodded, looking slightly ashamed. "It hurts to lift them..."

Alex got right to work, slipping the red and blue shirt off his arms and replacing it with the pale blue one. 

Nick smiled when he saw his finished outfit. After two months of dressing for bed, Nick was happy to be wearing something a bit more classy. He stood up and took a few wobbly steps to the mirror, his face lighting up at the sight. "Thanks," he said. "I love it." 

Alex came up behind Nick and wrapped his arms around him. "You look amazing," he said with a small smile. He grabbed Nick by the waist and turned him around, meeting his gaze and pulling him in for a kiss. Nick made the softest, sweetest noise that Alex had ever heard and his heart melted. This was nothing like the way Nick had attacked Alex in the car earlier, but it still felt so right. Alex loved Nick. And right now, he needed to show him.

"Love you," Nick breathed, as if reading Alex's mind. He locked his arms around Alex's waist and kissed him back deeply.

After a few minutes of kissing, holding, touching, Alex broke away. "I need to go get dressed or we're never going to leave this flat." He grinned and gave Nick one more kiss on the cheek before heading to his own room. Nick plopped himself back on the bed to rest, his face flushed.

Alex came back a few minutes later to get Nick to bring him to the car. “Are you ready?”

Nick nodded excitedly and grinned up at Alex. He admired Alex's pink shirt and black tie, tucked loosely into skinny black trousers. Alex helped him up and handed him his crutches.

“If you get tired, just let me know,” he said softly, kissing Nick’s forehead.

They made their way down to the car slowly, but Alex assured Nick that they would make it to their reservation on time. Nick was out of breath by the time they reached the car.

"Want me to bring your wheelchair just in case?" Alex asked. At Nick's nod, Alex dashed back inside, returning a few moments later with the chair. He helped Nick into the passenger seat and placed the wheelchair in the back like so many times before.

“You did a great job getting down here,” Alex smiled as he reached to squeeze Nick’s hand. Nick smiled back, though he was puzzled as to why Alex was telling him this. Did he do a great job? He didn't feel like he had. He hadn't been able to get to the car without losing his breath. He hadn't even been able to change his own shirt. He probably didn't even deserve to be going on this date. Nick bit his lip and willed his anxiety to disappear. He squeezed Alex's hand back without saying anything.

By the time they arrived at the fanciest Japanese restaurant around, Nick had caught his breath and was ready to go. He opted for his crutches and off they went.

Nick immediately froze when they walked in. There were so many people, all looking so comfortable and happy… Alex looked confident as well. Somehow, Nick just hadn’t accepted that going out for dinner was a normal thing to do. He sighed to shake his bad thoughts away and tried to see the bright side. He was spending time with Alex and had finally made it out of the flat. _You're being silly,_ he thought to himself. _Everything is fine._

As the hostess led them through the restaurant, Nick could feel all eyes on him as he slowly hobbled along on his crutches. They were all staring at him, he knew it. They thought he was weird. They were going to laugh about him after he passed by.

Nick was already out of breath by the time they reached the table. The ambient lighting and loud atmosphere didn’t help, either. He was overwhelmed, and Alex could see it. Did he make the right decision by bringing Nick on a date so soon after he was cleared? 

Nick watched as the waitress filled up his glass with water. It swirled and bubbled in the glass, and Nick was so thirsty from walking so far. But… he couldn’t bring himself to drink it. Alex looked at Nick and took a sip from his glass, trying to signal that it was ok to drink it. Nick picked up his glass and took a small sip. Everything was ok. He smiled and drank more, managing to drink the whole thing before Alex even drank half of his.

“What do you think you’re going to order, Nick?” Alex asked from across the table, looking happy and just a bit too comfortable being out of the flat. 

Nick looked down at the menu. The words were all jumbled and the lack of pictures didn’t help. He looked back up at Alex and shrugged.

“What are you in the mood for?”

Nick thought for a moment, not used to having a choice. “Noodles? Pasta?” he said quietly.

Alex smiled and directed Nick to the udon section of the menu, “I think you’ll like udon!”

“Oh...okay…” Nick studied the page, reading the descriptions of all of the dishes but not retaining any of them. The words all blended together, swirling around. He decided that he would just have to trust Alex’s judgment.

The waitress returned a few minutes later and looked at them expectantly. Nick followed what Alex was doing and closed his menu. He tried to take a deep breath as he prepared himself to order. “Can I...have...udon? Please?” Nick said softly. He looked up at Alex, afraid that he had done something wrong. Alex gave him an encouraging nod.

“Okay, what kind?” Nick froze. He actually _had_ done something wrong. Trying his hardest not to panic, he opened the menu to the udon section again. The words still weren’t making sense. He had no idea what to do.

“Miso udon,” Alex said calmly, looking at Nick. “I think you’ll like that.” The waitress nodded. Nick stared at Alex, wanting to thank him but not finding the words fast enough. “I’ll have the same.”

The waitress jotted the order down. “And to drink?”

“Water is fine for both of us. And can we also have a rainbow roll?”

“Sure! Your food will be out shortly.”

Nick looked back up at Alex as soon as the waitress walked away, relieved to finally be done ordering.

“That was great!” Alex grinned, trying to encourage Nick to feel more confident about his social skills.

“Really…?” Nick smiled to himself.

“Yeah!” Alex laughed, “you’ve really come so far since I met you. I’m proud of you!”

Nick giggled softly, looking back down at the table. That was a habit he was going to have to break. Back home, showing weakness was a death sentence.

After a few minutes of chatting, Alex’s rainbow roll finally came. Nick observed it, and thought about asking Alex if he could have some. Before he could say anything, Alex split the roll in half and dropped half onto Nick’s plate.

“This is a rainbow roll,” Alex explained, “there’s crab and avocado on the inside and there’s fish on top! Yours have salmon and tuna on top. I saved the more exotic stuff for mine, don’t worry.”

Nick nodded, a bit apprehensive about trying the roll. He looked down at the table and found chopsticks. He looked up at Alex again, confused.

“Like this,” Alex showed Nick how to hold them. After Nick tried and failed, he helped position Nick’s hand. “There.” Nick nodded and carefully lifted a piece of the roll up to his face. He took a moment to inspect it - he'd never had sushi before, but it certainly looked pretty. He attempted to eat a small bite of it before Alex interjected, "It's easier to eat it all at once. You can spit it out if you don't like it. I won't mind."

Nick took one final look before popping the entire piece in his mouth. He chewed carefully. It was like nothing he had ever eaten before, but it was surprisingly good.

“You like it?” Alex asked, beaming.

Nick nodded and gave Alex and thumbs up. He enjoyed getting to try new things with Alex, and food was no exception.

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully, Nick and Alex savoring their sushi and noodles. As it turned out, Alex had been right - Nick loved his miso udon. The salty broth and soft noodles were a delight. It made him feel warm and cozy, a lot like Lukas’s grilled cheese, but definitely much better. It was comforting.

Alex slipped his arm around Nick’s waist as they made their way back out to the car. Nick awkwardly craned his neck to press a kiss against Alex’s shoulder. Alex giggled and gave Nick a squeeze. “I’m so glad we can finally go on dates,” he said, fumbling around in his coat pocket with his free hand.

“Me too,” Nick replied, shivering slightly as a breeze hit them. “Let’s do it again soon?”

“Of course!” Alex finally pulled his car keys out of his pocket. “But this date isn’t over…”

“It’s not? Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” Alex smiled as he unlocked the passenger door for Nick.

The buildings and trees and traffic lights whizzed by as Alex drove them down roads that Nick had never seen before. Even though he had lived in the city for nearly half a year, there was still so much of Glasgow that Nick hadn’t gotten to explore yet, particularly since he had barely been outside for the last two months. Nick watched as the city lights turned into fields and blinking cell towers. Finally. Alex flicked on the radio and smiled as Heavy Metal Drummer by Wilco faded in.

“Y’know, Nick, I think I fell in love with a drummer too,” Alex grinned as he tapped along to the beat of the song.

Nick looked up quizzically, wondering if Alex had finally found someone else to love.

“Well, wasn’t that the instrument you wanted to play in the band at first?” He laughed and reached over to squeeze Nick’s hand.

Nick nodded and laughed, eyes sparkling. “I’m in love with…” Nick looked up at Alex, his face glowing in the streetlights and the moonlight, “you.”

Alex lifted Nick’s hand and kissed it. “And I’m in love with you, Nitzki.”

Nick hummed softly and leaned back in his seat. “Where are we going, anyway? There’s nothing out here…”

“You’ll see,” Alex said again. “Be patient.” Nick nodded and continued staring out the window.

A few minutes later, Alex turned into a small car park off the side of the road. The area was quiet and still - and very, very dark, Nick noticed, aside from a couple of street lamps illuminating the parking area. Nick took a deep breath of the frigid winter air as he climbed out of the car, situating himself on his crutches. He had missed this.

“Ready?” Alex asked as he walked around the side of the car, holding a blanket that he had retrieved from the boot. 

“Yeah…” Nick said, hesitantly. “I’m not really sure what I’m ready for…”

“Remember that night we were looking out the window and you told me that you’ve never gone stargazing before?”

“Stargazing!” Nick yelled, slightly taken aback at just how loud his voice was. He grinned and walked over to Alex, placing a firm kiss on his lips. “Let’s go!”

“Alright!” They walked across the car park and into a worn path in a field. 

As they approached the large hill looming above them, Nick looked up nervously. “It’s really steep…”

Alex looked up too. “Okay...well...do you think you can walk? I’ll hold you up…”

Nick took a deep breath and nodded. He wasn’t entirely sure if he could, but he also wasn’t going to let this night be a complete failure.

Alex shifted the blanket to his left arm and placed his right around Nick’s shoulders. “You got it,” he reassured him. They began to walk, slowly but steadily up the hill. Alex tried to sense how Nick was feeling, gauging when he needed to slow down to give Nick a break.

Alex was thrilled that Nick was walking at all, let alone up a hill in the middle of the night. No sooner had this thought formed in his mind than Nick suddenly stumbled and nearly toppled over backwards. Alex wrapped both of his arms around Nick now, holding him tighter. “Are you alright?!” 

Nick felt dazed as he stopped to catch his breath. “Yeah...I’m fine.” He pressed on, leaning back into Alex’s embrace for support. 

Once they reached the top, Alex spread the blanket across the grass and sat. Nick plopped down beside him, laying his crutches in the grass. Nick paused for a moment to admire the view. In the distance, he could just barely make out the city lights of Glasgow. Above them lay only stars.

Alex scooted closer to Nick, then wrapped the edge of the blanket over them as best as he could. The two of them laid quietly for a while, taking in the night sky and the cold December air. Alex snuggled against Nick's side and wrapped his arms around Nick. Nick reached up with his left hand and clutched Alex's tightly. They exchanged soft kisses as they snuggled. As content as Nick was, happier than he had been in months, he still felt himself beginning to shiver furiously.

Alex pulled the blanket tightly around them. "Alright?" he asked. "We can go back to the car if you need to…"

Nick shook his head. "Want to stay…"

"Me too," Alex replied, smiling. He slipped a leg over Nick's, seeking any sort of contact he could manage. Anything to make sure Nick was okay. He gave Nick a kiss on his cheek, then on his forehead. "Do you know how much I love you?"

Nick beamed and reached to snuggle Alex. “Not as much as I love you,” Nick murmured and nuzzled Alex gently.

Alex smiled and reached up to stroke Nick’s cheek. When he did, it felt ice cold. “Ah… Nick?”

“Y-Yeah?”

“You’re ice cold. Are you sure you don’t want to go back to the car?” Nick shook his head and held Alex tighter. His entire body was shivering, but he tried his best to conceal it under the blanket. "Nick... we've got to go." Alex couldn't bear the thought of Nick going back to the hospital again. Maybe this had been a terrible idea. Maybe Alex had inadvertently set Nick's progress back. He stood up suddenly and grabbed Nick's hands to try and pull him up.

“Alex, come on!” Nick felt himself getting frustrated. They had spent all this time struggling to get to the top of the hill and this is how it was going to end? He yanked Alex’s arm, nearly making him topple over.

“Nick,” Alex said quietly. “Please. I don’t want you to get sick again.”

Nick sighed and stood up. Without Alex’s warmth beside him, he suddenly noticed just how much his teeth were chattering. “I always ruin everything.”

“No, no,” Alex said, holding the blanket in a messy bundle against his chest. “Not at all. We’ll go home and have some cocoa and watch a movie. And you can have all the cuddles you want.”

Nick nodded as he leaned into his crutches and began to make his way down the hill, too embarrassed to look at Alex. Even though he knew Alex would make good on his promise to continue the night at home, he still couldn’t help feeling like he had failed.

\--

“Nick, we’re home,” Alex said softly as he stroked Nick’s hair, standing outside of the car, waiting for him to wake up.

Nick opened his eyes and blinked a few times, and then looked over to Alex. “Did I fall asleep?”

“Yeah. For basically the whole drive,” Alex laughed. “Ready to get out?”

After a warm bath, Nick got dressed again, slipping on clean pajamas and fuzzy socks and one of Alex’s hoodies. He settled himself on the couch as Alex busied himself in the kitchen, eventually returning with two mugs of cocoa, a package of biscuits, and a heating pad, which he tossed into Nick’s lap. “Sorry it’s not too fancy,” he laughed as he set the food and drinks down on the table.

“It doesn’t need to be,” Nick replied, warming his hands beneath the pad. He looked over at Alex as he sat down beside him, his cheeks rosy from the cold and his green eyes sparkling. “Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for everything tonight,” Nick said softly. “I”m sorry I was a jerk before.”

“It’s okay,” Alex replied as he pulled Nick into his arms, kissing his temple. “I know you didn’t want to leave. But we can go back when it’s nicer out, yeah? And maybe we can bring Steck next time, too.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Nick lifted himself up and settled in Alex’s lap, their noses touching. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Alex smiled, pressing his lips to Nick’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10/20/19: ITAO is currently on hiatus. Thank you so much for all of your support!


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